Love Carries On – A Suitcase Of Memories

A ritual to support children after the death of a significant adult.

A child-centred, public celebration and remembrance ceremony following the death of a significant adult in a child’s life. A chance for the child to be supported through their grief by those they are close to in an open and honest ceremony that they dictate the pace and content of. It aims to take away some of the private pain of grief and transform it into a shared and supported experience that can be seen in the context of a process or journey, rather than an ending, for the child.

Someone to Lean On – The Steward

The bereaved child is supported to select someone to lean on in their life, to assist them with the admin and organisation of the ritual. This may be a parent or carer, teacher or friend. The child is encouraged to think carefully about who will be best placed to do this. Depending on the age, ability and preferences of the child the Steward will respond to the wishes of the child, carry out their instructions and help them to overcome any practical barriers to holding the ritual. They crucially also help the child to acquire and decorate a suitcase and to select music and choose the words to be said. They prepare the child for the day in whatever way the child requires – this may include but is not limited to: regular conversations, texts, letters or emails, creating a social story or handbook to explain/illustrate the order of the day, decorating the suitcase, and/or rehearsal of the day itself.

The Circle of Love – The Caring Friends

The bereaved child invites all those that they want to attend; age is no barrier here, nor is number of friends. The child may have just a few in their circle or invite many. It is their choice. The Steward will assist with the inviting if the child desires or requires.

The Caring Friends assemble on the chosen day and time at the child’s preferred location. They adhere to any dress code the child has set, and each brings a small gift/item for the child representing a memory with the child and/or the deceased adult in their life. This maybe a photo, drawing, document, item of clothing, symbolic or practical item that holds meaning for the friend and will (perhaps in time) be of interest to the child.

Carry on Loving - The Suitcase of Memories

A suitcase decorated by the child is placed in the middle of the chosen location. The child, or Steward, places a ring of flowers or petals around the suitcase. This ring can be as close to the suitcase or as far away as the child desires. The guests are asked to take their seat outside this ring.

When everyone is assembled, the child is invited to take a seat inside the ring, close to the suitcase; the Steward, or anyone else the child chooses, can join them if desired/required.

The Steward speaks words chosen or agreed with the child, and then creates a moment of silence. They light a candle and give the child a photo of the deceased adult to do whatever they want with. There is no judgement; this is the child’s ritual, and they are where they are on their journey.

Slowly the Steward facilitates the guests to hand over their gift/item to the child. Each person steps into the ring of flowers/petals and hands the child the item. They say a few words tailored to the child and the gift. With this gift I offer you the memory of …. And I celebrate your … The child accepts the gift and places it in the suitcase.

The Steward records the words said on a card which is placed on/in or attached to the gift. If the child is unable/unwilling to accept the gift it is placed on the floor next to the case. If the child cries they are simply held or allowed to cry for as long as they need. If the child leaves, the guests wait patiently and with good humour. In the event the child does not return or cannot carry on, the Steward packs the gifts into the suitcase each with their memory card written.

When the gifts have all been given, the child is invited to close the suitcase and be close to it, hold it, sit on it etc, whilst a piece of music the child has chosen is played. At the end of the music the guests leave the space quietly and the child chooses where to put the suitcase and when to leave.

In another location chosen by the child, there is a party with food, as low-key or raucous as the child chooses.

Love Carries On.

This ritual is dedicated to Hilda and Burt on the death of their father Gary Frost.

Rowan

Why Can’t I See You? Russian Doll Ritual

It is encouraged to use this ‘Ritual’ as often as is needed The objective is to enable one to process any negative feelings you may have towards your own or someone else’s behaviour by refocusing on the ‘bigger picture’ and realising you can let go and not feel as negative towards yourself or others – life's too short

Required:

A Russian Doll with as many as 7 or 8 pieces is ideal NB: An onion, with its many layers is just as effective.

Scented candle/joss stick of your choice

Where:

Practical & simple set-up; designed to be utilised anywhere at any time. It may not be practical or prudent to light a candle in some locations e.g. in an antique book shop, a library, on public transport or at the local swimming baths.

So, you’re annoyed at somebody, maybe annoyed at yourself You’re not liking the way something is making you feel and you want out! Mr. Kool & his gang are rightget down on it

Pick your spot, if possible, a place you won’t be disturbed. Don’t rush. Breathe as slowly as is comfortable – we don’t want anyone to pass out. Light your candle, place it on a fire-retardant surface in front of you, focus on the light, the scent.

Take out your Doll (or Onion), hold it gently in your hands whilst looking into the flame and begin to untangle your thoughts/frustrations with yourself or someone else and try to separate the actions from the person. At this point a primal scream or swearing as rudely as one can, is a useful way of releasing negative energy. E.g. ‘Oh flip! Dash! & Darn it!’

Continue focusing on the behaviour and gently pull the first doll apart – gently does it, this should not be done in a violent manner – the goal here is to calm down and be able to process your feelings in a productive way. Once detached, reassemble the doll and place it in front of you. You have begun to peel back and reflect on this behaviour and think about how multi layered we are (onion users should note not to wipe their eyes with their finger).

Repeat the action, revealing layer after layer, focusing on different qualities of you or another person and less on the initial trigger. You’ll end up with a line of 7 or 8 dolls.

Reconstruct the doll with care and love. The tiniest doll is the thing that bothered you most, but it is being superseded as each doll covers the next by more positive thoughts.

Once this process is complete - smile! (if you’re not already). Play some music –something uplifting like Mint Car by The Cure. Extinguish the flame, wait for the candle to harden before putting it safely away. Place your doll in its box for later. Mark

Pilgrimage Ritual: A How-To Guide

How can you undertake a pilgrimage when you don't know where you're going?

This is a pilgrimage without a fixed end-point. You'll recognise your destination when you get there. Allow yourself to be guided by what feels right in your bones.

In your bag you will need: celebratory attire - an outfit that lifts your spirits; a talisman, or object to aid meditation; and a thermos flask (because a warm drink is balm for the soul).

When you arrive at this destination, there are three stages to the ritual.

First, don your celebratory apparel. This outfit carries within it an acknowledgement of all the extraordinary things in your past. Put your shoulders back, stand tall, and give yourself credit for the path taken so far.

Then take in hand your talisman. Close your eyes, hold the talisman, and take a moment to consider what lies ahead. Reassure yourself that you will cope, no matter what the future holds.

Now pour yourself a hot drink. Put past and future aside - you can come back to them later. Immerse yourself fully in this moment, committing your full attention to now, in all its temporary glory. For the time being, that is all there is: time being.

Well done, you have completed your pilgrimage ritual. Repeat as often as needed.

Julia

The Ritual of Ravelling

The Ritual of Ravelling, practised in medieval times, was banned by the Christians as pagan. There has been a recent revival in Ravelling, recognised for its therapeutic value.

Ravelling is the act of symbolically expressing crisis points (poverty, pandemic, climate change) and conflicts either within oneself, internal knots, or externally (infighting and war) through the act of tangling, tying and knotting thread, string, wool, ribbon and beads through fabric. Often it is not possible to express emotional states in words; words reduce the experience.

There is no conscious intention or plan to make a design or to depict anything in particular; this is to think too literally. The process is purely intuitive and draws on unconscious processes where the end result does not matter.

The costume is black or white but gold and silver costumes worn by nobility have been observed in medieval paintings.

As Ravelling takes place in nature, in the bluebell woods, under a weeping willow, by the lapping waves, everything needed for the ritual is contained in the many pockets stitched onto the costume.

Each person whispers softly, soothingly and rhythmically a word describing an action, ‘Tangle… tie… thread… weave… knot…loop…loosen… fasten… tangle, tangle’. Many whispers will be heard and the mood can change quickly from agitation to calmness to agitation…

The process of Ravelling can be reversed by mindfully taking out the ties and knots so that the fabric is restored to what it was before Ravelling began: a kind of renewal.

Mother of Pearl: A Ritual To Acknowledge The Childfree Choice

The Mother of Pearl ritual was inspired by a shell. Shiny and iridescent inside, dull and sea-worn outside. Mother of pearl is not a “mother” in the maternal sense, but this substance has been grown by a life force, created from sea minerals and energy. It is individual and beautiful, whole and complete. With the Mother of Pearl ritual I celebrate a whole person. Those who choose not to have children have fulfilling and meaningful lives. There are many ways to ‘mother’ beyond parenthood. For me, this includes: nurture, family, teaching, learning, play, love, legacy, heritage. I have yearned for acknowledgement of this life shaping decision and acceptance that I, like the shell, am complete as I am.

The ritual starts with a gathering. As with a wedding or christening, this is a bringing together of all those in front of whom she wishes to acknowledge her choice. From this gathering a number of witnesses are chosen. These chosen representatives are people that she recognises in kinship, friendship and sisterhood as key bonds for her childfree life. One of the witnesses addresses the gathering: We are gathered here today to acknowledge and celebrate her decision to be childfree. We affirm her place in our community and recognise the love she offers.

She then offers of herself to the witnesses in the presence of her community. She offers food that she has made, something meaningful and personal to her, placed in a shell lined with mother of pearl. She speaks the words “Will you accept this?” With these words, she offers not only the food, but also herself. Her creativity, love, family, legacy. Her whole self.

The witness speaks the words: “I would love to, thank you.”

In their acceptance of the offering, each witness acknowledges her as a whole woman, unique and beautiful as Mother of Pearl. Complete as she is.

In conclusion, one of the witnesses will invite the whole gathering to stand and raise a toast to acknowledge one of their own who has made this choice. Together, they raise a toast “To her!” And party!

Note: I imagine this ritual from my perspective. My use of pronouns and gendered words places myself in the ritual. I hope that others, however they identify, will feel able to mould the words and ideas to suit them. The childfree choice should be celebrated and acknowledged for all people who follow that path.

Choose Calm – A Ritual for Everyone

This ritual is for anyone to use. It is an equal opportunity ritual. Adapt it depending on your personality, health needs or requirements.

If you are facing a difficult time in the day like the school run, or another stressful situation, do yourself a favour and take a few minutes to do this ritual first. This will give you a chance to calm and relax before whatever task you are about to do.

My ritual is all about staying calm in any situation you find yourself in. The meditation ritual I present here takes place in an empty room, open space or a library. A room where there is relaxed colours, and peace and quiet.

Firstly, sit down, relax your arms, body and legs and close your eyes. Some people may choose to wear an eye mask, but you don’t have to. Some people may find it difficult to wear one or to keep their eyes shut.

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Count yourself in 1-2-3, then count yourself out 1-2-3.

Repeat this practice until your body becomes relaxed.

Finish and crack on with your daily structure and routine.

Coffee Drinking Ritual

My day starts with making and drinking coffee. Embedded in this mundane gesture is a personally meaningful ritual Every day, when I drink coffee, I intentionally renew my physical connection to the land where I was born, through ingesting food grown in its soil

I like the artless way in which it is made at home, without fancy equipment, using just a coffee sock I have made seven different socks for each day of the week, they remind me of the mountains. My sculpture frames the action of filtering coffee Coffee-drinking is a simple daily activity which can be easily shared with others. An invitation to have coffee is an invitation to talk, to begin, renew or deepen mutual understanding

Catalina

Work in Progress

Hand-drawn cards inspired by the life cycle of a butterfly from caterpillar through chrysalis. These can help you to deal with an internal shift and process this transition, particularly where no formal ceremony or event which usually marks more “celebrated” moments in life, exists.

Spend time with the particular card that you think you are at in your own life cycle. Meditate on it or journal about it to mark the journey you’ve made.

Upended world, Inverted. Tumbling away — Descend, to darkness. Down the rabbit-hole.

Inner space

Figuring out the heart-song That makes the beat

(Free from the riptides and wormholes).

Keep going onLiquified and scrambled, From the inside out, Rebuilt, Reconceptualised, Slough the skin that’s held you in Let the cracks Reveal something Bright.

People may not have even noticed this journey. But spending time reflecting on it will help you acknowledge and celebrate it in your own way.

Emily

Cacao Ceremony

My father died from Covid during lockdown in October 2021. He was in Venezuala. I was here. I didn’t get to see him to say goodbye.

My ex father-in-law died from Pancreatic cancer in April 2023. I was not able to attend his funeral.

The weight of not having had a send-off for both my dad and Joe grew heavier and heavier. What I wanted was to gather my closest friends together, serve ceremonial grade cacao (honouring my Venezuelan Ancestors), share my grief process in words and then offer my friends a sound bath ceremony followed by Venezuelan food: arepas, black beans, mango and pineapple salsa, avocado salad and British cheese and biscuits to honour Joe.

I was able to do this in June 2023. Overall, I managed to create a sense of community so everyone could feel part of the ceremony. Some helped with serving the food, others decorating or taking chairs out and others were driving guests to the venue. Once we were all there, I briefed my friends about the healing properties of ceremonial cacao.

Once the Venezuelan buffet was served, I pulled out my collection of drums and we had a jamming session.

I surprised my friends with mementos to take home such as: flower crowns, a heart shaped quartz pebble, a sticky 3D lady bug (representing my dad’s spirit) and a bumble bee (representing grandad Joe’s spirit).

I also gave them a program and a postcard designed by my friend Lana. The figure represented me next to a Chinese proverb that reads: “You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow flying overhead: but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair” .

Jessy

The Veil

From cradle to grave, women are swaddled and masked with fabric, especially during celebrations and the rituals within them.

As an artist, I am conscious that, apart from in death, there is little to celebrate the changes women experience when moving into their mature years. The point at which we cease to procreate allows space and time, especially for those caregiving mothers, to focus on creating in other ways - a transition that is generally overlooked. I wanted to create a 3D representation of ageing, change, and the survival of gender based trauma, which so often relates to how we look or are perceived. My own ritual is embedded within the mindfulness required for stitching and beadwork. Each layer represents difficulties that I have faced and overcome. The piece is ongoing, incomplete, and will grow as I do.

"The Crone, a wise woman, she holds the power of age and time, of retribution and transformation. Ancient though not always aged, she may be beautiful but she's not pretty"

Ellen Lorenzi-Prince Krissie

Title: The Celebration Of Silence

Ritual duration: 30 minutes

Items you will need:

Two party poppers

A small cushion

Instructions:

Before you begin find a place which is quiet and still. Your chosen place can be indoors or outdoors as long as it is somewhere you feel calm.

Place your cushion on the ground. Sit on the cushion with your legs crossed and place both party poppers in front of you.

Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing.

When you are ready pick up one of your party poppers. Pop the party popper. Focus on on the sound.

If this ritual is being done with a group try and sense when to pick up the party poppers and pop them together. Try to avoid opening your eyes and talking. Sit in the silence for as long as you need. Enjoy the peace and quiet that surrounds you.

When you are ready to finish the ritual of silence pick up the other party popper and pop it. Focus on the sound once more. Take a deep breath and open your eyes.

Charneh