suggestions for the promotion of good mental health
andrew mccallum
suggestions for the promotion of good mental health
andrew mccallum
In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. Albert Camus
1
laugh at yourself
make a doll in your own image giggle the whole time record your voice and listen to it laugh heartily smell the sweat in your armpit guffaw catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror be struck by the absurdity of yourself how you seem to float above the world ungrounded and ridiculously delicate until you’re bent double with side-splitting oxygen-starved laughter that goes on for ages and doesn’t end until your brain cries enough be serious for once in your life
2
consider the lilies
take a penny out of that jar of pennies and say hey! how about that! I found a lucky penny today then give your lucky penny to the first person you meet go to the bank and empty your account take the cash and start giving it away to anyone who wants it lots of people will take it they’ll thank you and walk away some might say are you sure about this just reply don’t worry it’s paper just it doesn’t mean a thing
3
guard a squeak
stand at your front door swing it open and shut squeaks reverberate throughout the town this is the innocent and generous voice of the door that announces the coming-and-going of visitors you’re loathe to silence its eternal voice your neighbours though do not share your generosity they come in the night bearing oil cans they destroy the squeaks on all three hinges in the morning the door is eerily silent you feel profound discomfort as though you’ve slipped from your skin you want the squeaks back you crave their abundant kindness
4
run an errand for someone
shake the gnawing creatures from your legs and hobble down to the stream where you pull a pailful of water and heave it back for the old man who is melting into the sheets and blankets of his deathbed he takes the water with thanks you were away for years he says what the hell were you doing all that time you tell him it was an hour just two maybe he says you know I don’t have much time left so if you’d be as good as to answer my question we’ll both get the rest we want
5
imagine the roar of the ocean
up-end a bag of marbles the sound won’t make you think of the ocean crumple up a sheet of paper that’s a little closer listen to static on the radio closer still turn your ear to the sun crazy bright and crackling in the sky now you’re getting somewhere imagine picking up a seashell and putting it to your ear the sensation is overwhelming more than amazing you cup your hands over your ears the world inverts the sea imagines you and you are holding the sea
6
try a new road
make a circle in the air with your finger plonk it down on a random page of the atlas you’ve found a road on the rim of the world near the place where the ocean drops off in an immense waterfall that resolves itself into streams of droplets that become stars you drive to that road and spend the next few years of your life getting to know its twists turns ruts and potholes you get out of the car occasionally and stand by the ocean to watch the stars being made the sharp salt spray nips your eyes
7
express your thanks
you thank
the trees the sky and your ancestors
people think you’re crazy you don’t care you thank
the clouds the river the leaves the stones most of the animals and the snow
people think you’re from the loony bin you still don’t care you thank
pain disfunction disfigurement and warped logic
now people are starting to understand they say maybe you’re not so crazy after all you say nope and thank
the crashing stars the careening asteroids the belching volcanoes
and thank
the earthquakes the tsunamis
people say yes I see and now will you thank me too
8
visit a museum
you have the feeling that it’s all about expired lives arranged on flat surfaces like pinned butterflies but you go and look at the pictures anyway they remind you of coffins and the solemn air of your fellow visitors makes you think of a funeral when what you really want is a wake let’s go daft, people
is what you think
let’s make fun of this picture let’s whoop it up let’s drink some drink and smash our glasses against the wall we’re in the presence of art we should at least smile giggle even
9
phone an old friend
you wait until the middle of the night when the darkness holds everything endlessly looping around itself and pinning you tightly you find the number in an old address book you wonder if it is a good idea to reconnect after so many years at such an hour but you press the numbers anyway a sleepy voice answers it isn’t your old friend it’s a stranger his hand reaches through the phone and grabs your ear you want to hang up but the human contact feels good how are you you say how have you been
10
blow bubbles
you don’t remember the recipe but recall something about diluted washing-up liquid so you pour some into a bowl and add water hoping you have the right proportions then you fashion a wand from a piece of wire looping the end and twisting it around to make a circle you dip the wand into the soapy water you raise the wand take a deep breath and expel it through the loop you don’t attempt description you just experience remembering your whole life at once smelling the original scent of the world confirming the beauty of all that has ever existed
11
keep a secret
you perform experiments that show decisively the beneficial effects on the betrayer of revealing confidential information it’s a stress reliever and a general immune booster it’s equal in effect to quitting smoking or dropping your cholesterol a hundred points you decide to leave your findings unpublished nor do you inform anyone of what you have discovered reasoning that if people knew nothing would ever again remain a secret you keep the knowledge to yourself for years finally telling your cat the details of your research she scratches your face you blink and scratch behind her ears
12
smile at yourself in the mirror
put up two mirrors facing each other stand between them and show some teeth they multiply forever and seem to drill a hole in the wall put your hand up it goes into the hole your feet leave the floor your head angles forward and suddenly you’re falling into the mirror passing thousands of images of your teeth bared behind smiling lips they chatter as you go by you have the most pleasant feeling of ease like you are floating in warm water infinity beckons all in good time you answer I’m on my way
13
become an ex-suicide
i very well you exit then what what happens after you leave nothing much very little indeed after a ripple or two the water closes over your head as if you had never existed you are not indispensable after all not even a black hole in the cosmos all that stress and anxiety for nothing your neighbours will profess shock and enjoy it will have something to talk about for a few days one or two might miss you perhaps your family who will also resent the disgrace your creditors will resent the inconvenience your lawyer will be pleased your doctor will be displeased a minister will say a few words over you and down you go on green tapes and that's the end of you in a surprisingly short time everyone is back in the rut of his own self as if you had never existed
ii so you decide not to kill yourself what happens all at once you are dispensed why not live instead of dying you are like a prisoner released from the cell of his life you notice that the cell door is ajar that the sun is shining outside why not take a walk down the street where you might have been dead you are alive the sun is shining suddenly you feel like a castaway on an island you can't believe your good luck you feel for broken bones you are in one piece sole survivor of a foundered ship whose captain and crew had worried themselves into a fucking tizzy here you are cast up on a beach taken in by islanders who it turns out are themselves worried sick over what over status saving face self-esteem identity boredom anxiety depression from which they seek relief mainly in wars
and the natural catastrophes that regularly overtake their neighbours and you an ex-suicide lying on the beach free for the first time in your life to consider the folly of man the most absurd of all the species to contemplate the cosmic mystery your own existence and even to consider which is the more absurd to be or not to be the manifest absurdity of your predicament lost in a cosmos and no news of how you got into such a fix or how to get out or the even more preposterous eventuality that news did come from god who took pity on your ridiculous plight and entered the space and time of your insignificant planet to tell you something
iii so‌ a non-suicide and an ex-suicide both leave home for work at eight o'clock on an ordinary morning the non-suicide is a little travelling suck of care sucking care with him from the past and being sucked toward care in the future his breath is high in his chest the ex-suicide opens his front door sits down on the steps laughs‌ since he has the option of being dead he has nothing to lose by being alive it is good to be alive he goes to work because he doesn't have to