An Invisible Father February 24, 1998 I was born not knowing the purpose of my existence. I couldn’t understand why has God chosen me to live in this cruel life where there’s nothing but damage. Wondering how was my past, present and future going to be like what was I going to face not being ready for it. All this thoughts came through my brain when I nearly three years old . When my mother Luisa gave birth to me she explained to me her pain, but mainly her pain. Even though I was just a baby I could see the sadness through her eyes but something didn’t seem right also where was my daddy wasn’t he suppose to be with us? I mean having a baby is a blessing from God why refuse such an amazing day that you being waiting for. I didn’t want to believe he was gone out of my life instead I thought he left to give mommy and me a better future and live happily ever after. Time passed and I was still waiting like a princess waits for her prince. For example on the movie Shrek, he had to defeat an ugly dragon and evil villains to get Fiona, but also to protect his family. Well all of this fantasy got me believing he was fighting like Shrek. Another year past I turned four and also gave up on waiting for the damn day that my father would walk into my life and win my heart for all this time he hasn’t being there for me. Since that never happened, I thought why was he never there at times I wonder was I a disgrace to him. Was I an ugly monster that was given birth to and he was embarrassed to show me off with his family and friends? When I gave my first steps where was he to clap or give me a pony ride to celebrate? The worst part is that my first word was daddy, but once again he wasn’t there; even though I had my mommy I felt an empty space in my heart that would tear me up every single damn night. The thing that got me more disappointed was for man coming in and out of my life because they would end up breaking up with my mother and breaking my dream of having finally a daddy a family. I felt that they just felt sorry for my mother and me, and I hated that fact, like why be such a hypocrite? Every time I would go outside and play with my dolls first thing I would see is girls playing with their dads. That shit broke me even more, like what the fuck, why them, why couldn’t that be me instead? Every fucking day I would go through bullying. Why? Because I was known as the homeless little girl that would live with different men, but none of them were my dad. I hated my mom so damn bad, like why do that shit she only thought about her, not me. I just wanted to killed her for lying to me, telling me we would form a family, like no, stop being fake, why lie even more? It wasn’t like it was the first time I would get hurt. As I got older my mother left me. I wasn’t surprised at all. I thank God for that though, because I realize that she would damage me even more. Ten years past as well as ten birthdays, ten springs, ten summers, and ten winters, and still no dad. I really didn’t gave a fuck about my mother. I know people say “But she’s your mother” yeah so what,
she has never there, plus a mother is the one who raises her child, not the one who just gives birth and leaves them like little bastards. Why in the world bring kids to earth if they’re going to make them go through hell. The stupidest part was that my mother wanted to buy me with expensive things, like no, you idiot, you can’t win someone’s heart by doing that. I just hated her, but then I became a teenager and had my first boyfriend, but the problem was where was my king to protect me from those guys who hurt me and broke my heart? I wished so damn bad for him to be there for those horrible moments that I went through with my first boyfriend, my crush, like where was he to protect me from them and tell me “ Don’t worry my little princess, your daddy is here to protect you, don’t cry, better guys will come that are worth more”. I would have given my life sacrifice, whatever, to hear those words from my dad. Now I’m sixteen, and I still haven’t gotten the chance to meet my dad. It gets me sad when I hear my friends complaining about their dads, when meanwhile I wished I had someone to call dad no mater how annoying he would get. Like, I hate girls like that, like shut up idiot, at least you grew up with your dad and know his name. I don’t even know that how sad is my life. When I had my sweet sixteen I didn’t have my last doll or dance with my daddy, and I cried. I honestly did; I couldn’t deal with all this bullshit no more. Every girls dream at their party of dancing with their dad, and there goes me without a father. But at night I would stand up and pretend he was dancing with me and telling how much he loves me. I have no regrets at all, even though I had treated my real mother like shit, I have no regrets. I don’t care if people called me cold-blooded, but if you had never been in my shoes don’t even bother to open your mouth. I have come so far in my life even though my English is not that perfect sometimes; I get surprised that people that were thought English as their first language struggle. but yeah make fun of me, like laugh out loud. I had received awards; I had achieved what my cousins haven’t because they were stupid enough to get pregnant. Life is crazy, and I have done so much in my life, but I do it for one main reason, which is to prove my real father that I survive and I’m a proud survival. That I didn’t need him to succeed in life even though it was hard to realize that he was gone forever. I want him to remember that where ever he is I want to thank him for giving up on me because now I understand that even though my life was sad as a little girl basically hell now I’m thankful for who I am that I forgive him for all the damage he had done. Also prove him that I don’t need no father to become some one in life no more those sad moments went away the day he basically gave up on me.