Fate Hi. What’s up? I’m…well, I’m anonymous, at least where this piece is concerned. I’m an inspired, funny, tired, drained, excited, jittery, tall, flirtatious, insecure, happy, studious, hard-working, creative, out-going, forward, fierce and fabulous, artistic, athletic, religious, determined, wornout, enthusiastic, hungry, friendly, loving, annoyed, flawless, conflicted, worried, content, fiery, sleepy, ready-for-anything, shy, unmotivated, personable, rebellious, teenage boy. And THIS is my fabulous story. Is fate real? Like really, does it exist? Things being pre-destined for you, you having no say, everything happening for its own good reason? Or is all of that crap? Things happening strictly by chance, unlikely situations just happening to turn into lifetime passions. If it were to be determined by me, I would say fate is very real, very important. See, I’m a dancer; it’s my passion, my one true love. I would never have discovered this hidden fire under my butt producing an inferno of smoldering love for self-expression through music, if it wasn’t for one single, seemingly unimportant event. And just how much it affected my life. Here we go. I was born in October. Having a birthday in the fall traditionally warrants a child to waiting another extra year to begin their education career. But not me, I was a Swim, I was better than waiting for an extra year, I was better than sitting around my house doing nothing, letting my brain rot. So my parents decided they were going to go ahead and shove me into schooling anyway. Since public schools had laws about how old students had to be to attend them, because obviously a one to two month difference in age makes all the difference, my parents were forced to find me a private school to attend. Private schools are either really nice to the point where you
do not want to touch anything so you don’t break it, or so bad that you don’t want to touch anything for the fear of getting sick. Long story short I ended up attending Pinion Tree Learning Center. I liked this place a lot, nice students, teachers, fast learning, and fun activities. But there was one part of the day in which I despised. Movie time. Every single day, without fail, after lunch we would be pushed into the common area after lunch to watch a movie for an hour and a half. Movies were beyond boring to me, I would rather have watched paint dry, paint dry of a portrait of a camel. Figuratively, not literally… Anyway, I would fall asleep. I would fall asleep every single day during movie time. The teachers blamed it on me being younger than the other students. I always just wanted to scream at them that a two-month difference couldn’t be that big of a deal. One final action sealed my overwhelming hate for movie time. My teachers and fellow classmates decided it would be hilarious to spray pink hairspray in my hair while I was sleeping. Because of movie time. I was livid. Royally livid. Looking back on that now, I probably would have enjoyed that more now, but I wasn’t as fabulous and fierce back then as I am now… Back to the story, I was livid, and I had to find a way out of movie time, I would do anything! During that day I caught wind that during movie time, some students got to go to dance class at a local dance studio. It was sealed; I was ready to go then, anything to get out of movie time. So I asked my mom about it, she made some calls, and bam! I was going to dance class instead of movie time. Since I was in private school, I had never really experienced the outside world in a way to where I could learn that dance was ‘for girls’ or anything like that. So I thought that it was no big deal, but my compadres that I went to school with when I made it to public school just didn’t understand. Back to the dance, so these classes, I loved them. I didn’t realize I loved them at the time, but I did. I looked forward to them everyday. At the end of the year I found myself asking
to be enrolled again for the next year, and I never looked back. Now look at me, a 15 year old sophomore in High School, who’s been dancing for 11 years and has never looked back, who is even considering it for a major in college, who just recently went to a dance competition and out of almost 40 senior age level solos placed first overall. And I’m realizing that all of these small events, that could easily just not happened, caused one of the most important things in my life to come into my life: dance. So I ask you again, fate, or a set of events that were just, lucky. Dance has touched my life in more ways than can be counted, it has molded me into the person I am today from head to toe. It has helped me in so many ways, with so many life skills. And it wasn’t easy; it isn’t easy to be a boy all throughout life, having footballs thrown and shoved in your face and to have to tell them, “No! I’m a dancer”, and just see them laugh and walk away. It’s not easy. It kinda sucks to be ridiculed day in and out; as if you’re a stain, a blemish. Have people yell hateful comments at you from across the hall. To have to answer the same questions everyday that make you feel like less than a person. “Are you gay?” “Why would you dance? That’s for girls, faggot.” “Just drop the stupid dance and play sports.” “You’re an attention seeker.” That was my life. My on-going life for years, and I had to deal with it. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Why would I want to? I know why. Because I thought they were right. I was stupid. I was stupid for thinking it was okay to dance. I was stupid for thinking that a guy could dance. I hated myself so much. I wanted to quit dance but my parents kept me in it, and looking at it today, I’m glad that they did. As I grew up and became more comfortable with myself and became more comfortable with the fact that I dance and the fact that I am different, I let some walls come down. Walls came tumbling down that those hateful people in my childhood successfully built up. Behind
those walls stood my true self. I realized that I am gay. When these realizations crossed my mind I asked myself many questions, “What am I attracted to in men?” “How could you prove those haters right?” But the funny thing is, I had answers to them all. A man could protect me, and that’s what I crave, the feeling of being protected, and feeling secure, a strong arm to hold me, to comfort me. Even though I did turn out being gay, I don’t think I proved those awful people ‘right’ per say. Sometimes I think that those people were put in my life to torture me and make my life hell, but then I think they were put in my life to prove to myself that I am strong enough to take on life. If I could handle the hateful things that were thrown my way as a child, I can definitely take on life as a teenager and an adult. So why do I dance? Because its my destiny, and I love it, and it was to me, my fate. Dance in many ways has made me who I am today, and helped me find my true self. The real me. My fate is to be the creative, funny, out-going, and pretty damn cool guy I am today.