Fatherfigure by Anthony Bratina

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S U N D A Y , J U N E 15 , 2014

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The modern father

Why such a change? “The norm is now two working parents or a single-parent home” says Lois Palecek, Parent Involvement Specialist at the Community Service Programs of West Alabama, which runs a Fatherhood Initiative program. Percentage is based on households with children under theage 18 “Everybody has had to change,” Palecek said. While our 40.4% society has changed, Palecek says, the child still needs Married Single engagement, and parents are doing “whatever it takes” to mothers mothers fulfi ll those needs. 40% Deavers says that while he believes this change is a move in a positive direction, the transition can be stressful. 30% 15% “Men between (ages) 20 and 40 may have an easier time coping with the change, as they have probably witnessed 20% some of the newer traits in their own fathers. Men between 10.8% (ages) 40 and 70 who have seen fatherhood in an entirely 25.3% different way are now being asked to do something they 10 aren’t familiar with, and they will have the hardest time 7.3% adjusting to the changes.” Deavers says, “Because women are less dependent on men fi nancially, there is little delineation between the man and the woman in the roles today.” Source: Pew Research Center He says that while fathers in the past weren’t completely free of supplying emotional support, they are now expected to fi ll the gap left by working mothers who are no longer always around. The most recent census reports have shown women make up around half of the workforce today, and that around 40 percent of households with children younger than 18 claim the mother as the primary breadwinner. About 15 percent of the primary breadwinners are married mothers. 11

Mother as the sole or primary breadwinner

he family is an essential factor in the raising a child, but society and the changing economic environment have changed the definition of the family. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defi nes family as “a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head”; in many of today’s households, however, there is no longer one head, and some of those individuals don’t necessarily live under the same roof. Roles and responsibilities have changed, particularly those of the traditional head of the household: the father.

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By Anthony Bratina

According to Danielle McInerney, CEO and executive Time spent with child director of Big Brothers Big Sisters of West Alabama, “the Below are the average hours per week that father figure has evolved to include more hands-on parentmarried fathers spent with their children ing skills.” She says that fathers today are playing a more active role in the nurturing part of raising a child — a job 12 Fathers time she jokingly says, “My father-in-law never did.” Larry Deavers, executive director for Family Counsel- 10 ing Service in Tuscaloosa, says there has been a change 6.5 hours 8 in the way younger fathers have approached parenting, while the older generation hasn’t adjusted as quickly. 6 215% increase “Fathers play a different role today. Fathers are expected in 15-year-span to provide the caregiving in the household more and more 4 these days. It’s been a gradual change over the last 30 years.” 2 3 hours Deavers says now that women are bearing some of the burdens that used to be associated with the men’s duties in the house, men are taking on some of the traditionally female jobs. Source: Pew Research Center “Getting the kids ready for school, helping them with their homework, making sure the they are dropped off for events, cooking dinner for the family, giving baths and reading bedtime stories are a just a few extra things today’s father must do.”

Is change good?

According to McInerney, “The community feels the positive impact when fathers or (male) “bigs” play a stronger role in the family.” Bigs are the volunteer role models in Big Brothers Big Sisters of West Alabama. She also says that with the Father’s visitation shake-up of the traditional family Below are the percentages of visitation structure, more women are choosfrequencies for fathers who are estranged ing to parent alone. from their child. “Single-parent households 1- 4 times Several have increased, and so have the per week times needs for children to reach out per 29% to other father figures,” year McInerney says, adding to the need for more male 21% “bigs.” 22% “We shouldn’t ignore the children who aren’t More getting the nurturing,” 27% than she says. She says that once by working with the per children, the “bigs” week No visits N benef it , too, by Numbers are based on research conducted learning to apprecibetween 2006 and 2008 ate their fathers and Source: Pew Research Center gaining valuable lessons in parenting for Parents living away from their child the future. Palecek says, “Any Below are the percentages of parents with time fathers are more children under the age of 18 who do not engaged in the well- reside with them 27% being of the child, it Father is a positive,” and 40% that the father figMother ure today could include any male who has a gen- 30% uine inter11% 8% est in the w e l l - 20% being of 4% t h e child. She stresses that the Source: Pew Research Center Fatherhood Initiative should be called the “Male Initiative” because of the changing definition of the word “father.” 19

hen New York Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy missed the first two games of the season in April to be present for the birth of his son, he was criticized and ridiculed. One national radio show host even suggested that Murphy’s wife should have had a scheduled C-section before the season began, so as not to interfere with baseball. Another radio host suggested Murphy should just hire help instead. “I don’t know why you need three days off,” said radio host Mike Francesa on the air. “You’re a Major League Baseball player. You can hire a nurse to take care of the baby if your wife needs help.” But Murphy, 29, has told national media that missing his son’s birth was never a question. “That never crossed, I don’t think, my mind or her mind,” Murphy told the “Today” show. The issue raises a question of what the role of a father is in today’s family. Fifty years ago, men paced in the waiting rooms and women were often “put under” during birth. But things have changed. Gone, for the most part, are the days of the dad who leaves the child -rearing responsibilities mostly to the mother. No longer are the household responsibilities solely a woman’s territory with the man relegated to the yard work. Today, a lot of men do more. According to data from the Pew Research Center, the amount of time dads spend watching children and doing housework has more than doubled in the last 50 years, from 6 1⁄2 hours a week in 1965 to 17 hours in 2011. Perhaps it’s because more women work outside the home. Both spouses work in about 59 percent of all married couples who have children, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor statistics. About 40 percent of mothers are now the primary breadwinners, and there are more stay-at-home dads than ever before. With 2 million stay-at-home dads in 2012, the number has doubled from what it was in the mid-1980s. Today’s dads not only know how to change a diaper, but they are expected to share many other responsibilities. While moms may take up to three months of maternity leave, more dads are taking time off, too, with a national average of about two weeks of paternity leave. Should Murphy’s choice to be present for his child’s birth be questioned? Absolutely not. It should be expected. And being an involved dad doesn’t end with paternity leave. More dads are cooking meals, picking up their kids from school, coaching their kids’ soccer teams and serving as “class parent.” Today’s dads have a bigger impact on their children than ever before. I’m proud that my kids know a man can cook and can change diapers. They see a man who goes to work every day, but still has time for piggyback rides and folding laundry at night. They have a dad who knows how to do ponytails and kiss “boo boos” and reads bedtime stories. They know that daddies provide and love their kids, but they also know daddies do so much more. Happy Father’s Day to all the daddies out there.

This is not the Ward Cleaver we grew up with

Daddies are so much more than fathers

THE MOM STOP

Father figure 2.0

LYDIA SEABOL AVANT

STUDY: RANKS OF STAY-AT-HOME DADS GROWING The number of fathers who stay home to care for their children has risen sharply in the past 25 years, and now comprises about 16 percent of all stay-at-home parents, according to a new report. Many of those fathers have had trouble finding jobs in the sluggish economy of recent years. But the increase also stems from longer-term, non-economic factors, such as disability or the desire to care for their family, according to the Pew Research Center. An estimated 2 million fathers stay home with their children, up from 1.1 million in 1989, the report said. Fathers comprised 10 percent of stay-at-home parents a quartercentury ago. — Los Angeles Times STAFF ILLUSTRATION AND GRAPHICS | ANTHONY BRATINA