Gubernaculum:
Welcome to the ‘hood
s t n e t n o C at a glance 4. From the Prez 5. my Fresher days 6 & 7. First Year FAQs 7. the look 8. watering holes 9. Your Health Matters 10. Horoscopes 11. Orientation calendar 3.
George
Anny
Editorial Yo freshers! Welcome to the Med ‘hood! And what a glorious ‘hood it is. There isn’t another faculty on campus that is more close-knit and more dedicated to their course. By “course”, we don’t just mean studies and academia. Sure that’s important, but there is so much more to the Med School experience than countless hours spent in lecture theatres, tute rooms and the library. There are clubs and societies to join and social events to attend. Something that makes the MSS different (and in our opinion better) than the student societies in most of the other faculties is that it’s not all just parties, although med parties are the best parties there are. If you are interested in charity or politics, we also have various subcommittees that you can join. And join the Publications Subcomm.
In this issue, we would like to give you an easy-todigest overview of what it is like to study med at Melbourne. Hopefully the practical advice between these covers will calm your fresher nerves and will give you a students’ perspective that you might not have encountered already from reading uni brochures. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask someone in an older year level. One of the best things about med is the friendly and helpful people that you meet! Anny Huang and George Thomas (Med III) Publications Officers ‘07-’08 University of Melbourne Medical Students’ Society (affectionately known as the MSS) P.S. Most medical students are actually quite far from gangsta, but this magazine has been the product of many hours of listening to hip hop music.
Acronyms:
AMS = Advanced Medical Science CAL = Computer-Assisted Learning (Programs) HP = Health Practice ICM = Introduction to Clinical Medicine SCRC = Student Computer Resource Centre
ATMs
ANZ: At Union House, near North Court, diary map ref E15 Commonwealth: Behind the Architecture builidng, diary map ref E19 NAB: At the entrance to the Natural Philosophy builidng, diary map ref F14 Westpac: On Lygon Street, between Faraday and Grattan Streets
Computers
In the Brownless Biomedical Library: Hotly-contested computers exist on the ground floor of the library. Printing is available here. However, they do not have CALs. In PBL rooms: Available for use if there are no tutes in the PBL rooms. However, you cannot print from these computers, and they may have older versions of certain CALs. In the SCRC: Everything is available on these computers. However, from time to time the whole lab is booked for computer pracs.
at a glance Lecture Theatres
Carrillo Gantner: At the southern end of the Sidney Myer Asia Centre, diary map ref J21. Copland: In the basement of the Economics and Commerce building, diary map ref G13. Public Lecture Theatre: In the Old Arts Building, diary map ref H14. Sunderland: On the second floor (which is actually the ground floor) of the Medical building, diary map ref K13. Theatre A, Elisabeth Murdoch: Located in the Elisabeth Murdoch building, diary map ref F20. Wright: On the fourth floor of the Medical building, diary map ref K13.
Library
The Brownless Biomedical Library is the library most frequented by medical students. It is located just outside the Medical building (diary map ref J13). The main features are computers and medical dictionaries on the ground floor, and frequently-used textbooks on the first floor.
Z e r P e From th
i r ie t l a G n a - Jonath (MED IIIG)
By now you’re probably tiring of all the congratulations for getting into medicine. You’ve probably heard it from your friends and your parents and pretty soon your mum’s hairdresser will be patting you on the back. Before you know it, you next-door neighbour will be coming around asking you to check out his rash. But despite all that let me add the congratulations of all your medical school colleagues at the University of Melbourne. You’ve worked hard to get here and the Medical Students’ Society will help you make the most of your time in medical school. Established in 1880 with the aims of arranging lectures on medical topics as well as social functions, the University of Melbourne Medical Students’ Society (UMMSS) continues to represent, educate, inform and entertain medical students to this day. The MSS, as it’s affectionately known, is here to help you get the most out of your time at university. The MSS Social Secretaries are experts in throwing great parties. Throughout the year you’ll be invited to Med Camp, pub nights, the River Cruise, barbeques, post-exams parties, trivia nights, sports days, “Pleasant Friday Afternoons”, the M&M Ball with our Monash cousins, and our premier event, The Grand Medical Ball – attended by almost 1000 students each year. For a medical school experience like no other, make sure you come along to the Australian Medical Students’ Association Convention, which will be held in Melbourne in July 2008. This event brings together over 800 medical students from around Australia and New Zealand to experience inspirational presentations and workshops by day and awe-inspiring costume parties by night. The international branch of our society, the IMSS, also arranges social events such as karaoke, a ski trip and a champagne and pancake lunch. The IMSS also represents the interests of our international students and has specific expertise is sorting out issues that may arise. Of course, the MSS does more than just social events. We also arrange informative and interesting lectures and seminars such as the Annual Careers Night, presentations by medical defence organisations, leadership development workshops and study skills sessions. There’s something for everyone here at the MSS. UMMSS also has a very active charity arm. Our Charity Officer leads a sub-committee of many philanthropically-minded students who put together events such as the Worlds Greatest Shave, Australia’s Biggest Morning Tea and other events that raise money for those who need it. Another charitable medical student group, the Victorian Students’ Aid Program (VSAP)
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supplies desperately needed equipment to medical facilities in disadvantaged communities throughout the world. You’re encouraged to join forces with either of these groups if you would like to be involved. For the musically minded, the Apollo Health Music Society organises several ensembles that you can join to keep up those hard-earned instrumental skills. If you’re interested in rural and remote health, Outlook is the organisation to get involved with. They run a variety of educational, charitable and practical events related to health care outside of metropolitan areas. The thespians amongst you will definitely want to join Medleys, the University of Melbourne Medical Revue. The show has been running on an annual basis since 1921 and is a hilarious blend of sketch comedy and musical genius. The publications arm of the MSS produces award-winning publications including the Gubernaculum (including this special O’Week edition) and the Counter Handbook, the one stop shop for all you really need to know about the medical course. Another important role that UMMSS fulfils is representation. We form the bridge between the student population and the medical school passing on comments, complaints and feedback to the powers that be. Our representatives, including out Education Officer, sit on a variety of Faculty committees to ensure a strong voice for students in any important decisions. As well as internal representation, UMMSS represents our members at a variety of external groups including the Australian Medical Students’ Association Council, the Australian Medical Association State Council, the AMA Victoria Doctors in Training Subdivision and the newly formed Medical Student Council of Victoria. So there you have it. This has been a whirlwind tour of what the MSS and the other medical student organisations can add to your medical degree. You’ll see far more throughout your years at medical school. I strongly encourage you to get involved with the society or the other oganisations by running for a committee position, joining a sub-committee, helping organise an event or even by just showing up, joining in and having a fantastic time. That’s all for now. Don’t hesitate to get in touch with any of the MSS Committee about anything we have to offer. Be sure to add our website (www.ummss.org.au) to your favourites to stay updated on MSS happenings everywhere. Welcome to medical school!
My Fresher Day - Janan Chandra nanth (Now MED II) remembe rs what it was like being in 1st year
When most people think of med students they think of a group of nerds who only study and do nought else. However, this is not the case, unless of course you are talking about MONASHIAN med students. First year university was a unique experience for me with a whole range of exciting new experiences which extended beyond just the educational aspects of uni. The main change I discovered between uni and school is that you have MUCH more freedom at uni. Whilst attending lectures is advisable they aren’t compulsory and they can all be found online, which can be very helpful. Also you aren’t pushed by teachers anymore and the work is left up to you. It’s a different way of learning which I had to get used to, but the independence is refreshing. I love being a med student because contrary to popular belief they can PARTY! There are countless med events where it is common to see med students act against knowledge they have gleaned in lectures and get highly inebriated instead. A few of the events include the Booze – I mean River – Cruise, the M&M ball in which we tolerate the Monashians and the highly anticipated Med Ball. At uni there are a heap of groups and clubs you can get involved with. I was lucky enough to be voted into the Medical Students’ Society where I was involved in the organising of various med-related activities. Within the committee of the MSS, there are many different subcommittees, including a Charity Subcommittee, in which I was actively involved. We get to organise loads of events such as Bed Push, World’s Greatest Shave, Biggest Morning Tea, soccer matches against the Monashians (in which they CHEATED) and many more. These were all great fun whilst also raising much needed funds for various charities such as Hands of Help, the Cancer Council and the Leukaemia Foundation.
s
When I got into uni I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up hobbies that I did at school such as saxamaphoning. Fortunately however, uni provides a club for every hobby imaginable (even hacky sac and gelati appreciation) and if it isn’t provided you are free to create your own. As part of Apollo (the medical music group) I was able to continue playing saxamaphone as part of a band and also perform at Federation Square. I thought to try new things and so joined a Latin Dancing Club – a REAL man’s club despite what people may tell you. I can proudly say I can do a bit of mamba, merengue and salsa – not well, and not the complete dance, but that’s not the point. A big dilemma students face when entering uni is whether or not to purchase text books and if so, which textbooks to choose, as they can be quite expensive. I myself was not a big fan of textbooks and mainly stuck to lecture notes, but books are a valuable resource in order to gain a better understanding of the material taught in lectures. The advantage of buying textbooks is that they can be used throughout the entirety of your course from first to last year. Nevertheless, in first year I found that buying textbooks was unnecessary and the library has all the books needed if you want to look anything up. Also Wikipedia was a valuable and easy resource for me and many a med student, despite being referred to as lacking ‘adequate scientific detail’, which may be true, but it is an easy researching tool nonetheless, and I shall remain faithful to it. In my opinion university life is something to be enjoyed, and after working so hard at school, I believe that while you should get the work done you shouldn’t stress too much. Hope you guys enjoy your uni days!
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s Q A F r a e First Y
- Alyssa Chan (Med II) with the Editors
Will we really have to dissect cadavers? George: Yes unless you scream in horror and run out of the lab. Finally some of your wonderful spatial geometry prowess will be put to some good use as you mentally fly through the innards of your kind mortal specimen. Then you get your hands in there and get comfy. They start you off slow so it’s quite a manageable pastime. You’ll find that it’s the smell that’s the hardest to get over sometimes. But all in all, it’s good fun and everyone who wants to gets a turn. Alyssa: Squeamish at the thought of dried blood? Don’t like the smell of the meat department? Never fear, med school is here to shock, desensitise, and perfume you with formaldehyde. Seriously, though, your encounters in the anatomy room will probably turn out to be among the most useful and enjoyable experiences of first year. Ease in by taking a trip to the anatomy museum on level 3, and take a look around at the specimens behind glass (if you’re brave, pick up the loose bits and pieces in the box). Remember, eat and drink properly before your anatomy pracs, because formaldehyde makes you hungry, and no-one wants to see you eating cheese sangers next to dissected layers of yellow fat…
Is med school really hard? Will I have to study all the time? How many hours do I have to do? Help me… Alyssa: As much as you will have obsessed over exams and assignments back at school, you’ve got to realise that uni is (thankfully) an entirely different game. Gone are the days of, “Argh! I FAILED MY SAC!”. They are replaced by a few random bursts of, “Whoops, I haven’t done any PBL research” and, “which college kid’s floor can I crash tonight?”. Be reassured by the fact that most people don’t have any better idea about what they’re doing than you. It will take some time to find all your resources and get comfortable with a new way of studying. Do what suits you, and most of all, have fun. Which might make you ask…
What is the biggest event in the medical calendar? Alyssa: Better than your wildest dreams about perfect scores and being an intern from Grey’s Anatomy, the Annual Med Ball is far and away the event of the year. With nearly a thousand students from all year levels (plus a healthy sprinkling of randoms) the night, usually in second semester, is filled with frivolity, frocks, and a more than healthy supply of booze. Don’t forget to take a really, really long shower after any preceding anatomy pracs, otherwise you might be mistaken for a corpse when you pass out in the wee hours of the morning…
What is LMS? Anny: We’re not really sure either. It looks much more aesthetically pleasing than TopClass, which is important to us creative folk. And as long as it can take me to Lectopia (see later), I’m happy.
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George: It’s the wonderful new replacement of Topclass. It’s the place online that you find all things medicine. It should bring to mind lecture notes, where to find your next wild med party and the latest goss if it’s anything like its predecessor. It’ll be your friend through med school. Alyssa: No, it’s not that time of month again, although it could prove to be just as temperamental. The Learning Management System is the shrine of the University’s students, containing lecture notes, additional resources, and messages from the faculty. It also provides a medium for you to post notes from tutes to share with your group. The LMS (like just about everything around here) is prone to screw-ups, so feel free to whine at length.
What is PFA? Alyssa: Pleasant Friday Afternoon! Three a year, funded by each of the three clinical schools, PFAs are a good reason to get down some booze. Again. Enough said, now where’s my drink? George: Held a couple of times a year, it’s a continuation of an old tradition where nice little med boys met nice little med girls on a balmy Friday afternoon over tea. Let’s say the only thing in common now is the boys and girls. Free-flow food and drink till it all finishes, these will be nights to mark out on your calendar.
What is Convention? Alyssa: Every year, the Australian Medical Students’ Association puts together a massive event to bring together meddies from all over the country. And you’re in luck – in 2008, Convention is held in our very own Melbourne, and promises to deliver a fascinating day programme of lectures, workshops and activities, coupled with an equally, er, “stimulating” night programme... (you can only really know from experience). Preceded by the Global Health Conference, which tackles issues concerning international responsibilities and public health, the AMSA Convention promises to deliver an unforgettable experience. Places are usually sold out within a few hours of registration opening, so make sure you get in early!
How long does it take to specialise? Alyssa: If you haven’t realised already, you might be in for a nasty shock. Get used to it; it’s going to take a lonnggg time to get through this medical school lark. Not only are you in for six years at uni, but one year as an intern, then one or two years as a hospital officer, before you start vocational training for a specialty. At this stage you’re called a registrar, and this will take anywhere from 3 years for general practice, to 6-8 years for training as a surgeon. Most last at least 5 years. (How old will you be by then? Try not to think about it…)
What or where is Lectopia? Alyssa: In the alluring comfort of your bedroom, you can hear the seductive sounds of … your favourite lecturer,
The Look
Safety Goggles
Want to show the world how dedicated to medicine you are? Want to make the biggest fashion mistake in the history of med school when you walk into that first lecture? Want to win the prize for the nerdiest medical student? Friends complaining that you don’t fit the medical stereotype? Ryma Terbah shows you how.
stethoscope tendon hammer Textbooks Lab Coat
explaining in that oh-so-sexy voice. Every lecture is recorded and promptly posted as a sound file on Lectopia, ready to download for use at home, or on the train ride to the city. It’s great if you’ve missed an 8 am arrival, or fell asleep, or if the lecturer speaks… so… slowly… that… everything-sounds-better-in-two-times-normal-speed! George: The uni’s lecture recording system. Med gets audio recordings which can be accessed free online. If you’re particularly geeky, you can even configure your iTunes to podcast it and you get updates without lifting a finger! Wicked!
What’s the best way to take notes in lecture? Alyssa: Rule 1: You must print out lecture slides. This makes it so much easier to recall what the lecturer said and in reference to which slide. Occasionally, someone will mess up and you won’t have slides, or they won’t make any sense, or they’ll be out of order… but this is an inevitable fact of getting screwed around at uni. Don’t worry. Try to listen and process the information as it comes at you. Make a note of moments in the lecture that seem important, or you don’t understand at the time, or (and this will take practice) that you think will make a good exam question. It’s good to go through them sometime afterwards, and organise your notes in a way that makes sense to you. George: Everyone has different styles, try a few things out. Most people print slides before lectures and annotate them. Bring some spare paper in case lecture slides don’t coincide with the lecture. It happens sometimes and most people’s palms are not as big as you’d like them to be during an anatomy lecture.
How do I get good marks in PBL? Alyssa: Ah, that age old question… Well, it helps if you talk, and learn a couple of obscure facts that cover up the fact that you didn’t do any research until midnight the night before. Asking questions of other people, asking for clarification, restating information in a clearer way are all ways of winning points with your tutor. And as for the exam? Have a really good idea of the basis of each PBL
and how it relates to lectures, and remember the golden rule: Mechanism Is King. George: While trying to look really smart and eating all the PBL food are great ways to mask ignorance, tutors are pretty smart too. In one word, contribute. If you cover the core bits of each research topic and discuss the clinical significance of it, you’ll be well on your way to doing well in PBL.
Who do I talk to if I’m having problems with my course? Alyssa: There are always the staff at the Faculty who are willing to help you out if you can’t find something, or are feeling lost and need some direction to someone to chat to. Paul Munnerley is the co-ordinator for semesters 1 and 2, and always a friendly face. Truthfully, though, most meddies find the most comfort and help in their peers. Chat to others, because they’re probably having the same issues. Students from higher years have survived through it all, and can provide some pretty good tips on resources, textbooks, and where to source a good caffeine hit. Lecturers are usually willing to help out too, and are used to having panicky students clustered around them after lecture, or emailing them late at night. Don’t panic; someone’s out there to help you. George: Dr Eleanor Flynn is your angel. If you need any help with personal crises, study problems or career advice, you can make an appointment with her through the med reception. She’ll be most happy to help! Anny: There’s also the Campus Health Service with psychologists as well as doctors and nurses. The Disability Liaison Unit can also be found on campus, and if you have to make alternative exam arrangements due to chronic illnesses, they’re the ones to see! Just don’t try calling the Vice Chancellor up with every little problem ...
Who is James Boag? Alyssa: Oooh... wait until semester two when you learn about alcohol… maybe then the mysteries of med school will reveal to you the sacred answer…
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watering Holes At the University of Melbourne, when it comes to pubs we’re spoiled for choice! Here’s a quick guide to get you started. The Turf Club 1 Flemington Rd, North Melbourne Located right next to the roundabout on Flemington road, this Carlton Draught pub is a favourite for students on Monday nights with $2.50 pots, $5 pints and $10 jugs. It’s quite spacious with room for a few arcade games and, more importantly, a pool table. Music is stock standard pub
Prince Alfred Hotel 191 Grattan St, Carlton
Affectionately known as PA’s, this pub is clean, friendly and always bustling. This is largely to do with location. Located just opposite Engineering on Grattan Street, its proximity to the med building makes it a popular meeting place for lunch and
Uni Bar
Union House, University of Melbourne The uni bar is great for beating that daytime thirst, particularly in summer. Sitting upstairs in Union House gives people the option of finding other lunch, but the bar itself isn’t too shabby a restaurant.
The Clyde
175 Elgin St, Carlton Affectionately known as Puggs, this little Irish gem is a mainstay among Melbourne students. The classy décor is a nice change from the other more modern pubs, and kind of makes you
convenient for a quick beer before class. When the journey to Union House just seems too much, off to PA’s it is! The food is great, if a little pricey (pretty much standard pub price). Wednesday nights at PA’s are huge, when the place pumps out house tunes for a large student crowd. Despite this, PA’s is a staple day-time pub experience.
It has a wide selection of beers, which is great, though it’s a little pricey for a student bar (thank you VSU…) It’s a good venue, but PA’s is much closer than union house. The big draw in summer, however, is sitting outside on the balcony with an amber and watching the world go by… just don’t forget to go to class…
Sitting on the corner of Elgin and Cardigan Streets Carlton the Clyde is a little bit of a hike from the med building, but if you happen to be on the other side of campus this upmarket pub is worth a visit. The kitchen pumps out great food (possibly the better parma of the pubs reviewed
here), and pool tables for entertainment, while the main area is home to dim lighting and funky furniture that may not be for everyone. The Clyde does, however, boast the best bear garden in the area. Fully enclosed, the garden is heated in winter, while in summer the roof retracts basking the garden in sunlight. It doesn’t get much better than an all-seasons beer garden.
want a Guiness. Despite the great hike along Elgin Street, Puggs makes a great spot for lunch, and there’s always $10 steak on Tuesdays. Split into two levels, Puggs offers something for everyone, with a quieter area more suited for chatting downstairs while the ruckus goes on upstairs. Upstairs often plays host to a cover band that breaks with a bit of house music giving everyone a chance to shake their thang. Saturdays are busiest, with Thursdays offering a nice alternative to the Hawthorn scene. Tuesday nights are great for the band and student representation (thought there’s no shortage of that any time of the week!). And, it’s nice to know you can always grab gelati on the
way home. During O’week, Puggs is offering $5 pints and $8 parmas all week. After O’week, students will need to register their IDs with the pub to continue to receive this awesome deal. Keep your ear to the ground as they will announce their registration day soon. Puggs will also play host to the Annual Med Dag Night. From 8pm on the 27th of February rock up to Puggs in your daggiest gear and get ready for one hell of a night. For those who wish to get to know their pubs a little earlier, join the pub crawl on the 27th starting at the Turf Club around 6.30pm and finishing up at Dag Night. More details to come!
385 Cardigan St, Carlton
Pugg Mahones
stuff which turns into house later on. Occasionally bands will play if management feel up to organising it. It’s not a bad spot for lunch as it is close and offers regular meal specials. The drawcard of the ‘Turf’, however, is the large beer garden featuring its own bar for busy periods. It is worth the trip for the beer garden alone. However, beware of the roundabout of death (especially on your way home …)!
- Andrew Goldberg, Med IIG 8.
(The creamy centre of the 2008 MSS Social Secretarial team)
Your Health Matters Too With the beginning of the new semester, a new cohort of students has made their first step into the world of medicine. Making the jump from school life (or from other career paths, as the case may be) into medical school is no small task, and many of you would be feeling nervous as to what challenges await. Others will be excited and keen to make the most of this great opportunity, and anxious to involve themselves in every area. And a few might be slightly apprehensive of what is to come, not sure whether the course will be what they expect. One of the main issues in medicine that you will get to know well, and might already know about, is that of the increasing pressure on doctors and even medical students and the stress that comes along with medicine. The nature of physicians to work selflessly, coupled with the massive increase in people needing healthcare, has led to many being overworked and often burnout results. The truth is that the burnout rate of those who practice medicine, be they doctors, nurses, dentists and many others, is alarming. Of course there are incredible rewards in healthcare: the satisfaction and pride that comes with saving lives, reducing people’s pain and suffering, and improving the quality of life of countless people. Being able to improve someone’s condition even slightly gives people lots of hope and happiness, and is part of why doctors are so respected and admired by their patients. But at the same time, the challenges facing physicians are increasing.��������������������������������������� Physicians must do more in less time, and work with less resources, just as many health problems are on the rise. Even the advent of the internet is a double-edged sword for physicians, as more patients are exposed to misleading information. And it’s not getting any easier for medical students either; more and more material needs to be taught as medical knowledge increases, and there is less time for students to learn core knowledge like anatomy as more time is spent on teaching doctor-patient communication skills.
Try and build a good network of friends, and get to know as many of your classmates as possible. This is important for so many reasons, the least of which means you have lots of people to chat to who share your interests. It’s always good to have some friends who aren’t ashamed to talk about medical topics outside of uni time, as it is always important to debrief after a new experience, like encountering the cadavers for the first time. Another thing that makes a surprising amount of difference is what kind of food you eat. As medical students, you will soon have more knowledge than most about healthy eating and its effects on the body, and effects of bad eating habits. So it is important to get into the habit of eating well, enjoying snacks and junk food in moderation, and keeping alcohol consumption to rare occasions (although that might be asking for too much). Try not to get too dependent on coffee, too many meds are at the stage can’t be spoken to in the morning until they’ve had their third cup. And last but not least, work to a schedule! Writing timetables for what study you need to do gives you a good indication of whether you’re doing enough or too much, and keeps things in perspective when you’re freaking out close to exam time. Integrating all of this into your university experience will have you ���������� feel more relaxed, be more optimistic and, as a result, be able to study and comprehend the work being asked of you more effectively and efficiently. If you’re confident about yourself, you will be able to think better and make better judgments, treat others with respect, and gain respect in return. You will not only thrive in medical school, but also have a joyous career, and that’s the ultimate goal of medical school.
On a more personal level, the challenges that medicine provide may seem daunting, but there are many strategies that can be taken not only to survive medical school, but to increase your chances of a fulfilling medical career. Aim to make your time in medical school a rich and rewarding experience. Of course it doesn’t mean ignoring the large workload and the amount of information that needs to be learned, on which people’s lives could hang in the balance, but there has to be more to your time at uni than just studying. Exercising or playing sport is one of the best things you can do to de-stress, and it’s well known that physical activity nourishes the mind and improves concentration. Most med students either exercise regularly, go to the gym, play sports or music regularly, all of which provide much needed variety – the linear structure of the course can get quite monotonous at times. A good tip is to exercise with a friend; which not only keeps you motivated but makes it more fun.
- Amir Zayegh, Med III
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Horoscopes - John Guinane Aries March 21 – April 20
Taurus April 21 – May 21
Gemini May 22 – June 21
Cancer June 22 – July 23
Leo July 24 – August 23
Virgo August 24 – September 23
Monica Lewinsky is a Leonean, that’s all I’m going to say.
Virgonians are often accused of being lazy. Therefore the stars suggest you always leave the office late even if you are just reduced to doing stuff you would otherwise do at home and always make calls and write emails at times when normal people would be fast asleep. This makes it appear like you actually work 24/7. If your boss is still holding out on your next pay rise, just follow him/her home one night with a video camera and document his predilection for ……..(insert his favourite vice here eg prostitution). NB This column in no way encourages or supports any criminal activity relating to blackmail or extorsion.
Libra September 24 – October 23
Scorpio October 24 – November 22
Sagittarius November 23 – De-
The stars have nothing much to say about Scorpios this month ‘cos they decided to take 2 months holiday over the Christmas break. They are fundamentally lazy and bereft of any work ethic whatsoever. I apologise on their behalf and endeavour to force them onto an AWA so I can get rid of their cushy holiday benefits and force them to work 365 days of the year next year.
cember 21 Sagittarians should go and purchase life insurance quickly because the stars are predicting their imminent demise. Simply take the first and third letters of your name, then add the corresponding numbers (ie A = 1). Then add 4 multiply by 7 and subtract 6 and you will have the exact date on which you will join the after life. (Trust me; other horoscopes are even less believable than this).
Capricorn December 22 – January
Aquarius January 21 – February 19
Pisces February 20 – March 20
You love answering a question with a question so you make everyone desperate to strangle that annoying curiosity out of you. Your parents will be grateful when you finally leave home. While it was once mildly endearing and a possible predictor of future success when you were 4, it has now become the sole reason why the bus driver now constantly attempts to drive past you in the mornings. Answering the question, “Full fare?” by angrily retorting, “Do I really look that old to you?” is completely blowing things out of proportion.
Just like Henry VIII, who was once a proud Cancerian, the future for you will include multiple wives, multiple beheadings, and multiple breakaways from the Catholic Church.
Librian medical students tend to talk about med related stuff ALL THE TIME. They simply do not understand the need to separate their professional from the personal. Always looking for a biological explanation for the unknown, they try to diagnose anything and everyone with have a life threatening ailment. Hypochondria is only funny in small doses, so settle down and put down the knife you thought you were going to use to give me an emergency cricothyrotomy. I AM NOT HAVING A SEVERE ANAPHALACTIC REACTION TO MY PEANUTS.
20 You will end up marrying your childhood sweet heart and having 2 children, a boy named John and a girl named Mary. (If enough people read this, the laws of probability state that this will eventually be true for somebody.)
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When B invites you to her slumber party make sure you don’t inadvertently get caught embracing N, otherwise B will get rather vindictive and will force S to stop dating N, who will then blame you (J). If you have no idea what I am talking about Taureans, you better start watching Gossip Girl. It’s like the OC, only better. Trust me; Gossip Girl knows everything about everyone who is anything.
You always seem to jump the cracks on the footpath, you refuse to sleep in an unmade bed, you cannot stomach a poorly kept house and you are pathologically incapable of seeing something out of place without giving in to the urge to correct it. Congratulations, you have chosen the right course.
You are now probably suffering from study withdrawal as it is widely know that Geminians have an unhealthy obsession with studying. To be fair you have spent the best part of four months without that effervescent stench of formaldehyde, the sub zero temperatures of the library basement or the knowledge that watching House and Grey’s Anatomy is actually homework.
All Pisceans wish they could either be Tom Cruise or marry Tom Cruise. You are desperately awaiting the next sequel in the Mission Impossible franchise and are hoping that Katie will one day run one too many marathons. Keep dreaming Pisceans, the stars predict TomKat is here to stay.
Orientation Calenda
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Friday 8th February Sunday 10th February: Orientation camp Come along to meet fellow freshers and meddies from older year levels! You’re guaranteed to make new friends and to have fun!
Wednesday 27th February: Welcome from staff and students 11:00-1:00 Wright Theatre Free lunch 1:00-1:45 Med courtyard
6:30-8:00 Meet at the Turf Club, 1 Flemington Rd North Melbourne Dag Night 8:00 onwards Pugg Mahones, 175 Elgin St Carlton Remember to raid your parents’ wardrobe for the daggiest clothes that you can find!
Student societies presentations 1:45-3:30 Wright Theatre Pub Crawl
Thursday 28th February: Medical student health presentations 11:00-12:00 Sunderland Theatre Free lunch 12:00-1:00 Common Room English Language Screening Test and ISPP 1:00-2:00 Sunderland Theatre
Friday 29th February: Life as a medical student and doctor 10:00-12:00 Sunderland Theatre Free BBQ lunch 12:00-1:00 Free time, including IMSS City Tour 1:30-5:00 Everyone welcome, not just international students!
Scavenger Hunt 2:00-6:00 Meet in Med foyer This scav hunt of epic proportions will be one of the craziest that you will ever do! Trivia Night 6:00-10:00 Common Room You’re a nerdy med kid. You can’t resist it. See you there!
Pleasant Friday Afternoon (PFA) hosted by the Royal Melbourne Hospital MSS 6:00pm onwards, venue will be announced Despite its rather tame-sounding name, this is one of the best parties of the year! This is also your chance to meet and mingle with the meddies at clinical schools. Don’t miss out!
Coming up: John Flynn Placement Program information session, 1pm Friday 7th March, Sunderland Theatre. Free lunch provided!
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