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J.R. Lee
Relationships: Not Easy, But Worth It
BY J.R. LEE
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A great relationship or a great marriage isn’t always easy. If you want your marriage, or any long term-relationship, to be great, you have to fight! But, you have to choose to fight for the relationship, not just in the relationship.
My wife Devin and I have been married for nearly 21 years. Here are a few things we have learned, sometimes the hard way, that I bet will help you as well. 1. What attracts initially will attack eventually! Initially, you may have been attracted to your spouse’s passion for life, but you now realize that passion doesn’t go away during stressful situations or heated debates. When something drives you crazy, ask yourself if that is the thing that actually attracted you to that person? Perspective can shift your thinking and help you form a strategy to overcome any obstacle. 2. Choose your battles. Don’t win the argument and lose the relationship. Choose your battles wisely. Not every hill is one worth dying on. 3. Speak to their potential, not just their problems. Constantly nit-picking and pointing out failures can
become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Devin has told our church congregation that men are like puppies in a lot of ways. If you tell them what they are doing right, they will want to do it again. By the way, this also applies in the words you speak to yourself. I’ve talked myself out of making important decisions over the years because the words in my head spoke death instead of life. You have what it takes to do everything God has called you to do. Don’t let your words sabotage your potential. 4. Focus on the future, not the past. Conflict is not the time for a history lesson. Do your best to stop bringing up stuff that happened years ago. No one can change the past, no matter how much they wish they could. Focus on the future by simply doing the right thing in the present. Relationships can’t win when bones from the past are dug up and used as weapons.
Pastor J.R. Lee is husband to Devin, dad to Lexi, London and Bryce, and pastor of Freedom Church. Follow him on Instagram at @PastorJRLee, Twitter at @JRLee, or on the Freedom Church YouTube channel.
