Always Remember To Carry Your Own Ruler

Always Remember To Carry Your Own Ruler

Nick Roberson is a long-time mortgage industry veteran and a board member of the California Association of Mortgage Professionals. He’s a forthcoming and giving guy, who shares his … unique … perspective on work and life on his Facebook account. Here are some of Nick’s FB thoughts this month:

Quarantine Lesson #87:

While watching the news this morning, I suddenly came to the remarkable conclusion we truly have nothing to fear from a potential zombie apocalypse. Based on my research, I have determined we can just shelter in place and wait out any brain devouring Zombie Apocalypse. There is clearly an inadequate food source for the zombies, which will feed only a very small group of them for 3 or 4 days at best.

Last night I was picking up a few things for dinner at Safeway. There was a lady there looking pretty stressed out who happened to have 11 kids with her (not kidding, I counted). They ranged in age from infant to roughly 13. They attacked the store like an army but were pretty well behaved for the most part. They were in the checkout line next to me and ended up walking in front of me as we headed for the exit. All of a sudden, all the kids stopped and were looking at something on the ground asking their mom what it was. The older child was laughing hysterically, and the mom just stared at it. She told the children she didn’t know what it was and they all walked around it and moved on. As I approached the item I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It appeared to be a used condom right there on the floor (inside the store) a few feet from the exit doors. I waved down one of the people working there and pointed it out to them for cleanup. Then I started laughing when I realized the mom told the kids she didn’t know what it was. With 11 children, that fact was abundantly clear.

Quarantine Lesson #86:

Carry your own ruler. The lady making sandwiches at Subway today was clearly taught how to measure by her husband. I jokingly said; “I don’t care what your husband told you, that is not 6 inches.” She looked up at me all confused, and I said; “Never mind, that’s okay, it is a little cold in here.” Her coworker started cracking up. As I was walking away the sandwich maker told her coworker; “I know, I know, the next time I will pick a bigger one.” I laughed all the way back home.

Quarantine Lesson #85:

To the cute hippie chic with serious b.o. in line in front of me at CVS last night; that Natural Crystal Rock “Deodorant” isn’t going to get it! I highly suggest a crystal boulder along with some soap and water.

I was at the Dollar Store last night, picking up some crafts supplies for my daughter. There was a lady next to me holding a pack of pens in her hand and looking confused. She leaned over to me and asked, “Do you know how much these are? There’s no tag on them.”

Me: “I am going to go out on a limb and say one dollar. It’s just a wild guess though.”

Quarantine Lesson #84:

I have determined working in the mortgage industry is a lot like a crazy carnival ride. It’s all shiny and pretty with blinking lights and you are begging to get on the ride. At first, it is fun and you are laughing as it spins this way and that, going faster and faster. The next thing you know people are screaming and crying around you. The ride is tossing you all about and you are hanging on for dear life, begging to get off of the ride before it kills you. When the ride slows to a stop, you stumble off out of breath, fighting back nausea and tears. You take a couple of deep breaths, look back at the ride, get a smile on your face, and run as fast as you can to get back on, yelling, Again! Again!

Quarantine Lesson #83:

After a tough day, there is nothing wrong with sitting down and drinking a nice box of wine with a crazy straw.

Quarantine Lesson #82:

If you answer my call via speakerphone, then that’s on you. You should know better by now. I hope you and the family had a great dinner out. Oh, and your grandmother seemed very nice.

Quarantine Lesson #79:

The look on your daughter’s face when she opens a box and realizes you have saved all of her artwork, every note, every important piece of school work, and every gift she has ever made for you since the day she was born. Priceless.

To see more by Nick, just go to www.facebook. com/nickroberson.