THE OBSERVER

SUPPOSITORY SUNDAY

CRAB-WALKING ON THE WILDER SIDE OF THE STATE’S CANNABIS OFFERINGS.

Like a lot of people who pay too much attention to the news, The Observer often wrestles with paralyzing anxiety. The obvious cures — an end to wars both cultural and literal, reinvigorating the journalism industry to its former glory, with teeming newsrooms and an informed electorate — seem a long way off. So, for now, we settle for weed.

Medical marijuana is a game-changer for The Observer, staving off panic and palpitations brought on by pandemics, Putin and the like. An unobtrusive puff on a vape pen doesn’t bother anyone around, and leaves The Observer unbothered, too.

Recently, The Observer learned of an even more discreet delivery method. A friend with whom The Observer sometimes compares ailments and cures sent a photo of an Osage Creek suppository, a 10 mg white pellet, aerodynamically shaped for easy insertion. I was nervous, but gained courage when a few similarly anxiety-ridden friends agreed to join in the experimentation. And that’s how, for the sake of journalism, we made plans to try our luck with cannabis suppositories.

I called my mom for advice, which proved to be a mistake. She had no advice to give and claimed to have no memory of medicating her babies rectally. She seemed perturbed that I even asked.

And then, when the appointed Suppository Sunday came along, the hole gang bailed.

“But I made a playlist!” I texted them. No takers. I was on my own.

My first mistake was keeping the suppositories in the fridge, meaning they were not only slick and slimy, but also cold. Initially the cannabis suppository had the opposite effect of what I was going for: Anxious that it would somehow slide out, I nudged it deeper and tightened my gluteus maximi. My partner laughed as I grabbed a spare set of underpants (in case of leakage) and crab-walked to the car. It was March Madness, after all, and there were basketball games to watch with friends.

Upon arrival I poured myself a ginger ale and settled in on the deck, eyes wide and cheeks clenched, waiting for my anxiety to stop ramping up and start ramping down. My thoughts raced. Are my friends looking at me? What will happen if I uncross my legs? Don’t sneeze, don’t sneeze, don’t sneeze.

It took 45 minutes, but finally all my worries and troubles floated away. I stood up, turned around and asked if anyone could detect any leaks. My friends nodded knowingly. I sat back down and rode the wave, chatting and drawling, smiling and laughing. This lasted for about an hour or two. The experiment was a success.

In The Observer’s expert opinion, the cannabis suppository yielded a high quite different from vaping, smoking or edibles. It was slow to kick in and quick to mellow out. So I would say these are good for anxiety, but only if you’re comfortable with butt stuff. If just thinking about this makes you clench up, these aren’t for you. Another consideration: These suppositories aren’t limited to a single orifice, so I’ll try the vaginal route next time and report back. The Observer knows you’re curious.

PETIT JEAN MOUNTAIN

LAKE DARDANELLE

LEGENDS RESORT & CASINO:

ARKANSAS’ NEWEST ENTERTAINMENT DESTINATION

Arkansas is full of picturesque towns and unique beauty that provide a gateway to adventure and excitement. From historic locations to parks, museums and entertainment venues, it’s obvious why The Natural State is such a popular destination amongst tourists and Arkansans alike. Sure to be chart-toppers for road trips are gaming destinations in Hot Springs, West Memphis, Pine Bluff and Russellville — the future home of Legends Resort & Casino.

ON THE MAP: THE ARKANSAS RIVER VALLEY

While Interstate 40 is a well-traveled connector across eight states, lost by many are the rural sections spanning the 300 miles off I-40 in Arkansas that offer plenty to see — and plenty to do.

For instance, in the northwestern part of the state is the River Valley Tri-Peaks Region — one of the six natural divisions of Arkansas. Situated between the Ouachita and Ozark Mountain ranges, the River Valley has been long treasured for its scenic beauty and breathtaking views of Mount Nebo, Mount Magazine and Petit Jean Mountain. It is also home to Lake Dardanelle, one of the most accessible lakes in Arkansas stretching across 34,000 acres with fishing, swimming and outdoor entertainment options for everyone.

While the River Valley is most known for its outdoor recreational activities, the area boasts hundreds of historical sites for residents and visitors to explore. It also contains Arkansas’ wine country and is home to annual cultural events and heritage festivals, many of which are held at state parks and on town squares throughout the River Valley.

YOUR FUTURE ROAD TRIP DESTINATION

Off I-40 in Russellville, nestled in the heart of the River Valley on more than 130 acres, will be the highly anticipated, premier entertainment destination known as Legends Resort & Casino. Inspired by the sweeping landscapes of the Arkansas River Valley, thoughtfully planned resort amenities and diverse entertainment choices will create the perfect setting for visitors to feel and be legendary. Throughout the resort and casino property, guests will enjoy a celebration of Arkansas’ legendary figures in sports, music and entertainment; cuisine; and the stunning landscape of The Natural State.

Currently in development, Legends Resort & Casino will feature gaming, entertainment and amenities for everyone, including a luxury hotel with 200 rooms and a resort-style pool, spa and fitness center. On 50,000 square feet of gaming space with 1,200 slot machines and 32 table games, visitors will be able to up their game while feeding their spirit. Guests can also experience the thrill of live sports betting at the sportsbook, perfectly situated in a luxurious sports bar complete with LED video walls. It will be the perfect escape to meet up with friends, catch the big game and make it a night to remember.

Legends Resort & Casino will offer a bold and robust culinary experience with a variety of food and beverage options, including a food hall. Whether guests are looking to grab something on the go or savor prime cuts in the luxurious steakhouse, there are dining options for every mood.

A LEGENDARY FUTURE

The sights and sounds of the River Valley are a must-see. But with the addition of Legends Resort & Casino, road trips in Arkansas just got that much more exhilarating.