ASK URSULA THE USHER

She’s not the sweetest usher in town (for which competition is fierce), but she knows her stuff.

Greetings, Artslandians.

I’m Portland’s foremost and award-winning expert in propriety, crowd management, security, and patron services administration. I’m Ursula the Usher. Yes, that’s right. What’d you think? That ushers just stand around handing out the playbills and pointing to seats? You don’t even know the things we do to keep you safe and comfortable. Ushers are the unsung heroes of the performing arts. .

Email your questions to ursula@artslandia.com.

Q DEAR URSULA,

Attending live performance art is one of the great joys of my life. Another is my nephew, which is why one of my recent gifts to him was a pair of tickets for us to use together. The more I learn about the benefits of performing arts exposure for children, the more I am determined to bring the arts into his life. I’m not sure which of us is more excited, but my anticipation comes with a tinge of nerves about taking a kid to a show. It will be the kiddo’s first live performance experience. He’s a good kid, but his interpretation of “whisper” is a breathy shout. Sitting still isn’t exactly his strong suit. What can I do to help prepare him? Any advice on how to handle challenging behavior in the moment?

— Don’t Want To Be THAT Person

DEAR DON’T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON, A

You, my good reader, get a gold star for noting the merits of the performing arts for our young people. I often take to my soapbox on this topic, but my resolution for the new year was to digress less. I’ll say just this: being among the audience of performing arts is an unparalleled, immersive educational experience. Brilliant people have studied this. I also say it’s true, which is enough in itself. Children must be taught to appreciate art, and that begins with exposure. Bravo.

Surely, you’ve done your research and checked on any age restrictions and the recommended age before you selected your nephew’s first show. There is no shortage of “family-friendly” productions, including children’s theater and the Oregon Symphony’s Kids Concerts. The programming of these types of shows is explicitly geared toward children, as is the length of the performance. The Symphony, for example, recommends their kid-friendly shows for those ages 5–10. For children under age three, there are Symphony Storytimes with musicians playing live to read-aloud stories. My five children, 14 grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren adore these, each in their own turn.

Like appreciation, propriety is learned behavior. No matter one’s age, a little preparation goes a long way for first-timers. Talk to your nephew about the upcoming production. If it’s an adaption of a storybook, read the story. If it’s a concert, listen to similar music. Explain that the theater or concert hall is a special place that comes with particular behavior. Talk through the expected behavior — staying seated, listening, saving questions for later. In my experience, many adults could do well with a refresher.

Depending on the child’s age, you might share some of the strategies you use when you get antsy. Teach that boredom is not an emergency. It’s an opportunity.

Be sure to arrive 30 minutes early to get situated in your seats and borrow a booster seat from the coat check room if needed. Make a last trip to the restroom just before the show begins. Model good manners yourself as you turn off your cell phone for goodness sake!

While an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, don’t expect that every attempted exposure to live art will be smooth. If sitting reasonably still and remaining reasonably quiet becomes unmanageable, it’s acceptable to step out of a kid-friendly performance. If patience and restraint have run out, it’s ok to leave. These virtues will build by degrees. In my vast experience with humankind, the concern about being THAT person rarely becomes a reality. The first step toward propriety is good sense. Simply being aware that a situation involves particulars is half the battle.