Antonella Gambotto-Burke’s guide to motherhood 1. Cherish your child. You could drop dead tomorrow. Chase them around
the house and kiss them. Cuddle them. Write them cards. Draw them pictures. Tell them they make you happy. 2. Unplug the antenna. Use your television set only for DVDs when your
baby/toddler is asleep. Never, ever listen to the radio or loud music when your baby/toddler is around. Watch less TV, curb Facebook and stop tweeting. Why? Because nobody really cares about your tweets, but your child needs you. 3. Take your child for walks. Without your mobile. Without your iPod. And
talk to them. Tell them about flowers and bugs and trees and clouds and the sky and the sea and your childhood. 4. Always always always hold your child’s hand, even if it means wearing
Birkenstocks. I wore Birkenstocks for six years. And maxiskirts. Walk slowly. Forget the rest of the world. 5. Be as fat as you need to when your child is young. Do not listen to
anyone who makes you feel bad about your weight. You can lose it when they’re at school; I did. Eat cake. 6. Dance with your partner. In the kitchen. In the hallway. Especially in front
of your child. The very best kind of dancing is when there’s no music playing. Cut loose. Be free.
7. Avoid stressful people. This includes family and old friends. You have
my permission. And if tempted to feel guilt, remember the impact of maternal stress on children: very, very bad. 8. Lie with your child in the dark after reading them a story. Talk about
their day. Really listen. Never stop reading and listening and talking in the dark. Then push the blinds aside and look out at the stars together. And as you do, think of all the mothers who have lost their children and how fantastically lucky you are. 9. Start baking. There is no wound that a cake doesn’t go some way
towards salving. Rum, coconut and banana cake with cream-cheese icing is the answer to just about everything. Truly. 10. Make friends with mothers in your neighbourhood. Find one that fits.
Some are weird, but then you’ll meet one who makes you laugh as she drives you to your first colonoscopy. 11. Buy or make bunting, and invest in sparklers. Love is a privilege, so
celebrate!
antonellagambottoburke.com
The MamaBake MamaFesto p
MamaBake believes that through group big-batch baking, mothers can find themselves time-liberated to think, create, be and do whatever they like. p
MamaBake encourages an atmosphere of trust and honesty in its in-real-life groups so that women feel free to share their real experience of motherhood. p
MamaBakers judge not the woman for the state of her house; clean or chaotic. p
MamaBakers take a “curiosity without judgement� approach to other mothers. p
MamaBakers look out for one another and rally when needed. p
MamaBakers are comfortable giving and receiving help when needed and know that this act in itself enables others to give and receive. p
mamabake.com
Geir Berthelsen’s ten-point guide to going slow 1. Set your alarm clock always ten minutes before you need to get up (you
will never run late). 2. Prepare and eat a structured breakfast – for example, from 6.45 – 7.10
every day. 3. Let all parties involved – children and parents – talk during the breakfast
and say what they think the highlight of the coming day will be. Listen. 4. Hug each other before leaving the house. 5. Smile. Try it! 6. Don’t skip lunch. 7. At 2 pm each day, ask yourself: “How am I feeling?” 8. Prepare and eat dinner with the whole family – no television on – and let
everyone recount the highlights of their day. Listen. 9. Exercise for at least 20 minutes per day. Take a short walk, even if it’s
raining. 10. Before bed, spend five minutes reviewing the day and plan tomorrow’s
highlights.
Don’t live life as if you are afraid of being late to your own funeral!
worldinstituteofslowness.com
Lysa Parker’s eight steps to attachment 1. Prepare for pregnancy and parenting Educated parents tend to
have less fear and better experiences when they are actively involved in the process. 2. Feed with love and respect Feeding is more than giving your baby
nutrition, it’s part of the attachment process. Breastfeeding is nature’s ideal model for attachment, and if you’re bottle-feeding, we encourage you to switch sides when feeding and talk to and gaze at your baby. 3. Respond with sensitivity This is the most important finding of most
attachment research. Sensitive and responsive parents tend to have securely attached children. 4. Use nurturing touch Children all need touch, and babies even more so,
to help them thrive. Holding, babywearing and infant massage are all ways to meet your baby’s need for touch. 5. Ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally Parenting is a 24/7
experience. Whether bedsharing or in a separate sleep surface, babies still need to feel in close proximity and in a safe sleep environment. Even parents who have no intention of bedsharing with their baby need to prepare their bed “as if”. When mum and dad need sleep, studies support that bedsharing offers more sleep and better quality of sleep as well as enhancing the breastfeeding relationship. A more dangerous scenario is for parents to fall asleep in a recliner or on a couch. Attachment Parenting International provides safe sleep guidelines on their website.
6. Provide consistent, loving care Babies and young children need
consistency of care from a loving, responsive caregiver. Caregiver roulette is damaging to their security of attachment, so if the primary caregiver works outside the home, find a reliable relative, nanny, in-home caregiver or facility with a low adult/child ratio and low turnover of caregivers. 7. Practise positive discipline The goal of positive discipline is to maintain
the bonds of trust and empathy, while teaching appropriate boundaries. Positive discipline teaches inner discipline rather than discipline that relies on force, coercion, spanking or other forms of punishment. 8. Strive for balance in your personal and family life Simplify your life and
you will be less stressed, and that includes not over-scheduling. Find time to nurture and nourish your body, mind and spirit, because when parents feel burned out there is nothing left to give our children, spouses or partners. Know that finding balance is a journey, not a destination.
attachmentparenting.org
Laura Markham’s guide to joyful parenting 1. Regulate your own emotions. 2. Be your child’s advocate and don’t give up on her. 3. Punishment always worsens your child’s behaviour. Instead, set limits on
behaviour while empathising with feelings. 4. Kids need a safe place to express feelings while you listen. If you want to
raise a child who can manage his behaviour, he first has to manage the emotions that drive that behaviour. And if you want a child who can manage his emotions, he first needs to know he has a safe place (your arms) to cry and rage where he won’t be shushed. 5. Remember: she’s just a kid, trying as hard as she can. Expect age-
appropriate behaviour, not perfection, and keep your priorities straight. 6. Don’t take it personally. Whatever your child does, it will be a lot easier for
you to respond peacefully if you notice when you start getting triggered. 7. All misbehaviour comes from basic needs that aren’t met. 8. The best parenting expert is your child. Let him show you what he needs,
from infancy on. Listen with your heart. Be willing to change and grow – and learn to enjoy the process. 9. What worked yesterday may not work tomorrow, so your parenting
approach needs to evolve as your kids do. 10. Stay connected and never withdraw your love, even for a moment. Above
all, safeguard your relationship with your child.
ahaparenting.com
Nichola Bedos’ guide to peace for IVF parents p
Each parent needs to find someone they can confide in. IVF and parenting after IVF can bring up large and sometimes unexpected feelings, which is why having a confidante is helpful. p
Find regular time to be out of the house together and away from the kids to talk, swap experiences and keep in touch with each other. p
Find a really good GP you trust and feel comfortable with. Going through IVF can increase stress and anxiety, and a reassuring GP for parents and baby alike makes a huge difference. p
Have a stress-management plan – each parent will benefit from adopting a few techniques used regularly such as regular gym visits, an exercise class, a shopping trip, yoga or meditation. p
Try to keep parenting expectations realistic. Stress and anxiety can often make you expect too much of yourself. If you feel you aren’t doing a good job, talk it over with someone you trust. p
Aim for a spontaneous family fun day out once a month where you let go of time, expectations and the busyness of everyday life and simply enjoy being mum or dad. p
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Don’t hope that relationship conflict will “go away”. If you’re arguing more than you’d like, seek relationship counselling. Thriving as a family after IVF often requires some professional input. p
Be upfront with your child about his or her origins once they’re old enough to understand. p
Smile whenever you can. Enjoy the little moments – that first smile, the cuddles, the first words mispronounced. Try not to be so stressed that these moments of joy pass you by. p
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Many IVF parents can feel so blessed with their longed-for baby that they become unwilling or unable to stop pretending all is well and they can do it alone. Remember: it takes a whole community to raise a child. p
facebook.com/nsbedos
Melinda Tankard Reist’s guide to protecting your children p
Act personally and politically. p
Do not tolerate negative comments about sisters or women in general from sons. Fathers have a significant role to play in modelling healthy masculinity in the home. p
Aim to commend daughters for attributes other than physical appearance/beauty. p
Mothers, avoid comments critical of your own bodies. Research shows daughters take their cues from their mums. If mum doesn’t like herself, it is likely her daughter won’t either. Throw away the scales. These are a poor indicator of health. Enjoy food. Have healthy attitudes to food and eating as a family. p
Get your daughters engaged in activities that make them feel good about themselves, e.g. child sponsorship with Compassion or World Vision, local volunteer work. If you can, enable them to spend time in a developing country. This helps them develop a global view and recognise that there is a world beyond them. Do all you can to build resilience and strength in your child. Establish a network of like-minded friends who will affirm your goals as a parent. p
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Have every possible filtering device on home computers. Have the computer in a public space in the home. Be at least as equally savvy with social media as your children are. Make sure children only have real friends on Facebook and privacy settings set to the maximum level. p
Don’t buy into the culture: don’t support stores that sell sexualised clothing or petrol stations where the porn magazines are beside the counter next to the lollies, for example. Make a complaint directly to the store. p
Ask your local MP/candidate what they are going to do to address the sexualisation of children. p
Join Collective Shout. This grassroots movement makes it easy for you to understand the issues and make a complaint (“the standard you walk past is the standard you set”). p
collectiveshout.org
Gabor MatÊ’s guide to a well-lived life 1. Know yourself. Work on unresolved emotional material. 2. Be intentional. Think out what your goals are for family life and your
children’s development. 3. Keep checking your life in the light of your intentions. 4. Put the health and emotional security of the children above all
considerations of career, wealth, and so on, especially in the first few years. 5. If either parent can stay home with the children in the early years, even at
an economic cost, do it. 6. Neither physical nor emotional caregiving should be the job of one
parent only, if there are two parents in the picture. Share caregiving as much as possible. 7. Look after yourself. Your stresses are inevitably transmitted to your kids. 8. Family time should be sacred, such as family meals, weekends. 9. Keep the digital media and screens of all kinds out of the house or as far
away from the kids as possible, until they are older and so well-connected to you that they will follow your directions and expectations. 10. If you have a spiritual path or mindfulness practice, keep it up and share
with the children in an age-appropriate fashion.
gabormate.com
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Michael Hague’s ten essential books for every child p
Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown, illustrated by Clement Hurd p
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame, illustrated by Michael Hague p
East of the Sun and West of the Moon: Old Tales from the North, illustrated by Kay Nielsen p
Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens by JM Barrie, illustrated by Arthur Rackham p
Stories from Hans Christian Andersen, illustrated by Edmund Dulac p
The Fables of Aesop, illustrated by Edward J Detmold p
The Wonderful Adventures of Little Prince Toofat by George Randolph Chester, illustrated by Robert Lawson p
The Wizard of Oz by L Frank Baum, illustrated by Michael Hague p
Tales of Mystery and Imagination by Edgar Allan Poe, illustrated by Harry Clarke p
The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien, illustrated by Michael Hague p
michaelhague.com
Antonella Gambotto-Burke’s recommended books … for every child Charlotte’s Web by EB White, illustrated by Garth Williams p
Half Magic by Edward Eager, illustrated by NM Bodecker p
The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster, illustrated by Jules Feiffer p
Good Night, Fairies by Kathleen Hague, illustrated by Michael Hague p
Show Me How to Survive by Joseph Pred p
A Book of Spooks and Spectres by Ruth Manning-Sanders, illustrated by Robin Jacques p
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by JK Rowling, illustrated by Mary GrandPré p
The Folk of the Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton p
Cole’s Funny Picture Book #1 by Edward Cole p
The Random House Children’s Treasure Chest edited by Alice Mills
for every parent What Every Parent Needs to Know: The Incredible Effects of Love, Nurture and Play on Your Child’s Development by Margot Sunderland p
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Laura Markham p
Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser and Jennifer Easley p
Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society’s Betrayal of the Child by Alice Miller p
The NDD Book: How Nutrition Deficit Disorder Affects Your Child’s Learning, Behavior, and Health, and What You Can Do About It – Without Drugs by William Sears p
Raising Babies: Why Your Love is Best by Steve Biddulph p
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté p
Attached at the Heart: Eight Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker p
The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost by Jean Liedloff p
Primal Health: Understanding the Critical Period Between Conception and the First Birthday by Michel Odent
antonellagambottoburke.com