ManbooK a path to Broken Boldness
for my two little men, Grayson and Jackson: You are my beloveds and with you I am well pleased - Mark 1:12
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1 Timothy 6:11-12 11But
as for you, O man of God,
Flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. 12 Fight
the good fight of the faith.
Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. ~ Paul
Defining our Terms
But as for you. This verse is personal, precise, and pointed. It’s not concerned with calling your attention and awareness to any other direction than oneself. There are many things that others can say or do, but what will you do? How will you respond? “But as for you....” The finger points ever so deeply inward. O man. A man is called to attention in this verse. Many verses in the Bible speak to both men and women, but this one was spoken to be received by men. Sure, women can read and receive valuable insight from this verse, but this verse is specifically for men. Let me be clear: men are men, not women. And men were created for and called to a life of masculinity. Do not be confused: gender is not equal, but very much distinct. And this distinction means all the difference. of God. Whose man are you? You are not your own, but God owns you. You belong to God. This changes everything. A man of God is not a boy. Boys are selfish, apathetic, and lazy. Men are selfless, loving, and perseverant. Above all, men are like Jesus. But they cannot be like Jesus unless they have learned to follow Him. Flee. There are certain things that men are called to flee. Men should not give these things a minute of their time. They should at their first sight runaway at all costs—at a minute’s notice. Sexual immorality, love of money, and the lust of a man’s eyes are good things turned gods that should make men head for the hills. To face them oftentimes means failure. Pursue. While there are things from which a man should run, there are also things to which a man run. He passionately pursues these things with all his heart. He stops at nothing to be holy and steadfast, to love unconditionally, and to win the lost. Fight. Then there are things men should aim to go toe-to-toe with; things towards which they should bow their chest and in faith stand to confront. Men confront sin in the lives of others, protect others from harm, and fight to love their wives and families through thick and thin. Take hold. Real men hold on to Jesus. They realize that they are relegated to boyishness until they have taken hold of Jesus. And having been rescued by Jesus, they learn to depend more and more on Him and less and less on themselves. To increase in closeness to Jesus Christ is taking hold of eternal life (John 17:3). To be apart from Jesus is to be boyish and worldly, not manly and mature.
The Gospel for Men “A knight in shiny armour who sweeps the damsel in distress off her feet and woos and wins her to himself...” This is an image with which a young woman resonates when she is trying to connect to her God. In fact, Christ is a hero who is perfect in every way and is looking to save His bride from a life of brokenness and bondage to many lesser gods. This image helps women realize all that God is for them. But this image won’t usually win a man’s heart. With so many images and analogies communicating God as marrying, loving, and wooing us, how are we to find an illustration for a man? An image that calls a man’s heart upward to God and outward to others; that engages, pricks, inspires, and motivates a man’s heart the way a knight in shiny armour lures in a woman’s heart? I believe it can be found in Mark 1:11. We have to look no further for a man’s gospel than the words of God Himself to His Son:
“and a voice came out of the heavens, ‘You are my beloved Son, with you I am well pleased.’ ” ~ God With these words comes two realities for which a man’s heart cries out: love and respect. The love with which God loves His Son is specific. He loves Him by associating Himself with Him. God says, “You [Jesus] are my beloved Son.” God identifies Jesus with Him and associates Himself with his Son. He says you are my Son which portrays a claiming love. In essence, God says, “I am proud to be your Father and proud to have you as my Son.” A masculine love claims ownership, association, and identifies with the object of it’s love. But this love isn’t just a love of association, it’s a love of projection. God could have stated these words to Jesus in private or secret, but God projects and publicizes them in front of others. A man feels love from his father not only when his father speaks proudly of him, but speaks lovingly and proudly of him in front of others. Respect and fatherly pride come out as well in these verses. God says, “with you [Jesus] I am well pleased.” God is proud of His Son. He respects His Son and is thoroughly pleased with him. Most sons long for their fathers to say to them a statement like this. Their hearts feed and come alive when these sentiments are communicated. They live for these words to come off the lips of their fathers. So, for every man who trusts and treasures the Son of God to be their substitute before the fatherly God can become God’s son in the truest sense. Every man who trusts Jesus for the following two things already has the Father’s pleasure upon them as stated in Mark 1:11. No more working to gain His fatherly pride. No more worrying
about failures or embarrassing the family. No more achievement needed to carry the divine family name. No more standards to be met through achievements in education, sports, in a spouse or a business. All that is simply asked of you is to trust in Jesus as your go-between man and to know what you are trusting your go-between for. Do you know what you are trusting Jesus for?
What are you trusting Jesus for? This is a question we must be asking. Is He a teacher, model, or prophet? Who is He? Many people believe in Jesus and believe what He says, but what are you believing Him for? What you’re believing Him for makes all the difference. If you’re not believing Him for something specifically then you are no better than demons, for they believe in God (James 2:19). Faith is important and everyone has faith in something, but more importantly is the object of faith. What you’re trusting your faith object for is most important of all. 2 Corinthians 5:21 gives us a clear picture of precisely why Jesus came to earth. Are you trusting in Jesus for the same reasons for which He came? Does His purpose—His coming and dying for you—line up with the precise purposes of your trust in Him? Jesus came as a substitute to fulfill two main roles for us: a perfect fulfillment of the law and a punishment absorber for our transgressions of the law. Through faith, we are believing in Him to absorb our rightful punishment and impute to us his righteous and perfect record. In this way, He is a Savior by his life and by his death. Do you trust him for those things? “he made him who knew no sin to be sin on our
behalf, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God in hiim” (2 Cor. 5:21)
He made Him who knew no sin...
so that in him we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
to be sin on our behalf..
Getting a Grip
L O R D S H I P L O O T L U S T L A D I E S L A B O R L O V E L E A D E R S H I P
Knowing a Man Relating • Men relate through shoulder-to-shoulder activities. Generally, they prefer to engage through activity or over an activity. • Women relate through face-to-face conversations. Generally, they prefer to connect through deep heart-to-heart conversation. Communication • Men may like to communicate through non-verbal means to show you how they feel. • Many women desire clear and in depth dialogue as their preferred communication channel. Nature • Most men are visual in nature. • Most women are emotional and verbal in nature. Role • Men lead best as sacrificial servant-leaders in a relationship. • Many women operate best as wise and affirming followers in the context of a relationship. Values • Men generally value respect from other men and women over love. • Women value love more than being respected by others. Insecurities • Insecure men often surround themselves almost exclusively with female friendships. • Insecure women oftentimes surround themselves exclusively with male friendships. Friendship • Men do not usually make closer and consistent friendships with women unless they are attracted to them romantically. • Women can have both male and female relationships with only friendly intentions Romantic Intimacy • Male intimacy usually plays out physically. • Women connect intimately with other men by deep emotional conversation.
Tips for Men 1) The best thing a man can do to prepare for marriage is to invest in deep relationships with other men. Deep same-sex relationships with men is the closest to a future relationship with a spouse. The understanding, accountability, and relatability that a future spouse will offer can only be rivaled by other male relationships. Women cannot understand you at a level that a spouse will one day. Also, once you are married, you will not have anymore deep relationships with women. 2) Men are called to be leaders for their churches, families, and marriages. Therefore, the greatest need in order for males to exercise leadership is maturity and godliness. Time spent alone with God in devotion is what wives, families, and churches need from their men. 3) Men need to be initiators, not passive responders. All to often, men are laid back and passive in finances, decision-making, following God’s will, ministry, leadership, and purity. Men need to act more in leading themselves, leading family devotions, leading marriages, leading and setting the pace in speech, conduct, faith, and love. Men need to pursue life and give women something to follow. Instead of becoming followers. 4) Men are called to provide, protect, and sacrifice for women; not lead them on, not flirt with them, not abuse them, and not manipulate or cheat on them. What woman wouldn’t want to follow a man who is working and dying to provide, protect, and serve his bride or fellow sisters in Christ? 5) Manhood is humble, not prideful. Men can admit wrong and ask for forgiveness. Real men are aware of their failures and frailties, and point their finger at themselves first and others second. Men believe they are the world’s greatest problem, but can be its greatest change agent, too. Men need only to fall constantly before the love and Lordship of Christ in the gospel to remember their true position in this world. Brokenness is beautiful in a man’s build. 6) Men are not independent, but interdependently woven into the lives of other men. They do not act in singular superiority, but are rather surrounded by a constellation of Christian community by which they are held accountable and helped through relationships, decision-making, time, finances, and the spiritual disciplines. Men know they are like chameleons and surround themselves with men they could see themselves becoming. 7) The mark of Christlikeness is sacrifice. Therefore, men should follow in like suit. They sacrifice their time to train other and younger men in the faith. They die to independence to learn from older men. They often die to themselves to absorb themselves in the struggles, lives, and service of others.
The Masculine Mandate Meets with God today, not tomorrow, but today! Luke 5:16 Assumes responsibility for self-leadership. Titus 2:6-7 Says, “I am wrong” and “will you forgive me?”
Proverbs 9:8
Counseled in decision-making. Proverbs 15:22 Unites himself to the local church.
Acts 20:28
Labors ethically and excellently at work. 1 Corinthians 10:31 Invests in deep same-sex relationships.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Never abuses a woman. 1 Timoty 5:2 Imitates godly men. Hebrews 13:7 Trains up younger men.
2 Timothy 2:2
Yearns for God’s kingdom to come in prayer. Matthew 6:10
A Man’s Universe
!
Above you who are you following?
Beside you who are you befriending?
Under you are you fishing? Who are the men above, beside, and below you? Christian men need and thrive on surrounding relationships that foster mentorship and friendship. Consider men above you: “Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith” (Hebrews 13:7). Who could fill this role for you and invest into you life? How about men beside you? We often become like those around us so it is important to choose our freinds wisely. “Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33). And finally, who are you befriending and serving in a mentoring role? FInd a man or some men that you can intentionally mentor and serve that is younger than you. Paul says to Timothy, “and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:2).
Boys To Men Boy’s Behaviour
Man’s Behaviour
Scripture
1 Depends on others to care for his needs
Hard-working, able to supply his own needs
2 Thess 3:10 Proverbs 6:6-11
2 Waits on others to serve and lead him
Seeks opportunities to serve and takes responsibility for their needs
Mark 10:45 Phil 2:3-4
Is serious about the pursuit of joy
Proverbs 10:23
Pursues amusement, entertainment and
3 worldly pleasure
Enjoys the freedom of irresponsibility and
Proverbs
4 self-indulgence
Rejoices in the freedom from self that comes 21:25-26 from love and service to others
5 Finds comfort in mediocrity
Pursues excellence in every area of life
6 Affirms and enjoys the practice of folly
Delights in wisdom
Expresses masculinity toward women with 7 demeaning words, desire to be served or a physical display
Expresses his masculinity with acts of service, respect and provision toward women
8 Lets others take the lead
Takes initiative and fills the gap Understands the value and place of emotion; Is comfortable to display vulnerability and compassion
Isaiah 6:8
10 Insecure; Defines himself by what he does
Secure; defined by who he is in Christ
Proverbs 14:26
11 Views women primarily in terms of the flesh
Views women primarily in terms of the heart 2 Corinth 5:15-16
12 Mastered by his own present desires
Makes decisions in light of the work of Christ, his Master
9 Avoids or ridicules the display of emotion
Seizes the moment and puts his plans into action Fearful or apathetic about speaking out in the Boldly stands in the cause of truth and 14 defense of truth and justice justice
13 Talks about what he will do in the future
Proverbs 11:25 1 Timothy 4:12 Prov 24:30-34 Proverbs 23:15-23 Proverbs 15:21 1 Peter 3:7
John 11:35
1 Corinthians 13:11 John 13:14 Proverbs 14:23 Proverbs 17:24 Isaiah 58:6-7 Hebrews 5:12 Psalm 127:3-5 Prov 3:11-12 Heb 12:11-12
15 Unable to reproduce
Has the maturity and vision to multiply
16 Avoids or complains under hardship
Embraces hardship by faith
17 Untrained, unproven
Disciplined, tested and reliable 1 John 2:14b Listens to others and seeks to build them up Proverbs 18:2 with his words
18 Talks about what he has done
19 Acts hastily without consideration of the resultConsiders the consequences of his actions
Proverbs 14:16 Proverbs 22:3
Lacks a mission worthy of his life. Easily 20 distracted or mastered by many and/or unimportant things
Philippians 3:13-15
Orders all of his life under a single great purpose