Editor’s Page From My Heart
Welcome Ptr. Alvin!
Dear Readers,
Dear Readers,
hen you love someone, you always want to be close to them, eat with them, spend time with them, and grow old with them. You want to be there physically when something goes wrong or when important things happen to their life. No one really wants to part with a loved one, thus working abroad to fulfill your dream to give your family a better future is a huge sacrifice especially for Filipinos who are clannish and love to get together. One can’t really describe the feeling of leaving or being left behind. Unfortunately, many of the millions of these sacrificing OFWs don’t actually achieve the hoped for prosperity that motivates them to leave home. Instead, long separation can drive families apart, cause OFW kids to go astray, and alienate loving couples. Time passes and it’s hard to redeem what was lost. In this issue of Moms, two children tell their stories about when their father left to work overseas. Dr. Melba Maggay writes on the OFW phenomenon and our future. Counselor, Dr. Lem Engcoy advises OFWs how to handle loneliness. While going overseas sometimes seems like our only chance of survival, it is good to first weigh the pros and cons and to consider prayerfully what is REALLY the best for our families. Evelyn Damian, Editor
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or several years many of you have been asking us to produce a publication for Filipino men. God, in His timing, has now brought together the people we needed with a vision to do this. Included in this issue of MOMS, you will find the very first volume of our new publication, Men In Progress. It is my pleasure to introduce to you our new editor for this publication, Rev. Alvin Tud Rev. Alvin Tud. Let us know what you think of this new venture by writing us at the address on this page or email us at mip@apmedia.org, or write connect with us on our new facebook page “Men in Progress”. We need and want to hear from you. Pastor Alvin Tud...welcome to the editorial team!
Kimberly Snider
Thank you for your financial help! • Kasibu Christian Fellowship AOG, Nueva Vizcaya • Sister from Bacolod City • Sister from International Charismatic Service
We need a little help from our friends... Photo by Don David
MOMS Editorial Staff (L-R): Johnson, Evelyn, Kim & Patrick
MOMS EDITORIAL STAFF Chief Editor Kimberly Snider Editor, MOMS Evelyn Damian Editor, MIP Alvin Tud Distribution Johnson Li Cover & Layout Patrick Tan
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Published quarterly by Asia Pacific Media Ministries Unit 2608 Raffles Corporate Center, Emerald Avenue, Ortigas Center, 1605 Pasig City, Philippines Telephone: 914-9767 E-mail: moms@apmedia.org Reproduction of photos and Previous Issue: Responsible Family articles is prohibited without Planning permission.
Current Issue: The OFW Opportunity
Photo by Don David
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Mind & Spirit
The OFW Phenomenon and Our Future by Dr. Melba Maggay with Kimberly Snider
Photo by Johnson Li
A writer and a social anthropologist, Melba Padilla Maggay holds a doctorate in Philippine Studies. She is the founder and director of Institute for Studies in Asian Church and Culture (ISACC), a voice for conscientiousness in politics and in church-and-culture issues.
Why do we go? Some Filipinos go abroad so they can send their children or their siblings to school. A second reason Filipinos go abroad is because of bad relationships. Filipino psychologists say that working abroad provides people with breathing space and time to think. Eventually these people may end the relationship or find a way to make it work. Thirdly, as a culture, Filipinos are adventurous; we’ve always migrated, we’ve always been seafarers. Fourthly, the usual Filipino response to problems is to go away; we don’t rebel, we just leave. And lastly, we have faith in the future. Bahala na means we believe that the future will somehow be better. Bahala na makes for a people who are in some ways foolhardy but also in many ways very adventurous. What is the OFW phenomenon doing to our country? It is too soon to know what this massive exodus will mean for the long term future of the Filipino nation. As yet unpublished research indicates an increasing number of marital breakdowns among OFW families. An expert in marriage annulments reported that in the 80’s, most clients were upper middle class Filipinos but by 90’s, 60-70% of his clients were OFW families. The “OFW generation” (children of OFW families) shares some disturbing characteristics. A teacher at UP notices many OFW kids stay in university for 5 or 6 years and then don’t graduate. He notes they lack purpose and drive. Some discreet studies at an unnamed university show OFW kids are prone to depression and there is an increase in student suicide, due perhaps to the fact that these kids were raised by relatives but without their parents. Even good Christian families suffer when absent spouses or parents return after prolonged absence. A
Dr. Melba Maggay in her office.
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friend in our subdivision tells me her husband has been absent 10 years and she and the kids are too used to doing their own thing. She said “to tell you the truth, when my husband comes home, after the initial hello and so on, we have nothing to talk about. I think of my husband as istorbo. Now I have to ask permission from him, I have to reschedule everything around him while he is here.” It is good that women are starting to be self-reliant, but the down side is they come to a point when they don’t need their husband anymore. He’s useful only for the money.
It is good that women are starting to be self-reliant, but the down side is they come to a point when they don’t need their husband anymore.
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veryday approximately 3,000 Filipinos board airplanes to fly to their work in foreign lands. Years, and perhaps even decades, may pass before they see their loved ones again. Filipino culture and Filipino families are changing permanently as a result of the mass exodus of parents, husbands, and wives. Whether the Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) experience will be beneficial to our people long term is still unknown.
Some valuable things do result from the OFW experience. If families carefully plan how they will spend their money, they can build a house, and educate their children. In addition, many OFWs return home with a deeper sense of self-identity and a new appreciation for things in our culture that are really, really good, like the safety nets Filipino families provide for one another. Additionally, our people who travel abroad are beginning to have a sense of other systems of government, ones that really work. They are beginning to realize we don’t have to resign ourselves to bad government. Even the poor are beginning to realize this. Honestly, if you put the positive aspects of the OFW phenomenon side by side with what is happening relationally, I don’t know if the economic improvement is worth it. This country has survived because we have strong families. Through the centuries, colonial governments have come and gone, but we survived because our families are strong. These families are getting weaker and we’re losing our cultural DNA as well. Children are growing up without tradition, without a sense of family rituals. At the end of the day I don’t think economics should be more important than relationships.
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as told to Alena Palad
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t was almost lunchtime when my phone rang and Mom asked me to go home. Three bank officers came to tell us to vacate our house in Cavite. The property was foreclosed because we had not made payments for a long time. My mom was frantic and I could understand why. That was the first house they had ever bought and it was going to be their haven in their old age. During the early part of their marriage, my parents and their four small children lived in a tiny apartment in Manila. Dad worked hard as a driver but it was hard to make both ends meet. They decided to move to Bohol and live with dad’s parents. Dad worked in a grocery store and more children were born. Hoping to provide better for his family, dad decided to work in the Middle East. He sent his money to his mother but she only gave mom enough for basic needs. Ten years later, still without savings, dad returned and took his family back to Manila where we stayed with mom’s relatives. Dad worked hard, but his salary was not enough for a growing family. There were seven of us all going to school. That was when dad decided to work as a seaman. To help augment our finances, mom opened a carinderia. Unfortunately, it closed down. Mom spent all her earnings for our school needs and so she lost her capital and could not repay her brother who financed her business. Dad came home for a month every 10 months. When he was home, he was strict and made us stay home and spend time with him. But his rules were only enforced when he was home. When he went back overseas, Mom had to be both mother and father. She was strict in making us do household chores, but
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As I reflect on dad’s sacrifices, how he spent most of his years working abroad while we were growing up to prepare us for a good future, I feel sad. Our situation at home did not change.
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My Dad Left to Give Us a Better Life
playing the role of a father, especially to my brothers, was very hard. The boys didn’t listen to her, and mom finally gave in to the wiles of her strong-willed children. While two of my older siblings graduated from College, found a job and helped with our finances, others did not finish school. Still my parents had no savings.
Eventually, dad got a promotion and was able to get a loan and buy a house big enough for all of us to live in, including my unemployed older brothers who were married with their own families. Our expenses at home increased as more people were added to our family. Mom unselfishly spent all the money on us when dad’s salary came. When dad got sick and needed surgery, we were broke. I had to work to finish school. We had no means to pay our house payments and acquired a huge amount of interest. Despite dad’s poor health, he went back to work overseas until he retired. Even so, he still didn’t have enough to settle our housing loan. Like my mom, he tried to give all of us, including his grown up children, everything that we needed. As I reflect on dad’s sacrifices, how he spent most of his years working abroad while we were growing up to prepare us for a good future, I feel sad. Our situation at home did not change. Some siblings still depend on my parents. They have not learned to earn a living, or to provide for their own family’s needs. Dad and mom are now old. I wonder what decisions they made that chained them to this situation and what they could have been done differently that would have changed their destiny.
Make a Difference Growing Up With an OFW Father by Alvin Abad
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n ideal family! That’s how I looked at our family when I was a little boy. For me, an ideal family consisted of a father, a mother and siblings that stayed together in a comfortable house in a safe place and went to church every Sunday.
he was home and had extra money, papa took us to the bank and opened a bank account for each of us.
At some time during my elementary years, papa was hired by a new company based in Manila. Before he left for his job with this new company, he moved us to Manila where we lived with our maternal grandparents. They helped take care of us. I remember how my auntie who was also our Sunday school teacher patiently taught us about the Bible. Mama got us involved in church activities. We prayed together every night. Each For me, an ideal family of us would pray aloud. As a child, praying made me feel secure when consisted of a father, a mother I went to bed.
I admired my papa. I felt secure when he was around. He taught us to have faith in God. He worked hard while mama stayed home and took care of us. They taught us to be kind and to respect people. But, when I was in second grade, dad left home to work abroad. Because he had not told me about his plans, I was traumatized. I remember that mama assured me that papa would come back.
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While abroad, papa regularly wrote to mama. He included separate letters for his children. He usually asked us and siblings that stayed together I was in Grade 6 when mama how we were and how we were in a comfortable house in a safe began selling RTW clothes that her doing in school and reminded us friend gave her on consignment. to behave and obey our mother place and went to church every Sometimes, I went with her when and not to give her a headache. He Sunday. we didn’t have school. After that, urged us to take care of our mother mama became a real estate agent. and of each other. On important occasions like our Eventually, we were able to buy a house in a subdivision birthdays and graduations, papa sent us a voice tape in Cainta and my parents were able to save money. congratulating us or greeting us. Sometimes, he sang When the Gulf War began, papa had to come for us. We would gather around the cassette player home. He was devastated and we didn’t know how and listen to his message. He exerted effort to connect to interact with him. This homecoming was totally with us. It helped me feel that he was still a part of our different from the short vacations he had spent with us family. When mama wrote to papa, she obliged each of before. There were no more special treats. He took up his us to write him a note as well. She said papa would be role as a father in earnest. When we had been younger happy to read our letters. Papa also sent us pictures and our world revolved around our parents and we happily postcards from wherever he went. We posted them on did what was asked of us. But when he came home our refrigerator door. for good, we had grown up, acquired new interests, Mama carefully budgeted papa’s salary. Once in new friends and had activities outside our home. Papa a while, she took us to a movie and we ate at a modest couldn’t understand our ways and we clashed. There restaurant or sometimes, she bought us clothes or shoes. were a few times when I wished he would leave again. We also had simple birthday celebrations. Mama sent It took a long time and lots of advice from friends before our pictures to papa afterwards. I remember that before my relationship with papa became smooth. papa left, he gave each of his children a piggy bank. He
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said that he would double whatever we saved when he got back. So we tried to save our money. One time when
Eventually, my parents ventured into the real estate business and were able to help all of us graduate from College. Papa has totally regained his role at home, although he and I still have to make efforts to adjust to each other. But what matters to me now is that he and my mom are still happy together and they are there building our home.
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Body & Soul
The Biggest OFW Challenge: Loneliness by Dr. Lem Engcoy
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The Good Side to the OFW Experience
he Philippine Overseas Employment Administration estimated that in 2007 “there [were] about 8.7 to 11 million overseas Filipinos worldwide, equivalent to about 11% of the total population of the Philippines.”1 These Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) belong to a vital sector which helps support the country’s economy. Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas reported that “remittances by overseas Filipinos workers (OFWs) reached a new record $20.117 billion last year, up $1.254 billion from $18.763 billion in 2010.”2
in alcohol in an effort to drown their pain. Others escape into the world of pornography, visiting cybersex sites so as to ease inner longings. Others seek an affair with another person to fill their emotional void. One of the major struggles a spouse left with kids has to face is the dual role of being nanay and tatay at the same time. This disturbs the family system for the ones who are left behind. Moreover, when the other parent returns, the family faces a re-entry period that again disturbs the family system that has been adapted during the separation. Ways to Survive Loneliness
This is good news to a lot of Filipinos in this country. This means greater economic leverage for OFWs and their families enabling them to send their children to respectable educational institutions, pay off debts, and provide better food and shelter. However, the economic blessings do not come without a price. OFWs and members of their family endure “separation anxiety” which can bring psychological, physical, and even spiritual stress to the members of the family who are left behind and, often more so, to the one who goes out of the country.
How can an OFW handle loneliness? What are some ways the family can overcome or manage their “separation anxiety?” Counselors suggest coping schemes such as: building emotional/social support, not only from the nuclear family but from the extended family and friends; keeping busy and staying focused; having healthy forms of relaxation; attending church services and finding comfort in connecting with fellow members in the congregation. Most of all, OFWs should take advantage of the availability of high speed communication technology such as mobile phones, Skype, internet, and others. Technology keeps The biggest the family in touch and, therefore, helps issue married alleviate separation anxiety. I personally OFWs face know of OFWs who use the internet to talk to their family through video calls almost is infidelity. every day.
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When a person is lonely, the common recourse is to find somebody to hold on to. One of the negative effects of separation anxiety is loneliness. Gary Collins, author of Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide, describes loneliness as “a painful inner emptiness that everybody experiences at times.” Loneliness has diverse effects. Among a few are isolation, low self-esteem, and depression. Loneliness hits most especially during the first few weeks of adjustments even if things were thoroughly discussed and settled prior to the separation. This emotional disturbance can lead to “fight or flight” response. For instance, some fight loneliness by cracking a lot of jokes to get attention. Others take refuge
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The Negative Side of the OFW Experience
Perhaps the biggest issue married OFWs face is infidelity. When a person is lonely, the common recourse is to find somebody to hold on to. Hopefully that somebody is a trusted friend or member of the family and a godly person. Problems arise when the person providing emotional support misunderstands the OFW’s behavior. If the relationship is not held in check, it could lead to intimacy and infidelity. Importance of Accountability
It is of primary importance for OFWs to have a person they are accountable to, such as a trusted friend, a big brother or big sister, or any other family member or relative. They should be able to honestly open up to their accountability partner. Another way is to connect with a fellowship of godly people from whom they could draw spiritual and social strength. In my interviews with OFWs, a common response was that Christian fellowship has really been a source of strength for them. The warm fellowship of other believers is a source of family support in the absence of Continued on page 7.
1. (See http://www.poea.gov.ph/stats/stats2007.pdf) 2. See http://www.gmanetwork.com/news/story/248122/economy/-moneyandbanking/ofw-remittances-up-7-2-to-new-record-20-12b-in-2011)
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Love & Money Managing Money for OFWs by Nathaniel Maliwat
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ilipinos work abroad to change the lives of their family. In one way or another, they have realized that staying in the Philippines will not allow them to provide for the growing needs of their family. But sometimes this very desire to help their families becomes the reason why many OFWs do not reap long-term benefits from their labor. OFWs should always remember that they will not work abroad permanently. At some point, they will have to return home to their families. How they manage their finances while working abroad will determine how much they will have when they retire.
It is not uncommon to hear stories of OFWs who after years of working away from their families, find that not a single penny was saved from all their hard work. A number of reasons lead to this kind of scenario. Perhaps a business in which all their savings were invested has gone bad, or an emergency in the family forced an OFW to spend all his savings. In each situation, there seems to be one common problem; the difficulty of balancing personal and family needs. Here are four things an OFW can do to strike a balance between taking care of themselves and their families: 1. Have a goal. Working abroad is only the means to an end. OFWs must recognize the reason they are working abroad, because without a purpose they might make impulsive decisions which are often wrong. Goals help identify priorities. If the OFW is working for their family, then the goal is to provide for family needs, not wants. Stated goals help an OFW decide which expenses are necessary and which are not. 2. Have a plan to reach the goal. Dreams are goals without a deadline. Perhaps some OFWs want to buy a house or secure an education for their children. Without a plan, OFWs will be controlled by circumstances—like family emergencies and other unexpected events. Having a financial plan may seem
OFW Challenge, continued.
real family members. The message shared in fellowships provides inner strength against troubling thoughts. Moreover, in worshipping God, lonely OFWs are able to express their innermost longings as they give all their struggles to the Lord. Acceptance and Management
OFWs need to be aware of the diverse effects of loneliness and must accept the pain. Understanding loneliness for what it is should lead them to shift their thinking to what is positive and productive, just as the Apostle
daunting to some, but in essence it is just a matter of keeping a certain amount of money (saving) and using some to earn more (investing). These steps will enable our OFWs to prepare for their dreams and at the same time meet the present needs of their families. 3. Communicate goals and plans to the families. Sometimes families of OFWs are clueless about how their family member is doing abroad. They tend to think that they are living a luxurious life in another country and so the family here suddenly changes their modest lifestyles into something which is unaffordable in the long run. OFWs must be honest with their families about their real situation— give them an accurate picture of how much they are earning and how much they need in order to survive and reach their goals. Communicating their goals to family members help the families understand that they cannot have everything they want. By communicating their goals, OFWs also train their families to manage finances wisely. If, for instance, they are strict about sending only a fixed remittance to their families each month, the families have no choice but to keep the budget tight. This requires strength of will from OFWs. They must remember to stick to their goals and not to give in to illegitimate needs despite the guilt they feel from being away from loved ones. 4. Have the right attitude. Managing one’s finances requires character. OFWs will have to discipline themselves to consistently save the money they need to achieve their long-term plans. This means resisting the temptation to live lavishly. It will also help if they spend time with people who can help them achieve their goals. These people may be financial advisers or just fellow OFWs who have learned from their own experience about money management. OFWs can also educate themselves through reading, attending seminars, or joining clubs to expand their knowledge about how to manage their money.
Paul wrote the church in Philippi saying, “whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praise worthy – think about such things” (Phil. 4:8, NIV). Pondering this verse can help a person to seriously consider the implications before making possible foolish choices. In conclusion, loneliness is a universal phenomenon. It is experienced by people from various walks of life. While loneliness can be very painful, especially among OFWs who are separated from their families, it can be managed and assuaged.
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Q A
Should you go abroad to work? The first thing you need to consider when going abroad is your motive. Consult God and His word, the Bible. Align your choices with His Choice for you.
If you are married, you need to really think hard before going abroad. God intended husband and wife to stay together. In Genesis 2:18-24, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Lengthy separation opens doors of irreparable damage to the marriage. OFW parents say they go abroad for their children. However, God intended the family to be a living laboratory where people grow and share values together. The Bible says, ”These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deut. 6:6-7) To put distance between a parent and child is to disregard the damage that separation will do. Though technology is enabling better long distance communication, still there is no substitute for face to face interaction. You may end up being estranged from the people whose future you went abroad for in the first place.
If you are single, then make sure that you have prayed about your motives, your goals and your relationships. Don’t go only because you want “more.” Don’t go because you are running away from bad relationships. If you finally decide to leave, make plans that will ensure the shortest possible separation from your family. Save and invest wisely what you earn. Better still, stay here, work hard, grab God given opportunities and strengthen relationships with your family.
To Start a Relationship with Christ
Usapang Pamilya DVD Collection Volume 2
Admit you have sinned. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23
Features THREE family issues: • Abrod (OFW Families) • Balikbayan Box (Wise Financial Planning for OFWs) • Waldas (Wise Financial Planning)
Believe in Jesus. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish; but have eternal life.” John 3:16b
Confess and leave your sin
behind. Stop sinning. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
To continue growing in your relationship with Christ, fellowship with other believers, read the Bible and pray!
Available at House of Praise, OMF Lit Bookshops, PCBS, Amazing Grace Bookstore, St. Francis Bookstore and APMedia Office. Also available online at www. usapangpamilyavideos.multiply.com.
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