Vengeance, Thy Name Is ‘Savannah’

Vengeance, Thy Name Is ‘Savannah’

Nick Roberson is a long-time mortgage industry veteran and a board member of the California Association of Mortgage Professionals. He’s a forthcoming and giving guy, who shares his … unique … perspective on work and life on his Facebook account. Here are some of Nick’s FB thoughts this month:

I feel really privileged and blessed tonight. It seems the lady next to me for 20 minutes in line at Costco, felt so comfortable with me, that she spent the entire time talking to a friend of hers via speakerphone. At full volume no less. I sure hope her niece leaves that jerk, Richard. She deserves better. I am sure the doctors will find some medication to help my new friend with her IBS. Oh, and don’t even get me started on her friend’s boss. That guy is a dick....

Quarantine Lesson #120:

If you are bored and a fan of the TV show Chopped, grab a random person’s shopping cart at the grocery store when they aren’t looking. Then quickly check out and create an amazing meal out of whatever is in the cart.

I am not sure how I am going to work the Lysol and cotton balls into the meal, but I will figure something out.

My daughter never ceases to entertain. Last night we were watching a movie on TV when a moth about the size of a nickel flew by.

Savannah: Dad, there is a moth in the house.

Me: I will catch it the next time it flies by.

I should probably note Savannah is terrified of any flying bug, butterflies and moths included.

Savannah: Dad, the moth, is still flying around.Me: Don’t worry about it. It is harmless.

Savannah: I can’t concentrate on the movie with it flying around everywhere.

With each pass through by the moth, her anxiety increased, as did the pitch and volume of her voice.

Savannah: DAD! Are you going to kill the moth or not?

Me: I will catch it and throw it outside the next time it flies close by.

Savannah: (whipping her flip flops off her feet) Forget it, I will do it myself.

Now picture, if you will, the Bat scene from the Great Outdoors, combined with the squirrel scene from Christmas Vacation, and you will have something that closely resembles the scene that unfolded in our house. Savannah, with a flip flop in each hand, stands up and begins chasing the moth around the house. She then notices the moth is flying down the hall towards her room and immediately shouts, “Oh no, you’re not going in my room!” and promptly runs down the hall to get the moth. This is soon followed by her running back down the hall, screaming at the top of her lungs with the moth in pursuit. At this point, I am laughing so hard I can hardly breathe, which is just frustrating her even more. She finally gets mad, and about that time, the moth flies directly in front of her. SMACK! She smashes the moth between the flip-flops, and it drops to the floor. She raises her flip-flops above her head and lets out a primal yell in victory. This is soon followed by her jumping straight up about 2 feet in the air and screaming loudly, “Oh my God! It’s still alive!”. She then proceeds to strike the moth no less than 20 times with the flip flop in her right hand. The poor moth is now flat as a pancake and about the size of a quarter. She takes a deep breath and sits back down on the sofa in relief.

Me: So, are you just going to leave that smashed moth there on the floor?

Savannah: Yes, I am sending a message to any other flying bugs thinking about coming into the house that it will not go well for them.

Me: Alrighty then.

Quarantine Lesson #121:

Sometimes when you accidentally say “Love You,” instead of thank you, the guy behind the deli counter says, “Love you, too."

One of my friends called me this evening. He was all stressed out. He and his wife were starting to have some issues with their teenage daughter. While cleaning the house his wife discovered a large stash of bondage magazines and such under their daughter’s bed. He was asking for advice on how to deal with the situation, as he and his wife were at a loss for ideas. I said, “I don’t know, but I guess spanking is off the table.”

Nick Roberson

To see more by Nick, just go to www.facebook. com/nickroberson.