Editor’s Page From My Heart
Dear Readers, Years ago, homosexuals were treated with indifference. The fear of rejection and ridicule has forced them to lead a secret life. But that has changed. In today’s society, we hear gay lingo everywhere – in beauty parlors, streets, malls, and even classrooms and offices. We observe that homosexuals are growing in numbers and are excelling in their chosen profession. They proudly declare who they are, an indication that our present generation has become receptive to this group of people. However, social acceptance and professional excellence do not guarantee that they are happy inside and free from misery, insecurity and depression. In this issue of MOMS, we tell a story of a courageous woman who has taken the step of transformation. There’s a TV personality’s advice to people who struggle with same sex attraction; an interview with a psychologist-psychiatrist on affirming healthy sexual orientation in children and an interview with the director of an organization that offers possibilities for change. We hope you will be inspired as we are! Evelyn Damian, Issue Editor
Editor
Kimberly Snider Assistant Editor
Evelyn Damian Distribution
Johnson Li Cover & Layout
Patrick Tan
Published quarterly by Asia Pacific Media Ministries Unit 2608 Raffles Corporate Center, Emerald Avenue, Ortigas Center, 1605 Pasig City, Philippines Telephone: 914-9767 E-mail: moms@apmedia.org Reproduction of photos and articles is prohibited without permission.
To Start A Relationship with Christ Admit you have sinned. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23 Believe in Jesus. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish; but have eternal life.” John 3:16b Confess and leave your sin behind. Stop sinning. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 To continue growing in your relationship with Christ, fellowship with other believers, read the Bible and pray!
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Tres Cruses Baptist Church - Tanza, Cavite Dakila ang Diyos Christian Ministry - Calamba, Laguna A/G Women’s Ministry - Circuit 3, General Santos City
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Stop! by Kim Snider
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his issue of MOMS is one that our team has talked and prayed about for many years. We are convinced that when people follow God’s direction, they will experience freedom, and a purpose-filled life. They will have joy like never before. So, we decided that now is the time to speak out about homosexuality. Our team wants to let people know that the Bible comes out strongly on the issue of homosexuality, especially in the passages of 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 and 1 Timothy 1:10. When we consider the topic of homosexuality, we need to understand 4 things. First of all, the Bible says homosexuality is a lifestyle that God does not condone under any circumstances. Secondly, God wants to forgive this sin, just like He wants to forgive any other sin. Thirdly, Christians must turn away from it. Fourthly, with help, it is possible to stop being homosexual, and become the man or woman God has created you to be. The Bible says, “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 (New Living Translation) If you have been judgmental toward gay people, STOP! Embrace them with the forgiveness and love God wants to show them. If you are living a gay lifestyle yourself, STOP! Get help and mentoring so you can follow Christ by living the life He has planned for you to live. Here is what the scripture says in 1 Corinthians 6:11: “Some of you were once like that [homosexual]. But, you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (New Living Translation)
Mind & Spirit
Affirming a Child’s Normal Sexuality by Jeanne Ching
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ow can parents affirm healthy sexual orientation in their children? The following interview with Dr. Randy Dellosa, a psychologist and psychiatrist and professor at Asian Theological Seminary gives some answers to this complex question. How can parents affirm a child’s normal sexuality? “It’s affirmed by giving them gender appropriate toys, complimenting them as they develop masculine or feminine traits, giving them responsibilities appropriate for their gender; and,living by example. Be their model.” What behaviors should parents or guardians watch for? “Parents should be aware of their own values with regards to homosexuality and other sexual matters because, whatever they believe, the children will believe. They should monitor their child’s exposure to sexual information and sensual materials. Parents should have frequent dialogues with their children so that their attitude will be directed. “Parents should make sure the computer is placed in a common area so they can monitor what the children view. They should carefully look at the games and cartoons their children enjoy. Games and cartoons may have materials which are sexual in nature. Parents should read what their children are reading. “Parents should help their children develop balanced lives. Children have the tendency to focus on sexuality when they’re idle. But when parents help them develop different interests, then sexuality becomes just a small part of their lives, and things are placed in perspective.” What are some things to avoid? “Avoid exposing children to sensual materials. Sensual means it has connotation of passion and sexual behavior. In case there is exposure, it should be properly explained and guidance is needed.”
Dr. Randy Dellosa is the Medical Director of Life Change Recovery Center.
Can peers influence one’s sexuality? How can parents help their children choose friends? “Yes. Parents may try to screen their friends and introduce them to people who their children can emulate.” What is the father’s role in the family? Can it affect the child’s sexual preference? “The father should affirm the child’s development whether masculine or feminine. Fathers should compliment their children. When children feel that they do not belong, they look for the sense of belonging outside the family. That’s when the child goes astray.” When should one seek professional help? • When a person is confused about his sexuality. • When a person experienced sexual trauma or violation in the form of incest or rape. • When they have strong urges and do not know how to deal with it. • Sexual distress orientation. • Promiscuous behaviors. • If they have questions that they’re too embarrassed to ask family or friends for fear of being judged. Every parent has their child’s best interest in mind. Since we cannot live lives for our children, our only recourse is to pray for our children, maintain an open line of communication with them, guide them through instilling right values in them and live by example.
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by Alena Palad with Evelyn Damian
Our society encourages individuals to exercise their right to base their sexual identity on their preference rather than on their physical characteristics. This has resulted in numerous people publicly confessing their choice of a homosexual lifestyle. Although celebrities and other well known persons have expressed feelings of happiness after they have “come out” and admitted their homosexuality, some people own up to a painful struggle and a lonely search for truth. The following is an interview with Mr. John Zulueta, executive director and a fulltime counselor at Bagong Pag-Asa, an organization founded by a former gay man, Mr. Frank Worthen, who was transformed when he found Christ. Bagong Pag-Asa helps people struggling with same sex attraction leave the homosexual lifestyle and embrace their full identity in Christ. In this interview, John discusses what it takes to change…
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hat are some of the causes of homosexuality? JZ: One cause is an identity problem. People going through identity crises embrace homosexuality as a false identity because they think it is better to have a false identity than having no identity at all; it’s better than not knowing whether they are a boy or girl. Our society, which is very affirming to gays, entices many to believe that it’s okay to assume this false identity. But because it is false, the people who take it up have false hope which results in further conflict. Another cause is when there are relationship problems which prevent a young person from feeling secure in their gender identity. Children need role models to show them how to become a man or woman. If the relationship that should do that is missing in childhood then people search for that type of relationship even into their adulthood. For example, a father and son relationship might not be what it should be. Perhaps the son didn’t feel his father’s love, or perhaps the father was absent and did not connect with his son and therefore could not transfer his identity as a man to his son. A third possible cause is when children experience rejection from their peers. Maybe they were bullied or labeled. Rejection like that makes them feel isolated and different from others. This breeds homosexuality in a child. Finally, many homosexuals have experienced sexual molestation. This created a deep wound in their soul. Maybe they went through this issue without anybody to help them sort things out. That is why it is not sufficient for a person to simply read the Bible, pray, and perform spiritual disciplines in order to change. They need to deal with the issues beyond their homosexuality
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because homosexuality is just John Zulueta a symptom of deeper issues. People who experienced sexual molestation can move in different directions—they can become alcoholics, drug addicts, homosexuals, engage in multiple relationships and many other maladaptive coping mechanisms. It is best for people who have been sexually molested to seek professional help. Other factors that contribute to the problem are upbringing, environmental influence, unmet needs, technology, and media. As a parent, what should you do if you discover that your child is a homosexual? JZ: Parents have to deal first with their own pain of discovery. Mothers want the best for their children and finding out that their child is a homosexual shatters their dreams. After discovery, a mother may feel guilty, and ask herself what she has done wrong. This is good because mothers need to understand how they may have contributed to the homosexuality of their child so that they can figure out how to deal with it, and know what to avoid. Some mothers baby their sons, while others oblige them to be their helpers. Some mothers paint a bad picture of the father to their child. Others let the child know that they wished their son was a girl instead of a boy. After learning what they might have done which contributed to the situation, the mother needs to acknowledge it, and ask forgiveness from her son so that this issue will be settled in the boy’s mind. After that, she can provide the help needed to affirm the child’s gender. Maybe the son needs to spend more time with his father instead of doing household chores or other activities. It also helps for boys to engage in activities appropriate for boys.
If a boy tells his mother he is a homosexual, it is important for her to lovingly reassure her son. She could say something like, “Yes, son, you may be feeling that way but I believe you are not gay. I believe you are a man and you can continue to develop to become a healthy man and not pursue homosexuality.” Then the mother and father should do their homework so that they can help their son pursue his masculinity. There are resources available to help a gender-confused child. You can even check the internet. The usual reaction of a mother is to be angry and ask the father to beat the son. When this happens, the child will become traumatized and feel unloved. He will hate his father and think a in his office. “I don’t want to be like you.” Most of the men who have had this experience say that because of the pain caused by their father’s maltreatment and rejection while growing up, they did not want to be like him. If they say this, they are rejecting not only their father but everything that represents being a man. They are subconsciously rejecting their own masculinity. If a father beats his son, this makes the son more attached to his mother and sometimes, the mother will just condone this feeling. This results in perpetuating the dysfunction. How can we help a person turn back from the life of homosexuality? JZ: First, the desire to change has to come from the person himself. Change is possible if the person is willing. They should recognize that homosexuality is a problem, and every problem has a solution. But, change will take time and a lot of effort. As friends perhaps we can help them evaluate the direction they are taking and somehow express our confidence that they can actually move away from homosexuality and they need not feel trapped by their attraction or emotion. If you want to help someone turn back from homosexuality, you can start by exploring. Ask the individual how they see themselves. Are they happy? If they say they are, then you cannot do anything except tell them, “Ok, you may be happy, but as a friend, I feel like this lifestyle may not be the best direction for you. Should you want to deal with your homosexuality, I will refer you to some people I know who can help you.” If you suspect that a person is a homosexual, never ask them if they are one. When you do that, you become
no different from other people who have ridiculed and labeled them in the past. But you can ask, “Are you struggling with same sex attraction?” If they say yes, then that will be your opportunity to minister to them. When you use the word “struggle,” you are letting them know you recognize that it is a struggle; it is a problem, and not a label. If they admit they are struggling, you can ask what they are doing about it, what they want to do with it. Explore the possibility that they need help. Ask them how long they have felt this way and what they have done so far. If they are not ready to change, you can remain a friend and love them. Never under estimate the power of prayer. How should we respond if they don’t want to change? JZ: You can say, “I love you whatever your choice is, but I want you to know that I do not approve nor will I tolerate your homosexual behavior. I love you as a friend who has struggles with same sex attraction but I will not approve the homosexual behavior.” Won’t they turn away from you if you say that? JZ: Not necessarily. They are looking for true friends. Most of the people around them love them because of what they can give or do for them and they are looking for relationships that will help them deal properly with same or opposite sex. There’s so much drama and trauma in their life. There is actually greater discrimination among the homosexual community than from the heterosexual to homosexual community. At some point in their life, they will realize that you accept them although you do not condone their homosexual behavior. It is always better to usher them to an organization like Bagong Pag-Asa, but don’t be pushy. Just let them know that help is available if they want to change or when they are ready and that you will always be their friend. Can we tell them that the Lord does not approve of the lifestyle? JZ: We need not spiritualize it because the truth is, deep in their heart, they know that something is wrong with their behavior, with the direction they are taking. That is why for them to be able to embrace the lifestyle, they push God away. If they are spiritual, either they will stop being spiritual or else they will change their concept of God. They will say, “God loves me no matter what I am.” Your last word… JZ: There is great hope for people struggling with same sex attraction. They need not stay in that condition the rest of their life. 1 Cor. 6:9-11 states, “Neither the immoral, the homosexuals …would inherit the kingdom of God… you have been washed, cleansed and sanctified by the blood of Christ.” It says there that you were in that state before but not anymore. People can change but of course, change is a process. They have to have a realistic expectation of what change will be like in their life. Also they should not embrace the post-modern worldview that homosexuality Continued on Page 7
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Body & Soul
Born Bading?
An excerpt from Usapang Pamilya video, “Born Bading.”
Anthony Roquel, better known as Tonette Macho, was the gay character in a popular TV sitcom, Iskul Bukol,from the 80’s. He also portrayed other roles in TV sitcoms during the 90’s. He lived a homosexual lifestyle starting from the age of 6 and maintained that lifestyle for 32 years. Anthony Roquel’s Story.
“I
didn’t grow up with anyone who was homosexual, but I really thought that I was born a homosexual and would die a homosexual. I was notorious because I tried everything that a homosexual could possibly do. I earned enough money that I could afford to buy anything that I wanted to have. “It’s important to know that homosexuality is a choice. I chose to be one. I wasn’t forced to become one. But there were other factors. When I ask homosexuals why they are gay, the common answers are fear, rejection, and passed on curses. One cause of homosexuality is poor parental relationships. Dysfunction in the relationship between the mother and the father can cause it. Sometimes, the mother is too dominant in the family. In my case, I had an absentee father. I love him very much and I don’t blame him, but relationships within the family are really crucial in raising a child. “Parents, especially the fathers have to understand their role in bringing up a child. Some people think the father’s role is just to provide materially, but actually the father has three roles in the family. He is the protector and provider. He is the spiritual head, and religious leader of his family. He is the one who encourages and directs the children into a good and productive life. It’s sad that there are many absentee fathers. They leave their families to work abroad or to be with another woman. If you don’t have a father, Jesus can fill that vacancy. He is the father to the fatherless. He’ll take care of all your needs. He will raise you as His child if you trust Him wholeheartedly.”
“Heterosexuals must only turn away from their sins but we homosexuals must turn away from sin and relearn life again. Our habits must change. We have to relearn the way we eat, the way we talk, the way we dress, everything. So we need the abundant grace of God. And God is there to supply it. God has given me wisdom.” Handling Temptation. “Here is some advice for those who are struggling with homosexual temptation. Avoid the second look. That creates a picture in your mind. When a man is trying to tempt you, tell yourself, ‘That guy is handsome but I look better than him because I am a child of God.’ You can pray for that person to know God, even from a distance. You’ll realize that the temptation fades away. “There are struggles – sexual fantasies occasionally, but as I seek and spend time with God, the struggles have grown faint. Honestly, it’s hard to forget the past. There’s tons of garbage that the devil has stored in our minds. Flush it out with the Word of God that renews your mind. The Bible says the truth shall set you free. It’s not enough to know the truth. You have to accept it and apply it. The Bible says that God created male and female. He didn’t mention that He created homosexuals. You have to accept that fact and God will reveal Himself to you.“ An Overcomer. “The Word of God says I am more than a conqueror. I am an overcomer in Christ Jesus. When I accepted Jesus in June 23, 1991, I can say that the homosexual lifestyle was already dead in my life. When people ask me, “Where is Tonette Macho?” I tell them that Tonette Macho is dead. He died in 1991 and he will never live again.”
The Solution. “There was a time in my life when I was still a homosexual that I felt I was at rock bottom. When AIDS reached the country, I feared death from AIDS. I tried to stop my homosexual lifestyle. But after a month, I couldn’t help but go back. I realized that even though I wanted to change my life, I didn’t have the strength to do it. But when I accepted Jesus, He was the One who changed me. I can say that He is still changing me. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process. I really had to re-learn life again.
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Anthony Roquel is the featured counselor in the Usapang Pamilya video, “Born Bading.” To buy this video which also included drama segments, contact Asia Pacific Media---the address is on the back of this magazine.
Love & Money
Becoming a Woman
by Ma. Aurora Lopez as told to Kimberly Snider
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should not do.
lthough I was born a girl, throughout my life I thought of myself as a man. I acted like a man. I was attracted to women, the way men are. I used to own a printing business. One day, years ago, Eddie Mesa, an actor known as the ‘Elvis Presley of the Philippines,’ and a born-again preacher, came into my office to pay me for producing the t-shirts and banners he needed for an evangelistic campaign. He asked me if I wanted to know the Lord. Later I knelt down in my sala with Eddie Mesa and I accepted Christ. From that day on things were never the same again; it was like a big chunk of metal was lifted out of my heart. “When Eddie Mesa first met me, I was a horrible lesbian. I was one that they called ‘butch’, very hard core. When I was younger, I really thought I was a boy. My cousins would dress me up like a boy, and they taught me a lot of things about boys. As I grew older, I became a drunkard. I drank from 5 o’clock in the afternoon to 5 in the morning. I had a gang, I smoked 5 packs a day and I gambled. Although my parents told me to stop drinking, and to stop womanizing, nobody could change me. I had this character trait that if I believed in a thing, I would believe in it talaga. I would die for it. And nobody could tell me anything against it. “After Eddie Mesa asked me if I wanted to accept Christ, I had a little discussion with him. I told him I was already a religious person. I went to church almost every day, and I performed all the rituals, so I knew Jesus. Eddie asked if Jesus knew me. I think that was the turning point. So we knelt down, and I accepted Christ. Immediately, I felt something in my spirit. I told my girlfriend at that time, ‘You know, this time it’s different. It’s not something that somebody did to me. It’s something that came into my heart, and took away the sins that I have.’
“Slowly, God helped me change in another way. God changed me so I could forgive my father. Then the Lord told me He wanted me to ask my father to forgive me as well. I had rebelled against my Dad because I thought he hated me. I didn’t want to ask forgiveness from him. But I was able to do it after 3 years of being born again. It was really a big surprise because when I said ‘I’m sorry,’ he said ‘I’m sorry, too.’ I wasn’t expecting that. That was a gift that God was preparing for me. Mommy Net
“I stopped drinking, gambling and smoking, but ending the lesbian relationships was very hard. It took about ten years for me to totally stop the lesbian life. I had several more relationships with women after becoming born-again, but after the 5th one, the Lord really convicted me. He helped me realize that even though I had experienced a lot of hardship in my life, every time I asked Him to help me, He did. When I thought about that I said, ‘What kind of a daughter am I to hurt my Father who’s so good to me?’ I asked myself if I really wanted a relationship that would hurt my God. I said ‘Lord, I want to put an end to this. I always tell you that I love you, and yet look what I’m doing. I don’t want this woman; I give her to you.’ So that was the last one. “Physically, I’m not doing anything, anymore. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink. I’ve given up my vices, even women. I’ve learned to have friendships with women, without any relationships—and, they’re beautiful women. But it doesn’t affect me anymore. I discovered that it’s only your love for Jesus that will stop you from doing things that you
“One thing that has been important in my life is learning to understand why I became a lesbian in the first place. Maybe any person who is in the same lifestyle that I was in should attend a church that has a ministry for homosexuals, so that they would know why they are that way.”
Maria Aurora Lopez (Mommy Net) now leads a ministry to the poor for her church. She also mentors and counsels teenagers.
Bagong Pag-asa (cont. from p.5) is an identity, because doing that is like sentencing yourself to be that way forever. Many people have moved out of homosexuality, therefore people that struggle with this are not alone. Help is available. They can walk with other people who have similar struggles and who are seeking to pursue a more meaningful life. There is hope! Know that homosexuality does not define anyone’s worth or entire life. It is just a problem that can be dealt with. It will not measure anyone’s value as a person.
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Q A
I have a lot of homosexual friends who are such creative and energetic people. Why can’t society openly accept their lifestyle? After all, they are people like the rest of us.
Homosexuality is an emotional issue. People who think homosexuality is unacceptable are labeled as judgmental, ignorant, bigoted or hateful. Those who accept it believe it is an alternative lifestyle and everyone should have the freedom to choose their sexual orientation. As Christians we need to look at what the Bible says on this topic. The Bible says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27) God created the first male and said it was not good for him to live alone. (Gen 2:18) God completed the male by the creation of a female and not the creation of another male. This is God’s original and continuing intent for the human race. When sin entered the world, mankind inherited a sinful nature that rebels against God’s original design. In Romans, Paul writes, “Because of this God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.” (Romans 1:25–27) God’s plan for human sexual expression is one intimate physical relationship to be shared exclusively within marriage—a heterosexual and faithful monogamous relationship. When
people choose to engage in homosexual behavior, they reject this plan. The Word of God does not even acknowledge that loving and committed homosexual relationships between two long-term partners are morally acceptable. Homosexual activities of every kind are contrary to God’s commandments. The Bible says, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! The sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, passive homosexual partners, practicing homosexuals, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, the verbal abusive, and swindlers will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (I Cor. 6:9-10) This seems like very sad news for people who have homosexual tendencies. The good news is that Jesus Christ took all our sins upon Himself on the cross, died and rose again. Everyone who surrenders their lives to him has the potential of living in freedom. Those who are homosexuals in orientation and behavior can be radically transformed by the power of Christ’s resurrection. Jesus came not to condemn but to save all of us-- heterosexuals and homosexuals alike --from the power of sin. (John 3:16-18) Christians should adopt God’s view of homosexuals; He loves them but does not approve of their lifestyles. Although change of sexual orientation is hard, it can be done through the power of Christ.
Usapang Pamilya DVD collection Volume 3 Features THREE family issues: • Born Bading (Homosexuality)
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• Silip (Pornography) • Bangag (Drug Abuse) Available at House of Praise, OMF Lit Bookshops, PCBS, Amazing Grace Bookstore, St. Francis Bookstore and APMedia Office. Also available online at www. usapangpamilyavideos.multiply.com.