7 minute read
Mindset Matters
from SE21 June 2021
by SE Magazines
With Becca Teers | www.healthy-habits.me | www.mindplus-experience.com
Are You Bringing The Past Into Your Present Relationships?
Do you often find yourself feeling negatively triggered by a partner’s words or actions? Or maybe you notice that you react irrationally or feel strong emotions (fear, anger or sadness) in response to situations in your relationship. If so, you may be responding from a past perspective, rather than being in the present and seeing the situation for what it really is.
Why do we tend to live out the past again and again?
These reactions are often linked to our personal perspective and focus. We tend to ‘get’ more of what we focus on! To illustrate this, have you noticed that if you decide you’re going to invest in a new car, you see the make and model you’re hoping to buy everywhere! Look around you right now and notice how many red items/things you see around you. Now without looking around again, ask yourself how many green things you noticed when looking for the red? Normally this will be considerably less, if you noticed any green at all. This is because the mind tends to see what we’re looking for. Unconsciously our minds cause us to make decisions about partners and situations, which may be biased due to our past experience and beliefs. Imagine this filtered view in the context of a relationship. For a fictional example: Mathew grew up in a household where mother is very critical and controlling of father. On a subconscious level he creates a belief that women always are this way. Later in life when he is with a partner, he may ‘see’ suggestions or comments as criticism and feel agitated or triggered. He may be seeing the comment from his own ‘lens’, which comes from his past and a limiting belief that relationships are always a certain way. So how do we let go of the past and any limiting beliefs to do with relationships? Here are three steps:
Awareness
This is the first step to letting go of the past. Think about the messages you picked up earlier in life and how they could have affected your beliefs regarding relationships. If you’ve noticed any negative patterns in your relationships, ask yourself what the underlying belief is that may be keeping you stuck.
Neutralize
Challenge the belief that may be causing your reactions or negative patterns. In the example of Mathew’s situation he could look at lots of examples of relationships where the female is NOT controlling and critical. Consciously seeking out more positive examples of relationship dynamics will neutralize his belief that all relationships are one way.
Acknowledgement
Once you have awareness of what may be behind some of your reactions and feelings you have a choice. You can choose to take a step back from a situation, take a breath, count to ten. You can remove yourself from the situation rather than reacting negatively on the spot. You could also choose to trust your partner and tell them why you may be overreacting to things and how you are attempting to change this now.
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meets on the last Wednesday of every month.
Now back in person at The Lordship Pub, 211 Lordship Lane, East Dulwich SE22 8HA
Find out how to register for FREE at:
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Next Meeting: Wednesday 30 June - 6.45pm
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Monday 21 June: Introduction to Mindfulness with Self-compassion
7pm - 8pm. Have you thought about exploring mindfulness but are not sure if it’s for you or what to expect? Why not join us for this introductory session. Mindfulness is a way of staying in the moment and developing a kind and non-judgemental awareness of ourselves and our surroundings. It is not about trying to change the way things are but about accepting things as they are - the pleasant and unpleasant - and being able to respond to life’s ups and downs with greater freedom. The session will include two mindfulness practices, alongside overview of mindfulness and opportunity for discussion.
www.bellhouse.co.uk
Monday 21 June: Yours Cheerfully by A J Pearce
(Live Stream Event)
7:30pm - 8:30pm. From the bestselling author of Dear Mrs Bird comes a sequel, Yours Cheerfully. An inspirational, funny, moving and uplifting story of courage at the height of World War II.
www.village-books.co.uk
Tuesday 22 June: House of Music by Kadiatu Kanneh-Mason
7:30pm - 8:30pm. Seven brothers and sisters. All of them classically trained musicians. One was Young Musician of the Year and performed for the royal family. The eldest has released her first album, showcasing the works of Clara Schumann. These siblings don’t come from the rarefied environment of elite music schools, but from a state comprehensive in Nottingham. How did they do it? Village Books are holding this event as part of Independent Bookshop Week.
www.village-books.co.uk
Wednesday 23 June: Wake Up to Lyme
7pm - 8pm. This online talk will focus on tick bite awareness in the UK, the effects of lyme disease and how to prevent it. Lyme disease is now endemic throughout the UK, so awareness of ticks and how to prevent a bite is very important! Lyme disease can be an insidious illness if not diagnosed & treated promptly. Prevention is key to keeping yourself and your family safe. There will be time for questions after the presentation.
www.bellhouse.co.uk
Thursday 24 June: Spotlight On... Jess 7:30pm - 8:30pm
Mozart Symphony No. 35 in D Major, K.385 (Haffner) Glazunov Concerto in E flat for alto saxophone & string orchestra Nyman Saxophone Concerto, Where the Bee Dances London Mozart Players return to Fairfield Halls in June for an electrifying concert alongside saxophone star Jess Gillam and Ruth Rogers director.
www.fairfield.co.uk/whats-on/spotlight-onjess/
Friday 25th – Sunday 27th June: Pub in the Park
Live music from Beverley Knight, Gabrielle, Basement Jaxx and more. Michelin-starred food created by Tom Kerridge, Matt Tebbutt, Atul Kochhar and more. Check website for timings and to buy tickets. Dulwich Park, Dulwich SE21.
www.pubintheparkuk.com/
Saturday 26 & Sunday 27 June: Much Ado About Nothing
2pm & 5pm. War heroes Don Pedro and his soldier-boys turn up at Governor Leonato’s house hoping for a well deserved rest … but when has that ever worked out? Claudio loves Hero; Benedick despises Beatrice (and the feeling is mutual she will assure you). Pedro’s pals are either obstinately love struck or in denial of their emotions allowing the Don’s half-sister Donna Juana and the beastly Borachio to hatch a plot to tear their worlds apart. But never fear! The local neighbourhood watch are on call to intercede swiftly and bring them to justice ... right?!
www.bellhouse.co.uk
Sunday 27 June: Open Gardens in aid of Link Age Southwark
2.30pm – 5.30pm. Garden Safari at 102, 108 & 110 College Road, SE21 7HW.
Dulwich gardens will open to the public with all proceeds of tickets, refreshments and plant sales going towards Link Age Southwark's work with older people and people living with dementia in the community. Information and tickets in advance: www.linkagesouthwark.org
Monday 28 June: Fiji Fusion June Supper Club
6:30pm - 10:30pm. Try this brand spanking new menu created by David Datt. This event is ticketed at £45 each for three courses! Park’s Edge Bar & Kitchen, 49 Norwood Road, Herne Hill, SE24 9AA. www.realhoxtonchef.co.uk
Tuesday 29 June: “The Wood That Built London” Book Talk
7pm - 8pm. Local author C. J. Schüler will discuss his forthcoming book, The Wood that Built London, to be published by Sandstone Press in October 2021. www.bellhouse.co.uk
Wednesday 30 June: Cooking with Scissors
6.45pm. We are back to in-person meetings! An opportunity for local business professionals to meet, make new contacts and gain new business. The last Wednesday of every month. Free Admission. To find out more or register your interest in attending, please email:
sbn@cookingwithscissors.co.uk.
The Lordship Pub, 211 Lordship Lane, SE22 8HA
Dulwich Park Runners
Make new friends through running. DPR organises a regular programme of social running: Tuesdays, 1, 8, 15, 22 & 29 June at 7.30pm plus most Sunday mornings
NEW RUNNERS WELCOME. www.dulwichparkrunners.co.uk
All levels of ability are welcome. Social runs, races, competitions, coaching and social activities.
