an ode to the brown

an ode to the brown men in my life

Zahra DeShaw

Artist Statement: This was written originally as part of a letter to my younger brother but now serves as a poem addressing my Black and Brown male friends, family members, partner, and the men of my community. I wanted to highlight the complexities of Black and Brown love, and the unique feelings, interactions, and events that we experience. I wanted to voice the position women of color are put into as the supporters of our men as they face oppression.

Us brown women hold our men’s pain for them sadness and fear are only acceptable coming from our mouths struggle love is the most we can afford because I don’t have the privilege of feeling safe unless you’re right next to me. it makes me sick that I have to even imagine this but every time you walk out of my door, I wonder why my heart has to be outside my body. I know the town we live in and the cops that run it. Your name was written on a WANTED poster the minute you came out of your mother’s womb into this nation as a honeysuckle sweet brown boy your existence is resistance but why is it only my heart breaking because I’ve seen your spirit lost in this system? why am I the only one that notices you’re gone? I worry because I refuse to live this life without you beside me and because I want to see your name on a high school diploma not on an obituary. But this place is one big system where brown men’s lives emotions experiences don’t matter so us brown women have to hold their pain for them but who holds us?