A custom-made Christmas

Start a new holiday tradition this year

Your family may not roast chestnuts, hang mistletoe, or put an “elf on the shelf.” But it likely partakes in an annual ritual of some kind around the holidays — a fun practice likely repeated and cherished for years. If not, or if old holiday habits have grown stale, it’s never too late to add new seasonal traditions that can bring kin closer together and diffuse the stress that often accompanies family gatherings between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.

“Family traditions become memorable moments of each individual’s life narrative. Traditions often take on a magical quality because they are usually first experienced in childhood or through the eyes of a child, and those youthful memories seem more special than reality,” notes Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at the New York-Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine in New York City. “And traditions passed down from generation to generation are a way of keeping the memories of those who came before us alive, even after they’re gone.”

Saltz’s favorite late December ritual is to gather with relatives for a New Year’s Eve dinner at which one favorite food of every participant is represented in the meal, followed by the watching of a family movie: a tradition that’s been in place for 25 years.

Podcaster and retail consultant Rachel Gerli says participating in new or old traditions contributes to a sense of comfort and belonging, especially around the holidays when we crave connection.

“Our family tradition is to hold a campout one night every December in front of the Christmas tree. My husband and I get the couches, and our kids nestle up in sleeping

bags and floor mats after we read a Christmas story together,” explains Gerli.

Popular holiday traditions throughout the decades have included group caroling, trimming the tree together, receiving a visit from Santa Claus (usually a costumed relative), addressing holiday cards, and, of course, the exchanging of gifts. Saltz says none of these customs have gone extinct or out of fashion, although with coronavirus lingering this year it may be wise to take precautions with any traditions that could more easily transmit the virus.

“Obviously something unpleasant or risky doesn’t make for a good tradition. But there’s nothing wrong with tweaking a time-honored tradition to fit the times,” says Saltz.

For example, if Santa visits your party this year, he should probably wear gloves and a mask under the fake beard. But to liven up a social call from Kris Kringle this time around, consider adopting a tradition that Mary Sue McInerney and her family have been engaging in for generations.

“Santa visits our extended family party every Christmas Eve, carrying a sack of presents. When he pulls out your gift, you have to sing, perform, or do something creative of your choice to earn the package,” says McInerney, a nurse from Friendship, Wisconsin. “It makes for a magical night, and it also becomes a rite of passage for those in the room who are newcomers to our clan — an initiation, if you will.”

A long-practiced tradition in many groups is to partake in a Secret Santa gift exchange (also called a Yankee swap), in which the names and gift wish lists of participants are pulled randomly from a hat; whichever name you pull is who you buy a present for. The

benefactors are not revealed until the gifts are given at your party.

“For a fresh twist on this custom, try an online Secret Santa,” suggests Meghan Langseder, support and community manager with Elfster in Oakland, California. “Invite all participants via email and use a digital secret Santa generator or app to handle the name selection. Participants can create comprehensive wish lists and coordinate the gift exchange. If you have to meet up using Zoom this year due to the pandemic, you can even host a holiday video party in which you take turns guessing who drew your name.”

New traditions involving appreciation or charity are also recommended to celebrate a more selfless seasonal spirit.

“After the meal, everyone takes a turn around the table citing one or more things they are grateful for over the past year and offers a toast to them,” Saltz recommends.

Gerli proposes a new yearly rite: composing thank-you notes the day after Christmas for gifts received.

“There are never enough opportunities to express gratitude to the ones you love and share just how much they mean to you,” says Gerli.

Lastly, volunteering your time individually or in a group this time every year can also create goodwill — and feel-good memories, too. You can offer your services at a food pantry, soup kitchen, nursing home, homeless shelter, or other facility where the underprivileged and overlooked are given priority.

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