Aries March Issue by Daniel Schultz

ARIES MARCH 2013

SEX TOYS 101

Ways To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket! where the TMI line should stop at Gays in the scouts!

Don't get pinched!!!!

THE GUYS YOU CAN’T RESIST MR. Red White & Blue JustinSmith His Viewson DADT

DIY MANi's

DAVID HEXBERG EDITORIAL DIRECTOR MENOLOGY/HOTSEAT

DANIEL SCHULTZ VICE DIRECTOR

BERNIE ROSE EXECUTIVE CHEIF ARIACTS

ATHINA STOCKMAN EDITOR

QUINN EROS

ADV OF A SINGLE BITCH

ANDY MCBRIDE ENTERTAINMENT

CHRIS GORMAN ME, MYSELF, & I

KELLIE TATRO HOW TO

CHARLES SCOTT NEED TO KNOW

MATTHEW EMBRY - MCCLAIN SUGAR & SPICE/HEALTH

JOEY THOMAS TECHNOLOGY

DESTINY SHEENAN BEAUTY

DAVID WHITE FASHION

LEYLA LUANNE ART DIRECTOR

DAVID FLEMING

COVER PHOTOGRAPHER

Is Luck On Your Side?

Letter From The Editor

lready March!!! Dang it feels like yesterday that I started Aries in September 2012. But times flies by when you are having a good time. February was certainly a very interesting month. Getting man grabbed by some drag queens. Learning about gender identity. And even helping a friend find love. Also the reader base has jumped through the roof. I check downloads every Saturday and man a lot of you were looking forward for last issue. This month is all about finding your luck. This is not about stumbling upon it, but creating in. Sometimes taking your life in your hands you are able to mold and arrange how you want your life to go. I know that it had to change. I never really believed in the whole bad luck and good luck aspect. What I do believe is how you go about the decisions you make. In this issue my team and I have come up with ways for you to get ahead in life. Even as going as far as getting yourself out of a ticket! Yes we went as far as putting one of our writters in a sticky situation. Covering the March issue is Justin Smith a man who served for us and is Gay!!!! Sorry gentleman is not available. We even a special interview with the Utiliy players. I even got to play with the players when I went to one of their shows. Let me tell you once you’ve seen them you become hooked. So I moved nto my new apartment! It’s amazing to wake up to the Marina, so beautiful and quite I might add. This will give me a chance to walk my dogs more often then driving all the way to the dog park. I am very excited to be attending the COURT BALL on March 9th. Being surround by lovely drag enswill be exciting! I am starting to get a lot of feedback for the magazine. A lot people weant to know when i’m going to release the next issue is going to be. It brings me joy to hear somebody say that. They ask me if i’m going to expand out of Reno. That’s a direction I really want to go in. I am thinking about taking a road trip donw to san fran when San Fran Pride is happening and spread the work there. I want take some time to get the word out here about ARIES. Be sure to say hello when you see me at the Court ball, Exposure the Male strip show, and the NOH8 shoot down at Tronix/VANITY. We are always looking for feedback on anything ideas, compliments, or how we are even doing. Is there something that would like us to do and get the dirt on it. Don’t hesitate!!! David Hexberg Editorial Director

MIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC,.....

ARIES MARCH

ENTERTAINMENT • Pubs Galore • 17 beers for STPD • Book of the Month “A Lion Among Men” • March of the Photo • Movie Reviwes • 775 EVENT CALENDER

ME, MYSELF, & I

• Knowing where the TMI line is @ work • Is your “faghag” right for you? • Getting your gaydar in tune • Sh*t Straight People Say

HOT SEAT

YOU CAN ALWAYS • ATTENTION! Salute to SEND US YOUR COMMENTS/FEEDBACK, Justin Smith. A miliOR EVEN ANY IDEAS tary man with a plan. THAT COULD MAKE • The UTILITY PLAYERS ARIES MAGAZINE they have no filEVEN BETTER. EMAIL ters when the are on TO DAVIDHEXBERG@ stage but they have a ARIESMAG.COM

special connection

GEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS

COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURA

, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN......COURAGEOUS, DYNA

MEN.....COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN.....COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN.....COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN.....COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN........

COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN...COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN...COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN.....COURAGEOU

BEAUTY

• DIY Manicure • 2013 Hairstyles • Gettin teeth whiter

FASHION

• Tame the crazy closet • Tie the knot • Don’t get pinch! • Scarfs & more Scarfs • 2013 spring/summer

NEED TO KNOW

• Gays in the scouts, Why do they need to feel to cause a riot!!

SUGAR & SPICE • Syncgasm • SEX TOYS 101

MENOLOGY

• Unlucky love advice • 7 types of guys that you can’t resist • Dog house men • Is my man addicted

ADVENTURES OF A SINGLE BITCH • No luck of any kind

ARIACTS

• Tap the brewer inside • Dynamic Beer traditions

HOW TO

• How to get a out of a speeding ticket!

US, DYNAMIC,.... COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN.....COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC, MEN.....COURAGEOUS, DYNAMIC,

DIRTY LITTLE SECRECTS

• Secrets can be unlucky when they get out...

IN & OUT

• Meet James And His Story

GLUTTONY

• Eat More Greens!!

Health

• Knowing your lift • 5 myths about distance running

ARIESCOPE • Lucky?

ARIES QUIZ

• Do you take enough risks?

ENTERTAINMENT

Beers to rock St. P Day

by Andy McBride

Pubs to get your drink on Ceol Irish Pub - 538 S Virginia St Ceol is the Gaelic word for “music”. This traditional pub is a place where you can sit and enjoy fine spirits with good friends. Pub N Sub- 1000 Ralston St This is a family-owned and operated pub where you can enjoy your beer and watch the game or play some pool with your friends. Pub N Sub also offers a variety of food, ranging from pizza, hot and cold sandwiches to dozens of choices for appetizers. Shenanigan’s Old English Pub - 77 W Plumb Ln This place is a traditional sports bar with great tasting food and TV for everyone to watch. Customer’s love their variety of beer to choose from and enjoy the relaxing atmosphere. The Blind Onion Pizza and Pub - 6405 S Virginia St/ 834 Victorian Ave / 295 Los Altos Pkwy A kid-friendly pizza and beer pub with honey to dip your crust in! Come try it out, you won’t be disappointed! Flowing Tide Pub - 10580 N McCarran Blvd Flowing Tide Pub is a great place for drinks, food, gaming, and sports. With big screen TV’s, pool tables and video gaming, this pub also has a great selection of food and beer on their affordable menu.

HOTTIE AT THE END OF STREET Hearthrob, Max Theriot, now has just hit the charts of innocent boy to dangerous bad boy. In his lastest movie that I seen. ( I know that it has been awhile since this move has been out on dvd) House at the end of the street is must see movie that has you doing twist and turns and a plot that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Max plays a guy named Ryan who the outcast of the town. Sorry heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not the leady of the story. Opposite of him is Jennifer Lawerance a girl who just moved to the subarbs. She meets ryan (theorit) who lives right down the street from her. His story intails his little sister who killed his parents while he was away. Jennifer lawarnce, Elissa, sees that he needs a friend and grows attach to him with each day. Little does she found out his dark secrect that awaits.... This movie I give it 9 out 10. The story line threw me for a loop. What you really think is going on is not what it is. I would not mind being his slave in the basement just as long as he provides nightly sex for me. This is a movie worth watching any maybe in my shelf.

The prequel to the â&#x20AC;&#x153;THE WIZARD OF OZâ&#x20AC;?, tells the backstory of how the Wizard came to oz It was fore told that a man with the same name would come, defeat the wicked witch and restore the land of OZ back to its former glory. What they got instead was a womanizing conman from Kansas who performs magic tricks who happens to be named Oscar aka OZ (James Franco). Being chased by a fellow carnie for messing around with his lady he steals a hot air balloon and casted into a tornado. Same way that Dorothy was transported to the land of oz. From black & white to hd color he his found by Theodora, (Mila Kunz) the good witch of the south. Putting on his womaznizing charm he makes Theodora think that he is interested in her and presents her a musicbox (as he has presented before for other woman) and states that it was his grandmothers and wants her to have it. The two dance the night away and head to the emerald city where he meets Evanora (Rachael Wiez) sister of Theodora. She is suspicious of claimed wizard. Evanora asks him to help kill the wicked witch and in reward become king of oz and receive a treasure. He is intriged by the gold and accepts the quest. Along the way he gains some friends to help with the journey, A flying monkey named Finley (Zach Braff) and a China doll (Joey King). Stopping at a grave site they see what they think is the witch there looking for. Instead they meet Glinda the good witch ( Michelle Willams). Confuzed by what Evanora had told them. Glinda explains the true prophecy, realizing who the real wicked witch is. Watching from a huge crystal ball Theodora sees that he has now switched sides, she is hurt, thinking that he will make Glinda his Queen. Without spoling the entire film, I give it a 8 out of 10. The graphics were amazing, the cast was amazing. The story line could have been a little better. It was not a solid story. There were a few things that were left out. The yellow brick road was barley used and what happened to the ruby slippers? Other than that the 2hr movie is something that I would like to own. You can never go wrong when it comes to land of oz. This movie is worth the $9.00 at the theater just make sure you have enough popcorn and soda otherwise you will miss something and have the movie people rewind the movie. LOL

The Great and Powerful

BOOK OF THE MONTH

he story opens with an impending battle between the Munchkinlanders and the Emerald City (EC) troops. In the middle of the hotbed’s Mauntery, the center that’s been the epicenter for Elphaba, Yackle, Liir, and Candle. Yackle still lives despite losing her eyesight, and longs for death. At her request, the Maunts bury her in their crypt alive with only a few candles and some wine. She’s eventually forgotten, but not by all. Elsewhere, a young woman wanders the Land of Oz until her path crosses “the dwarf”, whom she calls Mr. Boss, the caretaker of the Clock of the Time Dragon. The Clock has awakened... Back at the Mauntery, Brrr, the Cowardly Lion, and his pet, a Glass Cat that he has nicknamed Shadowpuppet, arrive looking for Yackle. The maunts claim she’s deceased but Yackle rises from the crypt, still alive. Yackle and Brrr begin a game of wits - Brrr demands information on Madame Morrible and in exchange he’ll tell Yackle about himself. Brrr doesn’t remember his parents or where he’s from. He grew up by himself in the Great Gillikin Forest, learning language from the hunters that travel through his forest. One day he meets a soldier, Jemmsy, who’s caught in his own hunting trap that was supposed to catch Animals. He implores Brrr to go to Tenniken and get help. Instead, out of fear and the naive belief that since this is the first person he’s conversed with, then Jemmsy’s a friend and can’t be abandoned, Brrr stays with Jemmsy until he dies, claiming the books that lie beside him and taking Jemmsy’s medal for courage to give to Jemmsy’s relatives. Thus begins the Lion’s unhappy personage as a coward. After Jemmsy dies, Brrr goes out to find Tenniken. Not long after he sets out, Brrr finds a terrified Bear Cub. The Bear soon reveals that his name’s Cubbins, and takes Brrr to his family. They’re the Northern Bears under rule by Queen Ursaless. She tells Brrr that to get to Tenniken, he must travel through the Cloud Swamp, a wet land inhabited by the Ozmists (ghost-like beings). Brrr and Cubbins have an “all but fatal” interview with the Ozmists. Brrr soon leaves Cubbins with the pile of books as he leaves the Great Gillikin Forest for the first time. When Brrr first ventures out of the forest, he finds out he isn’t in Tenniken at all, but Traum, a market town east of Tenniken. Brrr soon finds himself involved in a massacre of Glikkun trolls. Not knowing what to do, Brrr tells some trolls to play dead, as he thinks that it’s the only way to bypass the slaughter, but they take his advice too late and become captured. The people of Traum celebrate the Lion for refusing to help their enemies, the Glikkuns, and Brrr safely gets out of Traum by train. While on the train, however, Brrr decides that his refusal to help the Glikkuns is really a badge of shame, and knowing that in Tenniken his reputation will precede him, he ultimately can’t bring himself to go there, instead arriving in the University town of Shiz. Brrr sets himself up in an apartment, and spends time in and around Shiz. --Just a glimpse into this book.

WERE INSTA ON GRAM HASH TAG #ARIE S MAG AZIN E

LD U O WE W E TO LOV UR O Y E E S !! D L R WO

{ 1

BALL @ 7 COURT 7PM

/ Tronix @ 8 Vanity 10

14 QSU UNR @ 7-9

/ Tronix @ 15 Vanity 10

21 QSU UNR @ 7-9

/ Tronix 22 Vanity @ 10

28 QSU UNR @ 7-9

Vanity / Tronix @ 10

}

EXPOSED

ME, MYSELF, & I

o you know what TMI is? Chances are you’re either guilty of it or have been its victim. It stands for “too much information” and it’s making daily life awkward for people across the country. Just think back to a recent uncomfortable conversation you had with someone -- a friend, family member or total stranger. Things were going well until the other person just laid it all out there: an unnecessary peek into his or her financial situation, sex life or health problems. No matter what you do, your view of an oversharer is forever changed. If you haven’t suffered through one of these conversations, your time will come ... or you are a walking diary. Painful chitchat on a train is one thing, but workplace TMI is its own monster. At work, oversharing can damage your reputation, make your co-workers avoid you in the hallway and even damage your career.

13 TMI Topics You should Avoid by Chris Gorman

1. Medical history: Hospitals and human resources departments are prohibited by law from giving out your medical information for a reason. People have a tendency to adjust their behavior when they find out you have, or had, a medical condition. They might treat you like a sick child or make you an outcast. 2. Confidential work information: Hey, did you hear who’s getting fired? You -- because you couldn’t keep private information to yourself. 3. Plans to quit: When you’re hunting for a new job, don’t let co-workers know. Loose lips or devious motives can mean your secret search finds its way to the boss. Possible outcomes: you’re let go before you’re ready or you’re quietly pushed out, which is what happened to Ron Doyle. He mentioned to some co-workers that he and his wife were deciding if one of them needed to quit. Doyle was just thinking aloud and had no intention of turning in his resignation letter quite yet. When he eventually quit, everyone was surprised. He explained how ostracized he felt, but they insisted that they had no idea they were acting that way toward him. “Never tell them you might leave -- subconsciously or otherwise, they’ll act as if you already have.”

4. Online venting sites: If you use your social networking profile or a blog to release frustration about your personal and work life, don’t send your co-workers a link. You’ll have to clean up your digital dirt (even more than it already should be) and censor yourself from now on. 3. Plans to quit: Soap operas are fun to watch on TV, but they’re not fun to live. Your reputation will suffer if you come into the office in tears one day because you broke up with your significant other and then you dance down the hall the next week because you met the love of your life. Your love life isn’t as interesting to anyone else as it is to you, and people may be unable to separate your romantic life from your professional one. 6. Politics You’ve seen how out of hand political discussions can get with your family at the dinner table. Do you really want to start that kind of drama at work? Keep in mind that while your family is obligated to love you no matter what, co-workers are not. 7. Salary information Money’s a weird topic in our culture. As eager as we are to find out what other people make, we’re not as ready to divulge our earnings. Salary is associated with worth, and when your salary’s known, it invites speculation of whether you’re being over- or undercompensated. Why are you getting paid that much when another person with the same qualification earns much less? Vicky Oliver, author of “Bad Bosses, Crazy Co-Workers and Other Office Idiots,” also cautions that your accomplishments can be downplayed if this information is public. “You don’t want your co-workers to snivel about how you ‘don’t need the money’ every time your boss wants to give you a bonus.” Avoid the drama and gossip and keep your salary to yourself. 8. Religion See politics.

9. Your privileged life: Along the same lines of keeping salary information to yourself, your enviable pull with society’s high rollers should also stay private. Although you have the good fortune to know powerful business leaders and social butterflies, bragging about how many doors they’ve opened for you will tarnish your image. “Don’t rub your privilege in other people’s faces,” Oliver warns. “People should be rewarded on the basis of merit.” Bragging about how you got into an Ivy League school or even in your current position will put doubt about your qualifications. 10. Therapy sessions: Keep your visits with a therapist a private matter. Petty co-workers can start rumors about you or make snide remarks behind your back. No need to put yourself in that situation 11. The Rubik’s Cube that is your personal life When Marci Diehl worked as a recruiter, she encountered a job seeker who came in to register with the staffing agency -- and she still remembers her over a decade later. The woman came in and explained that her boyfriend was waiting outside with her child because she didn’t have a car and that speed was of the essence. Also, her son was not the boyfriend’s child. “Somehow in this tale about the boyfriend, she told us that the boyfriend was not a happy camper, because her 6 year old slept with them every night -- and they’d only been going together for a few weeks,” Diehl remembers. Naturally, the agency had a difficult time placing her because she was a risky employee who didn’t know when to keep her thoughts to herself. 12. Gossip: One of the big reasons you want to keep important information to yourself is to avoid the gossip it can spur. Well, don’t play the gossip game either. Spreading rumors or secrets that you’d want kept secret isn’t going to help your career. 13. Your Chris Rock routine: In an episode of “The Office,” Michael Scott gets in trouble for repeating, verbatim, a Chris Rock stand-up routine full of racially charged jokes and cuss words. Comedians get paid to be edgy, daring and even offensive. You get fired for it

ust like masturbation,fine-tuning your gaydar is a skill, but is it possible for a gay man to have his internal gay compass permanently on the fritz? If you ask me to make a grilled cheese sandwich, cut your bangs, or even snip your baby’s umbilical cord, I’ll show up and perform my duty with precision, ease and confidence. Yes, I’ve cut an umbilical cord, but that’s another blog and it goes more under the file of burned bologna, but I digress. The point is, I am good at tasks; all but one, zoning in on gay men. I’m not sure if it’s a biological, mental or physical but mine is clearly non existent. I’ve sat in amazement as friends–both male and female–turn their gaydar dials on and start to label gay men and women like they were stockers at Walmart sticking tags on tampons. Oh how

I envy them. I feel like the ugly ducking who’s still waiting for his magical feathers to sprout. And its been 34 years. I remember the first time my gaydar failed; it was during my high school years. I fell in love with a young Black boy in the first-aid isle at Kmart. He was buying hydrogen peroxide and I was reaching for the foot fungus cream when our eyes met. We both had our products and marched up to the sales counter. I was drawn to this stranger, intoxicated with a sense of lust, love and itchy feet. His mysterious dark eyes and thick full lips consumed me. I allowed him to go before me in the line–it would be unsouthern not to and I stared at him the entire time wondering if he had fallen in love with me too. Just then, a tall slinky black girl popped up out of nowhere and came up to him and snatched the perox-

ide out of his hands and yelled at him for taking too long. He turned to me as my eyes were still locked on him and said, “What’s your problem? You’ve been looking at me funny since I saw you over there!” In my embarrassment, I pretended to not speak English and just scurried out of the store. That was the first time my gaydar failed. Incidentally, it was also the first time I shoplifted. In all the commotion, I ran out of Kmart without paying for the foot cream. To this day my gaydar doens’t work and at times I don’t know whether a guy is flirting with me from across the street with a wink or just having a mild stroke. When did you discover your gaydar? And do you think you have to be gay to have it?

IS YOUR FAGHAG RIGHT FOR YOU?

o many of us gays have what we call a FagHag. You donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t now what a faghag is then here it is. Fag hag is a gay slang phrase referring to a woman who either associates mostly or exclusively with gay and bisexual men, or has gay and bisexual men as close friends. The phrase originated in gay male culture in the United States and was historically an insult. Some women who associate with gay men object to being called fag hags while others embrace the term. At the begining you thought that this person would be your faghag, the one you can share everyting with including all of your sexventures. But she is starting to get on your nerves and become more like a girlfriend then a friend. Its time for to find another faghag and drop the other one that you

have. When it comes to chosing your faghag. Find someone who is like you in every way not a hopeless girl looking for a man to cling too. Someone can go from being your friend to be utterly in love with. Find a girlfriend who already has a boyfriend. He will love you too because your taking her off of his hands for awhile so he can either have him time or time for his friends.

How TALK TO THE do you HANDCUZ WERE make Does this color clash NOT GROOMINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; your with my shoes! butt look in My ass, does it those look big in pants OMG! Is there something wrong with my hair. Can you fix it!

my jeans

Can you see my bra? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE HEELS, CAN YOU TRY THEM ON FOR ME?

skank? or slut? for tonight?

Wish I had your body i could fit into anything Can you fix my boyfriends cothes I want him to dress more like you!

GEEZ, YOU SEE WHAT THAT GIRL IS WEARING, IT WOULD LOOK Always coming to us for fashion and beauty adBETTER ON vice and even coming up to us and asking us how ME RIGHT! you look before you step out in the world. We

T H G I A R SH*T ST Y A S E L P PEO are not your personal groomers but you seem to think we are. STOP!!!!!

ARIES - What was going through your head when you finally realized you were gay? Justin - Shit what will all my friends and family think when I finally have the balls to come out! (Everybody was pretty amazing and supportive and blown away that I had been hiding in the closest for so long) ARIES - What made you decide to go into the military? Justin - I had gotten in a car wreck my snowboard career was kinda stale and I thought if I could inspire some kid to ride Tahoe like did for ten plus years and then give back to your country is pretty amazing!! I never pictured myself ever joining the military but I made some great friends during my six years.

ARIES - What was it like knowing you were gay and in the military? Justin - It was really hard at the time DADT was still Implemented and I couldn’t be “out” after about 5 years in DADT was done with but I was already almost done with my enlistment..and when it did change over I wasn’t going to be all “im gay” to my fellow co workers it really didn’t change anything for Me...In truth it was really hard being “straight” in the military..I still think it is for most troops especially men. ARIES - What was your views on don’t ask don’t tell policy? Justin - From the day I enlisted I already knew I was gay signing a paper saying I wasn’t allowed to be “out” was pretty hard to deny like that..but I didn’t really have a choice either.

ARIES - What did you learn from the military? Justin - Oh geez idk how to shoot guns take orders make the best outta almost any situation. ARIES - Now that your no longer in the military what are doing with you life? Justin - School full time, Lake Tahoe beach in the summers and snowboard in the winters and of course inspire the kiddos in the winters! Most of all showing my fellow friends to be proud of who they are and to be whatever they want to be in this crazy little world!

ARIES - What would like to to see change in the gay community? Justin - Flakiness and hardcore drug use like meth itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretty lame and I think is a pretty big issue in our community. Also, monogamy is something I think very few gay men really want as well...Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not down with sleeping with ever guy and every guys boyfriend. ARIES - What is the first thing people notice when they meet you? Justin - I look like Vin Diesel and that I have long eyelashes. ARIES - Any goals you have for yourself? Justin - Of course finish school is number one right now. That and become a millionaire and live my dream as a bummy mountain man with somebody special

ARIES - What’s one thing that no one knows about you that never want anybody to know? Justin - If I told you that it wouldn’t be a secret lol ARIES - Last movie you cried at? Justin - The last 3 days with Russel Crowe..discovered it on Netflix it was a pretty amazing story about love and breaking the person you love outta prison. It was pretty great and I’m kinda a movie nerd. ARIES - If you we’re on your death bed and you had one wish what would it be? Justin - That’s a really tuff question I guess I would like to have the person I love next to me like that macklemore video Same Love..yup that would be a pretty sweet way to leave this world.

A Comedy Troop Like No Other

Teacher, A Radio host, A Plan Parent Hood Counsler, A Manager of a Grocery Store, A City Worker, and A Women Who Hosts T.V. Shows come together twice a month to bring you comedy like no other. You heard the show the Who’s Line Is It Anyway..... well reno does it better with the Utility Players. Jessica (first row bottom) has selfishly need to see improv comedy all the time and had dreamt the name Utility Players, which is a term used in the sport of baseball meaning that they can play any position in the game. I had asked them what do they bring each show

that they do. Ian brings a smart sharp whit, with a multitude of characters and impersonations. Joe has great singing voice and is great at the musical games. Chris brings the life of the party and makes the scene real. Shane is the quick mindest people his ability to know where the scene is going and get it there. Wrapping it all in a bow. Amanda brings the sex appeal to the show. Her timing is amazing, turning something from not funny into funny is amazing. Emily brings a knowledge of the experience that she has been in, and class to the show. SHE GLOWS and cannot help but watch her. You may think that its going one way but she can

take another. Jessica is like the mom of the group, she brings everyone in and sees the best in everyone. She is very open with experimenting with different ideas. Sh’e allows the players to really play and have a good time. Whenever they are on stage they get inspiration from the laughter and smiles they get from the audience. Amanda draws hers from alot of the female comedians. Tina Fey, Amy Pohler. “They don’t care looking rediculous but still be sexy” Chris pulls his from pop culture, weaving it somehow. “We are all procastinators” says Jessica. But they do find material on the spot. They

have no problem come up with funny lines. They bounce of each so if one is stumped they help one another to make scene. When they have audience members come down and interact with the players is less stress and the focus is more on the audience memeber who is involved. “Emily and I pee Together but not in the same stall” Emily says. But Emily sings Don’t You Wish Your Girl Funny like, Don’t you wish your girl did improve comedy (a reference to the pussycat dolls) Ian meditates to his ipod. Shane is late. But Jessica gets them together to do a powwow circle to get them ready.

“If you had an improve troo p you can play any po stion we can be any thing, a comedy tro op called the Utility Players”

No matter wha the situation is the group is like a family when they come together. Reno would not be the same if we didn’t have an improve group like this one. Check them out on there facebook and buy tickets to see them live. They are worth seeing.

l l a e r a e W “ s r o t a n i t s a proc s e m o c t i n whe ” s e n i l d a e d to

BEAUTY

T TREND ALER

Putting the MAN Back in MANicur e! by Destiny Sheenan

* *

The first thing is to make sure your hands and toe nails are clean of any dirt or debris. Use an old toothbrush or a nail srub brush like Club White Nail Scrub Brush ($0.99) to get squeaky clean!

The start to a great maicure and pedicure are clean lines. There are seperate toe and finger nail clippers, each respectively helping with the shape and cut of your nails. Cut in a oval shap and afterwards file down any pointy edges with a nail file.

Feeling adventorous? Brands like Alpha Nail are now making nail polish specially made for dudes. With names like “Burnin’ Rubber”, “Cocaine” and “Benjamins”, cool shades to match and UFC fighters like Henry Martinez wearing their product, this is a bandwagon that I would jump onto!

Pushing back cuticles makes a clear bed and also helps nails to grow. Always moisturize cuticles a day before with a salve like J.R.Watkins Lavendar Cuticle Cream ($8). Dry cuticles can crack and bleed without proper moisturizing. On the day of, use a cuticle remover like Develop 10 Creamy Cuticle Remover $6. Rub in then wash off a few minutes later. Use an orange stick try Amazon.com 20 sticks for $.73 to push back, using a circular motion slowly pushing cuticles back until they are at the base of your nail.

Finish off with your favorite lotion or a hydrating salve like Burts Bees Farmers Friend Hand Salve ($9) for the pampering touch to your finished hands or toes!

POLISHING THOSE

One of the first things a possible sutior sees in you is a great smile! But dentist visits are costly, time consuming and frighting! These do-it-yourself products are quick,easy and in your price range!

he cheapest and most natural way to whiten your teeth is to eat fruits and vegetables. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right, fruits and veggies! Apples,carrots,pears and celery have an abrasive surface that naturally cleans and whitens teeth. Their acidic nature also helps whiten and break down tartar. Next time bite straight in instead of cutting them up, only eating them in their whole form can you benefit from their teeth whitening abilites. Want to whiten while you brush? Many brands of toothpaste have an over the counter option option that are specially made to whiten and bleach teeth. These three brands are

sworn to be the best: -Arm&Hammer Extra Whitening ($5): With extra flouride to fight cavaties and a fresh minty taste the peroxide and baking soda work hard at whitening your teeth. Theres a reason why our moms used the ingredients in whitening our clothes!! -Rembrandt Premium Whitening ($5): With all natural ingredients to help whiten your teeth, this brand is also the only one to also prevent canker sores! Double whammy!! -Luster White Premium White White 7 ($6): This is the cadillac of whitening toothpastes! With essential oils to help in whole mouth health, it removes surface and intrin

sic stains with an active dental peroxide.With Blueverite technology that sinks into pores canceling out yellowness, proven to whiten teeth by two shades! Helps build enamel withouth wearing it down like a bleaching agent. -Crest 3D White Whitestrips Advanced Vivid ($23): Designed to be worn for 30 minutes a day for two weeks, these strips adhere to your teeth and hold the bleaching solution in place. -Rembrandt Intense Stain Dissolving Strips ($23): Designed to be worn over a two week time period as well, these strips remove smoking,coffee and wine stains.

mpadour

The Po

This modern style is for the man not afraid to rock his hairline and the prep in all of us. Keep sides two inches long and the top three inches. While damp use a sleek finishing cream like Jack Black Cream with Olive and Rosemary ($17). Part your hair right above the middle of your eye and comb completely over to the right or left. You can either comb completely over or pop the top up using a “U” motion for an extra touch.

Take a clue from old world France on this one. The Pompadour is the perfect blend of sophistication and rebel in a well put together style. Keep the sides of your hair an inch or two long with the top no longer than four inches. Try a grooming cream like bumbleandbumble ($25) while hair is damp and blow dry while combing the top of your hair up and back with fingers. Don’t worry if you find a few odd pieces out of place and just work with them!

The Sleek Comb Over

2013 Top Hairstyles Do you frequently catch yourself stareing in the mirror and wondering what to do with that overgrown mess of fur that sits on top of your scalp? Tired of that same drab, dreary hairstyle you’ve had since your sophomore year of high school? Then grab some product, a comb, and this insightful article and let’s whip those tired locks into shape and transform you into the head-turning hottie you’ve always wanted to be!

EVEN RYAN GOSLING GOT THE MEMO!!!

This slightly-scruffy mussed style is perfect for rocking this summer! For this style, keep all hair three to five inches long. You’ll want to have your bangs razored by a stylist for an edgy rocker look and use a texturizing spray like Not Your Mother’s Beach Babe Texturizing Sea Salt Spray ($5) while hair is dry. Comb fingers through bangs while using a back and forth motion to give it an “I don’t give a f&$#!” look!

y l il b a k c o R The

The Long g n a B d e r u Text

Snubbing The Pompadour because you think it’s a bit too regal? Try its cousin The Rockabilly instead! Shave the sidee of your head to a ½ inch and keep the top at least five to six inches. Use a holding cream like d:fi Extreme Hold Styling Cream ($12) while hair is wet. Blowdry the top of hair using a round hair brush underneath to push hair back and up. The trick is to get hair to its highest point while still maintaining a slight Pompadour feel.

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FASHION Tying the Knot!

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Coming clean: Taming your closet Until a couple of weeks ago, my closet looked like a jumble sale. I had jeans in nearly every size, designer labels next to thriftstore gag gifts, and sweaters Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d clung to since high school. I felt an oppressive weight on my shoulders every morning as I waded through my overstuffed rack, trying to find something that fit, felt good, and flattered. One grey morning I found myself alone with my unruly closet and nothing in my appointment book. I decided that it was time to come clean with myself, and with my closet. So I rolled up my sleeves and started pruning. Four little rules helped me cut through the emotional baggage attached to so many of my clothes.

1. Have I worn this in the last year? If you haven’t worn an outfit in over a year, what are the chances you’ll wear it this year? Slim to none. I am as guilty as the next girl of buying clothes because I like the color of the fabric, a particular detail or a crazy low sale price. But once I get home, a lot of these clothes simply don’t work with my body type. Sadly, a teeny-tiny pair of barely-worn pre-baby Hudson jeans was in this category. It hurt, but it was time to say goodbye. If you’re unsure of what you’ve worn, hang the item backward on your closet rod. After you wear it, turn the hanger around the right way. If it stays backward after a few weeks or months, toss it. I had lots of backward hangers in my closet, so to these clothes, I said, “See ya later!”

2. Does it make me feel good about myself? Clothes — for women especially — have strong emotional influences. There were several really weird things in my closet that just didn’t make me feel pretty or special, and it seemed as if I always wore those things. A long-sleeved t-shirt that read “Glendale Shakespeare Club,” a green wool sweater I bought in college, a pair of maternity jeans with threadbare thighs. These clothes were ugly and dumpy and made me feel ugly and dumpy, too. So, to them, I said, “You’re outta here!”

3. If I didn’t feel guilty for some reason, would I still own it? Guilt clothes. Ahh, the hardest pile of all. My mother, bless her heart, loves to buy me things. Actually, she really loves to buy us things. She’ll find a 90 percent off rack at Dillard’s and if she lands on a particularly darling sweater, she’ll buy one in her size and one in mine. Here’s the thing, though: These clothes are precious on her. Her style is whimsical and ruffled, and mine is more tailored and practical. About a fifth of my closet was comprised of really nice clothes that I kept hanging on to because my sweet mama brought them to me with an excited smile. And I hate to let my mama down. But I decided that if I gave that stack to charity, they could live on in someone else’s wardrobe. And so, to my guilt wardrobe, I bid a fond, “Adieu.”

4. Is it comfortable and flattering? Finally, the comfort test. Sure, the plunging necklines, cinched waists, and short skirts are great for a night out, so I made exceptions for special occasion clothes. But, the vast majority of comfort offenders were in my daily rotation. In fact, most of them weren’t even cute enough to compensate for the restrictive bust, awkward length, or other anger-inducing shortcomings. So I tossed them into the charity pile without a friendly goodbye. Once the purging was complete, I replaced all my old, ugly hangers with flocked slimline hangers that prevent clothes from ending up in rumpled heaps on the floor.

MENS FA RUNWA

SPRING/S

NEED TO KNOW

Behind The Times: Making Their Own T Rules

by: Charles Scott

he Boy Scouts of America have been around for more than 100 years. You heard me right everyone, more than 100 years. Granted it is only is only 103 years of tradition as of the 8th of February, but it is still a long standing tradition in the United States to put many of our young men through the mill to teach them how to be better members of society in every facet of life. While that is what they say, the BSA openly discriminates against gays and has had the legal backing to do so in the 2000 verdict of Boy Scouts of America vs. Dale which said that any private organization has the right to set their own member standards. For nearly 10 years, as a new policy was instated in 2004, that those standards would remain the same for generations to come. The problem with that is with the current viewpoint on gays changing in America, even a hollowed institution like the BSA would eventually have to look at changing its policies and membership standards. Just last year, in July, a vote was put before the National Executive Board of the BSA that decided to keep the policy of keeping gays out of the scouts, in a unanimous decision no doubt. That particular decision did not sit well with many of the financial backers of the BSA. Intel, UPS, and the pharmaceutical company Merck severed ties with the BSA. On this National Executive Board are two men who have publically stated that they are championing the issue of creating equality of leadership within the BSA. These men are also CEOs of major corporations, Ernst & Young and AT&T. What may actually tip the scales in the favor of finally ending the discrimination within the BSA is the fact that Randall Stephenson, the CEO of AT&T, is expected to head the BSA board when the next time the position becomes open. As great of news as that may sound we are likely to have to wait at least a year for

that to happen, maybe even longer. For those of us that are impatient, much like myself, we still have to wait until the national meeting of the board, once again in July, for the vote to be brought up again. I hope everyone has their coffee and jammies on, this is going to be a long night. I am thoroughly excited about the possibility of this finally happening. There are many reasons for this and almost all of them personal. My best friend, Cameron, who is possibly the most gay guy I’ve ever met, man-

aged to complete everything and become an Eagle Scout. The most important reason to me is that the BSA has been exhibiting the biggest case of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” that I can even think of. Maybe I’m being irrational in that comparison but I think it is fitting. I can’t count the number of gay men that I have met who were scouts and were never kicked out. Maybe you’ve met me and you know how much I value rational equality and any form of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is in no way rational or equal. I am

almost vindictive in my desire to see the policy of discrimination come to an end. You, me, my neighbor, the rich guy who owns a home on California Avenue or the homeless man begging for money on the street are all the same. We have different circumstances that we live in but we are all human and deserve the same respect. When you show me that a “first among equals” concept works, then maybe I’ll rethink my position. Until then, I guess I’ll have to wait until July in order to keep you updated.

SUGAR & SPICE

Sex Toys 101 by Matthew Embrey-Mcclain

Have you ever thought too add a sex toy to your sexcapades? Well here at ARIES we highly recommend them. Here is some basic knowledge about a wide variety of sex toys to use and what they are designed for.

PENEITRATIVE TOYS

Vibrators, dildos, anal beads and anal

plugs are toys that are designed to be inserted into the body to provide pleasurable stimulation. They are usually designed to be like an average sized penis in length and girth. Though, as opposed to dildos and anal plugs, vibrators are usually equipped with ribs, nubs, beads, and thrusting apparatuses for increased stimulation. Bullet vibrators are small vibrators that are designed to be completely inserted and have a retrieval cord. Anal plugs also differ from dildos and vibrators in that they have a flange piece at the base to help with retrieval. All these devices come in many different materials. Anal beads are designed to be inserted into the anus and pulled out at varying speeds during climax. Ben Wa Balls are similar to anal beads but are constructed in two layers and usually of metal. The inner ball is free moving inside an outer ball. This creates vibrations and stimulation as a person moves around. Choose the one that is right for you keeping in mind: ease of use, ease of cleaning, and durability. A little hint: Look for medical grade silicone, or glass. Many vibrators and dildos are only meant for female stimulation but can be used for male stimulation, just be careful not to loose your toys..

PENIS TOYS Cock rings and triple crowns are toys designed to reduce blood flow out of the penis that helps to maintain an erection and also increases the pressure inside the shaft of the penis providing extra sensitivity. When choosing a cock ring for the first time, use a soft rubber or silicone, and never wear them for longer than 20 or so minutes. The penis is a pretty important part of your body and it needs constant blood flow to stay healthy. Cock rings can be placed at the base of the shaft above or below the testes. A triple crown is a cock ring that has a scrotum ring designed to prevent the testes from being pulled close to the body during orgasm generally increasing pleasure. A flesh light is a flashlight looking toy with an opening at one end designed to simulate a vagina, mouth, or anus. A penis sleeve is a soft rubbery or silicone tube that slides over the shaft of the penis often equipped with ribs and beads for added stimulation Remember all toys should be cleaned thoroughly with a cleaner or by boiling in hot water to prevent the growth of harmful bacteria. Check the cleaning instructions on each toy you buy for proper sanitation procedures. SDT transmission rate increases by several factors of 10 when you share toys. Do not share toys with someone unless you are 100% sure they have NO-ZERO-ZIP-NADA STDs.

THE ILLUSIVE SIMALTANEOUS ORGASM

“It is a strange mix of, It’s over already?” and “OMFG!!!”

uming simultaneously is something not all couples have the pleasure of being privy to. The number one reason why couples don’t orgasm together is because they have varying pleasure buttons. It’s true that men only take on average 2 minutes to climax, but for men the difference between cuming and waiting for your partner to cum can be an eternity. Luckily for you, ARIES is here to give you the low down on how to achieve this simaltaneo-izing experience. Where are the EROGENOUS ZONES you ask? Well, starting from the top they are: the EARS, BACK OF THE NECK, THE SIDES OF THE NECK, THE UPPER BACK-MIDDLE-AND-LOWER BACK, THE ARM PITS, THE REAR LATERAL MUSCLES, THE CHEST AND NIPPLES, THE STOMACH, THE OBLIQUES, THE BUTT, THE GROIN, THE INSIDE OF THE THIGHS, THE BACK OF THE THIGHS, THE CALVES AND THE FEET. Your erogenous zones are pretty much any surface on the body that has an increased sensory function. But, as you might already know, not everyone’s sensitivity level per zone is different. Not only will extra stimulation quicken the time to climax, it can also delay it and create a much more fulfilling orgasm.

STEP ONE

STEP TWO

STEP THREE

STEP FOUR

Get to know your pleasure centers. Are you a top, bottom, or versatile? Where are your erogenous zones? Do you like them nibbled, licked, rubbed, scratched, or etc? If you don’t know what you like, then take the time to experiment and learn about yourself a bit more. Proceed to STEP TWO when you think you know enough about what you like to educate your SO.

Teach your SO all about your pleasure centers. Be open and truthfully express your pleasure needs. If you need more of something inform him with a sensual ‘OOOoo yes! Yes!’ or if you need less of something a soft whisper ‘ah ah ah too much, too much’ will suffice. Once your partner knows what you like and is pretty good at providing it, proceed to

Get to know your partners pleasure center. Are they a top, bottom, or versatile? Do they like their nipples tantalized? Do they like their erogenous zones licked and sucked? Or are they into more kinky behavior. Same adjustment language applies here. Be open and encourage him to help you learn and guide you. Once you both know enough to rock each other’s world.

Learn each other’s orgasm rhythm. After completing steps 1-3 you might already have an idea about each other’s rhythm. Once you both know how long it takes for you to get off, use all those erogenous zones to adjust the time it takes for you both to get off. Personally if I am taking a while and we need to hurry up, the best thing Lance can do is play with my butt and neck. The best thing I can do for him is play with his nipples and butt. If we need to take it slower giving me hickies around my groin will send me into a whole different type of pleasure (we will discuss more on other pleasures in later issues) that is meant to last for much longer. If I need Lance to last longer I lick his upper back and neck sending him into pleasure frenzy.

MENOLOGY

“Its been asked by my partner that he wants to make a sex tape , I dont know if I should do it, but I think it would be fun to do.” Feeling very cautious about the actions your about do is normal. It’s that whole listening to your gut. Keeping is spicy in the bedroom is a great idea so that it doesn’t get boring. On the other hand anyting can go wrong. It’s all up to you and your personal barriers. Talk to him and see if there is another fantasy that he would like to fulfill. Most likely there is. Men like living on the edge, the “Am I gonna get caught” feeling is what they strive. If your worried about anybody veiwing it, the only enusre way is to view it and then delete, delete, delete. Its nice to enjoy a film the two of you made see if from a different perspective gives you a chance to see yourself in action and see what you can do to better improve your magic iin the bedroom. I have never done a naugty film and don’t plan to. I have thought about it, don’t get me wrong but its better to safe than sorry.

Unlucky in love There is a saying that my mother has always told me “ if you don’t want anybody knowing about anything just don’t give them the opportunity to do it” and for that I have always been cautious about what I say and do.

“Whenever we go out in public he is a completly different person, he acts like where not together and I become the friend. It drives me crazy.” It can be frustrating becoming the friend. I have been there and done that. It makes you like garbage. But if like/love him then you do things for him that you don’t agree on. He will do it in return. If he just came out of the closet, then it’s normal to do this. Its a safe zone, and he may not be ready to tell specific people about who he is. Give him time it will get better. Before you know it he will hold your hand and introduce you as his boyfriend without any hesitation. Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. It may get heated, but be the understanding boyfriend. You have done your time and know its his turn to get where you are. I wouldn’t say that your unlucky in love, but the feeling you want to feel is just not there yet. You will ge there, he probably feels bad about intoducing you as the friend.

So don’t make him feel anyworse that he already does. “I gave my current boyfriend a key to my apartment. One night I came home and all my stuff was gone. I couldn’t believe it!” What are you doing talking to me, you should be talking to the police about this issue. Most likely he was a scammer guy or just a theif. You have to watch out for guys like that. They are very good at what they do. Told you that he was into and after talking he said that he was looking for the same thing. Guys like that will agree on anything and trap you and take advantage. All I can say is becareful about who you give access to your place. Good luck catching the guy! “Ever since I heard about your magazine and that I could email a question to you, I was a little scared to hit the send button. But I will never get my question answered. My man has a little penis, I’m talking about lipstick size, I love him to death, but he never satisfises me. Is there away that I can make sex amazing for the both of us. Mind you I am a bottom and don’t like to top. I just don’t want to hurt his feelings. :(”

pay for the things he wanted you to get. “ I can never understand how he is feeling in my texts, so sendi a text back is a little scary”

ever gotten in my inbox. Try initiating toys in the bedroom. See if he would be willing to do that. Telling a man that he has a small member is only going to hurt his ego or start an argument. I know that this is bad but if you really love him then you have to bite down and grin it. My first had a baby member and at times it felt like a bee sting and I would fake the moans and groans and orgasm. I know that sounds bad but its the only way to make the relationship work. What I am saying is to try different techniques have him try wearing a condome with ribs on it. It may intensify the feeling you are wanting. Even go as far as hand jobs and bj’s. There are times where I don’t even want my man inside me, but a bj or hj will be better. Hang in there you will find something in your course of ultimate pleasure. A mans member is like his pride, and when you crush it, you crush the man.

“Why is it important to wait three days to call the guy that I am interested in?” That rule was made for guys to make there dates want them more. There is no such rule. If you want wait to call him then do so. Its up to you on how fast you want you relationship to go. It’s a pretty simple solution. “I’m in debt due to the guy I’m with, I no longer want to be in debt and no longer want to be with him if he continues to do this to me. Any thoughts?” Men who put other men in debt are people you never want to get involve with. He is using you in someway and its time to kick in to the curb and fix your the debt you have. This guy seems like he has a plan and try to get as much out of you as his can and he will kick you to the curb. Don’t give him the chance to. Make him responsible for his actions and start making

Texts are the worst way to communicate unless its girl talk, but when it comes to relationships its better to call or talk in person so the feelings are out in the open and they are twisted in anyway. I have spent my share of fights when it was never meant the way it was in the text. Trust me I’m trying to save you any heart break Just explain to your man about the way you want handle things when it comes to serious conversations. “ My man is always thinking that i’m cheating on him and I am above cheating how can make him stop thinking that” Accusing someone of cheating is a sign of insecurity and he thinks that’s there something wrong with him. Start spending more time with him. Show him that he is the only one that makes you feel special and vice versa. He just needs some signs that your still very much into him as he is into. It very common for men to feel this way even with straight couples as well. For example when a women sees a hotter younger man, the man shes with feel like he can’t level up to him. It’s a matter of showing him you still care.

IS HE A Y GOOD BO OR DOES G HE BELON G IN THE DO HOUSE

What his Dog says about him! Mutt Mutt A mutt owner is usually laid-back, humble and has a good sense of right and wrong, says Sepulveda. Given his choice of dog, he likely isn’t typically into a cookie-cutter woman: He’ll actually dig the crooked tooth you’re totally self-conscious about, as well as the weird slobbery sound you make when you chew — in short, he appreciates what makes you, you.

Jack Russell Terrier These dogs are super-hyper and their owners often are as well, says Sepulveda. Though this guy may appear to be on serious uppers, much like his equally-pumped canine, he’s likely just really high on life. If you have trouble getting him to sit and stay like a good boy, we hear he responds quite well to treats.

Labrador Retriever

Beagle

This dog typically attracts an all-American, guy-next-door-type owner. We picture him nonchalantly tossing his pooch a tennis ball and running shirtless, leash in hand. Sure, he may be a tad predictable, given his dog of choice, but when predictable comes with six-pack abs ... we’ll take it.

Snoopy cartoons left out that beagles often have separation anxiety and are known to howl, which can drive the neighbors crazy. But, like a true parent, a Beagle boy loves his furry pal anyway for its sweet demeanor and desire to cuddle and give kisses. And a guy who’ll happily submit to smelly dog kisses deserves yours because, like his pooch, he’s probably happiest when lounging with loved ones.

Corgi Everything about the Corgi is funny: its big head, its short legs, its often-hanging-out tongue. But this little pooch is feisty, and its owner knows it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that matters most. Sepulveda says a Corgi-owning regular at Centinella is usually just as feisty as his dog.

Poodle Let’s cut straight to it: If we found out our guy had a fluffy, styled and possibly dressed dog ... well, we wouldn’t be thrilled. But, a male poodle owner could in theory just have really bad allergies and love dogs so much that he swallowed his pride and got himself a pretty hypoallergenic pup.

Great Dane Chihuahua There’s a 90% chance this pooch is leftover from its owner’s ex-girlfriend. There’s a 10% chance the guy’s just got a great sense of humor. Regardless, if he’s willing to walk a dainty doggie, he’s probably pretty confident in his manhood — and in its ability to win you over. Just approach with a touch of caution: Most Chihuahuas are extremely protective of their owners.

While Dane owners can be total attention-seekers, who like to show off their dogs, Sepulveda says that (at the same time) not every guy who has such a canine seeks attention. With such an appreciation for aesthetics, this guy should be a potentially great gift-giver. Or, maybe he really wants a horse, but lives in a one-bedroom — making him both creative and practical.

Pitbull

Pug

Sure, his dog looks like it could tear off a Hummer’s tires in mere seconds, but maybe its owner simply doesn’t judge by reputation. You could even call this guy a renegade of sorts — out on the streets, trying to give a bad-rap dog a chance at breed redemption. Though, if the pooch wears a spiked chain and hasn’t been neutered, his owner may be more ruffian than renegade

With its breathing issues and some extra chunk, the pug is sort of like the kid you made fun of in elementary school. And a pug owner may be like the semi-popular kid who stuck up for that poor outcast: He sees past slight flaws and loves the adorable way his dog vacuums the floor with his face. Look for a man that is solid and secure, but all mush on the inside.

Collie Sepulveda says Collies are extremely disciplined and focused dogs, so we predict that the owner of such a pooch will likely take ladies’ mind games and grind them into kibble. If little Timmy goes missing down the well, this is the man you’d pick to rescue him; so if a guy’s got himself a Lassie, you may have a lot to live up to as his lass.

Siberian Husky

Saint Bernard

Bulldog

With piercing eyes, a striking mask and fur you could definitely run your fingers through, we’re not sure if we want to date the dog or the owner. Since human/dog-dating is frowned upon, we’ll settle for this breed’s often equally sexy owner: a man who generally spends his time convening with nature.

A man with a clumsy, drooling dog can’t mind getting his hands dirty, especially if it’s for someone as big-hearted as his pooch. His dog’s desire to please will inevitably rub off on him, creating a guy who’ll go the distance for his girl. You just better be prepared to deal with drool, because he’ll likely be covered in it ... both from the dog (and, hopefully, over you).

A bulldog man is usually a meat-and-potatoes, football-every-Sunday kind of guy. He’s also the kind of guy who may let his underbite-baring, kinda-funny-looking dog grab Cheetos straight from his mouth. One might find that a bit gross — or totally endearing

s e p y T 8 Men Of t We ThaCan't t s i s e R

The Jock He’s got it all broze, muscle, and sex drive to boot. They have a lot of confidence, and are aggressive in sports, and competitive. Beware he tends to be egotistic and focus more on himself and what he his goals. They tend to want somebody who is just a trophy man. If your looking for more then you might want to pass this type of guy up. If they are not winning they tend to lose whatever is slowing them down.

o matter how hard we try we want find a guy that is like no other. Different style, way he is in life, and how carries himself. Upbeat, always on the But one way or another the you think scene, always knowing is like no other falls under one of the whats in style. You will seven categories. Because of the genever be out of the scene netic makeup. men are intrinsically when your with him. designed to spread their seed in hopes of continueing their genes, and womBeware he tends to be a en are designed to pick the strongest, little bitchy about everysmartest, most good looking men in thing and think that they are better than everybody the hopes of making genetically strong else. Everything has to be offspring. its proven. Don’t take any of these characperfect right down the ter types to the extreme or try to be the hair on his head. You always have to be matching someone you’re not -- it will be way him or it will throw off his too obvious. The key to success here is to keep in mind why women like the look for the day. character traits outlined above and what kind of gestures they appreciate. Then, mix them up and see which of these traits and gestures you are most comfortable with. With just a little bit of effort, you’ll be able to find more.

The Prep

The DJ

The Nerd

The Sk8tr

Creative, laidback guy, always on the move. Gets to know the deeper side you then most guys would.

A litle more sympathetic about your feelings, will never cheat on you. They tend be more smart with money.

Bad Boy at heart, men tend to be drawn to the edge of danger and see how long we last before we fall. They are athletic as well but are not driven.

Beware he tends to be all about his music and where his next gig is going to be. He wants to express himself through his music so if thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s anything your gonna do that will make him mad becareful your gonna end up in song like Taylor Swift. Plus if he is good at what he does then if you screw up then everybody will know about it and your never get into a club withoutbeing known.

Beware he tends to be on a computer more then they are on top of you. They consider checking new product a sport. Sometimes they never sleep and will on the web for hours. Bragging is second nature to them so dont get caught up in one of those conversations.

Beware he tends to be a bad choice to be with. They are at dead end jobs and are just scraping by. They will be at the skate park from dusk til dawn. No sense of goals or achievements. Unless its an ollie back flip that they have been working on.

The Money The Cougar The Prince Always a provider. He will get you whatever you want and always make sure that your happy. This type of man is goal driven.

These types of guys are very well settle and past there partyng phase and ready for something alittle more deeper.

Loyal, respectable, caring, understanding, all about love. He is the one for you and you for him if you play your cards right he will even sing for you.

Beware he tends to be a workaholic. All coversations are about business or a proposition. This man tends to cheat due to getting whatever he wants.

Beware he tends to be more on the responsible side and is more cautious about happens outside of his comfort zone. Sometimes it feels like your talking to your dad than your partner and they is a problem. Make sure that your okay with your relationship with him.

Beware he tends to be in your dreams and is never around when your awake. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t grow attach.

IS YOUR MAN D E T C I ADD ? N R O TO P

ou’re not sure, quite can’t put your finger on it, but somethings is coming between you an your guy. His sex drive is being fulfilled and your not even in the room to enjoy either. Most men find it eaiser to search for something on the WWW then they do in there own home. If you believe your man is addicted to porn, then you will need to decide what to do about it. You cannot force him to get help for any addiction. He is a free-willed human being and has the right to refuse treatment. However, you are also a free-willed human being, with the right to decide which behaviors you will and will not tolerate. Take the time to become aware of your own feelings. How does the porn make you feel? What bothers you, the fact that he enjoys porn or the fact that you feel like you are

not enough for him? Do you mind him looking at other women’s bodies? Do you feel uncomfortable about your own body in comparison to those of porn stars? You need to be clear on your feelings before you speak to your man about them. When you feel ready, confront your man. Explain clearly but non-threateningly that you cannot tolerate his behavior. Explain that you feel as though his behavior shows signs of addiction. Tell him that you love and support him, but that his use of

porn makes you feel uncomfortable. Be prepared for him to ask questions. Let him know what would need to happen in order for you to feel comfortable in the relationship. Before you confront him, you need to be clear on what will happen if he refuses to change his behaviors. Are you ready to leave the relationship? Are you willing to accept his porn addiction?

ADV. OF A S. BITCH

fter my initial break up with Nick* I started on my road to discovery to find out who I really am and what I wanted out of a man. On Valentines Day I went out to a bar with friends where I saw this really cute bartender that kept checking me out the entire night. I wanted to see if I could get a convo started so I went over to the bar to order a drink from him, sadly he barely talked to me after taking my drink order. I went home dissapointed that night and continued to go back to the bar hoping something would spark. Each time I went to the bar the next couple of days I didn’t see him there and it would always end badly with me as a druken mess and lonely once more. I had hoped for more opportunities to meet more guys that I could start either dating or just a booty call. There was a guy that I knew at work that liked me a lot. He would always compliment me on what I was wearing and how I did my hair and he was very sweet. It started with just harmless

Not So Lucky e v o L n I by Quinn Eros

flirting and then we started talking seriously about hooking up, he started sending me racy pictures of himself and in turn wanted me to send some to him after a couple of days of sexting we eventually decided that a booty call was something we both wanted. He made it clear that he didn’t want anything serious and I felt the same. I was so excited for our night that I went out and bought new lingerie and got my hair done. I came over to his place by 10pm and he greeted me at the door we went to the bedroom where we were going to watch a movie first, after a very awkward 15 min of movie he quickly kissed me which led to a makeout session,he firmly grabbed my thigh while kissing me intensly holding my gaze as he went in for another long kiss. He moved from my lips to my neck and started to take off my bra as he kissed my chest. He moved further south while leaving my skirt on he took off my thong and came back up to lean in for another kiss while slipping his fingers into me. He made sure one last time that this was what I wanted to do I said yes and

“I can’t do this.... I layed there for a long moment with him still inside of me trying to put everything into perspective of what just happened” he grabbed a condom. Easing himself into me he started to thrust forcefully with every move going deeper and deeper into me. We needed to keep things going so we changed up positions into cowgirl letting me take control. As I was riding on top of him our gazes met for a moment and I saw a sudden realization in his eyes that he seemed disinterested. I felt like I read his mind as he stopped us suddenly, saying to me “I can’t do this”. I layed there for a long moment with him still inside of me trying to put everything into perspective of what just happened, feeling hurt I slid off of him and grabbed my clothes. Slowly putting everything back on I made my way to the door questions that I had in my mind left unsaid, saying he was tired and had to go to bed he walked me to my car where I felt like I was on an episode of jersey shore waiting for my cab fare. I left in a hurry after saying our goodbyes and feeling numb as I made my way back to my apartment.

ARIACTS

10 Things You Didn’t Know About ST. Pattie’s Day by Bernie Rose

You thought you knew the holiday....well think again!!! Not many people knew this....I didn’t even know this either.

1. The Irish can’t claim credit for the invention of the Saint Patrick’s Day Parade

2. This St. Patrick’s Day we’ll all be wearing green, but shouldn’t it be blue??

3. 100 lbs. of green dye was poured into the Chicago River in honor of St. Patrick’s Day

4. Saint Patrick banished the Snakes from Ireland

The world’s first recorded Saint Patrick’s Day Parade took place in Boston on 18 March 1737 followed by the New York Parade, which first took place in 1762. Ireland took over a century to jump on the parade float with the rest of the world and only had their first St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Dublin in 1931.

TIn 1961, business manager of Chicago’s Journeymen Plumbers Local Union, Stephen Bailey, received permission to turn the Chicago River green for St. Patrick’s Day. Due to uncertainties about the amount of dye it would take to turn the river green, a massive 100 lbs of vegetable dye was used in comparison to the 25 lbs used today. The Chicago River stayed green for a full week.

The original color associated with St. Patrick was blue but because the Saint preached about the Holy Trinity through the symbol of the shamrock and the Irish ‘little folk’ were also associated with green, it became the most common shade in connection with him. Parade committee organizers across the world wouldn’t take too kindly to us changing the colour now, so maybe we’ll leave it at green.

… and not a snake in sight. Patrick is said to have banished the snakes from Ireland but in fact, Ireland never had any snakes as the weather was too miserable for the cold-blooded reptiles. The banished snakes were thought to be symbolic of the pagan druid priests with whom Patrick might have had a few issues to iron out.

5. George Washington ordered that “St. Patrick” be the response to the password “Boston” on Evacuation Day

8. Drink, drink, and yet more drink!

The global corporate-relations director of Guinness says 5.5 million On Evacuation Day, March 17 pints of Guinness are sold on any given day but this figure rises to an 1776, the General Orders issued by astounding 13 million on St. Patrick’s Washington were that those wishing Day. to pass through Continental lines IBISWorld also reports that should give the password “Boston,” to which the reply should be “St. Patrick”. Saint Patrick’s Day 2012 brought in $245 million in beer sales. Who’s up for making March 18 6. The resting place of Saint into International Hangover Day?

Patrick

Though never fully proven, Down Cathedral in the town of Downpatrick, Ireland, is thought to contain St. Patrick’s remains and, according to legend, he lies beside Saints Columcille and Brigit. Apparently he’s missing a few things like a jaw and a tooth but these can be seen in Dublin Museu.

9. The Royal Dublin Dog Show was the place to be on St. Patrick’s Day

Due to strict laws on the curtailment of sales of alcohol on Holy Days in Ireland, from 1927 to 1961, the only place a thirsty Irish person could legally get a drink on Paddy’s day was at The Royal Dublin Dog Show. 7. Saint Patrick’s Relics One TD was reported to com A few of the Saint’s relics can plain that it was a grand occasion still be viewed in Ireland today: St. “except for all the dogs.” Patrick’s Bell and shrines of the Saint’s At the time, the church and jaw and tooth can be viewed in Dublin state were worried that the Irish would National Museum while Patrick’s four drink too much on the day. gospels are held at the The Royal Irish Turns out they were right. Oh Academy. well. Saint Patrick’s Crozier, with which he banished the imaginary 10. And after all that, he’s not snakes, was venerated for centuries even Irish! in Dublins Christ Church only to Saint Patrick was actually born be publically burned in 1538 under in Roman Britain at the end of the 4th the orders of the archbishop, George century AD and taken to Ireland by Browne. slavers as a teenager. The exact place of his birth is debatable as some say Scotland and some say Wales but, either way, he’s Irish now.

The Leprechaun Killer In favor of the St. Patty’s day theme I thought I would do some research and find you guys a Leprechaun killer! It took a lot of searching but I think I finally found one that peaked my interest and I think it will peak yours too. The name of our Leprechaun killer was Bradley Smith aka Bradley “Chopper” Smith, he stood about 4’2” and weighed about 80 lbs. He was born (1911-1949) in San Diego California. He earned his name based on chopping his victims legs off at the knees so they matched his height saying he wanted everyone to be a little person. He killed 31 people and only went after victims that were 6’2”. he died at the age of 38, his death was the product of karma while Bradley was chopping his victims legs off he slipped and impaled himself on with the very chainsaw he used to decapitate his victims. Sounds to me like there was some product of fate behind that one

HOW TO

’ve gotten about thirty speeding tickets in my short life, but I have zero tickets on my record. That’s because no matter how formal the processes may seem, when it comes to law enforcement, you are still dealing with human beings with hearts and minds just like yours. Appeal to them as such, and you will be amazed by the results. Although I am a law student, I employed this advice before I ever went to law school, and my education has only reinforced these theories. My approach isn’t foolproof legal advice - it’s simply my experienced opinions with a little law mixed in. That said, here are my secrets to getting out of a speeding ticket ordered chronologically,

HOW TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF SPEEDING TICKET!!!! by Kellie Tatro

from the point of being pulled over to your final options in the courtroom. Place your hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel and remove your sunglasses or hat. Some people even advise you to place your keys on the roof of your car as a sign of total submission. Never, ever get out of the car. The whole point of this is to take any unnecessary tension out of the encounter. You want the officer to be comfortable. Imagine the types of people and the dangers that most officers have had to deal with. Be just the opposite. Save your pleas until after the basics are finished. Many officers will never speak to you until after they’ve done the basics. It’s almost a litmus test for jerk

You were going 75 in a 35!

drivers. If you know you broke the law, admit it vehemently and tell the officer that he was completely right for pulling you over. Honest officers will admit that there is a lot of pride in police work, and, if you can sufficiently satisfy the pride factor, sometimes officers don’t feel it necessary to punish you any further. The better you make the officer feel; the more likely he’s going to like you enough to let you go. Many jurisdictions require that the officer allow you to see the radar. Don’t press it if the officer says no because that’s what a courtroom is for. But, at least ask, then ask a few more questions to show that you are watching. You might ask, “When was the last time your radar gun was calibrated?” or “Where were you when you clocked my speed?” or “Were

you moving when you clocked my speed?” Do not ask these in an argumentative tone or sarcastic, know-it-all way. All that will do is make the pride in the officer fight you harder. If there are inaccuracies that may hurt your case (i.e. if the officer notes on the ticket that you crossed two lanes of traffic when you only crossed one, or if he says traffic was heavy when in fact it was light), ask him immediately to correct them. Be very polite when requesting changes to your ticket. However if you find that the officer is not accommodating, do not argue but record the actual circumstances in your mind, and after he leaves, jot it down On the other hand,if there are inaccuracies that may help your case or get the ticket dismissed, such as the wrong license plate number, the wrong street, etc., you do not want to

call attention to them. Go to the officer’s original position (whether stationary or moving) and check for any obstructions that might have caused them to have a poor view of the alleged offense or that might have caused the radar to malfunction. Make a diagram of the road showing where the officer was positioned, which direction you were traveling, where you eventually stopped, and other important details. Once you’ve gone over some basics with the officer and developed a temporary rapport, ask for mercy. Make it sincere and let the officer know that it’s a big deal to you. Resist all urges to fight and get angry and simply beg as much as your dignity will allow. But, there is no reason to grovel.

DIRTY SECRETS

I used my parents condoms for.....well....my own pleasures

I’m not gay but I want to compare my d*ck size with all my friends just to see if my wife’s been lying to me all this time

When i was younger i thought gay men had sex by tying their d!cks together my best friend and I kissed as a joke once and ever since then I masturbate to pictures of him

I created a beautiful asian girl in a short story i wrote i fell inlove withthe girl and now i cant get her out of my mind whenever i go through airport security i wear metal hairpins or leave coins in my pocket so the personnel searchs me its the only physical contact i’ve had for 2 years

When my mother left the house my father and i had strong sex and he would C#* on my face

Me and my brother would fool around when we were younger when we were 15 he fucked me, he has a gf and still wants me

When I was 12 I got caught â&#x20AC;&#x153;watchingâ&#x20AC;? men in the locker room at my parents country club. The man that caught me... took my cherry from both ends and ended up sharing me with his goldfing buddies for years

On my way to work I play a game in my mind where I count the # of guys I see along the way that I would like to blow....one morning I was Up tp 65.

I get stiff watching my ass while i do sit ups naked

Once i found a passed out hunk in the street near my apartment i sucked him dry and came in his mouth. love passed out guys

IN & OUT

COMING OUT WITH PAUL Early Years

to mum and dad (while I sat bored in the waiting room).

would not be able to cope with a normal high school I never fitted in with and that I should go to Buckthe other kids at school. I was Bursledon land School, a “special needs” always the loner with only one boarding school for “emotionor two friends who were the The psychologist sent ally disturbed” boys. I started other outcasts. As I got older me to a place called Bursthere when I was 11. this gradually changed from ledon Hospital. This was Buckland was for boys being ignored to being bullied. to assess me away from my only and had about 50 puIn those days (early 1970s) usual school and home etc. pils. This place did me a lot of schools didn’t take bullying as I remember very little about good. Classes were typically seriously as they do now, so the place (I think my mind 10 boys and a lot of the work it was allowed to continue. It has blanked it out), although was individual rather than seriously affected my school I know it was the worst four group. I managed to leave work, and my self-confidence weeks of my life. I was bullied with some qualifications, was non-existent. continually and got blamed though nothing to get excited Things came to a head for other kids’ bad behaviour. about. after my sister was born when One of the better mem- Within a few weeks I was eight. Mum was suffer- ories from that place was the of starting I was approached ing from post-natal depresday that another boy around by one of the older kids to sion which affected me. The my age and me decided to help with his “experiments” nurse who visited mum also play strip poker under his for which payment would be spent some time with me and bed. We didn’t know how to some packets of sweets. The realised that things were not play poker so played pontoon. experiments, as you probably right. I believe she did a lot Whoever was naked first was guessed, were sexual. Nothing of probing at school etc. to supposed to run around the too involved, hands and oral find out what was happening, ward, but we were both too both ways. This was the first and she got the right people chicken for that, so we just time I had seen someone cum involved. She is one of those ended up both naked under though, which fascinated me. people who happened to come the bed, fiddling with each I enjoyed the “experiments” into my life at the right time other. I had always liked and was happy to continue and who I owe a great deal watching the boys changing without the payment. In due of thanks – yet I cannot even for swimming at school. But course I was doing similar remember her name. this is the first time I had got things with other guys. I also to touch one and for him to found out which other kids I was referred to a child touch me. nearer my own age were inpsychologist who I visited volved, and got involved with every few weeks. He asked me Buckland School them too. all sorts of stuff which I didn’t This sort of thing understand and don’t remem- As a result of Bursseemed to be quite prevalent ber, then spent ages talking ledon, it was decided that I there. I guess with 50 teenage

boys with raging hormones together and no access to girls, it’s inevitable if unchecked. About half the boys there were involved. For most of them it was probably just teenage messing around. It was more than that to me though. It was something I looked forward to and dreamed about. Despite that, I convinced myself that it was only a phase. I began realising that maybe it wasn’t a phase a few weeks before I left, when I knew that the end of an era was approaching. I knew that the same thing wouldn’t happen outside school, and I didn’t know what I would do as females didn’t attract me. I still thought that if I did get a girlfriend everything would be OK though. The Boy at the Railway Station I got a job at the engineering company where my dad worked. I joined as an apprentice, spending the first year in the apprentice training centre then three years in my chosen department (which for me was the electronics department). I spent four days each week at work and one at college. College was a train journey away. Every week at the station, waiting for the train before mine, were a group of kids in school uniform. One boy in that group really caught my eye. He was cute and had a great smile. He was probably about 15. Of course he didn’t notice me as he was with his friends, but I noticed

him, watched him and dreamt about him. I used to get to the station earlier deliberately so I could lust over him for longer. This was my first true realisation that I really was gay. Previously I had been excusing it as a phase, but not now. I realised that I was not interested in any of the girls, but was interested in this one boy. So I had to be... gay. I still tried to deny it and suppress it though. At that time (1980) the age of consent for gay sex in the UK was 21, which seems a lifetime away when you are 16. The UK was much less accepting of gays back then, with a lot of negative and offensive press, the police targeting gays for no good reason, no positive gay role-models etc. Equal rights legislation did not include sexuality. So as a teenager leaving school at that time and beginning to realise that I may be gay, it was not an attractive proposition. Work Problems Back at the apprentice training centre, things were back almost like they were at junior school, with me being the target for bullying. It was not as bad as at school, but it was bad enough to affect my work. Again the situation was saved by one of those people who goes well beyond what is required, and who does care. In this case it was Alan Smith, the apprentice training manager. He could so easily have dismissed

me from the company as unsuitable. But he didn’t. Instead he arranged for me to work in other departments, including the electronics department, to see how I got on there. Away from the other lads I did well, so I was allowed to continue my apprenticeship. Matthew I then had to return to the training centre and finish my first year. In my absence another lad called Matthew had become the target for the bullying. We often went off together during the breaks to avoid this, and sat on the grass bank overlooking the staff car park, out of sight. During those breaks on the grass bank, we somehow ended up with our hands inside each other’s overalls. I don’t know how it started or why, since he was straight and had a girlfriend. I was somewhat attracted to him, though not to the extent of that lad at the railway station. It was more of a physical rather than emotional thing. Visiting Buckland School I went back to visit Buckland School several times when I was about 18 or 19. I have no idea why. I think it was because I felt somewhat lost and alone in “adult” life and was trying to recapture or recreate my past. It was a bad idea. I was no longer a boy there, and was not mature as an adult either, so I was totally

out of place. On one visit I was sitting in the common room at the top of one of the dormitories. Some boys were already in their pyjamas and some just had towels round their waists and were waiting their turn for the shower. I was already trying to keep my eyes on the TV so I wouldn’t be noticed staring, when this gorgeous 14 or 15 year old walked from the shower, through the common room and into the dormitory, stark naked, with just his towel thrown over his shoulder!! I hope I wasn’t staring then – but I know my eyes followed him, even though the dormitory entrance was behind me... The urge to follow him into the dormitory and do something unmentionable was extremely strong. I had never felt anything like that before, and panicked. I made my excuses and left. I just wanted to be away from there, and needed to think. That was my final visit. At that time I still hadn’t accepted my sexuality at all. I was scared and confused about what I felt then. And I was scared that I had had such a strong urge to hurt someone so much younger just for sexual gratification. I think maybe this incident set me back a bit, it enforced the view in my mind at the time that being gay was somehow “wrong”.

after my apprenticeship ended, but because the site was being closed I got a job at a local marine instruments company. This was when I was about 24. An extremely sexy tanned blond guy started working for the company, in the same department as me. He was about 20 and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. We sometimes had to go and work off-site together too (installing instruments on yachts). It was summer and he would wear shorts and t-shirt, and quite often removed the t-shirt. My imagination was in overdrive, but I still did not have the nerve to do or say anything. Moving to Hereford My life was going nowhere. I had become involved briefly with various things, hospital radio, the local cinema club, amateur dramatics etc – but nothing really kept my attention for long. I had a couple of brief girlfriends but could not get sexually interested. The people who I worked with in the electronics department at the engineering company told me they were setting up their own company in Hereford, and offered me a job. The money was good, and house prices in the area were more reasonable. It was the new-start I needed, and I grabbed it!

whole “gay thing” had reached the point where I had to do something about it. Not knowing where to turn, I wrote to a newspaper agony aunt. I received a fairly feeble response, but also a factsheet which included the contact details for London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard. I wrote to them and received a very helpful and detailed hand-written reply which answered all my queries and was very encouraging. This was someone who had read what I had said, accepted it and had wanted to help and encourage – and had spent time doing so voluntarily. It also included the contact details for the Hereford and Worcester Gay Switchboard, who I wrote to asking about local venues etc. There wasn’t much in Hereford, but there was a “pub evening” one Monday each month in the back-room of a run-down pub. Not knowing what to expect, I went along to the next one. There were a couple of groups of people who were obviously uninterested in talking to anyone else. There were also a couple of people from Switchboard, one of whom spent some time with me. He suggested that I should try to get to one of the events in Worcester as they were much better attended and more enjoyable.

Another Job and Another Crush Starting to Come Out

Nick

I remained at the engineering company for a few years

I went along the next month too. The same closed

Being on my own I had time to think. I was 26 and this

groups were there, but the guys from switchboard weren’t. There was a lad sitting alone, looking very awkward. Despite not having much confidence myself, I approached him and introduced myself. His name was Nick, he was 17 and it was his first time there. We had quite a lot in common and got along well. We became good friends and supported each other through the process of coming out. We went to our first gay nightclub together, went to Pride together etc. I think a lot of people thought we were a couple though we weren’t. I wouldn’t have said no though, as I did fancy him. Markie I started placing and replying to contact adverts in Gay Times magazine. I met several guys for drinks etc, but didn’t connect with any of them. Then I received a reply from Markie in Northampton. We wrote regularly for a couple of weeks, then we agreed that he would come to see me. We got on great straight away, and within a month he had moved in with me. Family I gradually came out to work colleagues and family. Work was fine as the first person I told was bisexual himself, and he told everyone else for me (at my request). My sister and her then-husband were also fine and not at all surprised. Mum was

reasonably OK but dad went into denial mode for a while. This was difficult for mum as she wanted to talk to somebody about it, but fortunately my sister was there for her. Dad gradually came round. Meeting Markie and finding he was an ordinary guy and not a Julian Clary or Lily Savage character helped. I think the main thing that decided him that this was OK was when my sister and her husband announced that they were separating. Markie then became “number one sonin-law” in his eyes. Dad died in November 2002. At his funeral, Markie was regarded as a member of the immediate family. He sat in the front row with me, mum and my sister, and was also with the immediate family at the graveside. It was just assumed by mum that he would be there – no discussions were needed. Separation from Markie In August 2008 Markie and I agreed to separate. Over the years we had drifted apart and it was time to move on. I won’t go into details as it’s not relevant here, but there is more information in my blog. Wasted Years? I have wondered several times about those years between age 16 and 26. Should I have come out sooner? What really stopped me? Really the only

thing that stopped me was me. I could blame circumstances or the environment at the time, but that’s just excuses. I am pleased that it is easier (not “easy”, just “easier”) for people to come out now than it was then, and am always happy to hear about successful coming outs. However the positive aspect of it is that had I come out at 16 it would have been before AIDS was discovered so gay people didn’t think about safe sex. If I was a sexually active gay teenager at that time I may well not be here today.

GLUTTONY • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Shamrock Tostadas 8 tostada shells 1 15-oz can refried beans 4 large bell peppers (any color) 1 large onion 3 small green bell peppers 1 cup nonfat, plain Greek yogurt 1 teaspoon each cumin, chili powder, and paprika

Cooking Directions Preheat oven to 400. While the oven is warming up, chop the onion and colorful bell peppers (not the 3 green ones, though) into bite sized pieces. Put the chopped peppers and onion onto a greased baking sheet and evenly add the cumin, chili powder, and paprika. Then roast in the oven for about 25 minutes. Note- I don’t add any additional oil other than what was used to grease the pan. While the veggies are cooking, carefully slice the green bell peppers across the middle to create a shamrock shape. It probably won’t take all 3 bell peppers to make 8 slices, but this will allow you to pick the best looking ones. Use the scraps to create a small stem shape for each shamrock. When the veggies are finished cooking, quickly heat up the can of refried beans according to package instructions. Assemble your tostada by layering it with about 1/4 cup refried beans, 1/2 cup cooked veggies, 2 tablespoons of nonfat, plain Greek yogurt, and 1 shamrock. Enjoy!

Irish Cream Push Pops

• 1 batch of Better Than Brownies sprinkled with Andes Mint Chips or chocolate cake • International Delight Irish Creme Coffee Creamer {1/2 cup for pudding + 1/2 cup for cake} • 1 (4 oz) pkg of Instant Vanilla Pudding + 3-4 drops of green food color • 1 1/2 cups milk • 1 box of Andes Chocolate Candy • 1 bag of Andes Mint Chips (in the baking aisle) • 1 tub of Cool Whip Whipped Topping or fresh whipping cream Better Than Brownies

Mix brownies and sprinkle with Andes Mint Chips, bake and coolPudding Combine vanilla pudding with 1 1/2 cups milk and 1/2 cups Irish Creamer {you can use more creamer if you want, just decrease milk, you need a total of 2 cups} Mix well and place in fridge to set After the brownies {or cake} have cooled, cut into pieces and place in a dish, poke with a fork and pour Irish Creamer over, place in fridge about 10 minutes Place a layer of brownie in the bottom, top with pudding mixture, sprinkle with chopped Andes candies or chips, add Cool Whip, and sprinkle with Andes mint chips or green jimmie sprinkles Repeat layers depending on the size of dish you are using

Spinach and Yogurt Soup

• 9-10 cups water • 2 cubes chicken bullion • 20 oz spinach (I buy 2 10 oz packages) • 1/2 bunch cilantro, chopped (reserve a few leaves for topping, optional) • 1 onion, minced • 1 garlic clove, chopped • 2-3 medium potatoes, peeled and cut in cubes • 1 1/2 cup plain yogurt (I use FAGE Total 0 % Greek yogurt sold at Walmart) • 1 tbs plain yogurt for topping (optional) • 2 eggs, well blended • salt to taste • olive oil

Boil potatoes in a large pot in 9-10 cups water. After potatoes are really soft, add spinach and bullion cubes. Cook for about 5 more minutes (now you should have about 8 cups of water left). In a skillet saute onion and garlic in olive oil. Add to the mixture above. Add chopped cilantro and salt. In a small mixing bowl, blend 2 eggs and yogurt together. Take the pot off the heat and stir the eggs and yogurt to the mixture. Optional step: Process it all in the food processor, top with 1 Tbs yogurt and a few leaves of cilantro. This soup can be served warm or cold. Perfect for hot summer days or St. Patrick’s Day. Very healthy too.

HEALTH

Tips for working out Properly

early every time I go to the gym it never fails, someone is working out with improper form. There’s always a guy doing a back bend with his bicep curl, someone doing the hunchback-back fly or the famous squat-split… Improper form is the number one way to cause injury to your muscles, tendons and joins. This doesn’t mean that you have to be doing the Robot when you workout, but making sure your body can do what you are asking of it is extremely important. Let’s take me for example. I actually was forced to learn proper form. I have a somewhat rare ge-

netic neoplastic skeletal disorder that cause osteochondromas to occur at or near some of my joints. Basically I have small benign bone tumors on near the joint ends on some of my bones. My affliction is relatively minimal but it does mean that I am much more prone to joint injuries than other people. So when I workout I pay excruciating attention to my form so I don’t cause injury. My tips and tricks to ensuring proper form will allow you to lift heavier weights and do higher repetitions in a safe manner. First a small lesson on building strength and muscle. Your body ‘builds’ muscle in a couple different ways. Muscle growth is triggered when you per-

form a task with low to moderate resistance over a long period of time or perform a short task that requires high resistance. When you perform many low to moderate resistant movements your body compensates by signaling for increased mitochondrial growth, which allows for greater volumes of ATP production. When you perform short high resistant movements you cause micro tears in the muscle cells that trigger your body to produce more HGH (human growth hormone) for fast cellular recovery; with the intention to prevent future tears by increasing the surface area of the cells. True fitness requires both forms of muscle growth.

Stretch make up your own pre-workout stretch routine before each workout, customizing them to the parts of the body you plan to work. Not stretching increasing chance of injury by more than 30% and decreases the effectiveness of a workout. Plus stretching both before and after a workout helps get blood flowing and that is what helps deliver nutrients (energy) and remove toxins (lactic acid) from your cells. Keep your back straight at all times, unless the exercise specifically calls for you to bend your back. This goes for bicep curls, shoulder presses, rows and squats, etc. Bending your back causes strain on the discs in between your vertebrae and if your disc get damaged, game over. The best way to be able to keep a straight back is by building your core muscles

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t use momentum to lift a weight. Momentum causes your body to jerk which produces extra energy and more than 50% of that energy goes straight to your ligaments, tendons, and joints. Keeping a staggered stance will help stabilize your form and prevent momentum from building up. When doing heavy weighted squats or lifts keep your feet slightly more than hip distance apart and toes pointed no more than 5 degrees from noon. Having your legs and feet in this position makes your joint stabilizer muscles, not just the big muscles, work and grow too; greatly reducing the chance of any injury

When performing an exercise plan on the type of development you want. If you want endurance and strength then shoot for more than 10 reps, but more than 20 reps is too many. If you want build and strength then shoot for less than 10 reps, and yes just going a single rep in GOOD form is ok. Once you know what your goals are make sure you choose an appropriate weight that does not surpass your intention. A good way to know you have chosen the right weight is that the last 3 reps should be exceedingly hard nearly to the point of loosing form, but the second your form breaks STOP the rep. If you have to stop before or sooner than you expected take a 30 second break, adjust your weight and try again.

Breathe correctly. Use the concentric exhalation method when lifting. Inhale as you return to the starting position which is called the ‘eccentric phase’. Start to exhale when you lift the weight which is called the ‘concentric phase’. Try to shoot for at least a full second or longer breath in during the eccentric phase and at least a full second or longer breath out during the concentric phase. Using this method greatly utilizes energy expenditure because as you exhale your core tightens helping you to lift the weight.

5 Myths About Distance Running

unning has a bad reputation that seems to be exaggerated by some fitness circles that don’t understand the right way to train for road races like the 5k, 10k, or even the marathon. Indeed, running is a one-dimensional form of exercise that has the potential to create specific weaknesses or imbalances. Flash back about 40 years and you’ll see that runners ran a lot of miles at a slower pace – and did little else in the general fitness and strength departments. The conventional wisdom insists that marathoners are doing the same today. If we look even further back in history – back to the 1950s when Roger Bannister became the first man in history to run a sub-4:00 mile – training looked wildly different. Instead of high mileage and sparse speed work-

outs, runners favored low mileage and high intensity. Track intervals were so common that they comprised almost every training session! This training style resembled the popular HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) or Tabata workouts of today. Runners don’t just jog slow miles and eat platefuls of spaghetti. Nor do we shy away from lifting weights, sprinting, and working on coordination. In fact, these are skills necessary to successful distance running. These skills allowed me to (somewhat surprisingly) win the 2012 Maryland Warrior Dash, beating nearly 17,000 other CrossFitters, Parkour athletes, and runners. Today I’ll dispel the popular misconceptions about runners, running, and the sport’s effect on your health. By the end of this article I hope

you’ll be lacing up your running shoes and pulling on your short shorts (well, one step at a time).

Myth #1

Running Decreases Muscle Mass

This myth is actually partly true – but for the majority of men there’s no need to worry. If you’re particularly bulky and don’t practice any aerobic exercises like swimming, cycling, or even hiking, then starting to run can slim you down. However, running doesn’t “eat muscle” or break it down as fuel. To get to that level of catabolic activity, you’ll need to combine a diet almost entirely void of protein with a high mileage, high intensity running schedule. Like any extreme form of exercise, that combination will certainly reduce your overall muscle mass. A more realistic running program – say an introductory marathon training plan – will instead just prevent additional muscle gain. Your weight will stay about the same and muscle mass can easily be maintained by most men who are doing complementary strength workouts. The elephant in the room, of course, is the image of an elite distance runner who weighs 120 pounds when he’s soaking wet. With thin legs and even thinner arms, how can I say that their running doesn’t make them so scrawny? Simple: running doesn’t make them look that way, their genetics do. Elite runners are often natural ectomorphs with a slight build, an incredibly low body fat percentage, and a tendency of staying skinny. This body type is one of the pieces that make them so damn fast.

Myth #2

Running Requires No Skill

Just put one foot in front of the other, right? Wrong. Running is a skill-sport. There’s no question about it. Training consistently over weeks and months without injury takes coordination, strength, and athleticism. Indeed, this study shows that running economy (i.e., efficiency – or skill) improves as beginner runners naturally refine their gait. When you consider that running is actually a highly coordinated series of one-legged hops, the importance of learning the proper way to run is underscored. Without a basic understanding of good running form, you’ll not only be slower but your risk of an injury caused by overuse will skyrocket. So what are the fundamental aspects of running form that will help you be a more skilled runner? Stick to the basics: Increase your cadence to roughly 170-180 steps per minute. Land with your foot underneath your body, as opposed to “reaching” out with your foot and over-striding (this strategy will also reduce heel-striking). Keep your back tall with a slight forward lean from the ankles. No slouching or leaning from the waist! Try to land on your midfoot, though a slight heel strike isn’t necessarily bad. Keep your arms at roughly a 90-degree angle (though this will vary) and don’t swing them across your chest. Those are the basics. Of course, there are some additional improvements that you can make, but most runners don’t need to get lost in the weeds of excessively tweaking their running form. In fact, research has shown that consciously trying to change your running form can decrease your running economy – or in other words, when you try to alter your form, you become less efficient. A better way to improve your form is to follow the first two bullets above and just run consistently. Your body will naturally develop the skills necessary to become a more efficient runner.

Myth #3

Runners Are Weak

Well, runners who only run are certainly weak! Just like weight lifters who only spend time at the gym aren’t very fast. But a well-rounded training plan will include a lot more than just running. Most plans will involve warm-up drills, strength exercises, dynamic stretches, mobility exercises, and preventive exercises if you’re predisposed to injures. Runners who avoid the weight room and skip their core work are bound to get injured. You can’t let your engine outpace your chassis. This analogy refers to your metabolic or aerobic fitness (endurance) vs. your structural fitness (bones, tendons, ligaments, and muscles). You don’t want a Lamborghini engine in the frame of a Geo Prizm. That engine is going to tear the car apart. Learning how to build a strong body is something that’s critical for runners. A great example is that of elite runners: some spend more time doing strength exercises and preventative work than they actually do running! Most of us aren’t elite athletes and can’t spend 2-3 hours working out every day, so instead there’s a solution for the rest of us. Before you run, do a thorough dynamic warm-up. Most only take 5-10 minutes and are critical to increasing blood flow and range of motion, developing your coordination, and helping you gain flexibility. After your running workout, spend about 10-15 minutes doing a comprehensive core workout (that targets the obliques, lower back, glutes, and upper hamstrings) or hip strength routine. Weak hips have been implicated in numerous overuse injuries – especially runner’s knee – so this is particularly important for distance runners. Core exercises work well, but remember to do some exercises while standing up to mimic the specific demands of running. Don’t ignore your legs in the gym – 1-2 weekly sessions including squats, dead lifts, lunges, and step-ups can do wonders to keep you healthy. You can lift on any running day, but make sure you have one easy day per week for recovery where you run short and easy or take off completely. Skipping a day of core or strength exercises isn’t a big deal.

Myth #4

Running Increases Inflammation

Many athletes, particularly in the CrossFit or paleo circles, claim that distance running can increase “systemic inflammation” that compromises your immune system and promotes oxidative damage. But even competitive marathon training with high mileage and grueling workouts won’t push you to that level unless you dramatically over-train. Keep in mind that effective training should increase inflammation to promote the adaptation response. Without it, you wouldn’t get faster, gain more endurance, or build strength. The key is to balance hard training with recovery. Mark Sisson at Mark’s Daily Apple has a great overview of the relationship between exercise and inflammation where he argues that chronic inflammation and stress is actually the result of over-training as a whole, and not just running. You can over-train in a myriad of ways: too much fast mileage, too many reps in the weight room, or getting overzealous with CrossFit AMRAP workouts. Over-training (however you do it) leads to too much oxidative stress, which is the result of your body’s production of free radicals. But this field of study is very new and unclear. Consider that: Hard running will increase free radical production, but that signals our bodies to produce more antioxidants! See this study and this study. Oxidative stress is not clearly linked to aging or cell damage. Exercise protectsyou from the oxidative damage of pollution. So it’s much more complicated than simply “running causes inflammation and chronic stress.” Any exercise will (and should) but as long as it’s well planned, you’ll thrive. And let’s be clear: some running – like racing a marathon – can be overly stressful. But these events are rare and recovery is the top goal as soon as they’re complete. So go run your marathon. As long as you’re adequately trained, properly tapered, and recovered post-race then you needn’t worry about inflammation.

Myth #5

Running Doesn’t Promote Fat Loss

Indeed, many folks think running just increases your desire for sugar and carb-heavy snacks without burning any fat. Let’s look at the training of distance runners to see if that’s true. Arguably the most important workout for half-marathoners and marathoners is the long run, which helps increase endurance. One of the main goals of a long run is to train the body to rely more on fat as fuel instead of glycogen (the sugar stored in muscles). Indeed, fat utilization becomes more efficient as you run longer and as your carb stores start to dwindle. A more advanced long run includes a “fast finish” where the last several miles are run at an increasingly faster pace. This type of long run teaches your body to burn fat more efficiently (i.e., easily) rather than rely on carbs alone. There are also several studies that point to aerobic exercises, like running, as the most efficient way to burn fat. Read this study that shows aerobic exercise burns more visceral fat (around your organs – the dangerous kind) and liver fat than resistance training. Running is also better than strength sessions for weight loss according to this study. I’m not claiming you need to pick between the two – both should be key parts of your overall training program. And of course, a healthy, balanced diet is critical if fat loss is your goal. Running can help you get to your ideal weight, but it doesn’t give you a hall pass for eating half a dozen bagels a day! The current research and my 14 years as a competitive runner and coach show that running is one of the best forms of exercise available to build fitness. No exercise is a miracle for weight loss, nor should any type of exercise be the only form you practice, but running has an important place in any fitness program. If you’re taking up running or have been a runner for years, stick to a well-rounded training program that embraces variety, plenty of strength exercises, and a holistic approach to distance running. And the next time you hear someone say, “Oh, runners only know how to run,” you’ll know better.

As the month gets going on the 1st, it’s a great time for you to get going, too. Start a new project! Launch a new idea! Record a new hit single! Sign up for a gym membership! Whatever it is that you have wanted to do, now is definitely the time to do it. By the super duper and awfully romantic 6th and 7th, you could be launching a whole new lease on love! Wowee. It sure smells like spring fever in here! Your creativity is your most amazing asset, so put it to good use on the 10th, 11th and 12th. You’ll be amazed at what you come up with! If something has been simmering for a long time now and all the water has burned off, leaving a bunch of cauliflower and broccoli and carrot pieces stuck to the bottom of the pot and beginning to burn, it is high time to deal with it on the 17th! That’s true of the 18th and 19th, too. By the limited-resources 22nd, 23rd and 24th, your resources are limited, so don’t be prodigal. Be as detached (and fair) as possible when making a judgment on the 29th and 30th. Your great ideas take on a life of their own on the 31st.

You are in a pretty brainy place as the month gets started on the 1st. That’s great: You can shine your Kleig light intelligence on any problem that comes your way. Just don’t forget to listen to your heart, while you’re at it. How do you feel about all this? The questions you are asking yourself, after all, aren’t purely academic. By the pretty invigorating 4th and 5th, you have some awfully amazing ideas that cover an impressively wide range of topics. Wow! You and they are getting along really, really well, and you are really, really loving it, and it is really, really inspiring you in every part of your life on the fabulous 8th and 9th. You just might start a revolution (or at least an evolution) with your totally radical (and really excellent) ideas on the 13th and 14th. You two have a lot of chemistry, and when you meet, there could be an explosion! So warn everyone to put on their lab goggles on the 17th, 18th and 19th. It’s better that way! Keep your cool as you make a business decision on the 25th and pay close attention to all the details. Connect on the 31st.

If you’ve been struggling with a relationship issue, or a couple of relationship issues, or an overwhelming avalanche of relationship issues, the 1st is a good day to start with a clean slate. However you do this, it’s a good idea to try for a fresh start. Maybe that means leaving the past in the past. Maybe that means starting anew. Regardless: A new approach can’t hurt. By the 4th and 5th, it’s going to pay off for you to go into things with as much awareness as possible. Go in blindly, and you won’t have much luck. You’re in luck, and in love, on the loving, lucky 10th, 11th and 12th. Wonderful! Take some time out for a little rest and relaxation on the 17th, 18th and 19th. You need to just check out and do something nice for yourself. How is the old health routine going? Ask yourself that on the 22nd, 23rd and 24th. It could be a great time to try adding a few new healthy elements to your regimen. Don’t take what they are dishing out on the 29th and 30th. It’s ridiculous. The boss is on your side on the 31st. Perfect!

Sure, you want what you want when you want it. But on the 1st, you’d be well advised to look around and think (hard) about what others want and need and when they want it and need it. After all, if your wants are exactly at odds with their needs, and you don’t do anything to try to compromise, you could well be thwarted in your wants when things come to a head. You’re ready to explore new avenues on the 4th and 5th, so go ahead and get started! A little frustration (or a lot of it) isn’t always a bad thing in the long run. In fact, it can be downright helpful! So don’t grumble too much on the 10th. Enjoy the great news you get on the 13th and 14th. By the fairly emotional 20th and 21st, you might have to do some soul searching. Do it. If you’ve got any health concerns, make sure you address them with a professional rather than ignoring them (like an amateur!) until they really start to bug you. Why not make an appointment on the 25th or 26th? You’re all about action and exploration, again, on the 31st. Wow! Look at you go

If you feel like your routine -- be it work, working out, dating or playing chess every Friday night with the boys -- is getting dull on the 1st, then for goodness sakes, pep it up! Immediately! There’s always something new to add -- why not ask the boys if they want to try checkers? Connect Four? Hopscotch? If they say no, you can start looking into other Friday night activities. You know? By the financially oriented 5th, you’re going to want to count your pennies and check your bank balance. For real. Then check it all again. Talk to your nearest and dearest and funniest and wittiest about whatever is on your mind on the 10th, 11th and 12th. They’ll help you see the lighter side of things! Everything is pretty darn fabulous on the 15th and 16th, so sit back, smell the roses and enjoy yourself. By the extra communicative 20th and 21st, your very important message reaches just the right ears -- assuming, that is, that you put your message out there. The 25th and 26th are very romantic, which suits you extremely well. Check those balances, again, on the 31st.

You are fun. You are bright. You are fun and bright. You are quick. You are enthusiastic. You are quick and enthusiastic. Is it any wonder you have so many invitations to do so many things with so many people on the 1st? Why no, it isn’t! After all, everybody likes being around someone as fun and bright and quick and enthusiastic as you. Be as open to new ideas as you can be on the 4th and 5th. Your creativity is your most undervalued asset, so why not exploit it, finally, on the 10th, 11th and 12th? You’ll feel great, stretching your wings. Everything is going your way and in an awfully romantic way, too, on the 17th, 18th and 19th. You just love all those flirtatious overtones! By the intellectually stimulating 22nd and 23rd, you’re enjoying getting your two cents in at every opportunity. Everybody involved in the conversation appreciates it, too! The best thing you can do on the 27th is share your thoughts as clearly as possible. Then watch for great results! Something deep is shifting, slowly but surely, on the 31st. Great.

If you think the kitchen should be pink and they think the kitchen should be green, the first thing to ask yourself on the 1st is: Whose kitchen is it, anyway? If the answer is, ‘ours,’ then you have to compromise. If the answer is ‘mine,’ then you don’t. And if the answer is ‘theirs,’ then you don’t need to be part of the discussion, at all. Right? By the somewhat mysterious and discombobulating 4th and 5th, a puzzle might threaten to get the better of you. Keep at it, and it won’t. What’s on your plate on the 10th, 11th or 12th? Is it healthy? Not so healthy? Is it something exotic? Something boring? Go for the dish you’ve never tried before, if you have a choice. By the oh-so-very-social 15th and 16th, you should be meeting and greeting and handshaking and cookie baking (and cookie bringing) as much as you possibly can. You have a well deserved success on the 20th or 21st, and you really should enjoy it! Communicate, and the world is your oyster on the 25th and 26th. Keep your good energy going with a great workout on the 31st.

You are like a bulb and they are like a socket. You are like a screw and they are like a screwdriver. You are like a bird and they are like a really nice empty birdhouse full of delicious birdseed. You -- well, you get the idea. On the 1st, you two are simply a great combination! Yes, you belong together, and you’ll get a whole lot accomplished as a twosome. Look for lots of romance on the 4th and 5th. After all, not much is more romantic than being one half of a super well-functioning pair! By the all-that-glitters-is-notgold 10th, 11th and 12th, you should be careful: What you see is definitely not necessarily what you get. Go to a lecture on Ancient Greece (for example) to get your brain nice and stimulated on the 17th and 18th. You’ll be glad you did! You win the jackpot (or something along those lines) on the terrific 22nd, 23rd or 24th. Wow! Spring fever strikes right on time on the 29th and 30th. You are itching to get outside and get moving! So do it. More romance appears in your life on the 31st.

Do you have a partner? In love, business or plain old shenanigans? If you do, you two might be considering investing in something on the 1st. Whether it’s a new decorative headboard, a super updated filing system, or a special trickster uniform, it’s a good idea! Just be sure you’ve thought it all out thoroughly before you slap the old credit card on the counter. Yehaw! By the family-oriented 4th and 5th, you might be making spaghetti noodles for your great aunt or spaghetti O’s for your niece and nephew. Have fun, either way! If possible, finish up outstanding projects rather than embarking on new ones on the 10th, 11th and 12th. The time to set sail for uncharted territories is -- later! By the full-of-potential 17th, 18th and 19th, exploit each day to its fullest! You’re so organized and so cute and so full of good ideas that everyone just wants to run up and give you a kiss on the 25th and 26th. Let them! Let those family obligations take center stage, again, on the 31st. You won’t be sorry

You are pretty much sure to have a pretty much terrific day on the 1st. You catch their eye, they catch yours; you catch the fly ball at the company softball game; you catch every break there is to be caught. Yippee! Have a terrific time with all this excellent luck and these well-earned rewards. By the oh-so-expressive 4th and 5th, you should get to that singing lesson! Yep. Even if you’ve got a tin ear, working out your vocal cords will give you a boost. What are you going to do if your gym is flooded, or closed for unexpected repairs on the 10th, 11th or 12th? Skip you workout? Pout? No! Go for a jog on the beach, instead. And invite that cutie to come along! Your fabulous energy makes you a joy to be around on the 17th, 18th and pretty much every other day. Get creative on the 22nd, 23rd and 24th. You will astound the people around you with how utterly awesome you are on the 27th and 28th. Communicate exactly how you feel on the 31st!

If you aren’t sure if you should take the road that is more traveled or the one that is less traveled on the 1st, the only thing to do is think about it. Make a list of pros and cons. What’s the road less traveled got to offer? What’s good about the road more traveled? What are the cons, either way? By the super spectacular 2nd and 3rd, the answer will be crystal clear, and you’ll be pleased with your choice. Romance and creativity are on the menu, for you, on the pretty excellent 10th, 11th and 12th. How great! Be sure to read all the instructions before you assemble that super high tech new juicer you bought on the 17th, 18th or 19th. Seriously, it’s more complicated than it looks. By the slightly ego fueled 22nd, 23rd or 24th, you could lock horns with your boss if you aren’t careful. Try your best not to. You get some good news and a big smooch from someone who really, really likes you on the 29th or 30th. Yes! Don’t take unnecessary risks on the 31st.

Your friends think you’re the best. They really do. And they are going to let you know. For sure. Yep, on the 1st, don’t be surprised if you get a ton of platonic love letters from all four corners of the globe -- after all, just because your friends have moved away doesn’t mean they have forgotten you. On the contrary! Everything is going pretty splendidly on the even more awesomely friendly (and possibly a little bit awesomely more-thanjust-friends-ly) 4th and 5th. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! If you are feeling exhausted on the 10th, 11th or 12th, it’s probably because you are! Get some rest, sweet pea. Don’t be afraid to tell it like you see it on the 15th and 16th. People will appreciate your candor! By the somewhat imperfectly balanced 20th and 21st, you might be doing a back bend while they are doing a handstand when you are both supposed to be doing a partner exercise. Oops. Keep your cool at the office water cooler, but don’t sensor yourself, either, on the 25th and 26th. By the 31st you are flying high, and loving every minute of it

Aries Quiz

You and your friends decide to go cliff jumping into the ocean. You get to the edge looking down you.

ARE YOU A RISK TAKER?

You and your other are going on a vaction, on the first night you notice some racy underwear your friend packed for you, you...

A. Hang out in the wading area.

A. Hide and hope he never sees it.

B. Find a lower rock to jump from.

B. Play it off as a joke.

C. Are the person cajoling everyone to jump.

You’ve spent half an hour flirting with a funny and devastatingly handsome man. When he looks at his watch says that he’s heading home, you A. Do nothing. If he was interested, he wouldn’t be leaving. B. Stall him, and get him drunker.

C. Wear it proudly.

C. Suggest he take you with him.

4-7

Cowardly Lion

7-9

In your head you have a different way of how you want things to go. But you never act it. So your such not living the life you want. Sucks to be you! You would rather let the cute guy go home!

Enough To Get You BY So you like to be apart of the jumping game but from a lesser hieght. You want to be up there with the rest of them but don’t have enough bravery to do.

You go to your highschool reunion, see the jock that got away but he’s married to your enemey? A. Do nothing and continue to dream about him . B. Flirt with him and hope your enemey doesn’t notice. C. Walk up to him and get it on.

9 - 12

DAREDEVIL

You have some mighty balls! You don’t care what the cost is. Living life to the fullest is what you want and your sticking to it. So you show the jock that got away what he’s been missing!

1. a - 1 b - 2 c - 3 2. a - 3 b - 2 c - 1 3. a - 2 b - 1 c - 3 4. a - 1 b - 3 c - 2