Retail Randoms

RAGING BULL

The energy drink of the same name doesn’t really give you wings, but this red bull certainly knows how to send things flying.

Caught on CCTV in the Peruvian capital Lima, the stampeding beast escaped from a truck that was taking it on a one-way trip to the local slaughterhouse. No wonder it was angry.

The hapless shop owner must have been fairly upset as well, when the bull made short work of their parasol, took out a plastic table and chairs then flattened an A-board. It then took advantage of the open shop front to head inside to continue its wrecking spree.

Locals took 40 minutes to recapture the rampaging lump of beef, but not one before person was injured and had to be taken to hospital.

Eyewitness Oscar Portales said: “The bull attacked a lady who was selling food. The husband tried to defend her and pull the bull by the horns, then it attacked him.”

At least the little dog in the fetching coat seemed to enjoy the proceedings.

BRIGHTON SHOCK

TWIR has now twice reported on men (it’s always men in these stories) who have had supermarket loyalty card barcodes tattooed on their arms for convenience and bants. We’re not sure if Keith Gordon has a barcode lurking anywhere but, even if he did, it’s unlikely he could scan it.

For Britain’s ‘most tattooed man’ has been chucked out of an unnamed supermarket after an employee – who was clearly feeling needled – told him he wasn’t welcome in the store.

Pensioner Keith, 66, hails from Romford and was topping up his suntan on holiday in Brighton at the time.

Amazingly, the self-styled ‘coolest looking guy in Essex’ was tattoo-free until he was 52. Now he’s got more ink than a Sunday newspaper, with next to no bare skin left.

The shocked former civil servant later complained to the supermarket in question and received a 20 quid shopping voucher for his pain.

Which must pale into insignificance when compared to the pain of a tattoo gun piercing your eyelids 50 times a second.