How to Deal with Barn Drama: Creating a Peaceful Environment at Home and Away

Laura King

CHt, NLP, Life & Performance Coach

Dealing with drama in the barn – and at shows – can be challenging and stressful. Whether it’s conflicts between boarders, disagreements with the barn manager, issues with horse care, or show nerve blowups, these issues can quickly escalate and create a toxic environment for everyone involved. However, there are steps you can take to manage and diffuse these Drama Mama (and Drama Daddy) situations.

One of the most important things you can do is to stay calm. Take a deep breath and try to approach the situation with a clear and rational mind. This will help you communicate effectively and find a solution that works for everyone. Remember: focus on the issue at hand rather than the people involved.

Your first step is to figure out the source of the conflict. This can help keep the conversation constructive and prevent it from devolving into a shouting match or blame game.

Common Causes of Drama

Barn drama can stem from various sources, including:

• Disagreements over horse care or training methods

• Conflicting schedules and sharing of resources (such as arena time, wash racks or equipment)

• Misunderstandings/lack of proper communication among barn members

• Parental involvement (enough said)

• Gossipers and cliques

• Mean girls and bullies

• Show nerves and jealously

I know you can deal with drama – after all, you deal with wild beasts every day (I mean the four-legged kind). Read on to learn some tips and strategies to help you deal with the two-legged varieties.

Managing Your Emotions

Dealing with different personalities and opinions can be challenging. When criticism comes your way, remember to stay calm. Don’t take it personally, but instead view it as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself if the advice is based on facts and valid observations, or if it’s just a matter of personal preference. If it’s the former, consider the critique and see how you can improve. If it’s the latter, politely thank the person for their opinion and move on.

Practice resilience and confidence in the face of criticism. By trusting your own instincts and knowledge, you can keep your focus on what truly matters.

Creating a Positive Barn Culture

One of the best ways to avoid drama in your barn is to create a positive and supportive team culture. By fostering an environment of respect, kindness, and open communication, you can help prevent conflicts from arising in the first place. Try these tips for creating a positive barn environment:

Lead by example: It’s important to model the behavior you want to see in your barn. This means treating everyone with respect, communicating clearly and openly, and setting clear expectations for behavior. Be friendly and courteous to everyone you encounter. A warm greeting or a simple smile can go a long way in fostering goodwill.

Encourage open communication: Make it clear to everyone in the barn that they can come to you or other barn staff with any concerns or issues.

Celebrate successes: When someone in the barn achieves a goal or has a success, make sure to celebrate it! This can be as simple as a shout-out on social media or a small party (and who doesn’t like an excuse for a party).

Address conflicts quickly: If a conflict does arise, address it quickly and calmly. Listen to both sides of the story, and work with everyone involved to find a solution.

Encourage teamwork: Encourage everyone in the barn to work together and support each other. This can mean helping each other with chores or offering support during a tough lesson or competition.

Focus on the bigger picture. Instead of getting caught up in drama and allowing it to cause you stress, direct your energy toward balancing all areas of your life from career to fun to finances.

Need help with that? Check out the link to my new book, “Figuring It Out; Balancing the Wheel of Life,” at the end of this article. It can help you construct a more balanced life, be happier and achieve greater success.

Practice gratitude. Take time to appreciate the wonderful opportunity you have to work with horses and engage in a sport you love.

By fostering a community based on respect and open communication, you can create an environment everyone will cherish as their “happy place.”

Dealing with Barn Managers and Staff

It’s crucial to maintain open and honest communication with your co-workers. Ensure that staff feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, opinions, and concerns without fear of ridicule or retaliation. Consider regular meetings to discuss barn operations, event schedules, and policy updates or use an accessible message board in the barn.

Establish clear expectations for everyone’s roles and responsibilities. Provide timely feedback and address any concerns or issues before they escalate. If conflicts or misunderstandings arise, keep the focus on problem-solving; resist the urge to assign blame or fuel gossip.

You can build a sense of camaraderie and communication by showing appreciation for your team members’ hard work. Order pizza, bring morning doughnuts or write personalized thank-you notes recognizing a specific skillset or effort each team member brings to the barn.

Communicating with Students, Boarders and Horse Owners

It’s important to convey the value of your relationship. Take the time to build rapport and establish trust, so that when conflicts arise, you can work through them together. Try to understand the other person’s position and put yourself in their shoes.

It may be beneficial to craft a document outlining your barn’s policies and procedures to establish a clear understanding and expectation for all parties involved. This document should cover topics such as:

• General rules and etiquette

• Care and feeding of horses

• Riding and training guidelines

• Facility use and maintenance

Have everyone at the barn, including staff, boarders, students, and parents, read and sign the document and make a copy for everyone to take home. Keep the tone neutral, clear, and confident.

How to Deal with Mean Girls and Bullies

As much as I hate to say it, it’s essential to have a plan to handle mean girls and bullies. Competitive sports can be a breeding ground for mean girls, and they can affect others’ self-esteem, performance, and stress levels. Be aware that sometimes the bad actors are adept at disguising themselves but it’s helpful to identify who’s at the root of the problems. Often the person creating the most drama wants it this way; if the actual problem were to be resolved, the attention would no longer be lavished on the drama queen or king. Consider these tips on how to deal with your resident mean girls, bullies, and drama llamas: ful of spreading gossip. The horse world is a very small place and word gets around quickly.

• Set boundaries: Be clear about what kind of behavior you will and will not tolerate. If someone tries to engage you in gossip or make derogatory comments, refuse to participate, and kindly remind them of your boundaries.

• Be assertive: Be firm but non-confrontational.

• Address the issue directly: Stick to factual statements; avoid personal attacks or blame. The bullies may not realize the impact their actions have on others and an honest conversation might be enough to help them change.

• Foster an inclusive environment: Make efforts to involve everyone in activities and social events. This could help break down the barriers between groups and reduce the influence of mean individuals.

• Consider working with a professional: I help people create positive and lasting change using a combination of hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and life coaching. You can contact me at laurakinghypnosis.com to learn more about developing the mental toughness and resilience needed to succeed.

Dealing with Competition Drama

Barn drama can negatively impact your experience at competitions. Emotions can run high when stress levels increase. To create a positive atmosphere during shows, consider the following strategies: demeanor in the barn, you can help create a positive and supportive training environment for yourself and others.

• Make your teaching moments positive learning experiences instead of listing off what your student did wrong.

• Resist the urge to negatively critique your students’ performance in public.

• Encourage and compliment your students and fellow competitors, celebrating their achievements. Model good sportsmanship and lead by example.

• Create a positive barn culture. Encourage teamwork and mutual respect.

Need help figuring out how to balance your life and your goals? Check out my interactive and experiential guide to self-improvement, “Figuring It Out; Balancing Your Wheel of Life.” Using the same process I use in my practice, I help you figure out what’s working and what needs improvement in eight areas of life: family, fun and happiness, health, purpose and meaning, lifelong learning, relationships, finances, and position in life and career. Check it out at www.laurakinghypnosis.com/ product/figuring-it-out.

Need help addressing your challenges or achieving your goals? Sessions available inperson, via Skype, or by phone.

Products: www.summitpress.net

Sessions: www.summithypnosis.com

Email: SummitHypnosis@gmail.com Phone: 561-841-7603

• Build your own support system: Find a trusted coach or another trainer who can provide guidance and support, but be care-

Remember, it’s important to stay focused and not let negative behavior affect your end goal. By using these strategies, you can effectively handle the situation and continue to create a positive barn atmosphere. As a trainer, take proactive steps to address any negative behavior and promote respect, fairness, and teamwork. It’s important to remember that boundaries are not static. Be willing to reevaluate as needed and make adjustments. Finally, it’s essential to create a safe and supportive environment where team members feel comfortable speaking up about any negative behavior or concerns. By maintaining a professional attitude and

About the author:

Laura King is the Director and Founder of Summit Hypnosis and Wellness and is a Certified Hypnotist, NLP Practitioner, Life Coach, and Sports Performance Coach. Laura has written and published several books and workbooks, including ”Power To Win” for equestrians and “Perfect Enough,” a guide to help you evaluate your perceptions and experiences around vital areas of your life.