Editor’s Page From My Heart
and the MOMS editorial team
Readers’ Letters Thank you so much for sending us copies. Students and teachers are also blessed. These are being used in my values education classes in High School. From San Antonio, Zambales Thank you for publishing Moms. It is worth reading and I gained valuable insights when I first read it. Enclosed please find a check to further help in publishing needs. From Sta. Mesa, Manila
photo by Alvin Abad
Dear Reader, It is so important that we, as parents, cherish and encourage our children. We have been trusted by God to take care of these kids and guide them. It is our job to make sure they turn out to be responsible and caring adults who are emotionally healthy and spiritually strong. We can achieve these goals by doing two things—praying diligently and acting wisely. We must not give up our parenting role too soon. In this issue of MOMS are articles written by young people describing their life journey and an interview with a beautiful woman who survived a difficult childhood. There is also an informative article on internet use. We hope these are helpful to you as we build strong families together by responsibly guiding our teens.
Editor Kimberly Snider Assistant Editor Evelyn Damian Distribution Johnson Li Cover & Layout Jo jo Santos Published quarterly by AP Media, Unit 2608 Raffles Corporate Center, Emerald Ave., Ortigas Center, 1650 Pasig City Tel: 914-9767 Email: moms@apmedia.org Reproduction of photos & articles is prohibited without permission.
Thank you for your financial help!
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Ms. Charito Aduana, Agusan del Sur Rev. Andres Kho, Quezon City Ms. Arlene Pandaraoan, Quezon City Ms. Doris Bermudez, Makati City A friend from Malabon City Cebu Christian Gospel Center, Cebu City Kasibu Christian Fellowship A/G, Nueva Vizcaya Church So Blessed, Antipolo City Christ the Great Shepherd, Pasig City Bethany Church, Cebu City Jesus is Alive A/G, Ilocos Norte Come to Jesus Community Church Union Village, Caloocan City
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Mind & Spirit
Online Gaming: Addiction to the Cyberworld
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by Rizaldy S. Guevarra
omputer games have evolved rapidly. The invention of the World Wide Web further revolutionized the gaming process by creating new kinds of games called MMOGs (Massive Multiplayer Online Games). These Web based games can be played by large groups of people, ranging from several hundred thousand to 1 million, simultaneously.1 Our family friend owns an Internet Cafe, and last month he invited me to visit it. I arrived at around 9:00pm. The Internet Cafe was full of high school and grade school students. My friend told me these kids were all playing I Warcraft and Defense of the Ancient (DOTA). Both of these games are types of MMOGs. I asked him how long they usually played the game, and he told me some teens played 10 to 15 hours straight. When I went home, I was so disturbed by what I had seen that I decided to do some research on online game addiction and its effects on Filipino youth. According to the Philippine Online Game List by JC John Sese Cuneta, there were 63 online game titles as of May 28, 2009.2 Last February 15, 2010, I-Witness, a documentary TV show, investigated the effects of online gaming on Filipino youth. Three young people from various family backgrounds were interviewed. One was 22 years old, an out of school youth, who earns his living by scavenging reusable waste and then spends what he earns on gaming. The other was a 20 year old, who had stolen her mother’s ATM card, and proceeded to withdraw all of her money to spend on on-line gaming. The last boy was 18, the son of an OFW who has repeated the 3rd year of high school for four consecutive years due to his addiction to online games.3 On one of the websites I visited is an article entitled “Why the Filipino Youth is Hooked on Online Gaming”(by Sniper Angel, posted: July 02, 2008). In it the author points to three issues that cause online game addiction: companionship, boredom, and refuge.4 In another article on the internet entitled “Filipino Youth Addicted to MMORG (Online Games),” the author gave information and helpful links about the effects of online gaming on Filipino youth.5 In my opinion, a person addicted to an online game is like a person addicted to illegal drugs, alcohol, or gambling. All symptoms of addiction are the same; too much of anything is bad, and can have a severe effect on the emotional, psychological, social and spiritual aspects of their lives besides depriving kids of a good education. What follows are my suggestions on how we can rescue our youth from this kind of addiction: 1.) Parents should spend quality time with their kids. 2.) Parents should be concerned about their kids’ whereabouts and know their friends. 3.) Internet Cafe owners should impose curfew hours on youngsters that are inside their shop. 4.) Parents should only supply allowances to their kids to cover their daily needs. 5.) Parents should visit their kid’s school adviser to ask about their kid’s performance in school. 6.) Parents should encourage their children to participate in church and be involved in sports. References: 1 http://technologysource.org/extra/231/definition/3/ 2 http://gameshogun.ws/dls/Philippine_Online_Games-List-v2.3.0.pdf 3 http://www.gmanews.tv/story/183916/adik-ka-bacom-documentary-by-kara-david 4 http://www.pinoygaming.net/why-the%20filipino-youth-is-hooked%20-to-online%20-gaming/ 5 http://bayanmo.multiply.com/journal/item/21
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Making a Diffference
Growing Up t
Shirley Marquez is a pastor’s wife and the mother of 4 children. Shirley’s life has the elements of a Cinderella story, and is an example of what can happen when someone learns what love really means. looking for love in the wrong things. I thought I Iwas could find it byhaving relationships with men. I knew
I should not pass over the boundaries into physical love. Still, I was desperate to fill the constant void caused by the emptiness I felt. I thought boyfriends could supply that need. “I had a rough childhood. We were 11 in the family, and I was the youngest. Our family ran several businesses and considered well-off at that time. But when I was 7 years old, my mother was in an accident that cost her life. Grieving and not knowing how to cope with the sudden and tragic loss, my father got depressed. He started drinking alcohol and coming home late. My older sister took care of us and tried to keep the household going on a daily basis. Through these hard times, my siblings and I became closer to one another. Because of neglect, as well as an unfortunate legal lawsuit and a fire, my father’s businesses went bankrupt. We lost everything. Finally, he abandoned us completely. Apparently, he had been seeing a woman and ended up having 2 children with her, so, he went to live with his new family. At this point, some of my brothers and sisters had to stop going to school and find work. In order for us to survive we had to live with relatives. I grew up feeling abandoned, feeling like I did not have a complete and happy family. “I remember that it was my sister who asked one of my aunts to come and take me. It was tough getting along with all my aunt’s children. I had to work, and at the same time study hard so that I could maintain my scholarship. At the age of 11, I woke up every morning at 3am, worked until 11am at the market, and then went to school from 12 until 6pm. I had to hurry to finish my assignments in order to get to sleep early so that I could wake up the next morning again at 3 o’clock. This went on for years. I was determined to finish my education because my brothers and sisters were having a hard time getting work. I saw how difficult life was and told myself that I needed to finish school. “I graduated from high school with high honors. I had to work my way through college as well so, I applied as a secretary to the assistant Dean in order to get free tuition. However, I still had to come up with my daily allowance. About that time, we came back together as a family. By then, one of my brothers had established his
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by Shirley Marquez as t own business and rented a house for us. He was the one who helped me with my allowance. My dad’s new marriage had fallen apart. He came back to us without any job, without anything. He was a very quiet man. He never disciplined us. Nothing. “This is what my life was like until I reached the age of 19; I worked, I studied, I existed without a meaningful relationship with my father. I didn’t have a purpose. I was doing things just to get by. I had not experienced any happiness. “During my senior year, some people came to our university from Youth With A Mission, YWAM. They stopped by our school almost every day to chat with us and do fun things. I saw something different in these people. One day we went for an outing to Batangas, and while we were there something hit me. I knew that God was dealing with my heart. I had been looking for real love and acceptance. A Filipina named Ioli shared the gospel with me and that’s when it clicked. I thought, “So this is the one I’ve been looking for. This is the God I want to serve!” I remember I prayed and repented from my sins and acknowledged that Jesus is my Lord. I gave my heart to Him and from then on, life was never the same. The next
Pastor Ariel, Shirley and daughters
the Hard Way
told to MOMS morning I knew something in me had changed. Something lifted. There had been darkness. Now the heaviness and guilt were gone. I felt the love of God for the very first time. After 19 years of hardship, I felt loved unconditionally! “Up until this point, I had been trying to get my happiness from relationships with men. Now I knew that a relationship with Jesus was the relationship I had been looking for. Ioli taught me how to read the Bible and pray and commit my ways to the Lord. I remember waking up in the morning, and thinking about how Ioli had said, ‘You pray anything. Just communicate with God. You just tell Him how you feel. Just thank Him for a renewed life.’ When I read the Bible, it was like the Spirit of God talking to me. “My siblings noticed the difference in my attitude. I honored my Dad even though there was still some bitterness about him leaving us. I served him. I really forgave him from my heart. My brothers and sisters asked me, ‘How do you do it? How can you forgive that fast? How can you forget what our father did to us?’ It was maybe because of the forgiveness I knew that God had extended to me. I was a sinner myself and who am I to withhold forgiveness from my Dad? Additionally, I was kind to my other siblings; I didn’t pick fights anymore. I was patient with them. They asked, ‘What happened to
photos by Johnson Li
Shirley and daughters
you? There’s a sudden change, in the way you relate to us.’ They were so tired of being unhappy and purposeless. One of my sisters went with me to church. She said, ‘I need to know what you do, why you have that attitude!’ “You know, when people experience real pain, they either change for the better or for the worse. Sometimes like what happened to us as a family, pain draws us nearer to God. For me, there was only one reason for the change in my attitude and actions—having a genuine relationship with God. If someone neglects their relationship with the most important person in their life—God— then, they’ll end up missing the right direction. On a daily basis we need to seek God, spend time with Him, know what His will is for our life. “Not long after these experiences, I graduated Cum Laude with a degree in B.S.C. major in Accounting. It was when I went to review for my accounting boards that I first met Ariel, who would later become my husband. Ariel was sitting beside his friend and they were singing a Christian song. When I heard that song, I asked them if they were born-again. Soon after that, I became a part of their study group and I saw the difference between them and the other students; Ariel and his friends were really focused on studying. “I had a boyfriend then who wasn’t a Christian and I felt like our relationship wasn’t going anywhere. I knew in my heart that he was not the right man for me. I knew God was not glorified in the relationship. Eventually, Ariel told me, ‘If you’re really serious in pursuing and obeying God, maybe you should think about this relationship. Is it drawing you nearer to God? Rethink your priorities. You know it’s good to just focus on God and trust Him with this area of your life.’ I was attracted to what Ariel believed. I saw the truth in his life; what he preached, he lived. In the end, I broke up with my boyfriend. From then on I got serious. I prayed, ‘Lord, I will wait for the guy that you will give me. I will not fool around. I will not seek relationships just to make me happy. I will pursue You; I will do what You want me to do. I had Christian friends telling me, ‘We can do this, we can be straight, and we can just serve God and be joyful at the same time.’ “After taking the board exams, I got a job where Ariel worked. We were in the same department and that’s when I got to know Ariel really well. Eventually our friendship developed into love and about two years after we first met, we got married. We have been happily married for twenty years; we are the parents of three children. My husband is now a pastor and I have never regretted turning my life over to Christ—it is Christ that brought me through a sad childhood into a happy adult life. I grew up the hard way, but I grew up to serve the Lord!”
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Body & Soul Teen Learns the Value of Money
Roach Busting by Josephine C. Alabastro
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ince I have become a mother, I have been a cockroach buster! My pediatrician advised me that cockroach infestations have connections with allergies and asthma in children. Here are my secret weapons: 1. Keep the house clean. Roaches feed on food particles and dirt on the floor. 2. Cockroaches can infect food sources, so food must be properly covered. They leave behind waste in the food that may contain illnesses and bacteria, such as salmonella. 3. Garbage, plastic and cans must be properly sealed so cockroaches cannot get inside. 4. If you see a roach during daylight, it’s definite that there are many more roaches that you do not see because they come out at night. 5. Seal your pipes, roof and cabinets, as this could be their entry point. 6. Try insecticides. Some bait and gel insecticides work in as little as 1-2 days, often have little or no offensive odor, and are safe to use in areas where children and pets are present. However, other pesticides if sprayed indoors can be a health risk, especially if the chemicals drift over play areas where young children can be exposed to poison. These insecticides may cause headaches, dizziness, skin and eye irritation. Additionally, cockroaches can build up resistance to a particular chemical over time. 7. Cockroaches need a daily source of water to thrive. The key here is to keep the sink, and all the areas of the house dry. Also, check other sources of water as well, such as leaky plumbing, underrefrigerator dampness, and concrete sweating.
Natural Roach Insecticides Pandan and Bay leaves. Place leaves on your sink, inside the toilet, under the sink, cabinets and everywhere that these insects thrive. Make your own insecticide by mixing equal parts of baking soda and powdered sugar. Leave the mixture in a shallow dish. The combination of sugar and soda is lethal to the cockroach.
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W
by Mary Grace Jumento
hen I was a teenage student, I didn’t think about money. If I needed it, I just had to ask Mama and Papa for it. I had my transportation, meal allowance, and money for projects as well. Sometimes I was able to save money to buy something I wanted. I remember one school day in particular. I arrived and looked around the school grounds for my friend Lourdes. There she was sitting on a bench. She had a stout body, straight shoulder length hair, a black headband and brown skin. Her face had strong Visayan features. “Are you finished with your assignment?” I asked. “Not yet, I had to finish all my house chores, then I fell asleep working on it.” “Here you can copy mine. Later, I will show you the solutions.” I handed her my notebook. She barely finished before the bell rang. I got my notebook and we both prepared to go to our classroom. Lourdes was very timid and she could sit at her desk the whole day. She seldom went with us when we went to the canteen during breaks, and she always had her packed lunch. At first, I befriended her out of curiosity. Then we became group mates and started to work together for class. We became good friends and we often encouraged each other to join school competitions. Slowly she gained more confidence. Once, Lourdes invited me to her home. While we walked together she told me that she was working for a rich family, and in exchange, they would send her to school. Her job prohibited her from staying at school after class. The day came when Lourdes asked to borrow one peso. I offered her more but she refused. “I only need one peso to ride a jeepney so I can go home fast. I’ll pay it back next week,” she promised. A few days later she approached me and handed me a coin. “What is this?” I looked at her and the one peso coin in my hand. “I borrowed this last week when I needed to go home early. I was short one peso for my fare.” “I completely forgot about it. It’s only one peso, you don’t have to pay it.”I replied. “No, I borrowed it and I promised to pay you,” she insisted. “It’s fine I don’t really need it. You can keep it.” I gave her back the coin. “This money came from your parents, right? They gave this to you and they worked hard for it. If you worked for this and you told me that I could keep it then I would accept. But this is your parent’s money to provide for you, so I have to give it back.” Lourdes said. I realized she was right. My parents worked hard to provide for needs. I should value that work and spend their money wisely. I thanked Lourdes for making me realize the value of money and of my parents’ hard work to take care of us and send us to school. She taught me a lesson for one peso.
Love & Money
Dive In: How One Young Man Proved Himself by Nathaniel Maliwat interested in the same things; I had accepted the fact that I would never be his buddy. Growing up with him was difficult for me. We were five years apart and had different sets of friends. He was the only male role model in my family besides my father, and as a young boy, I looked up to him. People found him easy to get along with. He was quite popular because of his ready smile and sharp wit. I, on the other hand, was melancholy and introverted. I couldn’t stand teasing and embarrassment, which was why I never dared join my brother’s circle. I remember wishing that I had a different brother. I wanted a brother who was sensitive and supportive, someone who would not laugh at me when I slipped up. I wanted him to be like the older brothers I saw on TV, fighting for their younger siblings and making them feel like part of a team. But, my brother was different; there was no way I could force him to act like those TV brothers. The only thing I could do was keep distance I thought. “What now?” my brother shouted. It was a deciding moment. I knew that whatever I did at that point would affect my relationship with him. Backing out would keep us further apart; diving in would break part of the wall I had built around me. The breeze seemed to get still at that moment. I was looking down at the blue-green water and even it seemed to stop s t i r r i n g . Everyone was
waiting for me. I took a little step forward. My heart was thumping out of my chest and blood rushed to my head. I shut my eyes, bent my knees and took the deepest breath of my life. In an instant, I felt myself jumping off the ramp and plunging into the water. As it rushed through my whole body, I felt invincible. I pushed my way up to the surface with both my arms raised in victory. When my senses got clear, I heard my brother cheering for me, swimming towards me with excitement in his eyes. He grabbed me by the neck and told me I did a good job. I remember what the Bible says about fear—that it is not God’s purpose for us. God says we are not given the spirit of fear but a sound mind. I proved God’s word in that one moment of courage. That dive taught me that it takes courage to make a connection. Love and fear don’t go together. I would never have known my brother as I know him now had I let fear get the best of me. Bonding with someone, I learned, is at times just like diving. You simply must “just do it!”
illustration by Jo jo Santos
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t was one of the toughest challenges I ever faced. I had never done it before—nor had I imagined doing it for fun. My sister, seated at the rear of the boat, was yelling at me to jump off the ramp. “Just do it! Don’t think, dive in!” she screamed. My older brother was afloat in the open water; waiting for me. The cold December breeze was stinging my skin, making me stiff as a stick. Every second I lingered at the edge of the boat, the desire to back out got stronger. I knew I had to do something, but I was scared that whatever it was, I would get laughed at. I was always a scaredycat. I could get scared of anything once my imagination started to run wild. My older brother used to make fun of me because I was a coward. I would cry over his teasing and then promise myself that I would prove him wrong. But I never did. I felt excluded from my brother’s circle of friends because I couldn’t keep up with them—I couldn’t play basketball because they might make fun of my dribbling; I couldn’t climb walls because I was stocky and would look stupid scrambling to the top. Every time I backed away from a challenge, I got one step farther from my brother until he was out of sight, out of reach. When I was seventeen, my family went on vacation to celebrate my brother’s graduation from college. It was a once in a lifetime vacation. My parents saved up for it because they wanted to bring us to the best beach in the country. We were all excited, but a part of me was anxious about getting along with my brother for three days. I had never been on vacation with him since I began to drift away from him. I had no idea what we could talk about. We had never been
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