Autumn 2011
AM Experience
Recreating Friendships What’s Inside ... Friends of Benefit Frenemies Facebook Friends and Perceptions Collaboration ...and more
Autumn 2011 AM EXPERIENCE
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AM Experience
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AM EXPERIENCE Autumn 2011
AM Experience Reflect on your experience while you are recreating. Life is about living and loving. Do so by discovering the benefits of engaging in recreation in accordance to one’s own time and capacity.
~ Contact info@amelioraranch.com
AM Experience Friends of Benefit
Horticulture Therapy
Surround yourself Take time to think with friends who about the things that can offer a social may have their own dimension to your kind of “bracts” to life experience thatreceive attention. profoundly bene- Page 67 fits you in the most holistic sense. Page 5
Frenemies
Within a love-filled relationship the very best qualities of an individual are demonstrated as one strives to bring out the best attributes in acquaintances and friends.
Facebook Friends
Find out who are the 12 most annoying types of facebook users. Page 13
Collaboration
Discover if the learning lessons gleaned from your collaborative experiences had an impact on your life today.
Social Anxiety Disorder
Understanding the signs will help you find the ways to take action. Page 23
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About this issue...
are many facets to “you” as a “friend”. On the pages that follow, I have offered a glimpse into my own personal experiences of being a friend with family members, peers, facebook mates, as well those of whom might easily be considered as social or business competitors.
This second issue of AM Experience is about “Friendships”. We briefly look at the benefits of friendships and how our interactions with our friends and even acIt is my hope that you become acquaintances can influence our lives. tive participants in developing your friendships with others by using the Self-discovery is a continual proctools of consciously listening and ess and within the realm of creating consciously communicating. Such friendships, we are learning and a journey is met with challenges, growing from our experiences with trials and tribulations; however our friends and perhaps those of over time, I believe that both you whom we do not consider to be our and your friends will notice that the friends. “friend” of today or tomorrow, is and will be different from the Consider asking yourself, “what “friend” of yesterday. kind of friend am I?”, and truly reflect on your answer. Embrace this May your journey with your friends reflective journey because most asbe proactive.~Ajen suredly, you will discover that there Autumn 2011 AM EXPERIENCE
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EcoFurniture
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Functional Practical & Livable
AM EXPERIENCE Autumn 2011
FRIENDS OF BENEFIT Ok, I have been thinking about friendships lately… If the month of March were to have another name, I would call it the “Month of Friendships”. Why? Well, over the past month, I have found myself receiving unexpected nurturing support from longtime and newly discovered friends. You, too, may find yourself thinking about your current friendships, past friendships, and even prospective friendships once in a while. Your thoughts focus on those unforgettable moments of self-discovery that you and your friend(s) have experienced; and there may be a time where a memory that you would rather forget manifests itself in such a way that It seems that you remember each and every detail more than your most pleasant experiences. What ever the relationships that you had with your friends of your past, have with your friends to date, and wish to have with the friends that you seek, your friends offer a social dimension to your life experience that profoundly benefits you in the most holistic sense.
As I say this, I am thinking of recent sociological studies where researchers have found that having friends can offer physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health benefits to each other. They have shown that individuals who maintain close friendships tend to have lower stress levels because the sense of feeling cared for and supported by a social network is an element of self-care practices. Likewise, there are studies that link high levels of social support with physiological well-being (i.e.healthy dietary practices, exercise, sleep hygiene, etc...), mental well being (i.e. cognition, memory, recognition, etc…), emotional well being (i.e. happiness, grief, sadness, and anger), and even studies that address anecdotes of spiritual attentiveness and development. In essence, what some of these studies have found is the sense of feeling cared for and being supported by a friend, a group or a network of friends can have amazing affects on one’s perception of the environment.
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FRIENDS, WELL-BEING AND PERCEPTIONS For over the last 30 years, psycho-social research has contributed the study of the interaction between psychological processes and the physiological and immunological processes of the body. Recent studies show that our social interactions can influence our perception of our environment. As we respond to our perceived stressors in our environment, we are employing our sympathetic nervous as well as our endocrine systems. In limited durations and according to the exigencies of that particular environment, our response to stress is necessary as it helps us to
It is the sharing of experiences that not only allows us to process our interactions within various environments, but it allows each person to learn from each event and in turn, share their understandings with each other. This is of itself the holistic aspect of friendships: self, friendship with the “other self” and experience.
For Reflection Think of a time when you discov-
think and act fast; however, chronic responses to
ered an aspect of yourself from an
high levels of stress could ultimately impair our immune systems because these systems are far
experience that you had shared with
too imbalanced to achieve homeostasis. Come to think of it, I recall a study where researchers at the University of Virginia ask participants to carry a weighted backpack and to estimate the level of steepness of a hill. The researchers found that when a student was accompanied by a friend, the estimation of the hill’s gradient was more than those who were not accompanied by a friend. Further, they also found that for those students who walked up the hill with a friend, their perception of time was much less than their actual time and those who walked up the hill without a friend rated their time much higher than their actual time. THE BENEFITS OF FRIENDSHIP Do we need studies to tell us that we benefit
your friend. How much influence did your friend have in your discovery process? Do you feel that this new insight changed your relationship with your friend in any way?
ψ
ESIGN strong
from friendships? If not consciously, our subcon-
strategic
scious knows its benefits as we seek friendships for many reasons. Friendships occur out of an in-
effective
terpersonal phenomenon that causes the desire to belong to a cause, to seek validation of who we
affordable
are, and most importantly, to share experiences. Drawing connections between thoughts and emotions to the aesthetic
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Ajen’s Horticulture Therapy Moment with Lavender
GROWING Currently I have five spanish lavender plants that are well established in my garden and I now am I attempting to germinate two 72 celltrays of Hidcote Blue lavender and French Perfume Lavender seeds. I am curious to see if I can get any of the seeds to sprout because when it comes to germination, lavender seeds are of the most difficult. If I can get at least 5 to sprout, I would be ecstatic. (Continued on next page.) Autumn 2011 AM EXPERIENCE
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MY PAST EXPERIENCES When I think about it, my first encounter with lavender was not a pleasant one. I remember during one of trips to England to visit my siblings and cousins, I had a piece candy that had lavender and violet essences in it. That day, I learned the true nature of the word disgusting. My mom being the all-informed old-school British trained nurse thoroughly described why one would “retch” in the gustation process (and yes, if you are wondering, I was that kid in pre-school who taught kids not to say “boobies” or “wee-wees” and instead use words like “bosoms”, “penises” and “vaginas”). Anyhoo, it was only until a few years ago that I learned that it was the essence of violet that actually made the candy extremely unappetizing for me. Although I am used to the scent, to this day, I chose not to seek out any scents that have strong violet note in it. However, when it comes to lavender, you cannot keep me away from it. I love lavender! I love the plant, I love the scent of its oils. I love its shades of color as expressed in its variety of plants that extend well into the thousands. ...and I particularly love it in body care products. Actually, when I was doing my search for my body care products, I had learned that many people use lavender oil in facial products because it can balance and tone just about all skin types and in particular balance the overactive sebaceous glands. It contains active compounds like ursolic acid, which makes it a great anti-spasmotic, anti-bacterial, analgesic and an inhibitor for tissue degradation. For more info on the principle constituents on lavender, checkout: herbmed.org Lavender is awesome! LOOKING CLOSELY A few of months ago my husband’s sister-in-law pointed out to me a unique feature of the spanish lavender plant that grows in the rose garden (see photo to the right) with a pair of binoculars (because I am extremely near sighted). Through the binoculars, you can see the flowers of the lavender plant are 8
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very tiny and are borne in whorls held on spikes rising above the foliage, there is the papery thin rabbit-ear like structure at the top of each spike called bracts. Bracts are specialized leaves that come in many forms, colors, and textures. For many of the plants that have bracts, they serve to attract pollinators who would otherwise be attracted to the more showy plants with big and colorful flowers. In the photo below, the bracts are the purplish leaves that look like “rabbit ears”. Sometimes, I cannot help but to wonder how happy and pleased the little pollinators are after they have decides to check out the lavender than the big showy roses in the garden. Right after first bloom, you can tell that these lavender plants are loaded with necture and oils just by smell alone. According to the European Network for Industrial Crops, it takes 50 kg of fresh flowers with 15 cm stalks to yield about 30g of oil where as a rose in general one would have to collect 400 to 450 kg of Rosa damascena to yield 1 kg of rose oil. Wow! Really sit back and think about the difference of yields between these two plants. Metaphorically this speaks volumes! Yes, in terms of commerce, the rose is the most expensive; however, the cost of pure rose oil is high because of its limited yield not necessarily because of its intoxicating fragrance (after all, being a attracted to certain fragrances is a subjective issue). The lavender, with is tiny flowers set on a spike and almost dripping with oils and nectar had to evolve and develop a wayto bring attention to itself. (See next page for a reflection exercise.)
REFLECTION Take some time to think about the people,
The more we know… the more we can seek ways
places and things that you know that may have
to appreciate… the more we appreciate… the more
their own kind of “bracts” to receive attention?
we can express love.
For me, I find that it is interesting to consider how most of us may have our very own bracts. Poetically speaking, we are all beautiful flowers. All of us may have aspects of ourselves that are dynamic and yet very understated. Nothing wrong in that. Actually, I think that if we made it a point to look closely and get to know each other without prejudgment and assumptions, we will get to see the true beauty that exists in each one of us. Imagine the yield of appreciation that we can gain from each person!
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Frenemies Sooooo, for over a year or so, I have been hearing the term “Frenemy” pop-up
from time to time in conversations and I have been wondering, “what the heck is a frennemy”. ...and before you get smart, let me just say, that I can read and I can clearly see that by looking at the word itself, the word frenemy is a combination of the words, “friend” and “enemy”. My wonderment, however, has blossomed because I hear this word being used among adults- male and female alike- as a kind dysfunction term of endearment. After careful consideration, I believe that although the word “frenemy” contains the words “friends” and “enemy”, this person is neither fully a “friend” nor fully an “enemy”. The people who consider each other as frenemies are acquaintances in conflict who found a sociopolitical benefit from their relationship. In many ways, a frennemy is one who plays power (social, economic, physical, or intellectual) and personality against another person for the benefit of self-promotion. As opposed to friendships where a person will empower and support the friend’s endeavors or an enemy who will either seek to sabotage one’s efforts or not pay any attention to it at all, a frenemy is different. A frenemy will exhibit a level of attentiveness that can resemble friendship to the other person in order to make note of the person’s efforts while seeking to find a way to either benefit from these efforts as a way to acquire a competitive edge socially, economically, physically or intellectually.
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If this is really the case, my question is
nor does it make you saintly just because you are
“why?” Why be a frenemy?
making a conscious effort to be a true friend. ...if you do feel that way, it may be your ego talking.
Looking at it from the business point of view. I can see how a frenemy-like relationship can work
In reality, a true love-filled friendship could take
between two businesses as they engage in “co-
years to develop. Like the love that occurs between
opetition”. In this relationship, the two business co-
two romantic friends, the love between two compan-
operatively compete to achieve the same goal and
ionate friends takes time to develop. What is impor-
yet, through this competition, both business benefit
tant here is that you are making the conscious choice
I n regards to branding power, organizational posi-
to express the virtues of a friend to all people (ie:
tioning, economic positioning, and intellectual
trustworthiness, kindness, selflessness, honesty, pa-
rights; and the industry that they both belong to
tience, tact, forbearance, service, benevolence, gen-
benefit as well. There is no doubt that we have seen
erosity, etc…)
similar kinds of relationships among two individuals at school, at work, and even within the family unit. However, can such a relationship be healthy amongst two individuals? Why not strive to be friends?
Some questions for reflection Within a love-filled relationship the very best qualities of an individual are demonstrated as one strives to bring out the best attributes in acquaintances and friends. Would you agree that so-
For those who are in “frenemy” relationships,
called frenemies are simply concerned about self-
the notion to walk away from a “frenemyship” and
promotion and not the promotion of the best
towards a friendship this might be a challenge to the
qualities of the other? Why or why not?
egos of those involved. It would require both individuals to make that personal decision deny the ego’s desires to promote the “self”; and furthermore, it would require both individuals to work towards promoting the best qualities of the “other”. Ghandi said, “be the change that you want to see in the world today”. Within the world of your relationships, consider how you can be the change. I have provided below a few questions for reflection, and with that, I will state that friendship is a partnership. It is important to note that; even though you are making a conscious decision to be a friend to someone you had once considered a “frenemy”, there is no guarantee that the other individual will reciprocate in kind. If there is no reciprocity, this does not mean that the other person is a bad person 12
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How would you define a “frenemy”? ...and according to your definition, do you have one? If so, in what ways can you begin to treat your frenemy more like a true friend? If you are finding it difficult to treat your frenemy like a friend; are you willing to dissolve your “frenemyship” by just being an acquaintance? If you are unwilling to do so, what is your ego telling you?
f
facebook friends & perceptions Ok so many of us have said and heard that Facebook is a good way to keep in touch with family and friends as well as meet and get to know more friends. Facebook not only offer us a chance to share our information, but it offers us a way to paint a picture of a person’s life 3000 miles away based on 160 characters in a status update and a few random pictures. If we could take a step back and look at Facebook as a community, it is more than a social networking tool for the “self”, it is a community of “selves” of differing personalities and communication styles who choose to network for the “self”. Don’t be offended, but we are all self serving. “We want to know”! We want to know what people are doing, we want to know what people think about our perspective, we want to know where we can locate..., buy..., sell..., etc… We want to know on our terms; however, when we are offered information that we are not seeking and in great volumes or in strange ways, we become overwhelmed and flat out annoyed. Question: Why are we allowing ourselves to get overwhelmed and annoyed?
The Need to Know
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According to a study conducted at Edinburgh Napier University surveying 200 students who were frequent Facebook users, many have stated that they felt pressured to come up with an inventive status updates and did not enjoyed having to apply different rules of online etiquette to different friends. According to the lead researcher Dr. Kathy Charles, the “overwhelming majority” of students said that they rely on the site to keep in touch with their friends and many said they won’t delete their accounts because they do not want to miss out on something important or offend others.“ Charles says that this kind of pressure keeps such uses in a constant state of “neurotic limbo” and those who have the most contacts and invested time on the site tends to be of the most stressed.
Charles speculated that many users may feel anxious because of the site's intrinsically selfcentered structure. "It's like being a mini news channel about yourself. The more people you have the more you feel there is an audience there," Charles told the BBC. "You are almost a mini celebrity and the bigger the audience the more pressure you feel to produce something about yourself." THOSE OF WHOM THAT ANNOY US Brandon Griggs of CNNTech.com posted an article “The 12 most annoying types of Facebookers” that for the most part categorized the kinds of “ annoying friends” that we have on Facebook. On the following page is a list of the “12 most annoying types of Facebookers”.
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THE MOST ANNOYING FACEBOOKERS The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-
The TMIer: Those who con-
The Paparazzo: Those of
Detail-of-My-Day Bore:
tinuously post information that
whom who post more pictures
Those who continuously post
we rather not care to know;
than they write comments or
information that we find mundane;
The Bad Grammarian: Those whom we feel continuously press
The Self-Promoter: Those
our proverbial “spell-check” but-
who often post about their
tons.
achievements to the point that we feel as if that they are bragging and self-centered;
The Sympathy-Baiter: Those whom we feel to be emotional manipulators and try to garner
The Friend-Padder: Those of
responses from their updates
whom we perceive to be
that appear to be both sad in
“schmoozers” and “social-
tone and very vague.
butterflies” because it appears that they may be bragging about their 1000+ friends; The Town Crier: Those of whom we perceive to be elevating themselves as someone who knows all the information;
The Lurker: Those whom we feel pop out of nowhere when they post randomly and rarely on our profile site. The Crank: Those of whom we
those who continuously take and post pictures of you that make you feel uncomfortable. The Obscurist: Those that habitually post status updates that are so vague that you are prompted to google it to get a better understanding of what it is they are talking about this time; The Chronic Inviter: Those who send you over 10 game and cause request in a day and you feel that they have nothing better to do then just sit around on Facebook all day.
perceive to say nothing positive at all in their status updates.
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ANNOYANCE TO RESPOND OR NOT TO RESPOND Looking over the list, did you notice that this list is presented differently from Brandon Griggs list. Not to take away or provide anything contrary to his list, what was being conveyed in the descriptors of this list was our perception. To be annoyed with someone, is completely based on how we perceive that person. To take it a step further, how we behave and respond to the person that annoy us can have a dramatic effect on our relationships. With that said, how many of us have received unwarranted comments from people who misunderstood what it was that we were posting?
How many of us have lost
friends based on what we posted, responded to as a comment or perhaps failed to respond? How many of us received friend requests from those that we believe to be undesirable? AN EXERCISE IN ANNOYANCE Take the list above and think about those people that you find annoying and place your self yourself in their shoes. Coming from the standpoint that if we are truly acting like friends, we should at least attempt to understand why they do what they do. A good way is to think about how you can potentially annoy people on Facebook. That’s right! Given that we cannot please people all of the time, chances are you are annoy one, two or a few people on Facebook. Here are a few scenarios to get you going in your thought process: Scenario 1: If you are a social butterfly and enjoy meeting people, you may come off as a friendpadder. Don’t feel bad, there is nothing wrong with you. Although your view of the world is based on connections and how you send and receive information through these connections on Facebook, be aware that some of your friends may not understand this about you and may feel as if you are shallow 16
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person who is incapable of connecting with those on
more about understanding how they perceive
a deeper level.
their world through Facebook lenses. If you fol-
Scenario 2: If you are the kind of person who holds a zen perspective of sharing limited number of posts with the intent to benefit your circle of friends or those who are so darn busy that duration between visits are 3 weeks to 2 months a
low this perspective, be prepared to respect their wishes to be who they are on Facebook; therefore, if they wish to take pictures of their dog “Chewie”, it is their choice. Likewise, if it is their wish to no longer having you as a “friend”, it is their choice.
part, some of your friends may consider you a
The beauty of communicating feelings and
lurker. Not because you are seldom on Facebook,
perspectives in order to gain a better understand-
but because you make posts on their wall com-
ing of who your friends are (or are not) does
ments or photos that were posted weeks or
something more than an 160 character update can
months ago.
ever do. It adds depth to your relationship and it
Scenario 3: If you are the kind of person who strives to make sure that people do not misunderstand who you are and your place in this world, check yourself… are you posting too much information. Chronic TMI can actually cause a lot of misunderstanding of who you are among your friends. A message to the annoyed one on Facebook:
allows your friend a better understanding of who you are.
As mentioned in a previous article
about Anxiety, “getting the facts… can not only prevent feelings of anxiety, but can also help you not become annoyed at your friends. Nevertheless, Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, but a continuous conversation that is verbal and subsequently, directly develops relationships.
“It is not about you… It is about relationships!” Facebook is a great way to communicate. Unfortunately, it seems that from time to time, we fail to communicate effectively, using this medium. We fail to “listen” to what other people are saying by reading and responding to their post and we fail to effectively articulate our needs by either posting vague comments or not posting at all. Whatever the case may be, during those times when you feel annoyed or feel as if you have been offended by someone’s apparent annoyance in you, you can nurture your relationship with your “friend” by calling (by phone) and asking that person for clarification on the issue at hand.
fin
By calling that person you are telling that person that you value them as an individual and that you care about what they have to say. Your intention is not about getting your point across, it is Autumn 2011 AM EXPERIENCE
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Can you accept this challenge? The Four Agreements Below are four practices as given to us by
say and do is a projection of their own reality,
don Miquel Ruiz to integrate into our daily
their own dream. When you are immune to the
lives. These four principles are simple and
opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the
practical tools for living an authentic life
victim of needless suffering.
and yet, these principles may be of the most challenging things that you will ever do. Try this challenge for a day, a week, or a month and when you have a chance to do so, let us know about your journey.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agree-
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with
ment, you can completely transform your life.
integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance,
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others
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simply do your best, and you will avoid selfjudgment, self-abuse, and regret.
COLLABORATION The Beauty of Synergistic Relationships
What comes to mind when you think of the word “relationship”? Oftentimes when we think of the word, “relationship”, we tend to think of the intimate relations between two lovers; and for those who have a love for biology, they may think of terminologies that define symbiotic relationships in the context of the plant and animal kingdoms (i.e. mutualism, commensalism, and parasitic). However, when we look at human populations on this planet, the word, “relationship” has an entirely different meaning. From pairings of individuals of two different paradigms like the husband/wife, parent/child, teacher/ student, employer/employee relationships, to the pairings of peers like coworkers, schoolmates, or neighbors, each relationship is a unique association of individuals who interact for a reason of some sort. What truly defines each of our unique relationships is not the reason; it is “how” we interact that defines it. So what is this “how”? I say it is “collaboration”. Now if there are any World War II history buffs out there, please do not jump to any conclusions and get your feathers ruffled or get anything bunched or in a twist. I do not mean the 1940s’ socially constructed derogative word that has a sociopolitical agenda attached to it; actually, I am using the original meaning
of the word (ie. The word derived from Latin that has meaning “to labor together”) that is nevertheless neutral in its connotation. So where was I? Oh yes, Collaboration! Collaboration is how we do it. It is an active process that occurs when two or more individuals work together to reach a goal or a series of goals over time. In its simplest form, we can see this occur between heterosexual couples (ex. procreation), coworkers in a manufacturing plant (ex. an automobile production), a team of health care professionals in a community (ex. reduction of infant mortality), teachers (ex. Curriculum development) etc… In the most complex ways, we can see signs of this between organizations, governments and other large bodies of people who wield influence. Whatever the form, each collaborative body is established out of the intent to produce a result that addresses a need or is a necessitated response to a problem. Further, collaboration is effectuated by the experience of communicating shared ideas and feelings that contribute to the production of or the discovery of the resultant together.
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COMMUNICATION The majority of us have heard that the key to the best relationship (marital partners, sports, sales, research and development, etc…) is communication. Communication, in it purest form, is the sharing of information between the sender and the receiver. Communication, at its best, happens verbally and nonverbally in a reciprocal fashion as each person is willing to freely experience the process of actively listening and articulating ideas with the utmost integrity.
So I ask you the following: • •
“Are you consciously listening to the other person’s (or persons’) ideas and feelings?” “Are you consciously articulating you
To consciously listen and articulate your ideas and feelings requires humility and honesty. With that said, acting out of these virtues will also put you in a place of being vulnerable. To be vulnerable, in this case, is demonstrated by letting go of prejudices, pretenses, self-motivations, etc…, which includes any other behavior influenced by the EGO. It is a subjective experience as you are allowing your “Self” to be open to ideas and to be understanding of what one is feeling during the experience. The moment when you are being invulnerable to ideas and feelings, is the very moment when you are engaging in persuasive behaviors; and that is another discussion.
Conscious Listening Conscious Articulation
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If you are engaged in both conscious listening and articulation, it is my hope that you will find that you are allowing yourself to share in the experience with your partner or partners and you are contributing to the integrity of a collaborative group. It is also my hope that as you engage in the harmonious acts of humbly listening and honestly articulating ideas, you will find that you are capable of letting go of any expectation of what the results should be. If both parties engage in such a process the experience is something transcendent. ...and before I go on a tangent about Martin Buber’s work about “dialogue”, “experi-
FOR REFLECTION Take some time to reflect on past situations where you have seen the beauty of collaboration unfold before your very eyes. Think in the context of participating in a sporting team, study group, project team, family grouping, intimate relationships, musical band, or a group of strangers in a time of an emergency, etc… Consider how ideas and feelings were shared and note the differences between the experiences of all the participants sharing freely and the experiences where persuasion prohibited the sharing of ideas and feelings- even for a moment. Ask yourself, if the learning lessons gleaned from your collaborative experiences had an impact on your life today. FOR ACTION In each of your relationships, as you find yourself discussing ideas and sharing feelings, ask yourself the following:
ence”, “existence”, and “transcendence”, I’ll stop with a wish for us all:faith and patience in the process...
THE BEAUTY OF COLLABORATION The very act of collaboration can produce the most beautiful results if we participate in the process truthfully; moreover, if we allow ourselves to be detached by letting go of any ego based motives and choosing to freely engage in the experience of communicating our ideas as well as our feelings with each other. What emerges from the collaborators’ communication of ideas is something of a synergistic nature where the resultant is unique unto itself. Furthermore, the emergence of this beautiful resultant is something that could not have been produced by any individual alone; and thus, not one individual can take claim for its existence. If anything, the only thing that the individual can lay claim to is one’s own process of self-learning.
Am I listening to what is being communicated (verbally and nonverbally)? Am I being humble? Am I carefully communicating my ideas and my feelings? Am I speaking honestly? Am I concerned about the integrity of this relationship? Have patience and faith as you are engaging in this process. You are not the only one involved in this relationship. Communication is a two way street. Be the change that you want to see in your world of relationships.
May all of your collaborations produce positive results…. Autumn 2011 AM EXPERIENCE
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Psychoeducation: Social Anxiety Disorder Reflection: How do you establish friendships when you are suffering from social anxiety disorder?
Ok… Before you begin your reflection, please consider that people who suffer with anxiety tend to worry about events happening in the future and hold an expectation that something negative (to whatever degree) will occur. The reasons why a person may feel anxious, at times, can be identifiable and other times not; however, the undercurrent of most anxiety is the perceived lack of control. Below is a general description of social anxiety disorder. Please use this information for educational purposes and not for diagnosis. Understanding the signs will help you find the ways to take action. As we are able to be aware of what is making us anxious, and understand that anxiety is a physiological response to perceived stimuli, we then can begin a process that will assist us in moving forward with relative ease into peace within our body, mind and soul. Social Anxiety Disorder is a also known as social phobia. People suffering with this disorder have an excessive and irrational fear of social situations. They suffer from distorted thinking, anxiety and extreme self-consciousness that is fueled by beliefs that they are being judged or criticized by others. Therefore, people with this disorder will avoid participating in specific social situations like the following:
• • • • • •
Eating or drinking in front of others Asking questions or directions Using public facilities or utilities Going to parties or get-togethers Speaking in public Going to beauty salons, barber shops or spas
INTERESTING RESEARCH
Here is an interesting article that addresses a study of socially anxious children and adolescents. The results of the following study showed that within social networks, socially anxious individuals formed friendships and social networks with peers who shared similar social anxieties. Van Zalk, N., Van Zalk, M., Kerr, M. and Stattin, H. (2011), Social Anxiety as a Basis for Friendship Selection and Socialization in Adolescents' Social Networks. Journal of Personality, 79: 499–526. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-6494.2011.00682.x
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It is important to note that there are medical conditions that can cause anxiety. Some common conditions are heart problems, breathing problems, thyroid problems and blood sugar problems. Therefore it is important to discuss long-term anxiety with your healthcare professional. Other Forms of Anxiety • Panic attacks • Panic disorder • Post-traumatic stress disorders • Obsessive-compulsive disorders • Agoraphobia • Phobias
Finding Healing in Everyday Activities
Every 3rd Thursday of the Month on AM Experience
Autumn 2011 AM EXPERIENCE
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Gratitude “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Manzanita found along the A. Meliora walking trail...
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AM Experience is a multimedia publication that offers questions, comments, and exercises for personal reflection. It is a publication that encourages the exploration of one’s self without judgement and without any expectations. It exists to encourage you to live and love the best way that you can everyday, to learn from these experiences, and to share your wisdom with others.
Ajen Busher, MBA-HCA — Therapeutic Recreation Administrator Jim Busher, CES — Certified Equine Specialist
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AM EXPERIENCE Autumn 2011
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