Patrick Spoor Looks Back on Performance Thesis

Continued from page 7 for singing. I would be burping a lot and feel air bubbles get stuck in my throat. And so I would get super tense [when I would sing] and be burping and have acid reflux. But the anxiety meds helped my heart rate, and I was so clear of mind and it was so weird. I had never felt so clear on a stage. And I didn’t realize that this was normal for other people.

I’ve never not had stage fright. I am terrified of public speaking, [and have been] ever since I was a kid. And I do not know why I get so nervous, it is super internal, and super physical. With performing I just want to give music to people and make people happy, and I think to myself “Why should I be worried about it?” And then my body says, “Who cares? I’m going to be worried anyway.” And so, in choir performances — small ensembles, solos — I could barely breathe, making it really, really hard to maintain breath support. Which is dangerous, especially for mying long phrases where I shouldn’t breathe [and not knowing if I can] make it to the places where I’m allowed to breathe. And anxiety meds just helped with that. And I only had access to that here through the school health insurance scholarship. So it’s not like I had access to this before. I’m from Georgia and the health insurance there is useless. So I did not have general health check-ups for most of my life. But anxiety medication changed my life. I would not be able to perform on stage if I did not have my anxiety meds. And I am so thankful for having them. My stage fright disappeared — which is crazy — and I was able to actually feel immersed as a performer, which I never felt before.

Q: What advice would you give to students considering a thesis in the Music department?

A: First of all, it’s just finding what aspect of music that you’re passionate about because there is so much you can do with music. It’s a very open-ended major that is about sound and there’s so much you can do with sound. You can talk about it, you can make it, you can direct it, you can perform it. But basically, if you are passionate about music then you should just do it. And make sure you have enough material. I would also recommend going to your voice instructor or professors. I’ve worked most closely with Professor [of Music] Jeffers Engelhardt. I took his class, Anthropology of Music: Voice. I loved getting a lot of feedback from him, he works very well with students.

So I would always heartily recommend that. I worked with Oesterling, my voice instructor, since my second semester at Amherst, and [we built] a pretty tight-knit relationship because we’ve been working together so long and it’s made performance just more fun. I’ve also been in choir since my first semester, so I’ve just been doing a lot of [music]. So I would say just immerse yourself into your instrument or your voice, immerse yourself into what you want to play, and if you end up liking it then maybe you can do a performance thesis out of it.