Adele Evershed

W O R D S • I D E A S : A D E L E E V E R S H E D

A History of Ghosts

I do not know why I dream about this little café I haunted when I was young My pale face pressed against the pain

When my mother went through her narrow door slamming it behind her so I was left alone I felt I might just crumble away— but each time I’d think about their lemon biscuits served with a puddle of butter telling myself it was melted sunshine on a plate and I found I could warm my bones on the memory

I do not know why I still think about Spanish moss and deep southern summers That cast long shadows on sunless days

The chained parrot asked—Who’s a pretty boy? as he rippled past me flying his youth like a flag I felt I might just soar away— but each night Uncle opened my narrow door saying no good thing could happen to a bad girl like me so I found you did not need love to make a baby and summer can melt away forever

I do not know why I have such a fancy for the tang of bleach and bacon fat From that less than genteel Northern dinner

When I tasted with my nose and sensed with my eyes as I realized doors were wider here I felt I might just be vast— but then lovers who could stretch a minute or speed up a lifetime—banged me shut the world narrowed to minimum wage and minimum men that never tipped over

I do not know why I have carried these ghosts in my mouth Their whispers smelling of cake and sun-cream and gravy

But I am old now—fearless and almost gone behind the finch’s song the dead no longer call my name I have lost my desire to be haunted the white spores—a fright at the end of my bed—all gone I realized long ago they were rotting from the inside out so I was able to smile and open new doors and so in the end—they only managed to poison themselves

Adele Evershed was born in Wales. Her poetry and prose have been published in several online journals such as Every Day Fiction, Ab Terra Flash Fiction Magazine, Grey Sparrow Journal, Hole in the Head Review, Green Ink Poetry, High Shelf Press, Tofu Ink Arts Press and Shot Glass Journal. Read more of her work at thelithag.com.