The Cat In The Mask?

The Cat In The Mask?

Quarantine Lesson #59:

it’s only appropriate to say, “Wow! Look at you! You got so big!” to children. Adults tend to get offended.

Quarantine Lesson #67:

When frolicking late at night in your neighbor’s lawn sprinklers, it is important to note whether or not they have a Ring Cam. You might just end up on a video synced to the song, Milkshake. Jim, I am going to need you to delete that video.

I was complaining to my daughter Savannah last night that I had been in a humor slump and had not thought of anything funny to write for 3 days. In typical Savannah manner, she replied; “Has it only been 3 days? It seems like you haven’t been funny for a lot longer than that.”

This morning I was posting my Quarantine Lesson #67 just as she was walking up behind me. I told her my slump was over and I had written something. She leaned over my shoulder to read it, then stood back up and said, “I thought you said your slump was over.” Then she just laughed and walked away.

I will be under my desk if anyone needs me.

Quarantine Lesson #66:

It may be 100 degrees outside, but you can still help save the planet and help yourself at the same time. Instead of using a disposable shopping bag, have the clerk tuck that box of ice-cold popsicles right down the front of your pants. Make sure to ask the clerk to do it so they don’t think you stole them. Oh, and don’t get the cartoon themed ones. That would just be weird.

Quarantine Lesson #64:

Apparently, you pee on a Jellyfish sting, not on a jelly stain. My apologies to the lady who dropped the jar of grape jelly at the grocery store this morning.

Quarantine Lesson #63:

Do not fall for the “Survey Party Ahead” sign when you are driving down the road. I waited in a long line only to find, there were no snacks, music, or beer there. It was the worst party ever!

Quarantine Lesson #62:

People with their mask on are starting to look like a Dr. Seuss story. - Some masks are big and some are small. Some barely cover their mouth and nose at all. Some are worn just below their lips. Some have nostrils peeking out of their tippy-top tips. Some masks are tilted, some are too tight, some are up so high it must surely block their sight. Some masks are too thin, they’re good for nothing at all, and some are bedazzled like a disco ball. Masks are everywhere, they’re sometimes on the ground. I even saw one in a tree on the other side of town. Sew them, bling them, print them, and make them as creative as you can. They tell us we must wear masks, for now, to protect our fellow man.

Quarantine Lesson #62:

When taking an Arthur Murray virtual dance class, I probably should close my window blinds first. My neighbors saw me trying to do the Samba and called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure.

Quarantine Lesson #61:

I just realized I can stick my tongue out and make funny faces at people in public while wearing my mask without them knowing it. GAME CHANGER!

Quarantine Lesson #60:

You can yell at Alexa all you like to turn the lights on in a room, but it simply can’t happen if you don’t have any smart lights in that room. Oh, we had a heated debate on the topic, but she just can’t do it. Apparently, she’s not a miracle worker.

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