4 minute read
Part of the Solution
BY JEN HOLMAN
Did you happen to see the social media storm surrounding Shakira and Jennifer Lopez’s Super Bowl halftime show? Whether empowering or objectifying, a lot of people had opinions about the performance and didn’t hesitate to throw those opinions around on social media. No big deal, right? A respectful discussion about culture and music and powerful, successful women is a good thing. Except when it’s not respectful. Except when it devolves into body shaming and name-calling and hypercritical accusations by people who’ve never laid eyes on one another.
I saw all that and more on my social media feed the days following the performance, the merits of which I am not here to debate. What I do want to talk about is why people, why women, are so quick to publicly turn on one another over things that don’t matter one little bit in our day-to-day lives.
We’re teaching our children social media etiquette, but are we using it?
In the online conversation about JLo, a woman stated her opinion, and a dozen people she didn’t know threw huge chunks of judgment and accusation at her, landing a few juicy ones right in her face. I readied my typing fingers to defend her, to attempt to moderate the masses, but you know what I did? I’m ashamed to say I did nothing. I didn’t jump into the fray because I knew I’d set myself up as the next bull's-eye.
It happens on neighborhood and school groups, too. One person comments, and the floor is suddenly open to opinions and moral superiority and grandstanding that would never happen at the coffee shop or carpool line. Why do we do that? Has social media really designed that good of a filter for empathy and compassion—for decency?
In 2004, Facebook’s mission was “to make the world more open and connected,” and it started that way. It has given us an easy way to reconnect with old friends and share photos with relatives. We can follow celebrities and heroes and chefs and bands. It’s great for organizing communities and causes.
As social media has aged, though, I worry connection and openness are no longer primary goals. It’s no secret the role social media played in “fake news” stories that spread like wildfire. Election influence by foreign actors has been widely reported. Online discussions about the female body and school policies are far less civil than those we have in real life.
I’m not saying social media is all bad. It has the power to do a whole lot of good. It can give a voice to the powerless, and connect donors with worthy causes. It helps quickly disseminate information on emergencies and threats. It has given us cat videos and yoga goats and memes.
But it has also given us a too-easy way to publicly express our knee-jerk, and often unkind, reactions. Worse, outrage can be contagious.
There’s a term called “moral grandstanding,”that describes what happens when people become overly outraged on social media, making exaggerated public displays and shaming anyone who disagrees with them. These grandstanders lie in wait, reading every word of the opposite side’s response so they can pounce and publicly dispute it. They’re encouraged when their audience “likes” their morally outraged posts and start to pile on, too. They’re validated. They’re right. But they would never behave this way in person. The normal barriers to joining an “outrage mob,” like time to cool off or the fear of shame at humiliating someone, are eliminated when faces aren’t visible.
I worry that social media has gotten very good at making us angrier people and destroying our capacity for empathy. Though some people have and are happier for it, unfortunately, it’s unrealistic to think we’re all going to ditch social media to save humanity.
But wait! All is not lost. There are some things we can do. Just like we teach our children, we must remind ourselves to be kind. We must stop and think before we reply. Do we really need to air our frustrations so publicly? Who will it affect? Would I say this to her face? Will I have to see the teacher/parent/co-worker tomorrow? I think it’s important, too, to reject the conditioning to “like” inflammatory comments.
In his recent Oscar speech, Joaquin Phoenix said he’d “been a real scoundrel” in the past. He claimed to have been cruel at times, and hard to work with. But people gave him a second chance. “That’s when we're at our best,” he said, “when we support each other … when we help each other to grow, when we educate each other, when we guide each other toward redemption. That is the best of humanity.”
Isn’t that lovely? If we use social media for good, if we forgive past mistakes and help each other grow and have respectful conversations there’ll be no room for moral grandstanding. There’ll only be grace and support … and cat videos.
