Part I: Preparing for Your Postpartum Time

PART I

Preparing for Your Postpartum Time

"I wonder what treasures we would garner if we treated our postpartum selves with the tenderness and reverence our Church traditions accord us. Rather than approaching these weeks as a time to hurry through, if we set them aside as a unique window during which to look within, then what would happen? What if we sought not to get back to our usual self, but to lean forward into a richer new reality?" —Laura Jansson1

Before we become mothers, it is hard to comprehend what this new reality might be. While the focus of our book is the spiritual, as well as the emotional and physical, life of a mother after having a child, there are some practical preparations we can make before giving birth to pave the way for a more manageable life postpartum. Our experience of labor or the process of adoption can affect how confident and prepared we feel as we begin this journey. Setting up support beforehand, both practically and emotionally, will help no matter how we feel after bringing our baby home. There are some concrete things to consider prior to having a baby. A few we’ve found most helpful are outlined below.

Support

We believe we were not made to raise our babies alone. We are not superhuman. Mothers need support and practical help to thrive. We may need to humble ourselves to ask for and accept help along the way. People often want to give but don’t know how. We often hear “Let me know if you need anything,” or “I am happy to help.” This is when we say thank you and accept the offer.

Each family has different resources, and you may or may not have helpful family nearby. If you do not have helpful friends or family close by and can afford a postpartum doula or support person, get one. Some health insurance policies cover postpartum doulas even if they don’t advertise this benefit. If a postpartum doula is not in the budget, there are doulas in training who do not charge or who charge a fraction of the usual rate to get experience. Ask around before giving birth so that you have people to call when you are sleep-deprived and healing.

I feel so many mothers want to rush going back to church and other regular activities after the birth of their child. My advice is to relax, allow yourself to heal and rest, and above all bond and snuggle with your new little one! Ask for help with older children if your husband is not available and never turn down an offer for food or a visit! —Krista, Orthodox Mother

If you had a child before, you will probably know what help you need. If you haven’t been through postpartum previously, or can’t think of what could help, here is a list of things you can ask for when people offer:

» Ask friends if you can call on them to come over for two hours to hold and rock your baby while you sleep, eat, or bathe.

» Enlist volunteers to come over to wash and fold the laundry, tidy up, do the dishes, or take care of other chores around the house.

» Get help with groceries—don’t be shy about asking friends to pick up something for you while they are doing their own shopping.

» If you are planning a shower or registering for baby gifts, consider adding grocery or meal delivery or house cleaning to your list. These practical gifts are luxuries that can be hard to buy for ourselves but very helpful when others are offering their generosity. Online services offer grocery or meal delivery, house cleaning, and other services that could be added to your registry.

» If you have other children, ask friends if they can help with pick-up or drop-off for school/activities or take your older child(ren) for a play date.

» Ask friends to light candles for you and your family in church.

» Ask friends or the children’s godparents to help in the care and shepherding of your children in church if you are not attending.

It can feel awkward or selfish to ask others to do these tasks for you, but for the giver it can be incredibly rewarding to see how much one is truly helping.

I think the forty days is a very important time of healing for the mother. . . . The focus should be on the mother resting and being cared for, and especially fed. I organize meals for mothers during their forty days as one step toward caring for mothers. I wish husbands were taught more about their role during this time, and encouraged to take over more housework and childcare while their wives recover. A priest’s exhortation here would be especially helpful. —Juliana, Orthodox Mother

Partners

We recognize that there are many different types of families. We write this book for all mothers and families to aid them during this important time. To keep it simple, we use the term partner to refer to husband, baby’s father, or support person.

For mothers who are raising a child on their own, setting up help, support, and a plan for getting relief so you can sleep and care for yourself will be even more important. Raising a child on your own is a difficult and noble task. It can be helpful to identify who your support people will be after birth and to reach out to members of your church as well as family and friends for help.