A Chaotic Coronation?

You’ll recall – providing you’ve been paying attention of course – the poems that Julie Sheldon kindly allowed me to reproduce, in January & February. Well, I’ve cheekily ‘commissioned’ her, requesting something amusing and topical to commemorate what, for many, will be the first British regal coronation of our collective lifetimes. I think she’s surpassed herself. What do you think?

A corgi threw up on the doorstep…

The King was then totally blinded

The King didn’t see and he slipped

He’d barely got out of the palace

But thought he had fractured his hip

Camilla’s hand reached out to help him

But she lost her balance and fell

The morning of their coronation

Had really not started too well

They set off for Westminster Abbey

The carriage looked fit for a king

But suddenly they were lopsided

Because of an old rusty spring

They struggled to keep their composure

Whilst feeling a right pair of fools

For everything had become shaken

Including the King’s own Crown Jewels

From thereon, the plans did run smoothly

Until it was time for the crown

When put into place by the bishop

It started to slowly slide down

He’d dreaded this moment for years

The crown was now wedged in position

And couldn’t be prised from his ears

The Abbey was in a commotion

Whatever were they going to do?

There really was just one solution… A call to the local fire crew

A firefighter came to the rescue

By bringing a bucket of grease…

He smeared it around the King’s temples Which offered a slimy release

At last, they were back at the palace

They went out to wave to the throng

A face like a chip, and bones aching They didn’t stay out there for long

6 2 7 3 8 4 9 5 10

The King then did suddenly waken… He managed to stifle a scream… At last came the realisation

That it all had been just a bad dream!

Of course, this is only a poem… A snippet of light-hearted fun

So here’s to King Charles and Camilla I wish them the best from now on!

If you’d like to have your own copies of Julie’s poetic gems – they’d make a wonderful gift – her self-published (at her own expense) trilogy of titles viz. Lockdown Lyrics, Rocky Road Rhymes and Pandemic Pondering remain available with proceeds going to The Brain Tumour Charity.

A bargain at £5 each (or £12 for all three), you can secure your own by contacting Julie directly via email at juliesheldon50@gmail.com or by phoning 07890 989868. She’ll be delighted to hear from you. Alternatively, you can contact me, as always, via mike.musings@outlook.com

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Ornamental Engineering

Gardener’s Calendar

Most spring bulbs will have gone over by now, but a good way to encourage them to return next year is to give them some tomato feed now.

Some species of tulips are unlikely to flower year on year, but others will, so be sure to deadhead them and even if they look messy, don’t cut back the leaves until they have died.

Don’t Mow May has become quite a thing – the aim being to leave your grass to grow so wildflowers come through and help pollinators such as bees. But if you find it a hard rule to stick to, you’ll still get daisies and clover surviving and leave your grass looking pretty tidy if you raise the height of the cutters on your mower. You can always lower them again later.

Top Tip:

There are lots of small starter tomato plants in nurseries and they are a great way of growing your own. Just remember that they don’t like sitting in loads of compost and if you try to transplant straight in large containers they may well rot. This is why you can put them in grow bags rather than proper pots - they like their roots crowded. So just keep potting on to the next size until they look well grown.

Weeds are growing like there’s no tomorrow. Pick a dry day to hoe. Drag the hoe through thoroughly and leave them on the surface to dry out and die – saves the bother of hand removing every one with a trowel.