Give Nick A Hug Or He’ll Slap You Into Next Week

Nick Roberson is a long-time mortgage industry veteran and a board member of the California Association of Mortgage Professionals. He’s a forthcoming and giving guy, who shares his … unique … perspective on work and life on his Facebook account. Here are some of Nick’s FB thoughts this month:

My mom had a lot of funny sayings when I was a kid. Sometimes when I was being particularly irritating, she would say, “If you don’t stop that, I am going to slap you into next Tuesday!” Even as a child still believing in science fiction, I really found that type of time travel to be impossible and not a viable threat. That is until my visit to the coffee shop this morning, where the guy in line in front of me spent what seemed like an eternity taking sips of his drink and arguing that he didn’t believe it was almond milk in his coffee, even though the barista was still in the process of returning the carton of almond milk to the refrigerator. Yes, I was quite tempted at that moment to test my mother’s mythical threat of time travel. I feel very strongly I may have inherited those powers.

I read somewhere that a hug should last eight seconds to allow for maximum emotional impact. I’ve been testing this theory out and so far I’ve been sprayed with a garden hose, attacked by a chihuahua, banned from Starbucks, and learned even adults shout “stranger danger.” There is also a reason why kidney punches are illegal in boxing. Hugging the guy from the Krav Maga studio was a huge mistake. I’m going back to normal catch-and-release hugs.

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I’m only buying things I need from now on. Also me: The Loch Ness Ladle.

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“I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.” Edgar Allen Poe

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My neighbor was washing his car with his son. His son asked, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

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I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day. •

You can really scare someone by yelling, “Peek-A-Boo!” Especially when they’re trying on clothes in the fitting room.

A brilliant friend posted this question on her company’s page, and I’m kind of curious how my friends would respond. If this was your billboard, what would you put on it?

I really don’t think it’s fair that my monthly column in National Mortgage Professional Magazine is the only one that has a similar warning label to those on bottles of NyQuil.

When Reading This Column:

• Excitability may occur, especially in immature people

• Marked drowsiness may occur

• Avoid alcoholic drinks

• Be careful when driving a motor vehicle or operating machinery

• Alcohol, sedatives and tranquilizers may increase drowsiness •

I always make sure to say “Mucho” to my Spanishspeaking friends. Why? It means a lot to them. • • •

“Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world, you change things slightly, you leave marks behind however small. And in return life — and travel — leaves marks on you. Most of the time, these marks — on your body or on your heart — are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.” Anthony Bourdain n

To see more by Nick, just go to www.facebook.com/nickroberson