Dulwich Hamlet FC

Paul Barnes no longer warms the hallowed bench in Champion Hill’s pizzaparlour liveried dugout. After a spirited start under his clement tutelage, the new-year slump surpassed even the most cheerless Cassandra’s prophesies, with the team careering down the league like a roundel of Gloucester cheese hurtling towards the stygian depths of the relegation zone. So sadly Paul has now parted company with The Pink and Blues, no doubt (and we sincerely hope) to thrive with a new team in the future.

What stripe of lionheart then could possibly steady the good ship Toscana, pep and pump up the club’s morale and propel East Dulwich’s Finest towards the nirvana of midtable mediocrity? Lumber forward ex-Maidstone gaffer and no-nonsense non-league enforcer the mighty Hakan Hayrettin. Now we read that “Hakan” is a name historically bestowed on the ancient overlords and emperors of the Anatolian steppe. And to watch Hakan prowling the touchline - shoulders as wide as he is tall, brow furrowed like the lava soil of Lanzarote - is to see a commanding colossus dedicated to doing the dirty work necessary to keep the Sons of Edgar Kail in the National South. To paraphrase the Iron Duke, we don’t know what Sherriff Hakman does to the opposition, but he sure scares the bejesus out of us.

So how is he doing? Pretty well as your writer writes. Hakan’s first game was a stirring 1-0 victory over an estimable St Albans side. And while the new style Hamlet was bested away at Chelmsford, they returned to the verdant slopes of SE22 to steal a 2-1 win over a stalwart Havant and Waterlooville side. At full time the ecstatic new gaffer rumbled towards the crowd uppercutting the air repeatedly (less Klopp, more Foreman felling Frazier), to the delight of a giddy and boisterous Rabble assembled behind the Greendale goal. Oh the absolute thrill of it all. Now you simply must get yourself down Edgar Kail Way to see the end of season run-in at this squeakiest derriere of times. The good news is there’s a glut of nail-biting home games in April to enjoy, all it transpires against fellow strugglers: with Cheshunt on 7th April, Taunton 15th, Concord 25th and (last game of the season) Chippenham on the 29th. The Hamlet need every bit of sustenance and succour the swaggering dandy denizens of South East London can muster. So splash out at the club’s online shop (https:// dhst.org.uk) and glom yourself as much pink and blueness as you can before heading to The Hill. Your football club needs you.

Meanwhile the Dulwich Hamlet Women’s team continue to serve up some spicy stuff. Their ascent of the league continues steady with hopes Horniman high of a top half finish. But this year it’s all about the cup. The Combined Counties Midweek Women’s Cup to be precise, where The Daughters of Edgar Kail beat Ebbsfleet 7-6 on penalties after the game finished all square, thereby progressing to the quarter finals. Equal in thrills to that World Cup Final thing we watched before Christmas. The Women play on Sundays primarily and in April they will welcome AFC Acorns (7th), Ebbsfleet (9th) and Dartford on the 23rd. Up the Hakan and up The Hamlet.