Always Smell The Milk

Always Smell The Milk

When someone yells “Stop!” I never know if it’s in the name of love, if it’s hammertime, or if I need to collaborate and listen.

Restaurants before quarantine: I’m sorry, but I can’t let you take that drink outside. Now: Do ya’ll want some beers or vodka to go? Here’s a jug of margaritas for the road.

Quarantine Lesson #36:

My daughter Savannah, my new intern (now that school is out for the summer), did not appreciate me waking her up for work by playing my ukulele and singing to her. She told me to “Get Out!” I asked her if she knew what insubordination was, and she asked me if I knew what a ukulele suppository was. I think I am going to have to report her to HR.

Are they still bad habits if you like them?

Quarantine Lesson #41:

A remote control fart machine is a great way to ensure people maintain proper social distancing while you are shopping.

“I’m sorry,” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except when you’re at a funeral.

You say postal carrier. I say mail escort.

Quarantine Lesson #37:

Always smell the milk before taking a big swig straight out of the carton. Cottage Cheese anyone?

I thought my daughter was watching “The Purge” on TV last night, and then I realized it was just the news.

You ever hear a rumor about yourself and actually wanna hear more? Like, damn – what did I do after that? I’m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy, but with a cape.

Quarantine Lesson #35:

No matter what day it feels like it should be, Wednesday is not Friday. My obituary will probably say, “He knew better, but he did it anyway.”

Quarantine Lesson #40:

Eating 3-day old sushi is not a good idea, and I now know first-hand that wasabi will immediately enter your nasal canal while you are trying to keep from spitting your food across the room.

Everyone is finally washing their hands correctly. Next, we will work on turn signals.

AND THIS:

I am over all of the negative energy out there in the world! I have watched people I truly care about sling hate and negative energy at a level I have never witnessed before. I love and respect all of you so much. Please take a deep breath and shed the hate for a moment. I get it, things suck right now and the world has gotten a bit scarier. But casting hate into this world does nothing except ignite the flame of more hate.

Instead of throwing stones at your brothers and sisters, remind them there is love in this world. The more love we spread, the less room there is for hate and ugliness. Do not look outward for someone to blame, look into yourselves for the solution.

We each have it within us to make the changes we desire, the changes we all need, and the changes the world needs. You are all in my prayers tonight! I love each of you beyond measure.

Nick Roberson is a long-time mortgage industry veteran, a board member of the California Association of Mortgage Professionals, and is vice president of national sales at Act Appraisals. He’s a forthcoming and giving guy, who shares his…unique…perspective on work and life on his Facebook account.