Do The Hokey Pokey After A Healthy Breakfast

Nick Roberson is a long-time mortgage industry veteran and a board member of the California Association of Mortgage Professionals. He’s a forthcoming and giving guy, who shares his … unique … perspective on work and life on his Facebook account. Here are some of Nick’s FB thoughts this month:

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

He won the “no-bell” prize!

Did you hear about the rancher who had 97 cows in the field?

When he rounded them up, he had 100!

• • •

A nice couple, who live a few doors down from me, were walking past my driveway as I was unloading my leather duffle bag from the trunk of my car. I smiled and said hello to them. The husband said, “Back from another trip?” I said, “Yes, something like that.” His wife laughed and said, “You are always going somewhere, and you typically come back late at night. We are half convinced you are either a spy or a hitman.” I looked at them, laughed, and said, “Lucky guess.” Then I told them to have a nice day and walked into my house. I haven’t looked out front yet this morning, but they may still be standing there staring at my house.

• • •

Having a simply Irish breakfast this morning.

IKEA delivered my neighbor’s new tree today. •

10 signs your coworker went to Chipotle for lunch:

1. They are mysteriously wearing different pants than they had on before lunch.

2. They smiled at an afternoon client presentation and their teeth looked like an ear of Indian corn.

3. Building security just called the coroner because they are convinced someone died in the bathroom.

4. You’ve never seen them running so fast while appearing to be searching for something in their back pocket.

5. It’s been four hours since lunch, and the car still isn’t safe to carpool home in.

6. The pharmacy at CVS calls them by their first name and refers to Imodium as their “usual.”

7. They went to light a candle in their office and the explosion made them look like Wile E. Coyote after an ACME bomb trap failure.

8. Is the real reason everyone in the office started wearing masks again.

9. They have the only food in the community fridge that is safe from being stolen.

10. Those aren’t desert camouflage pants he’s wearing. • • •

A man decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him. After a long silence, she finally speaks: “Honey, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married, maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.”

The man gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

• • •

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

“In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

• • •

“For a minute there, you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.”

“Ex-wife!” she screams, “I didn’t know you were married before!”

“I wasn’t,” he replied. n

To see more by Nick,just go to www.facebook.com/nickroberson