Gratitude
The Studio Voice Fall, 2012 Volume 1 Issue 1
Amelia Maness-Gilliland, PhD Editor, Creator Professor, writer, wanna be photographer, committed soul cartographer
Dear Friends, Thank you for being here. Your presence is making a dream of mine come true. Over the years, I have found myself on a journey, moving closer and closer with each passing year and each experience to living the life I’ve dreamed, the one that feels right. Writing and exploring my inner landscape is a large part of that. Connecting with other like minded souls is a foundational part of my journey and success. I began pursuing my writing dreams in earnest over the past couple of years. I immersed in the classics that instruct on writing, and in the works of the inspiring women who have gone before me all while connecting with women I feel are my comrades in this quest. The inspiration and encouragement has been immeasurable and has inspired me to create a site and this publication. My goal is to offer a venue, an outlet, a stage or a quiet table in the corner to share stories. To harness the creativity and encouraging words and stories of others here in The Studio Voice. It is my hope and goal that this publication will grow over the coming years. That the words and stories shared, will serve to tether us together in this journey that is familiar among so many. To offer encouragement, affirmation, or the occasional nudge needed to stay the course on our individual and collective paths. It felt most fitting for the theme of this inaugural issue to focus on gratitude, because it is with much love that I extend a heartfelt thank you for your presence. Amelia
Contributors Jen Lee
(words & image)
Liz Lamoreux
(words & image)
Kim Mills
(words & images)
Kat McCullough
(words)
Melody Joy Deetz
(words & image)
Kelly Letky
(words & image)
Stephanie Guimond Amelia Maness-Gilliland
(words & image) (words & images not credited to contributor including page background images)
“ dip my pen in the blackest of ink, because I I am not afraid of falling into my ink pot� ~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
They are happening more and more often: these moments of presence, of really seeing my life as it stands now with all the gifts it holds and all the days that led to now, and I am overwhelmed by something like beauty. Something like wonder. I swim in gratitude in these moments, but in these deep pools most of all: Courageous Yeses. My life as it is today could not exist without so many courageous Yeses. It is courageous to dream beyond what you've known, even more so to take action in that direction. To make the big move. To hand in the resignation. To dare to become a mother. To pick up the pen and the camera. To walk onstage. To press "submit". Red Sea Moments. Courageous Yeses have a way of being followed by divine support or cooperation--gentle breezes on which to try out our baby wings. The invitation. The offer. The opening and introduction. The path finding your feet for every step that feels like the other way around. The Collective Journey. The companions and witnesses that assemble around any great expedition--people to watch, to listen, to remember. Those who answer when we call, who reassure, who take your crazy worries and doubts in stride and love you whether you fly or fall
Jen Lee is a multimedia producer
and a performer in New York City’s storytelling scene. She creates resources to nourish and inspire at Jen Lee Productions.
These are my saving graces--my deep pools of gratitude. Of beauty. Of wonder.
She walks toward the pier, her mind full of the day’s clutter. The shoulds, the what-ifs, the platitudes, the words of others stack up inside her as she watches the water lap against the rocks, sand, sea glass. The busyness of it all pushed her here grasping for lightness and space. Her footsteps echo on the wood as she puts one foot in front of the other, finally pausing to just stand still and breathe—the water flowing below her, around her, within her. She feels the sun upon her head, and slowly she tips her chin upward as the warmth surrounds her. Her breath finds a rhythm as she inhales the light. Her feet strong beneath her, she exhales and lifts her arms upward, reaching, hoping. With each breath, she creates space within until the chaos begins to drip off of her, leaving behind a seed that roots in the sacredness where trust and truth meet.
Liz Lamoreux believes creating space for finding joy in the chaos is where the magic lives and where seeds of gratitude are planted. She teaches online classes and hosts retreats about creative selfcare. Connect with her at www.lizlamoreux.com.
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I’m Kim, a wife, mother, friend, photographer, artist, music lover, dog owner, beach dweller, living room dancer, travel junkie, tattoo bearing, and serial optimist. Whew... I come from a place of a married, young empty-nester. My husband and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and at 44 years young, I’m the very proud mother of 2 incredible young adults ages 23 & 20. My hope is that you will find Save My Sunshine an uplifting place of love & light. I am so excited to also be teaming up with Bliss Chicks. Our goal is to share moments, products & services that bring us bliss with others.
You would think writing about something that should, by this time, be a natural impulse for me would come easily. The more I examined my relationship with gratitude and to gratitude I was surprised to find it is just as mixed as my relationship with all emotions. I decided to delve into the dynamic a bit more and deeply examine my feelings around it. The word means different things to different people. It occurs in increments and at different depths. Some people are honestly thankful that the new Pottery Barn sale isn’t over when they pull up to the store. Some people are thankful they made it home after an 18-car pileup on the
freeway. We have, and experience, varying degrees of gratitude. Gratitude is as unique to the individual as it is to their circumstance. Gratitude, like mindfulness, is its own practice, and it is personal. Many parents have said to many a child over the years, “Eat everything on that plate— there are children starving in Africa.” That isn’t helpful beyond a blushed cheek hot with shame for hesitating to express thankfulness for liver and onions. Most of our introductions to thankfulness or gratitude start in these ways. In crisis you will invariably have one or more persons who flash a fancy slogan like,
“Practice an attitude of gratitude,” or, “Focus on what you’re grateful for.” To that I say, SHUT. UP. Here is the problem I see with this approach: If I am in crisis I want to be supported in having those feelings. I should be allowed to have those feelings—to imply that I should skip over them is to imply that I am not being grateful, or grateful enough, about standing in a pile of liver and onion shitstorm. The implication that we are not grateful or grateful enough is offensive. Gratitude is NOT a Band-Aid, it doesn’t shift things when it is forced.
Most of us are intelligent enough to conceptually understand how this deal works. YES—I GET that it can always be worse, but focusing on the higher plateau that I’m honestly not feeling right now is counter-productive. It short circuits the process of having real feelings about something. Using a fluttery phrase is essentially saying to someone, “Don’t look at your feelings in front of me, because you’re making me uncomfortable.” “ Don’t talk that half-empty pessimism—you gotta be optimistic!” No, what I need is to be heard. What I need is to be validated. What I need is for you to not throw catch phrases in the face of my very real pain. What I need is not for you to show me my shortcomings by pointing out a lack of gratitude. I’ll get there, trust me—but until I do: STOP. Somewhere along my gratitude journey I began to understand its relationship to shame. I always felt I was not being grateful ENOUGH. Just as I am not always compassionate or non-judgmental, so it is that I’m not always grateful. Gratitude is like every other
emotion we have, it is fleeting. It is at times, elusive. Gratitude is a misunderstood process. In our society we do this: Watching horrific events like Hurricane Sandy crawl across our screens, we feel compelled to take a quick inventory of our lives. I am grateful for running water, I am grateful for my children, I am grateful our house is still here. I am kind of grateful that I am not that OTHER person right now. Now imagine you are the person standing in the floodwaters in your now destroyed home. All of your worldly possessions swept away; you’re cold, you’re hungry, and you’re in shock. Your gratitude list will look much shorter, you’re thankful to just be alive. Perhaps as you move through the neighborhood you realize someone has lost a beloved pet, and so your list expands to include your pets. Someone has it worse than you do. We can always look to the space that is worse than our present circumstance and find a reason to be grateful. But if another person needed to call you up
on the phone and cry because they lost every photograph of a lifetime, would you say to them, “Practice an attitude of gratitude!” ? The first time I believe I ever heard the word gratitude truly used was in the rooms of recovery. It would roll off of their tongues: “I am so and so, I am an alcoholic/addict/sex addict/overeater” and it was followed by the phrase, “and for that I am truly grateful.” Excuse me? As a new person sitting there, I could NOT even wrap my brain around what in the hell there was to be grateful for in having a disease. A clinically defined disease. I don’t believe I ever saw a cancer patient stand up and say, “Hi, I am so and so; I have cancer and for that I’m truly grateful.” So began my strange relationship with gratitude and my understanding of it as a practice.Some say that abstinence from their addiction opened up a world to them and a relationship with a higher power that was otherwise unavailable.
I AM grateful that there are places to gain tools to deal with my disease. I AM grateful to the ones who went before me to show me how it was done. But I am NOT “grateful” for the disease of addiction. I AM grateful for the wonderful opportunities to show up a better person, friend, spouse, sibling, and all of those things. Some days I am so grateful it knocks me to my knees. When I am struck by my near miss in the aftermath of a tragedy, and I grab my loved ones and cling to them desperately, with a chest ready to burst with a deep (and I’m talking DEEP) and abiding sense of gratitude —THAT to me is gratitude.
Gratitude embodies something larger than being thankful. Gratitude finds us more often than we find it. There are concrete exercises we can put into practice—focusing on what there is to be grateful for and writing it down. I won’t say this is not a sound spiritual practice. But when you are lying on the ground, beaten down emotionally and afraid to move, gratitude is most likely not the first emotion that comes up. If you stay in that stillness, in feeling what is happening, things will often shift on their own. You catch a flutter out of your eye: a butterfly come to land.
There is inexplicable beauty all around and you come alive just a bit more. When we didn’t lose power during hurricane Sandy, I felt lucky—blessed. I looked at the devastation of others and began to do the inventory of how much worse it could have been. When I finally walked out of my front door and saw the power lines and trees, so immense in size, toppled over all around my home, a deep gratitude moved into my lungs and filled up my chest, and I wanted to embrace my loved ones. It comes, it always comes, but into the center of my being.
What is that feeling? The barest breath is breathed into your soul.
Kat McCullough is a powerful public speaker, owner of ParachutePromise.com, photographer, and consultant for other small business owners. She believes in the power of connection, gratitude and always paying it forward. She believes in practicing spiritual principles in business and knows they are the keys to success and long-standing relationships. You can keep up with her at her blog www.katmccullough.net Photo credit: Deb Taylor
a body at rest a bird knows nothing of inertia or boredom or the inability to sing there is no fear of graveyards or flying or letting go falling up is a way of life fluttering, gliding, soaring needing nothing more than wind and feather faith and motion to spread wings of gratitude across a daybreak sky of molten promise Kelly Letky works as a freelance graphic artist and jewelry designer. In addition to those two hats, she also wears those of photographer, writer, wife, mother, sister, daughter, crazy cat lady, friend, runner, knitter and gardener. Beyond that, she makes regular attempts to be kind, caring, loving, generous, artful, and immersed in each and every moment. She writes at www.mrsmediocrity.com and www.thebluemuse.com.
Gratitude as a Daily Practice I love being in the space of gratitude - time seems to slow down, colors are more vivid, and the people you love are imperfectly perfect. My heart swells with the feeling that everyone and everything was put on the Universe for me to enjoy and love. I find gratitude to be a state of mind and heart that is equally powerful and difficult to actualize. I try to nurture my own gratitude before I get out of bed in the morning by going through a list of things I am grateful for in my head. Here is what that looks like most mornings: I am grateful for the change of seasons, heat, and a warm bed. I really need to be sure I get to the bank today. I have to make myself a note to buy my sister a baby shower gift. I hope I don’t have too many emails when I get to work Wait, slow down, I’m listing the things I’m grateful for. Okay, I’m grateful for my family, my meditation group, people that inspire me, and all the teachers in my life. I really should get up and get this day started. I wonder what the weather is supposed to be today. I hope it isn’t supposed to rain.
And so it goes. Every morning, I practice with the goal being to create an experience of gratitude rather than mechanically listing things like so many of us have the habit of doing before Thanksgiving dinner. Ironically, the practice of cultivating gratitude seems to be easier when we are going through times of suffering and pain. During these phases of our lives, we slow down, we let go (even if only due to sheer exhaustion), we begin to see our humanity in those around us, we find compassion, and we accept the impermanence of all things. Gratitude shows up uninvited – to comfort us, to heal us, to support our growth. We tend to forget these experiences in the fast-paced, day-to-day drama of our lives. We are more easily distracted from the goodness of life. Our energies get consumed with things like feeling guilty over eating too many cookies after dinner, being impatient when our partner makes us late, feeling angry at a co-worker, etc. During these times, gratitude steps backs and waits to be discovered. We are gifted with the opportunity to remember and practice. Lots of love and good wishes, Melody
Melody Joy Deetz is a creative soul, an explorer of self, and seeker of truth. She practices mindful meditation, yoga, and heart opening. She is totally inspired by the authentic stories and triumphs of others and is learning every day how to share her own stories. You can find her at www.melodyjoydeetz.com
When I think about Gratitude, the many obvious things come to mind: my home, my family, friends, health, color and art..., but the one that really stands out for me this year is food. I'm lucky to live near several farmers' markets, not to mention a bakery, a pasta shop, bagel shop and many restaurants that pride themselves on serving local fare. This year has been a good food year. I am grateful to those who forever contribute their time and effort to make it so. May I never take it for granted.
Bounty 2012 Stephanie Guimond is an artist, visionary, and avid left-brainer who believes that through stillness, possibility and action we can create the life we want. On a quest to align her own life with her desires, and help others do the same, she spends much of her days in her office/studio writing, painting, and bringing ideas to life. Current projects include productivity & planning consultation packages, Life Transitions greeting cards, and continued creative play.
seasons of the soul Amelia Maness-Gilliland
Souls ebb and souls flow in accordance with the season. It’s difficult to ignore the connection between the seasonal cycles in nature and the cycles of our souls. Nature, however, doesn’t resist the season of ebbing the way that we do. Nature settles into this time of fading colors when the sparrow finds itself ruffling about on bare branches. This stark season of dormancy punctuated by the shortened days that give way to increasing darkness are embraced as each of the other seasons. Nature you see trusts this cycle and uses this time to rest and prepare for new growth. This is the reason that we should welcome these periods when the soul retreats. This is the time to embrace gratitude as a daily practice, and to reflect on the year giving thanks for the harvest of the heart. The season of light will return and with it the renewal of our souls as it once again begins to flow with the energy required for the new growth that awaits.
Thank you so much for joining us in this heartfelt conversation on gratitude. During this time of gratitude I wish you much joy and happiness. I hope this season finds you enjoying the gift of the present and sharing with those who have less.
Contact: I invite you to stay in touch at the Blackhouse Studio where you can subscribe for future issues of The Studio Voice and learn more about the submission guidelines. You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ You can also send an email to amelia@theblackhousestudio.com
Winter 2013 Issue: Renewal
Phoenix, Arizona www.theblackhousestudio.com 646.827.0998 amelia@theblackhousestudio.com