Ways To Talk To Your Child About Good And Bad touch Despite expert recommendations, many parents delay talking to their kids about inappropriate touching, national poll finds.
We are all collectively responsible for complete safety of our young children to ensure that their childhood is safe and happy. There is increasing awareness about Emotional safety of children. Likewise, it is imperative for parents to educate their child about personal safety too. The risks of not doing it makes it extremely essential for parents to learn the right ways of approaching this topic. No matter how heartbreaking or uncomfortable it may be or some parents may even feel that their children are too young to have this discussion. Others may not know where to begin. But, it is imperative to educate our young children on what is acceptable and what is unacceptable or inappropriate touch – which is a breach of their Personal Safety. A few tips on how this Topic can be introduced:
Is There A Right Time To Introduce The Concept Of Personal Safety? Knowledge is power and ignorance a fool’s bliss. It’s important that we create opportunities to talk to our children about what a good touch is and what is not like Radhika did. Radhika and her twin 3.5-year-old were playing a game. Every time one of her twins completed a task, Radhika rewarded them with a hug. When they finished the game, Radhika asked them “Do you like that?” and then explained that a hug from mom is a good touch – which is why it brought happy feelings. Finding the right opportunities is of primary importance. Children around the age of three years , the Toddler years start asking questions about their body parts. That would be the right time to use this opportunity to teach them the accurate names of their Body Parts in an age-appropriate way.
Children evolve through different developmental stages as they acquire knowledge about their individual
bodies:
Learning About Body – Identifying and labeling body parts – Mirrors in our homes are where the early learnings take place. Infants and toddlers can view themselves. Place posters with appropriately labeled encourage Natural explorations with Puppets, dolls, and related props such as clothes, housekeeping items, and role-playing items. Learning About Body Awareness – Body functions and control – Initiate these by offering experiences to children to care for their personal world through Self Help activities like washing hands, folding their clothes and toilet training. Learning About Body Communication – what we do affects others and ourselves. In the course of the knowledge and skills they acquire, children learn about Selfregulation, Self-Management and the beginnings of independence and
autonomy. Using Role Play with dolls and toy figures as a technique can help in identifying appropriate ways to touch others as well as help very young children label and identify body parts.
Talk about good touch versus bad touch You can tell your kids about different kinds of touches. Safe (good) touches feel caring, like pats on the back or wanted hugs. Unsafe (or bad) touches hurt your body or feelings, such as pinching or hitting. Children should know it’s ok to say no even if it’s a family member or friend. “Children need to understand good touches and bad touches but this extends beyond just the body,”
“I usually say good touches or OK touches feel like they are helping, like a hug from mom when you fall down. Bad touches are ones that make you feel scared or yucky and you want them to stop.”
Use simple rules and scripts
Some experts recommend using the swimsuit rule to help kids understand what parts of their body are private – as in if it’s covered by a swimsuit, it’s a private part. And it’s important to teach them that no one should look at or touch anyone else’s private parts, But that’s just one piece of the conversation. Potential abusers may start with other seemingly innocent touches, like stroking an arm or back or playing with hair, for example. “It’s really helpful to give kids clear rules and the swimsuit rule is very concrete and very accessible for kids. But it’s just one item on the list and part of a much larger conversation,”
Help children understand that it’s important to share these rule breaches. Practice a script with them that includes saying no, getting away and telling a trusted grown up. For example: “If your silly friend thinks it’s funny to show you his bottom, say, ‘No! Stop. Private Parts are private.’ Walk away from him and tell your teacher and your mom.” Your practice script doesn’t need to be scary, it can be familiar or basic and still teach your child an important skill.
Teach children “you’re the boss of your body” Talk about body safety in simple ways kids can understand. This can start as early as age two. “Say ‘this is your body. Let’s think of ways to keep your body healthy and keep your body safe, “Or simply label what you are doing in your daily routine. Say, ‘we need to keep your body safe, so we buckle up in the car seat,’ and use the same language when you talk about bike helmets, healthy foods, holding hands to cross the street and so on.” Then, empower them to speak up when a peer or sibling is doing something hurtful, like if a classmate pushes them on the playground. Teach them to say “stop, this is my body and I want to keep it safe” in a firm but polite way.
“You want to help them have ownership of their own bodies and feel comfortable setting boundaries,”
Don’t force any kind of touch Parents are balancing encouraging social skills with encouraging ownership of one’s body. This is challenging, but it is important that kids see that they are in control. One way is to not coerce affection or any physical contact with anyone – even hugging family members. “Kids will be uncomfortable at different times for different reasons,” Dickson says. “Don’t force them to use their bodies in a way they don’t want to. Give them options. When your child is shy to greet someone, you model what is
comfortable for you and then say, for example, “Aunt Jenny is here! You can give Aunt Jenny a hug or a high five” or “Mr. Library gave you a sticker. You can fist bump him or just wave.”
Use the proper words for body parts
Not all parents use correct language for anatomy and sometimes use nicknames instead. But you should use the right names just as you would for elbows, feet or ears. Kids may sense parents’ awkwardness around talking about certain body parts and think it’s something to be ashamed of.
"It really depends on your child’s development, but at every stage there are age appropriate ways to talk about body safety." “If you teach children the proper names and tell them these are the doctor words for these parts, it will strengthen their ability to communicate about these topics,” “In turn, it will create more openness and less secrecy.” “You don’t want to do anything that may make them feel embarrassed about asking questions. If you’re uncomfortable talking about body parts, they will have discomfort as well.” Using children’s books or other resources to help guide conversations might be helpful too. Some titles you can uses include “My
Body! What I Say Goes!” and “I Said No!”
Teach Your Children The Following Safety Rules:
It is not okay to touch someone else’s private body parts. It is not okay for someone to touch his or her own private body parts in front of you. It is not okay for someone to ask you to touch his or her private body parts. It is not okay for someone to ask you to take your clothes off except if they are a doctor helping to see if you are hurt or sick It is not okay for someone to take photos or videos of you with your clothes off. It is not okay for someone to show you photos or videos of people without their clothes on. You can decide who can touch you, who can kiss you, or who can give you a hug. You have the right to say, “no” loudly
and clearly and you have the right to have your feelings respected.
Keep having the conversation Parents should have shifting, developmentally appropriate conversations about body safety with their kids as they get older, I advises. Questions change as children are exposed to media and peers and begin to understand more about bodies and sexuality. “Some kids are happy to understand these issues at the basic preschool level for a long time. Some kids will suddenly make a big jump and want a lot more information,” Dickson says. “It’s good to review these topics frequently and, in those moments, welcome questions and use them as guides for how much information to provide.”
Teach Them To Be With Peers Or Adults – Safety In Numbers: When out playing with friends, on a field trip, in school, impress upon your child to never wander off alone. Be together with teachers and adults.
Avoid Forced Displays Of Affection By Your Child: Let us train ourselves as parents not to force our children to hug or kiss any friend or family member. A smile, greeting from a distance is an acceptable display of affection. Physical contact is not essential. Model how to make eye contact and conversationally greet an elder instead.
Teach Them How To Seek Help And Express Needs When You Are Not Around: Incidents typically happen when a parent is not around. If ever, our children are made to feel insecure and uncomfortable in any way, teach them to go to the nearest adult they trust. Discussion with the child on situations — in school, at a park, at a friend’s house, at the airport will prepare them to seek help and to identify who to approach when not comfortable, especially in your absence.
Don’t Shame Them — Tell Them It Isn’t Their Fault Sadly, there may be instances where even if you have prepared your child, they may have bad experiences that are out of their control. When this happens, let them know that it is not their fault. Assure them that they do not have to harbor feelings of guilt and shame about
themselves, and the only person who has to be ashamed is the one who misbehaved. Make efforts to normalize talking about body parts, good touch and bad touch, and people’s troubles. Letting your child watch the world through rose-colored glasses is not going to help them. The world can be a beautiful place filled with lovely people, but it has its fair share of evils too. How did you approach your child with the topic of good touch and bad touch? Was your child receptive to the information they received?