Just One Crisco Short Of A Full Cupboard

Just One Crisco Short Of A Full Cupboard

Nick Roberson is a long-time mortgage industry veteran and a board member of the California Association of Mortgage Professionals. He’s a forthcoming and giving guy, who shares his … unique … perspective on work and life on his Facebook account. Here are some of Nick’s FB thoughts this month:

Quarantine Lesson #100:

When flaunting your superior wealth to your neighbors by building a large toilet paper fort on your front lawn, it is best to make sure your lawn sprinkler controls are locked and secured. It looks like you are going to need some new toilet paper, Steve!

It’s so awkward when you say goodbye to loved ones on the phone and you’re like, “I love you,” and they’re like, “Thank you for choosing Dominos.”

*Brings therapist to family gathering*Me: See?Therapist: Oh. My. God.

Quarantine Lesson #99:

If anyone ever tries to break into my house they won’t get very far. They’ll trip over all of my daughter’s shoes and die. The End.

My daughter Savannah and I were doing a big whole-house cleaning over the weekend preparing for the holidays. Savannah was giving her room a really good cleaning for the first time in a while. I kept hearing these little yells of excitement emanating from her room over the loud music. Once her room was done she called me in to view the masterpiece and her first words were, “Dad look, I have a floor!”. It was a beautiful thing. Then she proceeded to tell me she went through all of her clothes pockets, purses, and old backpacks and she found a grand total of $91. You heard me right. My daughter had all that cash hiding in her room. She cleans 1 room and finds $91. I cleaned the entire house and found 17 cents and an Oreo cookie hidden in the sofa cushions. As I sit here eating my sofa Oreo, I ask you, where is the justice, my friends?

Quarantine Lesson #98:

I am so touched by the outpouring of concern I am receiving. It is so comforting to know there are so many companies out there watching out for me. I am just so grateful for the reminders that my car’s warranty is expiring. Granted, I still have 2 years left on my warranty, but it is comforting just the same. Oh, and thank you Marriott for the many calls each week regarding the wonderful vacation opportunities. It’s so touching. I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Quarantine Lesson #97:

After spending the last couple of hours cleaning out my cabinets, the only two things I am missing from being my grandparents, is a 5-pound block of cheese in the freezer, and a gallon container of Crisco shortening in the cupboard. Everything else....yeah...I’ve got that.

Quarantine Lesson #96:

If you feel awkward when someone tries to hand you their baby to hold, just say, “No thanks, I’m a vegetarian.” That should do the trick.

I think it would be great if Walmart added an upper level observation deck with a bar.

Quarantine Lesson #95:

I probably should’ve made sure the windows in my home office were completely closed before my landscaper arrived. I just realized I have been breathing in the fumes from the leaf blower for the last 10 minutes. Someone needs to get these damn monkeys out of my office, and I really wish this penguin would stop staring at me!

Savannah and I were just looking for a movie to watch last night. I stopped on one and said, “How about this one. Are you okay with goofy and funny?” She said, “I put up with you.” Then she giggled hysterically. I decided we would watch an emotionally scarring horror movie instead.

Nick Roberson

To see more by Nick, just go to www.facebook. com/nickroberson.