Trust

Trust Maybe you don’t know this. Maybe you don’t want to. Maybe you should.

It was during the first week of high school that I met the people that would become my first friends as freshmen. There was a group of us: Diana, Justin, Connor, Jayden, and Stacy. Connor was extremely attractive but there was also something to his charm, his smile, and the way he flipped around his pitch black hair. He also gave me that feeling that I sometimes get with people, the one I usually get when I’m about to make a best friend, the feeling that this person would somehow play a significant role in my life. We came to our second month of high school and started hanging out like we had all known each other for a very long time. We had new additions to our group as well: Melody, Justin’s friend, and chase, a tennis player that Connor knew. We did all the normal things freshmen do, we ate lunch together, we hung out at each other’s houses, we went to parties together, and joined the same clubs.

Coming from New York I had been exposed to more things than most people my age. I had already learned how not to trust anyone, not to tell secrets, and how to make people tell me theirs. It was a sure indication of my naivety that I didn’t think of myself as being very naïve. I was well trained and charming in any situation, except among people my own age. Spending my elementary school years up until 2nd grade left me little opportunity to socialize with other kids. I was even more removed from interactions with guys even in middle school/ always standing with next to my lifelong best friend Ashley, I felt like the ugly duckling, that shadow friend that rich girls keep around because they are loyal like dogs and have a good sense of humor. She would always be more beautiful, more talented, more charming, more of whatever it was I wanted to be. This is how I became one of those boys that didn’t know when he was flirting when he is and wouldn’t know if a guy was hitting on him even if he said to him “Hey, I’m hitting on you!”.

So all those nice guys I met my first year in high school, well, they were all my new best friends and they were so nice they all wanted me to go partying with them. None was better at this task of getting me to party more than I should than Connors friend chase. As I said before, I’m everyone loyal as a dog best friend. I’m the friend that will drive out to see you in the middle of the night to bring you homemade cookies because you feel sad for no reason, I’m was the one that gets you that thing you’ve been eyeing even though it isn’t your birthday it’s just because I love you, I was never actually used to receiving this kind of treatment in return, nor did I ever expect it. The first time I went to a party with my new friends I had soda accidently spilled on me so my friend Connor offered to let me spend the night at his house while my clothes washed seeing’s how he lived closer than I did. Chase ended up spending the night at Connors house too just because I guess and I was kind of going through a rough patch due to the fact of finding out that my mom had cancer again hence why my friends brought me to a party trying to cheer me up. But anyway I was on the couch in Connors sweats and thinking about life and I started crying so chase got up and came over and hugged me and kind of cuddled with me and told me that everything would work out and that god has a plan. I was so amazed at the fact

the chase stayed up until I had calmed down and even until I fell asleep, I think that it was at that moment that I started to see that he was there for me and was a best friend.

As it turns out, chase was interested in becoming something more than a close friend with me. I was never interested in being more than friends with anybody, not in a relationship sore of way. As time went on, I spent more with Connor and chase than with the rest of the group. We would go out to those stupid parties and chill at Connors house where me and chase would cuddle on the couch and watch a movie while Connor was on the phone with his girlfriend. I would often would go and talk to Connor in his room about chase and then return to the couch so Connor could get back to fighting with his girlfriend. When Connors girlfriend dumped him, he confided in me for support and I was more than happy to help him out in any way I could.

After all, we were good friends and that is what friends do, trust each other with secrets and always be ready to offer a helping hand. Chase and I were becoming close friends too, but there was something strange about him. He regularly had me so confused. One minute he would be sending me love messages and the next he would be talking about being friends. He would put his arm around me when we all went out, he gave me all of his attention, he also handed me gift after gift until I was falling into his arms. At the time I was flattered and excited about not feeling like a shadow. Then he would say horrible things to me like you shouldn’t party, you should just stay home and cry, he said I was stupid, and then he would call me his “armour”. I was so confused and too young to know that I should have been done with it all right then and there.

The night of Halloween Connor called me and asked if I wanted to come and help hand out candy and spend the night. I was already at the Starbucks near his house so I decided to at least go and help him out. I had no sooner stepped in the door when I was greeted by chase with the candy bowl. I was a little frustrated at Connor for not telling me that chase was at his house and was also spending the night. After handing out candy Connor wanted to watch scary movies, I hate scary movies so I kind of just cuddled up to Connor and put my face into his jacket because I didn’t like the jumpy parts. Connor got up after the end of the movie and said he was going to get some sleep and left me and chase alone in the living room. I’m not going to lie it was kind of awkward sitting across the room from chase but eventually he paused the movie and asked if we could talk. I agreed to listen but I didn’t plan on saying much because he was so mean to me the last time we saw each other, he went on to say how he was sorry and that he felt bad and wanted to go back to being friends. He got up and walked over to me and I told him that we were friends again and I got up and hugged him. We both walked back to the couch and cuddle as the movie played but he surprised me with what happened next, I sat up to resituate myself and he got really close and stuck his lips to mine and kissed me. Can we just say that I was freaking the fuck out, I was like ummm what is happening in my head but I like it. When our lips separated he started automatically saying how he likes me more than a friend and confessing to being in love with me and how he enjoyed spending so much time with me all year. Then suddenly he stopped for a few minutes and then he asked me to be his boyfriend.

I kind of sat there in shock for like five minutes but then I said yes and he came back in for another kiss. I’m not going to lie this second kiss turned into a make out session and we cuddle

and made out the whole rest of the movie. Then we proceeded to go to the spare bedroom in Connors house and I’m sure you can assume what happened next. All I can say was that was the best night of my whole life so far. We dated for the whole year up until the end of summer which is when as some would say “shit hit the fan”. I was madly deeply in love with chase but when Connor had come to me and told me the most heart ravishing news of my life that he and chase had been fooling around for the last month and at that moment I just froze. I reflected on the year and how I had let my guard down and let people in and where that had put me. This people is why I am the cold hearted, locked up, bitchiest person you will meet today. I no longer let my guard down as a matter of face my guard has a electric fence with stainless steels spikes with no opening. Granted after I had found out the news I cried so hard I’m pretty sure my body had to find water to put through my eyes I calmed down eventually. I decided that I would never date anybody again I would only keep boy toys so that I wouldn’t have my heart crushed by a hammer ever again.