The top two things that drive me crazy

saying/dong “I’ll show you flashlight manufacturer.” But of course, when my flashlight dies, I can never find the warranty or the receipt. So that doesn’t help.

#2. Motion activated solar-powered security lights run a close second after flashlights.

the big box store that questions – always questions – my wanting to use the warranty – to the point that I dread even going there.

RAY APPEN Publisher Emeritus ray@appenmedia.com

isn’t.

#1. Flashlights.

Seriously? Yep, flashlights. Yep, I always have a flashlight when I need one, but of course it never works. Either the batteries have died, or the bulb has gone bad – that bulb for which one can never find replacements – or the “bulb” that is now a LED thing that who knows if those are ever replaceable. While I am at it, what the heck does “LED” stand for? Have no idea. Oh, almost forgot to include the contact mechanism – the thing that completes the current and makes a light appear. It’s the thing that without fail, when the batteries are good and the bulb or the LED thing are good, that never works.

I started buying warranties for the flashlights that I buy – extended warranties. Sort of my way of

I have tried buying those flashlights that you charge with a USB cord. I have tried those that use rechargeable batteries – you know those batteries that do not recharge because the charger stops working. I have bought those onerous flashlights that law enforcement uses. I have tried those that you leave plugged into outlets that cease working after the 5th time you use it. I have bought expensive flashlights, cheap ones, disposable ones and none last longer than the third or fourth use.

Now, I keep candles and a Bic lighter handy. Why is it that they can make lighters that always work but can ‘t make a flashlight that always works? Why do wax candles always work? Can’t someone find a way to screw those up too? My iPhone flashlight has never failed me. It always works. Hello. Maybe Apple should make flashlights. It could be their huge new product – a Apple flashlight with a touch screen on/off that works – and keeps working. I know Steve would approve and that flashlight would be a huge win.

Another light issue, no? What is up with me and light?

Ok, so, you would think that these would not be like flashlights. I mean, almost no moving parts. Unlimited charging. Almost never in use. So, these should always work, right? Wrong. I am batting 1000 on purchasing these things and them lasting more than 30 days-ish. I have purchased them for my office, for our house, for our warehouse, for our beach place and 100% of the time they stop working in a month or two, if not sooner.

Most of these security lights have rechargeable batteries that the solar panel charges. And that seems like the dog that won’t hunt. I think that most rechargeable batteries can only be recharged so many times and then they too stop working / recharging. Maybe I need to add “rechargeable batteries” to my list.

As with the flashlights I started buying the extended warranties for my solarpowered lights and the result has been identical. Maybe I use the warranty once after the light stops working and then the next time, I can’t find the warranty or don’t have the energy to go deal with

I know Elon at least at one time was working on roofing material that doubled as solar panels. Maybe he needs to get into the solar-powered motion sensor security light business. No one else seems to be able to get it right although there is one use of these solar chargers that I have found works each and every time. And that would be? Using it as a trickle charger to my car battery at the beach. Since I have started leaving a solar panel hooked up to my car battery, I have not had a single dead battery. Go figure.

So, we have been brewing coffee with coffee makers in the kitchen for generations. And they, generally, worked well and lasted. Then along comes a better mousetrap called a Keurig coffee maker that becomes a runaway sensation – much like those vacuum robots – the Roomba.

We can send someone to the moon. We can make domestic airplanes that safely fly for 50 years easy. We can install new hearts into people. So why hasn’t someone – anyone – made a flashlight that works longer than a month or two? I don’t get it.

Bueller, Bueller, anyone, Bueller?

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