Clara Bolle

W O R D S • I D E A S : C L A R A B O L L E

How to start over? Renewing my artist vows

Clara Bolle

How to start over? This is a love letter from me to you—a mini-guide to starting over in life and art.

This year I got a divorce after 14 years. I got myself a management job in education and moved to the city. For the first time in my life, I live by myself, for myself. In only half a year, I learned so much about myself. What I want out of life and moreover how I see myself as an artist. Change is uneasy, especially if you’re used to having a comfortable, privileged life. Change was also necessary to find myself. Making art, creating has given me the strength to rebuild a life for myself. From creating art to creating a life on my own. Art has given me ownership. Going to my studio every week was a form of emancipation. Emancipation from certain beliefs I had about myself as a wife, as a woman, as an artist.

Finding a balance after a life event such as divorce or losing a loved one is a form of grief. It’s saying goodbye to the old and welcoming in the new. Rebirthing yourself is gradual, takes time and needs support from yourself and your support system. I want to share three tips that helped me to reinvent myself. Art is a way of life, but there’s also the art of living well. First of all, take it slow. Change doesn’t come overnight. The buildup to my divorce was two years of therapy, heart-to-heart talks, and also a lot of painting and drawing. Painting is not limited to making sense of my feelings; painting itself, the smell of the paint, and the movement of the brush are also very therapeutic. It’s a great way to get centred in your body. Also, spending time alone by myself in the studio was a great way to get to know myself better.

The second one is to work smaller. Unfortunately, I had to hand in the keys to my studio with pain in my heart. I had just started to work bigger, and now I had to let go of that dream. However, when a door closes, another door opens, as they say.

An old artist friend contacted me and asked if I wanted to create postcards. Another local project asked me to make mini-artworks. Also, my ex-husband and I are still good friends, and he was so kind to offer me one of his rooms to use as a studio. I’m a total control freak, and I even wanted to be in control of my change. The beauty of change is that it sets a thing in motion that is beyond your control. You have to be flexible with it.

Having faith in yourself, others and the greater good is my third tip. My support system made my metamorphosis so much easier. As an artist, writer and philosopher, I’m used to working independently, but suddenly I couldn’t do it all by myself, and that’s fine. It really restored my faith in humans. Together we are much stronger. Having faith that everything will turn out fine, in the end, has become my mantra. Everything has a reason. I trust that I walk the path that had been laid out for me. Despite major life events, my values stay strong: loyalty, duty, courage and above all, love.

Love is the antithesis of anxiety. It’s because of love for my ex-husband that I divorced him. It’s because of love that I create. It’s because of love that I like to help others out. If you love something, you set it free, so I set myself free. I renew my vows to myself, to my art, to whatever comes my way. This is my love letter from me to you.

Clara Bolle As a philosopher I view my writings and art as tools to do research. My main question in relation to thinking and making is: What does it mean to be your body instead of having a body? Website: clarabolle.com Instagram: @clarabolle