Volume 13 / Issue 48 / 2016
1
EDITORIAL
To Start a Relationship with Jesus Christ Admit you have sinned. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23 Believe in Jesus. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish; but have eternal life.” John 3:16b Confess and leave your sin behind. Stop sinning. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 To continue growing in your relationship with Christ, fellowship with other believers, read the Bible and pray!
(L-R) Patrick, Kim, Evelyn, and Alvin (Johnson not in the photo)
MOMS EDITORIAL STAFF Chief Editor Kimberly Snider Editor, MOMS Evelyn Damian Editor, MIP Alvin Tud Distribution Johnson Li Cover & Layout Patrick Tan
Thank you for your financial help! • •
UEC-Gen. Santos City UEC-Zamboanga City
We need a little help from our friends... MOMS has no subscription price; it is supported completely through contributions. We distribute 58,000 copies each quarter for free. To help support this publication, send cash or check made payable to: Asia Pacific Media Ministries FAO MOMS. To make a direct deposit, use our BPI, C/A #2431-0042-27. All contributions are used entirely for the outreach of this publication. Thank you!
Published quarterly by Asia Pacific Media Ministries. Unit 2608 Raffles Corporate Center, Emerald Avenue, Ortigas Center, 1605 Pasig City, Philippines. Telephone: 914-9767. E-mail: moms@apmedia.org. Reproduction of photos and articles is prohibited without permission. 2
MOMS MAGAZINE
From My Heart Dear Readers,
A
s I say goodbye to 2015, I can’t help but smile as I remember God’s graciousness in my life. Who am I that God would love me so much? I can’t figure that out, but I know that He gives that same love to all of us.
Table of Contents
In this issue, a former governor narrates how her life has changed and a teenager shares how her parents guided her to think differently about Valentine’s Day. A father tells about the benefits of spending time with his children. Additionally, there’s an article on “love-nurturing tips,” and how to help kids study. Every article is about the same thing—True love wins the day.
EDITORIAL
I may not understand a lot of things but, this I know, True Love DOES win!
Love Doesn’t Have to be “Mahal” 6
Evelyn Damian, Editor
From My Heart 3 CHIKA-CHIKA
Special Time with Kids 4 WISE CHOICES
A New Spin on Valentines Day 7 MAKE A DIFFERENCE A New Beginning 8 FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING
Real Life —the Real Test 12 ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS
My son thinks he’s madly in-love with his girlfriend... 14 What the Bible says about Love... 14 3
CHIKA-CHIKA
Special Time with Your Kids by Joshua Kho
Herald C. Cruz heads the parenting cluster of the Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM), and hosts the daily FEBC radio programs Serbisyong OFW and Hawak Kamay. He and his wife, Mellie have 4 beautiful children. Ten years ago, Herald and Mellie made a commitment to treat their children, not as a group, but as unique individuals. How did you get started on this idea of one on one time with your kids? iguro realization naming mag-asawa na we’ve been trying to save families na baka we might lose our very own. Lagi kaming busy mag-asawa. Isang beses, tinanong namin ‘yung mga anak namin kung kumusta na sila. Sabi ‘nung dalawang babae, “We’re okay,” pero sabi ‘nung lalake,“You’re never home!” That made us realize na ‘yung presence namin sa mga bata ay importante kaya pa konti-konti nag-adjust kami. We started giving time to them. My wife and I go out with our children sama-sama and we also go out with them individually at least once a month. May mga bata din kasing nagsasalita lang kapag wala sa grupo, mas nag-e-express sila at nakikita mo ang mga pangarap nila, at saka kapag nag-spend time ka sa child mo, it makes them feel they are unique as a person at pinapahalagahan mo talaga sila.
‘Yung lakad doesn’t have to be expensive. Ang crucial is for you to listen. Kasi kung nakikinig ka, they will talk. Kung ikaw ay puro talk, paano sila makaka-talk? So the rule is to try to listen. Ask your children open-ended questions. “How do you feel right now?” “What’s happening in school?” I talk to them about anything and everything including sex. The moment they start asking, sagutin mo na sila in ways that they can understand. For example, they see two dogs mating on the street. Magtatanong sila, “What are they doing?” It’s a good time to explain na it’s their way of having puppies, but as human beings and as Christians there is a right time, and a right place for that. So you give them lessons. Actually, maraming bata na-educate na ng media. Akala mo walang alam pero alam na pala kaso mali ‘yung kaalaman nila. Why not educate them in the house?
Ang sabi nila at na-experience ko rin, lumalabas ‘yung quality time in quantity time. Kung madalas kayo magkasama ng anak mo, nagre-relax lang tapos biglang mag-o-open up siya sa ‘yo, mare-realize mo na isang special moment ‘yun. Hindi pinilit.
Kapag may tanong sila na hindi ko alam ang sagot, I tell them to give me time to think about it. But I’ll ask them, “Bakit gusto mong gawin ‘yan? Ano ang pang-matagalang effect nito? Alam mo ba’ng mga pros and cons of that decision?” So anything they say na bago
S
4
MOMS MAGAZINE
sa akin, instead of avoiding the topic, tinuturuan mo‘ yung bata how to process their thoughts in order to make the right decision. Kasi kapag ang bata nagpa-alam sa iyo, tapos “YES” or “NO” ka lang, you are not teaching the child to process, pero kung itatanong mo, “Bakit gusto mo ‘yan? Do you think it will benefit you?” Kahit magkamali ‘yung bata mapro-process pa rin ‘yung pagkakamali para hindi masayang ‘yung lesson sa pagkakamali nila. You can’t always be on your children’s side, how do you feel about this reality?
Herald with family
If early on in life naturuan mo na ‘yung mga bata ng mga non-negotiables and negotiables in your family, you have provided for them a compass. Tama eto, at ‘yun mali. Ang sabi ng child specialist, si Honey Carandang, the first twelve years are the planting stage. So the presence of the parents in the life of the child is very crucial. Our role as parents habang maliliit sila ay ibigay natin ‘yung tamang path for them and I believe through prayer and God’s grace they will choose the right path. The principles you teach them are applicable to all areas in life. Kapag adult na sila, they know how to process, “Is this the right person for me?” Sa pag-aasawa, kung they are okay inwardly, they will attract someone who is also whole inwardly.
Kung maraming issues ‘yung bata they will also attract someone na maraming issues. So busugin mo ‘yung bata sa loob ng tahanan. What if the kids don’t listen to your advice? They say that parenting is 80% modelling. According to research kapag mino-model ng magulang, ang dali gayahin ng anak. You want to teach them about respect, if nakikita nila sa iyo ‘yung respect, they will follow. “Anak, ayusin mo ‘yung kwarto mo,” pero ‘yung kwarto mo naman ang gulo-gulo, how will they follow you? Ang bulk ng responsibility nasa magulang talaga. Paano kung hindi close ang parents and children? You have to know why. Hindi ba close kasi ang anak ay teenager na? Kasi kapag teenager na ‘yan normal lang magkaroon na sila ng sariling mundo. Ang focus nya ay kaibigan. O kaya, may sama ba ng loob ang anak sa magulang? May favouritism ba ang parents? Madami kasing reasons, ang communication pattern ba sa bahay ay negative? Kadalasan ang kailangan mag-adjust ay ‘yung magulang. Sabi nga kunin ‘yung kiliti ng bata kasi habang lumalaki, nag-a-adjust Continued on page 13
5
WISE CHOICES
Love Doesn’t Have to be “Mahal” by Daisy Lacuanan-Callanta
O
ur monthly expenses, as well as the unexpected ones which crop up, sometimes affect John’s and my decision, as a married couple, to spend money on regular “date nights.” We used to feel guilty after we went out, thinking that we should have saved, rather than spent the money. Eventually, however, we have come to realize that it’s important to allow ourselves some time alone—our relationship improves, and this makes us happy parents, which in turn makes our children happier, too. Lack of money should not stop us from spicing up our relationship; after all, love doesn’t have to be “mahal.” Instead of expensive date night venues, we have come up with some wallet-friendly, love-nurturing tips: •
6
both love, without worrying about the kids. •
“I Love You Because…” We write small notes to each other,and mention the reasons why we love each other. This works like magic in bringing back romance.
•
Surprise visits. It is fun to go to John’s workplace for an unscheduled date to show how in love we still are despite years of being together.
•
Couple Time. When my OFW hubby comes home for a vacation (long or short), we ensure that we have an overnight couple getaway. Good hotel rooms at discounted prices can be found on travel websites.
•
Couple Makeover. Share ideas with your husband on what change of hairstyle or treatment would make you both look stylish and younger, then go to an affordable yet reputable salon.
•
”Do-It-Yourself” Service Coupon! Make coupons for performing services or tasks that your other half will appreciate. Each of us takes turns as to who is eligible for a service coupon. This allows us both to be creative about what will make each of us feel more appreciated.
•
Go Back to Where It All Started. Go back to where you had your first date! Talk about favorite memories from the past, and share dreams of the future, as you both thank God that you are staying in love and are able to be together.
Let the Kids Stay Overnight with the Grandparents. This gives us time to just be together, being intimate, and doing things we
MOMS MAGAZINE
A New Spin on Valentine’s Day by Alena Palad
T
eenagers I know giggle and get excited about Valentine’s Day. However, 19-year old Jed Reyes has developed a different view of Valentine’s Day. “For me, this is a special day that my mom and I like to call ‘Heart’s Day,’” she says. “It is not about intimate declarations of love from people who are in a romantic relationship. It’s about expressing special appreciation to my family and friends.” I asked her why she thinks that way. “I grew up in a strict household.” She said, “My parents established their authority as the heads of our home, and they expected their rules to be followed. I remember in my primary years in school, my parents didn’t want me or my brother to be involved in romantic relationships. They wanted us to focus on our studies first. Achiever ako, laging top sa class, pero ‘nung nag- grade 6 ako, nagka-crush ako at napabayaan ko’ng pag-aaral ko dahil mas naka-focus ako sa kanya. Di ko napan-
sin ‘yun until natapos ang school year, grumaduate ako sa school na pangalawa lang, instead na valedictorian. Nasaktan ako dun. I realized na hindi ko pala kayang pagsabayin ang love at pag-aaral. Since ayaw din ng parents ko na makipagrelasyon muna ako, I decided to focus sa pag-aaral ko. Tapos ‘nung nag-college ako, nagkaroon ako ng mga kaibigan na may mga boyfriend. Nakita ko ‘yung saya nila pero nakita ko
“It is not about intimate declarations of love from people who are in a romantic relationship.” rin kung gaano kahirap kapag nagkakaroon sila ng problem. “My parents wouldn’t allow me to stay over at a friend’s place, whether it was a school related activity or not. I remember that I tended to have small fights with my mom about their strict parenting approach, but I realized the value of their discipline when I got exposed to other people’s lives. I saw that relationships are more success-
Jed Reyes
ful if they have the blessing of the parents. I also learned that people are more mature in handling situations if they have the opportunity to finish their studies. “When I turned 18, my parents became less strict but they still want to know who I go out with. They feel that church friends are a good influence on us so they let us get involved in youth group activities at the church. I feel complete and I do not need immediate romantic relationships.” On Valentine’s Day, Jed gives her friends little gifts or cards of appreciation she has made. She says, “The important thing is to express how much I value them.” 7
MAKE A DIFFERENCE
A New Beginning
An Interview with Josie Co, former Governor of Quirino Province, as told to Alvin Tud
“M
any years ago, I was involved in politics. I was former vice-governor, and later governor of the province of Quirino. I’m the 13th child in our family. My mom was a widow when she married my father, and I was the only child they had together. “I was always “in authority.” Even when I was still young, I forced my parents to submit to me. My half brothers and half sisters were afraid of me. Nobody opposed me. “Whatever Josie wants, Josie gets!” That was my life, and I carried it on into marriage. “When it came to decision-making, I was always on top. My relationship with my husband was not really good. I didn’t want to submit to him; I didn’t want to serve him. He was the one who served me. In our case, he was a battered husband. I thank God that in our 22 years of marriage, Albert never thought about leaving me. “My children obeyed me, not because they loved or respected me, but because of fear. I didn’t have time for them. They had a tutor and a nanny so the “mother and child” relationship didn’t occur in our family. “When I was still serving as vice-governor, a pastor came to our house and tried to share the Word of God. I was busy playing mahjong with my friends. At that time, my hobby was gambling. I told the pastor that from grade 1 through high school, I
8
Photo by Josie Co
was first honor in religion so I already know what’s in the Bible. I told him I didn’t have time for him, but he stayed the whole day. About six o’clock, I told him, ‘Okay, if you want to do a Bible study, you can do it at my sister’s house,’ since my sister, of course, could not refuse me. Then I also allowed them to have a Bible study in the Capitol since I was the acting governor that time. “In 1992, after my term as vice-governor, I ran for governor but I lost. I thought that was the end of my political career. When the pastor came back, after the election, I persecuted him. ’Where is the God you are telling me about?’ I ques-
Josie Co (third from the top-right) with family
tioned. ‘Because if there is really a God, why is it that He was not able to see that my heart wants to serve the people? Why did your God allow me to lose in the election?’ But still, the pastor persisted. “In 1995, I ran for governor again and won. But before that, I had a car accident. I remember, after the crash, I asked for God’s forgiveness. I said, ‘Lord, forgive me. If ever you will get me, so be it, but please give me a chance to serve my people.’ Miraculously, I survived. If you saw the car, you wouldn’t believe na nabuhay ‘yung…(pasahero). “I thought I was already a born-again Christian because when I got elected, I employed various pastors to serve in my office. My executive assistant was a pastor. I instructed him to have devotions before the staff started work, but I didn’t join them. Ang akala ko dun, if I hired pastors, I would be successful in my work. So, if I went to a meeting in Manila, I asked the pastors to pray for my protection or pray that a resolution would be approved by the President. After the request was
“I was always in authority... Nobody opposed me. “Whatever Josie wants, Josie gets!” That was my life, and I carried it on into marriage.”
Continued on next page 9
Continued from page 9
granted, I would call and say, ‘Convene the people there and thank God because it has been approved.’ But when I arrived back in Quirino, I would meet the leaders and tell them, ‘You thank the President because he approved our request.’ I’d forget all about God. As a governor, the words that came out of my mouth were not meant to be spoken. I continued with my vices. I still didn’t submit to my husband. We fought every day. In 1998, I lost reelection. I forgot all about the pastors. “Once we went to my sister’s house. She was a Christian. When we arrived at her house, she was fighting with her husband because of the lechon they gave to their church’s anniversary celebration. Her husband wanted to have 1/4 of the lechon. My husband told me, ‘To stop this quarrel, Josie, you have to go. Take along your daughter and their daughter. ’So we went to the church with the mission of getting a large portion of the lechon. We sat at the back, laughing, and giggling because of all the hallelujahs. We thought they were out of their mind because sometimes they would laugh, and then clap, and then dance, but when the speaker started to share the Word, I felt uneasy. I couldn’t understand how I felt. At the end, the preacher pointed at me and said, ‘The Lord said, ‘You did not choose me but I have chosen you. Go and bear fruit, fruit that will last. And, whatever you will ask of my Father, you will receive through me.’ I got shocked. I was crying as I ran to the altar. I said, ‘Lord, forgive me. Lord, I’m a sinner. I will now accept You as my Lord and Savior,’ and it wasn’t even the altar call yet! The preacher was not done with his preaching. I fell down at the altar. There was something different with how I felt. “A few days after that, I asked myself, ‘Am I really born again? Am I really 10
saved?’ I went to the gambling place to see if I will be tempted again. I stayed there for almost a week, but when I was watching, I could no longer understand how to play mahjong and I had no desire to play. “After that, I read in Proverbs 31 about the character of a noble woman. I cried and said, ‘Lord, forgive me. I am not a good mother. I’m not a good wife.’ It came to me while I was praying that I have to serve God, my family and my husband. I decided to let Albert become the head of our family. For the first time in 22 years of marriage, I woke up early in the morning and prepared coffee for Albert. I said, ‘Good morning, Darling! Here’s your coffee.’ He held the cup in his hands but he was not able to drink it. He was trembling. He was crying. He could not believe that this was his Josie! “Every Sunday after that, we went to church. Actually, I did not invite Albert but he went because of the change that he saw in me. I began to try to cook, wash the dishes and pay attention to my children. I had never tried to do anything in the house even when I was still single. “I asked forgiveness from Albert for all my shortcomings, and he forgave me but, whenever there was a misunderstanding, he would recall the past. So I asked for another meeting and prayer with him. I asked him to list all the negative and positive things (I did) that were on his mind and likewise on my part, and then we shared and prayed. We agreed to forget everything and start anew. That was the beginning of when our relationship was totally restored. After that, I also dealt with my children. I asked forgiveness from my children because I was an irresponsible mother. I was very loving with them, but very authoritative, and Albert took all the responsibilities of a mother. I had
Photo by Josie Co Josie Co (right) with family
never attended their programs before. It was good that the children understood, and we agreed that it was not too late to make up, so that’s why we were in a hurry to catch up with each other. I saw to it that I had time with them. “I moved around telling people that I had become a Christian. I told them that God had changed me, but they didn’t believe me. So I asked Albert, ‘Why don’t they believe me, ‘di ba darling, I already changed?’ He said, ‘There’s no humility.’ “Here is another story. My father got married after my mom died. I couldn’t accept his wife as my stepmom. Why? Because she was too young and uneducated, and she had been the nanny of my children. Whenever my children cried, I would spank and kick that girl—and now she would be my stepmom? I could not accept that so I would go and attack her from time to time. Albert said, ‘They won’t believe you if you cannot accept Celia as your stepmom.’ “I had a burden for the salvation of my father, my family, my relatives and my friends. Thank God, my friends here in Santiago got saved because I shared with them how God was moving in my life. Nawala na rin ‘yung (mahjong) sessions namin. Meanwhile, one of my
relatives said, ‘It’s impossible for Josie to change. I will walk naked if Josie really changes.’ “Praise the Lord nothing is impossible with Him. I fasted and humbled myself, then I went to my stepmother’s home. When she saw me, she ran away, so I ran and caught up with her. I embraced her, knelt before her and asked for forgiveness. I also released forgiveness and accepted her as my second mom. That was the start; my father got saved. Some of my relatives and friends got saved, too. “Sometimes I feel discouraged and tired, but every time I feel that way, I remember my covenant with Him and the Word that He gave me, that He chose me and I have to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last and ‘whatever you will ask of my Father, you will receive through me.’ The promise that God gave me during that time, talagang nangyayari eh, because God is really providing everything that I need. When my son got into drugs, I did not even try to question God. I knelt before the Lord. I prayed, ‘Yes, Lord, I will serve You but please repair my family.’ Now the whole family is serving the Lord.” 11
FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING
Real Life—the Real Test by Kimberly Snider
I
n just a few weeks, children will begin to prepare for the examinations that most schools conduct at the end of the year. Many parents will work diligently with their children to help them memorize and reproduce the information they have studied in their classes. In this sort of game, the student with the best memory often wins. However, the real test of knowledge is what one can do with it. One amazing gift we can give to our children is to teach them to apply, not just reproduce, what they learn in school. Using knowledge in a practical way is harder than memorizing a fact. It is comprised of recalling what they have learned, analyzing what it means, and using it to solve problems. Math is an easy subject to apply this way. When your child is studying arithmetic, you can ask them practical questions about money and time. When you hand them their fare each week, give them different combinations of coins in an amount that is less than what they need. See if they are able to “catch” your
12
mistake. Ask them to add up your purchases in the market without using a calculator. Ask them if you can borrow money and avoid paying it back to them until they “catch” you. Force them to tell time and calculate how long activities will take. Of course give them plenty of praise when they solve these problems correctly. If English or Tagalog is the subject of study, choose days when that is the only language you speak at home. Challenge your children not to slip up by fining them 1 peso when they make a mistake. If it is Filipino history that is in review, talk about heroes. Compare historical figures to today’s super heroes. Try to find characteristics in the real life people that are similar to the attributes of the superheroes. Talk about sacrifices real heroes make to serve other people. Finally, talk to your children about the Filipino values they are learning in school. Help them understand which Filipino values are compatible with Christian values and which ones are not. Help them understand when to comply
MOMS MAGAZINE
with Filipino values and when to step out and obey the values the Bible teaches instead. Your child may not get first honor in academic settings, but real problem solving skills and two sided discussions about what they believe in and why will set your child up for being a good thinker. Critical thinking enables wise choices, and the person who lives wisely is the smartest person of all.
Continued from page 5
‘yung bata, at maraming parents, they don’t adjust their type of parenting it just makes them ineffective. Ang mahusay na magulang ay nag-a-adjust habang nag-a-adjust ang anak. I have an acronym actually—DANCE. •
D – Discover your child. Ano ba ‘yung kanyang kiliti, attitude, love language?
•
A – Accept the uniqueness of your child, kahit siya ay ibang-iba sa ‘yo.
•
N – Nurture. I-nurture mo kung saan ‘yung gift ng mga bata. Halimbawa, ‘yung intelligence ng mga bata ibaiba and sometimes we compare them. Bakit hindi ka magmana sa ate mo, ang galing sa math? Eh, siya naman magaling sa sports.
• •
C – Celebrate the uniqueness of your child. E– Excellence in life, sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay lalo na sa relationship sa sariling pamilya, ibang tao, at lalo na sa Panginoon. Kung nag-e-excel sa basketball, huwag dapat mayabang, mag-excel naman sa humility.
Then as a parent you can just DANCE with your kid. You have to be consistent as a parent. Consistency is the name of the game.
Pickled Vegetable Salad (Great to use as a substitute for Achara)
M
ix together. Avoid lumps by adding the vinegar slowly, stirring all the while. Cook until thick over medium heat, stirring constantly: •
2 Tablesoons flour
•
1 cup vinegar
•
1 and ½ cup sugar Add:
•
2 Tablespoons prepared mustard
•
2 (10-ounce) packages of frozen mixed vegetables cooked
•
8 stalks celery chopped
•
1 small onion, chopped finely
•
2 (1 pound can) dark red kidney beans
Mix together and refrigerate for 12 hours before serving. The longer this marinates, the better it tastes. This makes a lot!
13
ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS
Just Asking with Peter Banzon
Q:
“My 19-year old son thinks he is madly in love with his 18year old girlfriend. He completely ignores our advice and does what he wants. Nagwo-worry kami for possible consequences nito.”
A:
L
ove is a very powerful emotion. The Bible says in Songs of Solomon 8:7, “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” So what can you do? Here are some suggestions. Pray. This is the important step to take when you are facing problems or challenges. Since you are dealing with powerful emotions, you need God’s overwhelming power. Ask God to give you wisdom to deal with this situation. Pray that God will touch your son and his girlfriend so they can develop a healthy relationship and resist the temptation of having sexual relationships outside of marriage. Strengthen your relationship. Since your son is so attached to his girlfriend, then it is wise to focus on them, as a unit. He will understand your concern for his girlfriend as genuine concern for him, as well. Take them out on a date. Invite them to your family events. Your son would be more open to advice when you address your concerns with his girlfriend present. Be part of a Christ-centered community. Take them to a church or small group where the Bible is preached and tackles issues of purity, sexuality and God’s plan for marriage. They need a spiritual community to help them develop their relationship with God. Value change takes place in the context of relationships with others who are in relationship with God. A growing relationship with Christ would result in a godly relationship between your son and his girlfriend.
What the Bible says about love... 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails... (I Corinthians 13:3-7) 14
15
Volume 13 / Issue 48 / 2016
17