The Last Honest Man

Jacke Wilson

Later that night, after I found myself with some unexpected time on my hands, I went to eat a meal at the only authentic restaurant in town. To my surprise, the Last Honest Man was there, standing near the entrance in a coat too big for his body. “It’s you!” I cried. “What an honor! Can I buy you something to eat?” When I raised my hand to clap him on the shoulder, he narrowed his eyes and flinched as if he were afraid I might strike him. It took some doing, but I finally managed to persuade him to join me at a small table away from the windows, where he dabbed at his soup like someone emerging from a long illness as I--even though I was not particularly hungry--devoured a piece of schnitzel so large it was served on two plates. The Last Honest Man stared at me unblinking as I informed him of my lifelong desire to clean things up. “I plan to start local,” I said. “Not just this wretched country that can’t do anything right, and not just this corrupt den of vipers we call a city. And I’m not even talking about my neighborhood of morons and fools. No, no, I’m focusing on the changes that happen within. I’m starting with myself, my good man! Only through such efforts can we have any hope of fixing this godforsaken world!” My companion set his spoon on his napkin and formally acknowledged the truth in my remarks, though I couldn’t help but note the sadness in his eyes. “You’ll see, you’ll see!” I said merrily, paying for his meal and walking him to the door. On the sidewalk we were greeted by a vicious mob waving a sea of torches high above their heads. “Get out of our way!” their leader roared at me. “We’re here to burn this place down--and HIM with it!” “You don’t understand!” I screamed. “He’s the Last Honest Man! Without him there is no hope!” The leader of the mob stared at me, breathing calmly as the light from the flames danced across his face. “But he doesn’t belong here,” he said. “You’re right, my god, what was I thinking!?” I cried, cramming my hand in my pocket and reaching for the matches.