Love You, Always

Twenty-six letters, more than a million combinations. I love you with every letter written on this page And in every space in-between. I love you both in and out of text, With every fiber of my being.

Being… You are no longer.

I wish with every part of me that you were. To see you, to feel you. More than a million combinations of letters could never express how much I yearn for it.

I felt a part of me leave with you when I watched you go. Your fragile body took in its last breath, Mine exhaled a quiet and broken

That I hoped would drift away alongside your soul.

Loved (past tense) would imply I did no longer. But just because you’re gone, does not mean my love for you is. So, wherever you are, I love you in the present. With every letter, every word, with all of me, I love you. Always.

Gaussian Blur

“10 more minutes, and I’ll finally be home,” I mumbled to myself. It had been a long day at work, looking at nothing but a computer screen for 9 hours straight. It’s been a long 4 months, if I’m being honest. Ever since the project deadline had been moved up, it’s been nothing but working weekends and overtime for the whole team. My frustrations on the matter mostly took the form of striking against my alarm clock for 30 minutes every morning until I can’t possibly snooze it anymore in fear of being late. I have no backbone to actually say something about how draining all of this has been, especially since my backbone is in poor condition from my slouched posture all day.

This was my dream job once upon a time. Now it’s a living nightmare. But hey, at least it’s still a living. My legs began to ache, threatening to collapse from the lack of sleep and the lack of exercise. Reminding myself that this is the only exercise I get within a week, I continued to trudge forward, walking along the sidewalk crowded by stores. I strained my eyes as the lights seemed to get more intense. My head began to greet its old friend–a pounding headache. I tried to focus on the comfort of a dark room with memory foam pillows that were waiting to cradle me and sing me to sleep. For now, my eyes began to blur as I continued further into this neon jungle with fearsome predators in the shape of advertisements.

The lights were starting to feel like shields over my eyes in the way that they blended together. As my eyes flickered back and forth trying to make sense of my surroundings, I felt as though needles poked into the back of my eyeballs. I shut them tight for a moment, dizziness nearly overtaking me. When I opened them, I found myself on a bench, facing a sign that read, “WE ARE OPEN–YOU ARE SAFE.” My heart pounded, warning me that I was mere moments from collapsing. Yet, my feet dragged me into the store against my better judgment. My eyes focused on the hundreds of eyeglasses that all seemed to be staring back at me. I became enthralled as they reflected the soft beams of the fluorescent light from above.

“Welcome. Is there anything I can assist you with?” A voice echoed from my right, awakening me from my trance.

I turned to face the voice, finding the body that it belonged to. A woman in a knee-length lab coat with a striking pair of red eyeglasses smiled at me, awaiting my response.

I struggled to find the right words to greet her, eventually saying, “Oh, hello, um, give me a moment.” She nodded and continued to smile as I waited for my brain to catch me up to speed.

“Are these all prescriptions?” I finally asked, trying to confirm whether or not my eyes were playing tricks on me or if I really had just stumbled into an eyeglasses store in the middle of the night.

“They can be, if you need prescription glasses. But they can be cosmetic too,” she reassured me, and then she tapped on the side of her glasses. My mistake had finally set in. I didn’t need prescription glasses, and I wasn’t interested in purely cosmetic glasses either. I tried to think of how to get out of this situation without causing myself further embarrassment. She patiently waited for my next inquiry.

I blinked wildly, still trying to get rid of the remnants of blurring vision I was experiencing. Finally, I said, “My apologies, I don’t think I actually need glasses after all.” My heels turned to meet the door.

“Are your eyes hurting you, love?” She asked, her voice dipped in concern. I was stunned by the question, trying to figure out how obvious my fatigued condition must have been to her.

“Yes, but it’s not an issue of poor eyesight. I just stare at computers all day long as a part of my job.” I told her. Why was I entertaining this? I should just make up an excuse to leave or bolt out the door outright and pretend I was never here.

“Have you heard of blue light blocking glasses?” She continued.

“I have, but I’m sure they must be expensive.”

“Oh, not at all! Consider them more like non-prescription sunglasses. Sunglasses protect our eyes from the harmful UV rays of the sun, while bluelight glasses can help protect our eyes from the harmful blue light of a screen. They serve a noble function, but are a fair bit more cosmetic than prescription glasses.” Her explanation struck a certain chord with me. This seemed to be the very solution I was looking for. I knew it wouldn’t solve every problem that I had, but it sure would help me stumble into random stores in the middle of the night less often.

“That sounds useful,” I admitted. She showed me the different styles they had available with the bluelight feature already built in, and before I knew it I was back on the street in the company of the neon lights once again. The headache wasn’t gone, and neither was the shake in my legs, but the hope that the plastic bag at my side had given me seemed to give me the energy I needed to continue my journey home.

“8 more minutes, and I’ll finally be home.”