Book Review: Disaster Preparedness: A Gen X Manifesto

foto: Eddie Mol

Disaster Preparedness: A Gen X Manifesto by Rebekah Villon

I am a huge fan of Ask Polly by Heather Havrilesky. It’s an advice column that transcends the writer’s immediate situation, urging people to find deeper connections with themselves and others. It’s heartfelt, vulnerable, and inspiring. So, of course, I couldn’t wait to read her memoir, Disaster Preparedness.

In Disaster Preparedness, Havrilesky writes candidly about her childhood and youth, about her family and friends, and about the influences that shaped her adulthood. Along the way, she describes aspects of her life so specifically she perfectly captures the forces that describe a whole generation.

Havrilesky is only a few years younger than I am, and I am not sure I’ve yet read a memoir from someone my own age. So, when she describes listening to Tea in the Sahara by the Police on her Walkman, playing the boardgame Clue, or playing Barbies with her sister, it’s as though she’s describing a childhood I remember myself. I understand it from the inside out.

Because Havrilesky is young (in her 30s when she wrote this book), and because she is reflecting on her youth, the book deals a lot with the peculiarities of her family, and of families in general.

When it comes to family, there is no escape. The beauty—and the nightmare—of family is how well they know you after so long, and how deeply you belong to each other. There is no easy exit. There are witnesses, and they remember everything.

Later in life, she goes to therapy. As is often the case, in therapy she works to tell the truth, to recover the innocence and transparency of a child, and to reveal her authentic self. But she shares an insight that I find really interesting: is a person’s childhood self really their authentic self?

But was my personality as a child—honest, open, full of wonder, prone to weeping at the slightest provocation— somehow more authentic than the pessimistic, spiteful cad I’d become? Was it really fair to claim such innocence and purity as my true self, or to throw away years of meticulously constructed defense mechanisms, many of them awesomely complex and imaginatively designed, the psychological equivalent of an internal-combustion engine? Maybe, instead, I was some unsteady combination of innocent... child and cynical... adult. My genuine self was at once kind and nasty, well-intentioned and short-tempered and avoidant and thoughtful and hesitant to shower regularly.

It’s this kind of thinking that comes to inform Havrilesky’s acceptance of herself and others, a form of radical self-acceptance that she practices imperfectly, but that informs all of her writing. It’s what makes reading her work so inspiring, charming, and touching, and what keeps me coming back to her again and again. It’s startling how her journey, from a childhood with “toughen up already” parents to the dramas and agonies of adolescence, to an adulthood that is messy and confusing, infused with moments of enlightenment, echoes aspects of my own, and of a whole generation that grew up in the same way. I hope that all of us learn to practice the exuberant love that Havrilesky has come to model.

We are frazzled and unruly, you and me. We are desperate and wistful and restless and funny and frayed at the edges... There is nothing wrong with feeling unsafe and uncertain. There is nothing wrong with addled, misguided parenting, or self-involved rambling. I give you permission, my friend, to continue on this twisted, sweet path of suffering and satisfaction and distraction. I give you my blessing, my partner in failing at everything. I am witness to your grace and your faltering. I give you my undying love, as you struggle and stutter and the sun falls from the sky...

Please remember, we were not a disappointment. Not at all, not even close. We were gorgeous and strong, you and me. We were terrible and troubled and utterly divine.

You can read Ask Polly at thecut.com and follow Heather at @hhavrilesky, and I highly recommend doing both.

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Giving birth in the Netherlands

Having a baby is the most special period in your life. For internationals there are quite some differences between health care in the Netherlands and health care you would receive in your home country, especially regarding health care during pregnancy, birth and the time after birth. We know that these differences may worry you, so let us explain how things work.

In the Netherlands there is a unique system of midwives and gynaecologists. Midwives guide the healthy pregnancies and regular births. A gynaecologist steps in when complications arise. A Dutch midwife is primarily a medical expert, but, aside from this, she is also a coach and a confidant during the whole pregnancy period. A midwife has had an extensive training during her 4 year bachelor program throughout which she spent 50% of her time doing internships. By the end of her training she has witnessed and assisted in a lot of deliveries.

During pregnancy a midwife checks on the wellbeing of mother and child. She does so by taking an extensive medical history of the future parents. She checks weight and blood pressure of the mother and growth of the baby. She orders several blood tests and ultrasounds are made. Besides all the medical checks the midwife gives all the information you need to prepare yourself for birth and parenthood. She is there, 24/7, for all your questions and worries. She does so involving both future parents and possible siblings.

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At Midwifery Practice Eindhoven we have made the care for international clients one of our specialties. We will take the time to explain what you can expect and to understand your needs. We want you to feel safe and supported and have a good start as a family. We welcome you from the moment your pregnancy test is positive but also if you already have questions before you conceive.