Asian Outlook Spring 2014 Issue #1 by Asian Outlook

ASIAN OUTLOOK

volume XXVII, issue 3

Volume XXVII, Issue 3

contents OUTLOOK

ASIAN

32 | Overrepresentation of Being an American as an Asian-American | Sharon Lau

ASIAN OUTLOOK

arts & entertainment 14 | Twitch Plays Pokemon | Alex Ching 16 | Getting to Know Joseph Vincent | Frank Tiu, Leon Tran, Victoria Tam

conscience 36 | Byel Gould 37 | Frankie Choi 38 | Ying Xu 39 | Angela Wu

Cover image source: http://www.google.com/hostednews/getty/media/ALeqM5heN_jN6nSTHVI6xEO6R1O5HF74vw

letter from the editor...

s much as I love snow and how beautiful winter can be, I am totally ready for some sunshine and warmth. We ran into a few snags along the way, but here it is, our identity issue! The theme for this issue was inspired by Connie Zhou’s blog post titled “The Asian-American Awakening: That Moment You Realize You’re Not White.” It went viral and I saw it reposted multiple times on my Facebook newsfeed, which meant that many of my friends found it to be relatable or an important read. We thought that it would be a good theme to work with because reflecting on our own experiences as Asians or Asian Americans would allow us to see the similarities we experience as a class of people and the differences as individuals in unique circumstances. I saw this as a “consciousness raising” sort of opportunity, which basically raises our awareness about the types of oppression we face due to a part or parts of our identity. By sharing personal stories, we are not only creating a stronger sense of community with one another, but we are also becoming empowered in the process. The problem then becomes a shared political one that can be addressed together as a community. This segues into our cover for this issue. We chose a picture of Julie Chu, an Asian American Olympic ice hockey player, holding the American flag during the closing ceremony for the 2014 Sochi Winter games. It’s a great visual representation of an Asian American, don’t you think? It’s pretty neat how she was chosen to be the flag bearer because white America usually gets all up in arms (especially on twitter, the worst place ever in these cases) when someone who is a “foreigner” is representing the country in some way. This is, of course, usually directed towards anyone who isn’t white or black, like when Nina Davuluri, who is of Indian descent, was crowned Miss America, or when Marc Anthony sang “God Bless America” at the 2013 MLB All-Star game. Seriously, people just freak the f- out. Plus, Asian American representation is already in the pits for this country, so you go Julie Chu! (She was one of six Asian American athletes on team USA.) As the semester draws closer to the end, the pressure of getting two more issues out is escalating. Very quickly. So, big thanks to everyone who submits to our magazine and our wonderful members, we would literally be nothing without you! I also want to thank Kayla, of course, because I still wouldn’t be able to do this on my own, and who knows how the magazine would have turned out without you. I want to thank my sister, my family, my computer for not giving up on me and lastly, the academy for presenting me this award. Just kidding, obvs, but thank you for picking up this issue. I hope you enjoy it! Claire Chang Co-Editor-in-Chief, Spring 2014

ASIAN OUTLOOK EXECUTIVE BOARD SPRING 2014 editors-in-chief conscience editor copy editors

layout editors

secretary business manager publicity manager staff writers

Claire Chang Kayla Natrella Rudy Kuang Adam Mei Joe Park Tina Yu YaeJin Oh Amanda Lau Ashley Lau Cyndi Chin Jimmy Zhang Calvin Chan Dale Gao Frank Tiu Jinhua Hu Sharon Lau

EDITORIAL POLICY Asian Outlook is the art, literary and news magazine of the Asian Student Union of SUNY’s Binghamton University. Originally conceived and created to challenge, redefine, re-imagine and revolutionize images and perceptions associated with Asians and Asian Americans, Asian Outlook also serves to protect the voice of those in the minority, whether by ethnicity, gender, and/or political orientation. All matter contained within these b`eautiful pages do not necessarily reflect the views of the editorial board. Asian Outlook reserves the right to edit submissions and publish work as deemed appropriate. Prospective contributors are encouraged to discuss their work with the editors prior to submissions. Articles may be submitted as an e-mail attachment to ao.editor@gmail.com. All artistic and literary pieces may be submitted to aoconscience@gmail.com.

CONTACT POLICY Uninvited contact with writers and contributors is forbidden under punishment of pain. Please direct all questions, comments and complaints to ao.editor@gmail.com.

interested in contributing?

E-mail us at:

ao.editor@gmail.com

Or come to our weekly meetings held in the Asian Student Union office (UUW-329) every Wednesday at 8:00 p.m.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

Why

DEMOCRATS

Should Embrace The

Tea Party

By Alex Ching

The Tea Party has been a major influence on American politics in the last 4 years, although whether they are effective politicians or just creating a bigger mess is debatable

2010 elections, the Tea Party has been a thorn in every politician’s side. The Tea Party has been a major influence on American politics in the last 4 years, although whether its members are effective politicians or just creating a bigger mess is debatable. With funding from two of the richest men in America (David and Charles Koch), they have the staying power to affect policy for years to come, especially if their message of “fighting the status quo in government” continues to appeal to voters displeased with normal politics. In 2011, the energy of the Tea Party translated into direct policy impact. The Tea Party showed an aggressive stance against what they see as aggressive government spending, and refused to raise the debt ceiling (which allows the government to pay back on its promises/IOUs), negatively impacting ince the

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the economy. The United States Federal Government’s credit, or ability to loan money at cheap rates, was lowered by one of the three big financial analysis firms in the world. It is these reckless endeavors by the Tea Party that is costing the Republican Party votes. While the Tea Party has strengthened the Republican Party’s majority in the House of Representatives, its members are loose cannons, willing to sacrifice the economy for an idea. While the Republican Party is all for less government, it still needs the government to pay the bills, and by preventing the government from being able to do so, the Tea Party is jeopardizing the Republicans chance to attract voters in swing districts. The reasoning is two-fold. First, by becoming such a huge and energetic force, the Tea Party has falsely led more

centrist members of the Republican Party to believe that they should become more conservative. This has caused senior leaders of the Party to be unable to control their own members, proving crucial in the debt ceiling fight. This negatively affects the Republican Party because research has shown that the American people direct the blame of not passing a debt-ceiling bill to Republican partisanship, thus lowering their chances of winning key swing districts. Secondly, it allows the Democratic Party to blame the entire Republican Party as ideological fanatics, willing to sacrifice the economy for government spending cuts. This givers voters a clear decision, “Either vote for the Democrat, or vote for the crazy, Tea Party zealot.” This has been the case in key elections, such as Senator Harry Reid’s reelection, during which he painted his challenger as “too

conservative for mainstream politics.” Leaders of the Republican Party have pointed to the blame to explain why Democrats are able to hold a majority in the Senate. Senator Mitch McConnell, the minority leader, said that the Democrats will not be able to capitalize on the same advantages they did in the last election, hinting that the Republican Party is attempting to stem the energy of the Tea Party in order to characterize the entire GOP as leaders who carry the interest of the people. However, after Tea Party Senator Ted Cruz’s filibuster of the debt ceiling showed a strong Republican divide, it seems that the Republicans have a long way to go.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

Red Envelope Robberies By Frank Tiu

Just like how pickpocketing activity spikes around Christmas time, it also spikes during Chinese New Year, especially in the Chinese community.

hinese New Year, or Lunar New Year as it is more

widely known, celebrates a new beginning based on the lunar calendar. For many, Chinese New Year is all about posting red banners with gold, brush-stroked characters, or the heart-racing drums that come with the showy lion dance. Contrary to popular belief, there are some Chinese people that actually keep an extra low-profile during this time of the year to avoid pickpockets and home burglaries. Chinese New Year is a time of family gatherings and exchanging red envelopes, called hong-bao. Traditionally, these red envelopes (hong bao) contain a sum of money, as well as well-wishes for the new year. While normally a happy celebration that promotes positive attitudes and hope with the start of the new year, it is also a time of opportunity for pickpockets. Just like how pickpocketing activity spikes around Christmas time, it also spikes during Chinese New Year, especially in the Chinese community. Chinese elders are frequently victims because it is common for older, married couples to give out red envelopes to the unmarried younger generation. The Chinese elders make up a huge portion of this “marriedcouple” group and their lack of physical flexibility only makes them more ideal targets. Many Chinese people hang up new red scrolls with Chinese gods to ward off bad luck, but sometimes it attracts misfortune instead. The scrolls indicate that this house is occupied by Chinese people, which makes it a popular target among home burglaries for several reasons. Many Chinese immigrants cannot speak English so they will be less inclined to report any crimes. As with the Chinese saying, “Turn big problems into smaller ones and small problems into none,” many people might not report it at all. To make matters worse, many Chinese immigrants, including illegal immigrants, might not have a bank account due to financial and language barriers, making them ideal targets. According to The New York Times, The American Community Survey from 2012 indicates that 38 percent of the population in Bensonhurst were Chinese and in that community, 19

ASIAN OUTLOOK

of 20 households reported for burglaries were Asian households. This statistic is alarming and it also does not account for unreported burglaries so chances are, the numbers are even higher than reported. Not just during Chinese New Year, the Chinese community has always been a huge target for burglars and pickpockets. It is extremely important to understand that while Chinese New Year is about the glutinous food, showy lion dances and startling red firecrackers, it should also be a time of caution. Perhaps rather than showing off wealth and extravagance, it can also be an opportunity for the Chinese community to practice humbleness and smaller forms of appreciation. Sources: NYT: At Lunar New Year, a Big, Red Target for Pickpockets

An example of a red envelope given out during Chinese New Year.

Many women in the corporate world struggle to break the ceiling and achieve equal pay. Despite these struggles, women are beginning to bring a different mindset and one day women in business will receive the same benefits as men do. By Ashley Lau

December 2013, Catalyst, a leading non-profit organization aimed at developing more business opportunities for women in the workforce, released a shocking report of the stagnant growth of women holding top positions in corporate America. Compared to the previous year’s 16.6% of women with board seats, 2013 only brought in a slight increase of .3%, totaling up to 16.9% of women on corporate boards. Why are women so underrepresented in the workplace? McKinsey & Company performed a survey on 60 business corporations showing the percentage of women in each rank of its organization. The data collected had shown an decrease of women as the positions became higher and higher. In total, out of 325,000 women who had received entry-level positions: 150,000 had been promoted to middle management and less than half (7,000 women) had advanced to higher level positions such as vice president, CEO, etc. These alarming results show how small a group of women is being given the chance to advance in their careers and have their voices heard in the companies that they work for. An article about women in the office from Harvard Business Review said there are several reasons why women are underrepresented. For one, men are generally assigned projects with bigger budgets and a higher amount of staff workers. The Catalyst report states “Only 22% of the women, but 30% of the men, were given budgets of more than $10 million” which leads to men receiving more recognition from c-suite level or chief level officers. A majority of women also have to face the difficulties of balancing work and family. Working moms have to ensure that their work is done to their bosses’ satisfaction while also remembering to take care of their children. Yet, that does not prevent all women from quitting their jobs. Statistics confirm that 60% of women continue on with their jobs even n

after the birth of the second child. However, 90% of women have left their jobs due to workplace problems. The women could not stand the commitment to long working hours with minimum reward. A study from the Pew Research Center has shown an increase of women who are college graduates at the start of their careers. Compared to Boomer Generation’s 21% and Generation X’s 41%, 61% of Millennial women would like to receive a top position someday. A significant total of 75% of Millennial women have also voiced their opinions that change is needed in America to enforce gender equality in the workplace. Tom Falk, chairman and chief executive officer of Kimberly-Clark Corp, has said that management teams are “picking the best athlete for a role, but they are not really insisting on a diverse slate and looking broadly to make sure they've got talent from all the best pools that are available to them”. On Jan. 7 in a women’s career workshop, guest speaker Maureen McGuire, Chief Marketing Officer at Bloomberg, said that men are paid $4,200 more than women on their first job. She replied that men are still more dominant than women in their senior positions; however, in five years hopefully the numbers will change. She said “Women bring [a] different mindset to business” and “a combination of both [mindsets of men and women] works well in companies.” Let’s hope, in five years’ time, this once promising idea becomes a reality.

Sources: http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/11/living/no-change-on-women-board-seatsparents/ http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/12/11/10-findings-about-women-inthe-workplace/ http://hbr.org/2013/09/women-in-the-workplace-a-research-roundup/ar/1

FUNNYMAN

Nick Offerman Builds

JAPANESE GAZEBO By Russell Tobias

omedian

“I also grew up building theatrical scenery. I spent many years building scenery as a large part of my income and that allowed me to really develop my shop skills.” -Nick Offerman

Nick Offerman

widely

known for his deadpan humor, rugged

moustache, American Ham comedy tour, and portrayal of the character Ron Swanson on the NBC series, Parks and Recreation. At the University of Illinois, however, students and faculty alike are celebrating his philanthropic efforts and avid woodworking skills. Last fall, Offerman constructed and unveiled a Japanese-style gazebo (or azumaya) at his alma mater to complement the scenic grounds of the Japan House. This majestic abode and arboretum, with roots dating back to 1964, are part of an ongoing effort to not only beautify the campus but to help broaden cultural understanding and diversity within the university community. The gazebo represents Offerman’s commitment to forwarding this mission in honor of his lifelong friend and sensei, Shozo Sato, who founded the project. While studying theatre at the University of Illinois, Offerman grew close to one professor in particular. Shozo Sato, Professor Emeritus and internationally acclaimed master of Zen arts, is most

ASIAN OUTLOOK

notable for reviving Western classics in the style of Japanese Kabuki theatre. Stylized dancing, dramatized acting, and intricate make-up are all components of classical Kabuki, dating back to the inception of the Edo period in Japan (c. 1600). Throughout his career, Sato made an active effort to connect with his students not only as a teacher, but as a mentor and father-figure as well. “In the typical Japanese way, the professor and the student have a fatherson, father-daughter-like relationship; they share dinners together and travel together,” Sato said. “That was the same concept taken on in my Kabuki classes. All the members of my classes would come for a late dinner to my home, and we’d send them off on a full stomach.” Offerman received his theatre degree in 1993, one year after Sato’s retirement. Nearly two decades later, Offerman returned to visit his alma mater, proud to find the new Japan house there to greet him. Shortage of funding prevented the completion of the development, he was told, as the gardens were devoid of traditional wooden fixtures. Having

already established Offerman Woodshop in Los Angeles, CA, he saw this as the perfect opportunity to pay tribute to both the school and to the man who helped shape his career. Professor Sato collaborated with his former student and protégé on the design of a redwood timber gazebo. The construction required a crew of local woodworkers employed at the shop, and the installation team included Offerman, Sato, and some of their personal friends. The final product represents a marvelous fusion of traditional Japanese and Western elements, heavily reflective of Sato’s teaching style. It is clear from the intimate level of collaboration that Sato and Offerman shared – beginning with the inspiration and designs all the way through installation – that this undertaking symbolizes much more than a wooden hut. To these two, the gazebo represents the fruits of a long-cultivated friendship as solid and unyielding as the redwood itself.

The

Ghost of Alma

Tennessee Williams’ Summer and Smoke addresses the issue of love and self. In the end, you wonder “why didn’t it happen between us?”

Freudian theory of unconscious minds—while listening to myself denouncing it, I am uncomfortably looking at the Freudian thrillers now sitting prominently on my desk and pretending they don’t exist. Well, not because I don’t see any values in it. I just think that although the theory does apply to many people, I wouldn’t consider myself among them. For one thing, I think for the most part of my life I’d always been pretty selfaware, consciously taking notice of my behavior and thoughts, awake or asleep (lucid dreaming). In addition, self-deceit was never a doctrine I had much interest in adhering to. I’ve always been compulsively honest with myself, taking self-criticism to be more of a motivating drive for perfection rather than an undermining force that impinges on one’s self-worth. In short, I am willing to admit to and accept the unpleasant facts about myself and I simply don’t see the need to keep any hidden desires in the unconsciousness. Of course, there were times when a slip of human weakness gave way to the force of the unconscious that triumphed. But then I would only find myself tenaciously attempting to dig out the concealed Unknown submerged under the ‘iceberg.’ A case in point concerns a scene from my favorite play, Tennessee Williams’ Summer and Smoke. When I think about the play these days, the image of the protagonist Alma desperately demanding: “Why didn’t it happen between us?” often comes to mind. In retrospect, for a long time I definitely had some trouble articulating why I like the scene so much. Well, obviously because the play overall is a great work of art. But opting for such am no fan of the

By Jinhua Hu a straightforward answer certainly loses the point of writing anything sophisticated on a topic about the unconsciousness. So for the purpose of finishing this article on time, though I know it may sound pretentious, I asked myself: does the play resonate with something deeper? If I was afraid and thus resisted to find out the answer back then, I no longer do now. I think Alma symbolizes a truer side of me, though I’ve cautioned myself not to be someone like her. Given how proud I am, I never did and never would bring myself to ask someone this question. Not because I wasn’t curious about it or wouldn’t care to know–though I would probably have asked this question a million times in my heart, I would never have said it out loud. Just imagining someone asking me this question sends shivers down my spine, terrifying and perhaps simultaneously annoying me. So why put another person in the same awkward position? But the main reason why I think I wouldn’t ask this kind of question is that I believe there are no good answers to it. This is a bit of exaggeration. I guess we could have easily counted the times when we knew our dislike toward somebody–because he is not smart enough; he litters, which shows that he has no consideration for other people; he has bad taste in selecting books, not to mention his failing attempts at good humor, etc. But out of concern to abide by our social demeanors, we would not blurt these out. Still, I also think in most cases we don’t always find that many apparent ‘wrongs’ in other people to explain the lack of spark. But if so much about love is inexplicable, I just don’t see the point of asking other people, “Why didn’t

it happen between us?” Because it just didn’t, and wouldn’t even if you persevered! Okay, to be fair, I am in no position to make this kind of argument here. Even if I did strictly practice what I preached, the fact is I never had the experience of being rejected that way–because I’d never asked anyone this question and thus eliminating any possible chance of rejection. I am not being pessimistic here, nor is it my intent to convince other people to never like anyone if the love is not mutual. Despite the squeamishness on such a topic, this essay does try to make a persuasion. Never hold grudge against, or forcedly demand for explanations from, the particular person who doesn’t like you back because she or he reserves all the rights not to. I think as people get older, they are less inclined to fall in love with someone whom they know would never reciprocate their love. Only then we will learn how to love ourselves more.

Scene from Tennessee Williams’ Summer and Smoke.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

Hanyu

Makes

HISTORY T

his

By Ashley Lau

year’s

Olympics

for

Winter

figure

skating in Sochi was full of unpredictable outcomes. Particularly in the men’s division, there were many candidates who could stand on the podium. Some contenders include the Russian favorite Evengi Plushenko, three-time world champion Patrick Chan from Canada, and Spanish sensation, Javiar Fernandez. On Feb. 14, history was made as the gold medal for men’s figure skating went to nineteen year old Yuzuru Hanyu of Japan. Coming into the Olympic Games, Hanyu had a lot of expectations to succeed. On Feb. 6, in the team competition segment of the Games, Hanyu got first place in the men’s short program. He easily landed a quadruple toe loop and triple axel followed by a perfectly executed triple lutz-triple toe loop combination. Accompanied by “Parisienne Walkways” by Gary Moore, Hanyu’s skating got the crowd excited and eager to see more of his performance. He received an astounding score of

ASIAN OUTLOOK

99.84 points. After his skate, commentators reported that Hanyu was definitely going to be the skater to watch in the upcoming week. Feb. 13 marked the official day of competition. Hanyu gave a jaw-dropping display of his short program, and once again broke his own seasonal best score. Awarded 101.45 points, Hanyu finally broke the one hundred mark and make history in the men’s short program. He received a 3.93 lead on his rival Patrick Chan with high hopes of winning the gold the next day. The following day at the Iceberg Palace, Hanyu was the third skater to skate in the final group. He skated to the classic theme song of “Romeo and Juliet” by Nino Rota. Hanyu had two tragic falls in his opening jump, the quadruple salchow, and midway into his program, with the triple flip. Although he did not have a clean program, his long program score of 178.64 combined with his record-breaking short program score totaled up to a final count of 280.09 points. Hanyu defeated the competition and become the

gold medalist in Sochi. Yuzuru Hanyu is the second Japanese skater, following 2006 Olympic champion Shizuka Arakawa, to win an Olympic gold medal in the sport. Additionally, Hanyu is the youngest person to win an Olympic gold medal since U.S. skater Dick Button won his respective title in the 1948 Olympics at eighteen years old. Yuzuru Hanyu was born December 7,1994 in Sendai, Japan. He first started his skating career at the young age of four years old. He became interested in the sport as he watched his older sister, Saya, skate. During one of his many trips to the rink with his sister, Hanyu decided to give the sport a shot. In Yuzuru Hanyu’s biography, “Blue Flames,” Hanyu stated “Back then, I used to hate practice, but I loved competitions where lots of people in

the audience watched me skating.” The first competition he ever won was Daiei Cup held in Shin-Matsudo City, Chiba Prefecture at six years old. Hanyu commented, “When winning the competition, I had no front teeth. But I tried hard to smile during my program because my coach told me ‘Smile!’” With his extraordinary jumping talent and incredible flexibility, Hanyu dominated the competitions he competed in and quickly advanced in ranks. Hanyu became national champion at only fourteen years old and proceeded to become the world junior champion the following year in 2009. In 2010, Hanyu decided to make his senior debut under his coach, two-time Olympic silver medalist, Brian Orser. Hanyu expressed his excitement for competing against the world’s most elite skaters saying,

“I’ve been working hard to improve because I want to win. And I want to win because I have good rivals.” Through his success, Hanyu faced many hardships to get to where he is today. During 2011, the year when Hanyu received the silver medal in the World Championships, his hometown was affected by a massive earthquake. Hanyu was practicing in his home rink when the earthquake occurred. Regarding the experience, Hanyu said, “As soon as the big quake stopped, I ran out of the building in my skating boots. I had no time to put on the blade covers, so my blades were damaged. I was terrified.” Hanyu currently trains in Toronto, Canada. Every day Hanyu does on-ice training with his coaches for three to four hours followed by ballet training with his ballet instructor. Besides the language barrier, Hanyu has to deal with being away from his family for long periods of time. Nonetheless, his determination to win an Olympic medal that drives to practice daily. In his biography, Hanyu mentioned, “I think I’m the kind of skater who always puts my utmost effort into everything I do, pushing myself aggressively.” Yuzuru Hanyu is the first Asian man to win an Olympic figure skating gold medal. He has already announced that he plans to compete in PyeongChang, South Korea in 2018. His score in the short program was a huge contributing factor to his success. Having fallen twice in the long program, Hanyu believes he definitely has room for improvement. When his coach asked how he felt about winning the gold medal he said “I’m not happy,” with a smile on his face. He is truly an accomplished skater to watch leading up to the 2018 Olympic Games. Sources: http://www.olympic.org/news/figure-skatingrussians-lead-gold-rush-as-teenagers-rule-theiceberg/226721 http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/15/sports/ olympics/yuzuru-hanyu-of-japan-wins-mensfigure-skating-gold.html http://www.nbcolympics.com/photos/gettingknow-yuzuru-hanyu-japan%E2%80%99sfirst-men%E2%80%99s-figure-skating-goldmedalist?ctx=olympic-journey http://www.absoluteskating.com/index. php?cat=articles&id=2012hanyu

Yuzuru Hanyu’s reaction after realizing he set the world record for the short program.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

K im Forever

Sochi Winter Olympics 2014, there has been much Adelina Sotnikova winning the gold metal over the defending champion of South Korea, Yuna Kim. With professional sports commentators like Kurt Browning, a four-time world figure skating champion saying, “I don’t know guys. I just couldn’t see how Yu-na and Sotnikova were so close in the components.” Other critics like Elvis Stojko, a two-time Olympic skater, have argued that Sotnikova deserved her gold medal because she did seven triple jumps in combination with other techniques while Kim only had only six, respectively. Even though Kim “did not attempt a triple loop or a double axel, triple toe loop combination,” it is clear that her performance was flawless. Even though Sotnikova’s program was more challenging, her performance was far from perfect. For one of Sotnikova’s landings, there was a quick mishap that was not captured from certain camera angles. Perfection is an ideal concept and if a performance is flawless, it d e s e rve s much credit due to the difficulty in achieving an ideal, along with the risk and low probability. Being a professional athlete and playing it cool, Sotnikova continued to skate gracefully but a mishap is a mishap. Understanding the difficulty of combinations, it may seem just that Sotnikova deserves her points since she took many risks with one small, yet negligible mishap, but skating is still a performance. The question is, should a performance be evaluated overall and with small details in mind or should it be judged with the small details as the main focus? Skating is an art and a performance; just like any artwork and performance, details are important but the overall picture is what makes performance unique and priceless. Sotnikova might’ve successfully completed all her skating techniques and transitions but her overall performance was not as graceful or as elegant as Kim’s performance. This Olympic race seems more like a checklist where each skater performs a series of set movements and earns points for them. It is staccato, broken into pieces. Just because a skater attempts more difficult jumps and performs certain elements of the program well, does not necessarily mean the overall performance is gold medal-worthy. There are also other factors such as expression, transitions, and connection with the music. Now, the definition of Olympic gold equates to the difficulty of techniques. This encourages future athletes to focus and perform the techniques rather than making each move count, going along with the music and expressing the overall art of skating. If a child ever wants to ice skate, make sure that child bangs out eight triple jumps with other combinations, regardless of other factors, in order to have a shot against Adelina Sotnikova. At that point, skating is not an art, but a checklist. Also, there is much controversy over the judging panel. One of the judges, Alla Shkhovstsova of Russia is married to the former president of the Russian figure skating federation.” Even though this or

controversy over

ASIAN OUTLOOK

Yuna Reigning connection might not indicate any direct corruption with the grading systems, one cannot help but feel that corruption is a possibility. Also, another judge, Yuri Balkov of Ukraine,was involvedwith a previous scandal of the 1998 Winter Olympic games in Nagano, Japan. Common sense should alert the Olympic Committee to avoid choosing Balkov, but that was clearly not the case. It was reported that a Canadian judge recorded Balkov predetermining the outcome of Nagano, Japan 1998 games. Even though individuals deserve second chances, and the past does not necessarily indicate the future, the Olympic Committee should’ve known better than to pick Balkov and Shekhovtsova. They are clearly not the best choices. Also the Russian home crowd’s energetic cheering might’ve given Sotnikova the edge. Just like with any performance, it is evident that the crowd’s cheering and the judge’s grade have a high correlation. Even though correlation does not equate to causation, it is a strong possibility. Perhaps the South Korean audience could’ve cheered harder but that would only have made a difference if the system was not rigged. In addition, the anonymous scores did not help. With such subjective performances, it is clearly important to make every judge accountable for every 0.01 point; with anonymity, corruption is more likely. If a judge is confident enough to give a certain performance a distinct numeric score, the judge should also be confident enough to own up to that score and address every little detail. With art being controversial and subjective, the audience’s eye gives the true value. The judges might be the part of this audience that happens to give the scores, but the rest of the world clearly does not agree. Just like in science, a small sample size can be skewed (or in this context, bias or rigged). The larger the group that determines the score, the more likely the score will reflect the true judgment of the population. With that said, Change.org started a petition and it went viral. The website’s servers were down for a couple of hours due to the excess of participants petitioning. According to a source, 90% of the traffic flow is comprised of South Korean netizens, possibly with much bias since Yuna Kim is their country’s national

by Frank Tiu

treasure. Also, Korea has the world’s fastest internet speed and strong social networks. There is still a good 10% of non-South Koreans voicing their dissent. In light of all these controversies, Yuna Kim responded with eloquence, “The scores are given by the judges. I am not in the right position to comment

“” Skating is an art and a performance; just like any artwork and performance, details are important but the overall picture is what makes performance unique and priceless.

on it. There is nothing that will change with my words. The most important thing was to participate in these Games.” Rather than jumping for joy like a child, like Sotnikova during the medal ceremony, Kim expressed much maturity and intelligence. Nothing will change with her words, but things can change with the world’s. Kim clearly stated that the Sochi Olympics will be her last, but her values and integrity will forever be a role model for many younger generations. Lastly, miracles do happen since Sotnikova scored 131.63 last month, and now, during the Olympics, she scored 149.95. As Paul Wylie sarcastically comments, “ It’s skating at its finest, right?” Well then, there is also karma; the 2018 Winter Olympics will be held in Pyeongchang, South Korea, so GG Russia.

Sources 1. NYT: Jeré Longman’s Murky Numbers Leave Observers Divided 2. NYT: Mary Pilon’s Judging Draws Renewed Scrutiny 3. NYT: Juliet Macur’s Gold? Go Figure 4.Changed.org:http://www.change.org/en- CA/petitions/ international-skating-union-isu-open-transparent-scores-andremove-anonymity-from-the-judging-decisions-of-women-sfigure-skating-at-the-sochi-olympics 5. Chosun Newspaper: http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_ dir/2014/02/21/2014022102082.html

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

plays According to the old saying of how a room full of monkeys on typewriters will eventually produce the work of Shakespeare, it seems that one day the community will be able to beat the game.

hat happens when

By Alex Ching 150,000 people

collaborate and play one game?

Well as the old saying goes, ‘a room full of monkeys on typewriters will eventually produce the work of Shakespeare. One anonymous programmer decided to test this theory out using a video streaming website known as Twitch. The game? The best selling RPG series of all time: Pokémon (specifically the first one, Pokémon Red). For those who don’t know, Twitch is a site that allows users to stream content from their computers in real time. Normally, people who stream themselves playing videogames have little to no interaction with the viewers, because viewers can only communicate via a chat option on the website. Like many websites with a comments section or dialogue option, the chat option can often be chaotic, devolving into an endless stream

ASIAN OUTLOOK

of Internet memes, or even worse, trolls. However, the creator of Twitch Plays Pokémon (who has remained anonymous) decided to harness the chat function and allow viewers of the stream to participate in the game. The creator wrote a program that allowed people to type in commands that are then reciprocated within the game. Now while the game is relatively simple for single players, when tens of thousands of people are typing commands at the same time, the result is chaotic. Sometimes people will input a command that would reverse what someone had inputted before. Furthermore, with over 50,000 people watching the stream and participating, there is latency between when someone types in the command and when the game actually follows that command. Because the game relies on the user to input a specific set of a large chain of commands, the 10 to 20 second chat delay means that it is impossible

Screenshot of the Twitch livestream. Note that poor Oddish’s name.

to accurately issue an order (much less progress in the game). This means that it sometimes takes hours to do something basic such as walking from one town to the next (whereas a single competent player can accomplish this in minutes). Other frustrations include having the game character walk into the wall for several hours, getting stuck on a infinite loop, and losing key pokémon battles because of misclicks. Furthermore, as an even bigger threat to the completion of the game, Internet trolls can easily disrupt progress by issuing commands that can halt the progress of the game because Pokémon, as mentioned above, relies on an accurate series of commands (usually 10-20) to accomplish anything. And trolls have been able to significantly halt progress by releasing over 20 pokémon (4 of which were considered important at the time). The creator of the stream responded to the chaos by creating a democracy/anarchy voting system in an attempt to help the stream progress further. By utilizing the Twitch’s chat function viewers can now also type in the chat “democracy” or “anarchy” to vote for one of two modes, and depending on the percentage of the votes, the mode of the game will be in anarchy and democracy. If the game is in democracy, it allows the people to vote every 10 seconds for a series of commands, and the list of commands that garner the most votes are executed within the game. This not only avoids the issuance of conflicting commands, but also limits the power of trolls. Most of the time, the community has stuck

with anarchy. Many in the community consider that the whole point of this social experiment is too see if a large group can complete the game with the chaotic and unpredictability of the Twitch chat, and that the important thing is the journey to the end, and not the end itself. After streaming for 16 days, seven hours, 50 minutes and 19 seconds, the anonymous programmer, as well as the rest of us following the experiment, got an answer. Twitch finally beat Pokémon Red proving that order can come out of chaos. Over 650,000 Twitch viewers participated in the game, and more than 120,000 at one time. The live stream was also viewed by millions. This has led many to question the future of the stream, and implications of the success of this experiment. Twitch’s VP of marketing, Matthew DiPietro, had this to say on the matter, "When you consider how game developers might capitalize on features and functionality like this, the sky is the limit.” He also suggested that we might have similar social experiments to look forward to from Twitch in the future. Sources: http://news.cnet.com/8301-1023_3-57619740-93/twitch-playspokemon-conquers-elite-four-beating-game-after-390-hours/ http://kotaku.com/twitch-beats-pokemon-see-the-final-battlehere-1534067726

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

INTERVIEW/

ASIAN OUTLOOK

Getting to Know

JOSEPH VINCENT By: Frank Tiu Interviewed by: Leon Tran & Victoria Tam Transcribed by: Victoria Tam Photographs by: Frank Tiu

I was watching Vincent’s video, “If You Stay,” with the beautiful backdrop of the library. As he moves across the columns of books effortlessly, he sings and plays the guitar. Unlike many original YouTube songs, “If You Stay” actually has a catchy chord progression and the rhyming scheme makes it even catchier. Even though his lyrics have their cliché moments, the song and meaning feels sincere and sweet. It has the innocent sweetness of first love, making everyone fall in love Joseph Vincent in an instant. t only seemed like it was yesterday when

After watching some of his videos, just a few years ago, it seems surreal to be interviewing him. Entering the room with Joseph Vincent, I extended my hand and blurted, “Hello, Jason Chen.” Yes, I did it. I just said it; Jason Chen, the guest performer of last year’s Asian Night. As my heart pounded, not because of his good looks, my mind was swarmed with a couple of words you can only guess. Rather than appearing annoyed, Joseph Vincent greeted me with a smile and presented himself as “Joseph Vincent.” Contrary to the popular belief that stars are conceited, Joseph Vincent is genuinely warm and friendly. He even tried to come up for an excuse for mixing him and Jason Chen together, since they collaborated on a couple of videos. Even though he had delays in his flight and traffic during his car ride, and went twenty-four hours with no sleep, he professionally mustered his best smile. In this interview, we delve into his personal thoughts and ideas, including his identity as a Filipino American in the YouTube community.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

Leon Tran: To people who don’t watch your videos, how would you introduce yourself and your music to them? Joseph Vincent: I’d keep it humble. I’d just say “hey man,” like any other person, whether or not they knew me, and say hey my name is Joseph Vincent, I got my career start on the internet and Youtube and I make music and play covers and hope you enjoy my music. Victoria Tam: If you weren’t a singer, what would you be? Joseph Vincent: A zoologist, or a marine biologist. I’d enjoy looking at animals in the ocean. Leon Tran: How has being a Filipino American contributed to who you are and the songs you write? Joseph Vincent: I used to say that my heritage was separate from being a musician and you kind of want people to look at your music and not consider anything else and just be like, you know, not judge it. Well,

basically I guess judge your music based on the technicalities of music. But, now I put in consideration that within this day and age within the social media, audio and visual goes together and they see an Asian face and a lot of people are not accustomed or not used to seeing. I’ve done shows where people said you speak really good English but they don’t mean it in a condescending way or have a negative connotation. Stuff like that. But I do take pride in being a Filipino American and I’m trying to pioneer and hopefully breakthrough to mainstream and show that Asians are not smaller minorities and can be creative. Victoria Tam: If you could spend a day with anyone in the world, fictional or real, dead or alive, who would it be? Joseph Vincent: For a dead person, I’d spend a day with Bob Marley because his music and singing has always been an inspiration. For a fictional character, definitely Ash Ketchum. Who wouldn’t want to be travelling the world when you’re 10?

Our PR, Frank, with JV.

ASIAN OUTLOOK

Victoria and Leon happily posing with the star of Asian Night 2013.

Leon Tran: So, you’ve performed on the the Ellen DeGeneres Show twice and even won $10,000,tell us about that experience. Joseph Vincent: Three years ago when I was 21. Oh god! I can’t believe I’m so old now. I got a Youtube message that said Ellen DeGeneres Show and the head said that I’m a producer, call me back. I was skeptical but I called it anyways and within a span of 3 to 4 days it happened and I was like super shocked and excited to be on national television and I hope I can get on it again. The first time on the showI ended up bowing. *laughs* Victoria Tam: What is the craziest fan experience you’ve ever had? Joseph Vincent: I saw this girl on Instagram with a tattoo of my name and a few months later I met her in person in Indonesia this past August. I totally did not expect her to be there and was like oh cool, but holy crap.

Joseph Vincent: It’s always a really good time with Jason Chen. A bromance. I’ll just leave it at that. Victoria Tam: How has being signed to Catch Adventures changed your experience as an artist? Do you still have full creative control over the songs you write? Joseph Vincent: When I was with them I had full control over my songs. We split ways and everything’s really good, we’re civil and I would never change that experience. I don’t regret it. I grew up as an artist and they taught me a lot about the business, how it’s run, they introduced me to so many people, put me in different situations where I had to adapt so I grew as a person and just as a dude. And now we’re doing our own things and I wish them the best.

Leon Tran: What is the funniest or most interesting experience you can remember from your collaborations or from your tours?

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

A Few of

Joseph V

Movie: “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” Food: Korean Barbeque: Kalbi Smell: There was that girl. . . Uh no. *Laughs*. Clean, the smell of clean, that’s a good smell. Song: Right now? Ugh. I don’t want to say, but “All That Matters” by Justin Bieber. (Victoria Tam: I understand, Justin Bieber is kind of a guilty pleasure for me. Joseph Vincent: He’s like a guilty pleasure for many people, it’s like they don’t want to say it but they listen to him when they’re on their own. ) Animal: Panda, manatee. Just because, well manatee for sure just because I have manatee shoulders but you know how they look like this *demonstrates* all time. But, yeah manatees are dope.

ASIAN OUTLOOK

Vincent’s

Favorite Things... Harry Potter Character: Oh, Hermione! Emma Watson is gorgeous. Disney Movie: “Lion King!” Pixar, “Up!” The first 20 minutes, you had to cry, in “Up” right? Well actually for “Lion King” too. Superhero: Iron Man because he’s rich and awesome and he does awesome stuff. He’s not a superhero but he’s a superhero because it’s possible to be that since he’s a crazy engineer. Skincare product: Uh, I’m actually going to answer this really on point. It’s called Fab! *Laughs* My makeup artist gave it to me! It’s called First Aid Beauty and like you wash your face with it and then you put the cream on it. Like *points at face* this is a little bit of acne but before it was a train wreck! So Fab, take note of that!

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

A Personal Look at Identity “In this country American means white. Everybody else has to hyphenate.” – Toni Morrison Identity is important to us because it is how we see and define ourselves and others. The world reacts to us based on the visible aspects of our identity which then results in the creation of shared experiences. Here we share some experiences which highlight the similarities and uniqueness of the Asian and Asian American identity.

Claire

Chang

were asked how

myself,

identify

Asian American feminist. Those three aspects of my identity have shaped my experiences in life, which is why I consider them to be the core of my identity. Because of how the world reacts to the visible parts of me, such as my race and gender, I recognized early on, as many others have, the

would say queer

ASIAN OUTLOOK

differences between myself and my peers. As a young Asian American tomboy, I had many conflicting feelings when it came to my heritage. Through elementary school, especially in the later years, the shame eventually overpowered the pride. I began to rebel against attending Chinese school and I felt an overwhelming amount of embarrassment when my grandmother or parents spoke in Mandarin while in public spaces. It seems silly, but I thought that if I acted in a certain way and was sufficiently ignorant about things such as language, people would not notice my race. Apparently this is not an uncommon experience for people of color, as I’ve learned in recent years. Still, the neighborhood I grew up in was racially diverse, so even though I was being teased for being Asian, other kids were being teased for being whatever they were. We were all encouraged to be as “white” as possible, but since we obviously could not actually become white, there was a limit to how much culture we could exhibit before being reminded to reel it back in. I remember hating being associated with Chinese culture. I think it was mainly because that was the first thing people assume when they see someone who looks East Asian. So when I did take pride in my heritage, I would show

it by embracing my parents’ Taiwanese background. I fervently explained the differences to people, “Taiwan isn’t a communist country,” and “We write using traditional Chinese not simplified.” It didn’t really matter in the end because I only had a shallow understanding of both countries and cultures, a flimsy grasp of the language, and at that point, I had never been out of the United States. So I still ended up rejecting the culture and language in order to be as “American” as possible. Being an Asian American woman, street harassment had a slightly different twist. You get used to anticipating a comment when walking on your own, or even in a small group, when you’re a girl or a visible minority. During these walks I often find myself thinking: are they going to say something about my race? Maybe “ni hao ma” or “pork fried rice!” (yeah, I actually got that once, and on a college campus to boot). Or are they going to catcall me? Or will it be a combination of the sort, something about sideways vaginas or “me love you long time?” When I entered high school, I came to realize and accept my sexuality. I had an inkling while in middle school, but I managed to deflect it for another year before coming to terms with it in freshman year. Despite accepting it without much inner turmoil, I was still fearful of how this would affect my relationships within my circle of friends and how others would treat me if it were publicly known. I knew what people said behind the backs of others and I wasn’t naive enough to believe that I would be exempt from the gossip, even among my friends. I tried the “glass-closet” approach because

Amanda

Lau

ho are “we” versus who am “I”? This question lingers in the back of my mind, unbeknownst to me. Having been born a twin, I cannot help but think that sometimes I lose my sense of self. Many people wish they had a twin, but, in reality, being one is not as amusing as it seems. On the day I was born, I met my companion for life: my twin. Always having someone to keep me company is great, but that’s also the problem. Unconsciously, we are recognized as a unit. I think of myself as an individual first and as a twin second. Yet, when people see me they initially only remember me by the latter. We constantly compare ourselves and try to find things that make each other “not the same as the other.” What distinguishes me from her? I am left-handed whereas she is right-handed. She has a freckle on her eyebrow. I am an inch taller than her. We may never discuss these things out loud, but it feels like others use our dissimilarities to distinguish one of us from the other. At the same time, there is an unhealthy competition that goes on between us. Whether it may be

academics or extracurricular activities, we both try to outdo the other and claim areas in which one is better. As a result, there were several instances when we resented one another and acted out on our anger. Nevertheless, aside from the periods of time when we feel like biting each other’s heads off (which occurs quite often), there are times when her absence makes me feel extremely lonely. An excerpt from “We Are Twins, But Who Am I” by Betty Jean Case states that, “While most people begin life as separate human beings and must learn intimacy, twins are born into intimacy and must learn how to find separateness.” I could not agree more. Walking into the cafeteria on my first day of high school, I had never felt so lost in my life. After fourteen years I finally

I didn’t want to “come out” but I also didn’t want to deny it. Needless to say, it didn’t work out because we live in such a heteronormative society that everyone is basically assumed straight until otherwise noted. I was terrible at calling people out and defending myself wasn’t an option because that pretty much meant outing myself. I learned to accept the silence, and hoped for better days in college, as many queer youth do. The dilemma I faced in college was finding a space where I didn’t need to sacrifice one part of my identity for another. I wanted to be accepted as a whole, because that was how I moved through the world. I didn’t experience things just as an Asian American, or just as a queer woman, my experiences involved my whole being with all those different facets of myself at once. However, it is still often the case where you’re faced with the choice of whether I want to be the person of color in a predominately white queer space or, in my case, the

started to understand the meaning of being independent. Life as a twin is more complicated that the usual associations with twin telepathy, identity switching, etc. imply. You are dependent upon each other, yet you battle to be your own person. In that respect, I feel like there are more negatives than positives in our relationship. Given a situation where someone meets me first and learns about my twin later, that person could really get a first impression of me based on who I am, not as a mirror image of another. So the next time you see a set of twins or multiples, look beyond their physical appearance and seek out the person that lies within.

queer person in the predominately straight but Asian/Asian American space. By some miracle, I was able to meet a small group of queer and open-minded AAPI students at Rutgers University. Becoming friends with them sparked an interest in social justice and student activism in me. Although I ended up transferring in my sophomore year, I was already a changed person. Feminism is really important to me because it gave me the tools to better understand myself and the world. I don’t think that it has made me an angrier person (I was already plenty upset with the human race), but it helped me understand why I was angry and what I could do about it. As a queer Asian American woman, I also feel like feminist spaces are more likely to welcome me than others. What I gained from feminism is not only a sense of empowerment, but also the ability to reconcile my feelings with both myself and the socio-political world. Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

s e n fi e ? d e t r a h W ho you a w

Chinese means to respect awkward Chinese social etiquettes. Growing up near Chinatown, it was prevalently believed that community is equal to being Chinese, and being Chinese is equal to community. Very often, my family would gather to eat dim sum for brunch. While waiting in line for the next available table, it always seemed like my family would manage to bump into someone they know, whether it was a relative or a friend that was about the leave the restaurant, as we waited patiently by the door. Occasionally, these acquaintances would compliment the same things: “Your son is tall and handsome” or “Your daughter is skinny and pretty” (even though they probably did not mean their words). It is almost as if these compliments are standard script lines in soap operas. Even if they did not mean it–well at least I don’t think they did–they always managed to feign a smile and muster every little bit of fake sincerity in their facial expressions. Even though it is understandable, since it is a great way to keep the atmosphere jovial and gay, it is not genuine. It is awkward and we all know it. But of course, like the Chinese saying, “When drawing cartoons you do not need to draw the organs,” or more simply, everything need not be spelled out. Now, moving on to the dim sum scenario: After waiting for many hours, small families (less than ten people), are seated at a big table with other strange families. Not only does it lack privacy, but it is also awkward–trying really hard to avoid the opposite family’s gaze and eavesdropping—although sometimes they thought it necessary to give their two-cents. And of course, when the bill comes, close family members would “fight” to pay the bill. It gets dramatic and awkward as person A holds the bill and tries to stop person B from grabbing it. From a pragmatic perspective, someone should just lead and remain adamant about paying the bill. Or a person could also pay secretly upfront and avoid all this drama. Even though watching the struggle to pay the dim sum bill feels like watching a soap opera, I realize that it is a jovial atmosphere for families. It also feels like a traditional ritual of “bill grabbing.” Looking from another perspective, it seems like price hustling is also a common inevitable ritual on Mott Street. Perhaps, this value comes from my childhood market bargaining with my mother. When I was young, my mother would bring me around to Asian supermarkets around Mott Street in Manhattan. Straggling, as I pushed the cart of groceries, I would hear my mom haggling prices with the grandma owners of the green produce. Sometimes they would bicker prices in penny intervals. Other times, the grandma had to persuade my mother by adding a stick of scallions. Occasionally, the grandma remained firm as my mother told the old lady that she will be buying bok-choi from another stand owner further down the street. Looking from an economic sense, a penny is a penny and money is money. Saving money is great, but with the minimum wage at $7.25, the amount of time spent on haggling over pennies is not worth the effort. Still, my mom along with many other grannies would bargain prices. It was then that I realized bargaining prices is a form of open communication in the community. It feels awkward and useless but it is also an efficient way to know the best deals in the market and the latest gossip. Even reflecting on these moments now, I cringe and get goose bumps. But it is also these moments that really unite the Chinese community and make my Chinese identity unique. o be

ASIAN OUTLOOK

Frank Tiu

Rudy Kuang

s a child,

I used to be embarrassed of my Chinese background. I would deny that I spoke any Chinese, and I would even deny my Chinese heritage. It wasn’t until middle school when I finally realized that I had no need to feel that way, and I should embrace my culture. When I was in 7th grade, I went to the park after school to play American handball with my friends. We were hitting the ball around, when a group of white guys came up to our court. One of them said to me, “Hey chink. Are you from China? Say something in Chinese to us. Ni hao ma? (In a poor accent). Am I saying it right? Teach me some more Chinese, man.” I was a stubborn child and, as usual, I didn’t want to prove them right in their assumptions, so I said to them, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know any Chinese.” Then I walked away, not wanting to get made fun of anymore. I didn’t like that I was always being ridiculed for being Chinese and wished I wasn’t of Chinese descent. The group of white guys left, laughing like it was the funniest thing for them to see me embarrassed. My friends came up to me and asked me what happened, and then told me that I should’ve stood up to them. They told me that I can’t change my background and culture, and that I should embrace it. My parents worked very hard in order to bring me here and have a better life, and I have no need to feel embarrassed about that. In fact, I should be proud of my Chinese heritage. Eventually, the group of white guys came back and decided to do the same thing to my friends, who were also Chinese. One of my friends decided to mock them back, and said, “Sure, I’ll teach you some Chinese.” He played it off very well, pretending like he was sincerely trying to teach them to say “I am cool,” but he really just taught them to say, “I am dumb.” The group of white guys left shortly after that, laughing again and going around saying what they thought was, “I am cool.” That event really changed my perspective, and I’ve really learned to embrace my Chinese culture. Now when people go up to me and try to do that to me, I remember what my friend did to that group of white guys, and I simply try to mock them back in that way.

I go, one question always follows me, “Where are you from?” I never really knew how to answer that question, so I began to tailor the answer to the asker, saying the answer I knew they had already presumed anyways. Sometimes I consider faking an accent and saying that I am from somewhere totally unexpected just to watch their expressions; but somehow my second of fun mischief gets cut short by a more persistent questioning. This time, it is accompanied by a crazed desperation to confirm the asker’s original expectations. Only when I answer with something definitive, like China, midstate New York, or Canada (for the more open-minded), can I finally escape from the inquisition. Maybe it is simply human instinct to categorize everything just to feel more comfortable, but why ask a question to which you already have a preconceived answer? What is the point of trying to understand someone in the guise of open-mindedness, when all you want to hear is the answer that makes you the most comfortable? I never grew up in one place, nor have I ever stayed in the same school for more than three consecutive years. I never really knew how to answer the question regarding where I’m from. Yet when I do choose a single place, I felt like I always forever tied to that one single place as if all the traits of all the people from that single place are all represented within me; as if I am the country’s thoroughbred mascot. It became easier to say country names instead of city names that I lived in. Children are sponges, soaking up traces of their environment and picking up traces of all the places and experiences that eventually create a medley that collectively defines them. It’s so much easier to classify, to compartmentalize, to try to fit someone into a category that you understand instead of trying to actually get to know a person. What is about the unfamiliar that scares us so much? I do not personally know the cast of the Sopranos, I do not eat dog, I do not love Canadian bacon drenched in maple syrup from my personal bottle that I carry everywhere with me, and I suck at math, so stop asking. I, however, do care about the environment, feel indifferent to the sub-zero weather (northeastern China is cold, too), like my pancakes and bacon with a healthy dose of real maple syrup not BECAUSE I am one thing or another, but rather because I have grown up in these environments, picked up these things through an adoption of local tastes, and as a result of a sound regional education. People are who they are due to their life experiences not due to labels conveniently slapped onto them. So stop with the stereotyping and start seeing. o matter where

Tina Yu

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

Dale Gao rs old, when dings. It was not until I was 10 yea oun surr my and ld wor the of w kne ion. I realized how little I rse Queens that I made this realizat ooking back into my past, hattan to the mysterious and dive Man of my ing Side t Dur Eas er wn. Low nato the Chi and from od in Essex my family moved the surroundings of my neighborho with kid e iliar nes fam Chi a only as was ool I sch od, ry dho e to elementa For most of my chil Puerto Rican. Every day, I would com and e ly nes ical Chi bas e le” wer circ rs nic hbo “eth neig My my e. k kids, here and ther residency in Manhattan, blac and te, whi ic, pan His of ing , with a sprinkl family moved to Woodside. joining a bunch of other Chinese kids ng my completion of fifth grade, my owi foll mer sum a that soon the In s. race few Australia, Europe, and South Americ ica, encompassed only those Afr a, Asi of ts par e wer re The there Chinese different world. was not included. Not only were Upon entering, I felt like I was in a ica arct Ant that ed not be uld sho Korea, Pakistan, single borough. It the Philippines, Mexico, Ireland, became apparent to me within a like es ntri cou from ple peo e iending od, but there wer cultures expanded as I started befr residents in my new neighborho in PS152Q, my scope of races and ool sch some of awe day t was t firs ugh my d tho I nde ch atte I ool came from Nepal, whi Bangladesh, etc. When sch new the in e mad I nd frie t icity aware gions. The firs h grade teacher always made her ethn sixt people of different descents and reli my s, clas ing Dur life. my in did my rd of that country “ethnic circle” enlarged. Not only at the time because I had never hea the day I started sixth grade, my m Fro bow ek. rain Gre ic was bas , she ical typ that a out was ing, my world to her students, pointing ess increased as well. Before mov ren es awa ton my , and ntly des sha orta t imp eren t diff mos et. After moving, the viol knowledge increase, but and igo ind , blue n, gree ow, of the rs: red, orange, yell ly thought. Because of that, my view consisting of the usual seven colo rs in the spectrum than I original colo e mor are e ther that ized real became apparent and I ASIAN ch greater and more beautiful. that muOUTLOOK world is

Adam Mei munity that was roughly 95 sn’t white. I grew up in a com wa I d lize ays rea I en wh life in my s while growing up and alw r a distinct moment er had trouble making friend nev I can’t say there was eve t . tha ood s nd ldh chi frie nd my fou ing I loved and lly noticed it dur his strengths. I did the things to percent white, but I never rea y yed ma pla I t ile tha Wh kid n gh. ope lau s a very honest and to laugh and to make people felt accepted at school. I wa influence of humor. I loved the d ere cov dis I all languages. , age ly ear es. Laughter is the same in rac all s end enjoyed similar things. At an nsc tra r mo hu t re different than what was already discovered tha certain aspects of my life we w kne I e. d not have realized it then, I tim the at nt ere asional random kid that sai if I realized I was diff life. Sure, there was that occ my ng I I don’t actually remember livi and m re, fro we s me nd ed frie der w who my rm,” but it never hin nt stranger get to me? I kne ora ign s y thi perhaps considered the “no ver s let y wa Wh can . eri me ed Am an , but it never bother ldhood growing up as an Asi some kind of racial slur to me ed. I can honestly say my chi ept hard it can be, but I acc felt how of and m are aw the h am I wit . difficult childhood a t had o was completely comfortable wh one any m fro asant school environment tha take anything away ked beyond race. I had a ple loo and it easy-going. I do not wish to es ing ept etim acc y som t ver tha re lize I met friends who we every Asian American, I rea can honestly say I was lucky. h this could be possible for wis I right people who will gh the hou et Alt me l sh. wil uri flo you n to yourself, the est hon e are allowed me to be myself and you If lf. rse you e feeling accepted somewher t advice is to just be what you enjoy. I do believ of y wa ie” is simply impossible. My bes the ink in “tw get a one me er any sid love, and never let trol my life. People might con accept you. Do the things you my culture, but not let it con iate it until that zombie rec wa t app Jus . to d am I rne o lea wh e h comfortable wit am I . me is extremely important. I hav her bot it let ’t Asian shell, but I don for being white inside of an e. is searching for that twinki ne apocalypse hits and everyo

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

Jun Hao Zhang

I was born in China, I’ve lived in the US almost my entire life and would describe my whole childhood as one that has revolved around American culture, history, and language. However, to call myself fully “American” would be to ignore my Chinese upbringing. My parents were never absorbed in American culture and, instead, introduced me to Chinese culture, teachings, and mannerisms. I was able to get a taste of Chinese culture through the songs they listened to, the shows that they watched, and the memories of China that they shared at the dinner table. They instilled in me the strong sense of filial piety that is important in Chinese teachings, the impulse to be respectful and conservative in the presence of others, and much more. It wasn’t until recently that I started to realize that even though I listen to American music, watch American shows, and speak English, there are many occasions when I feel more comfortable describing myself as “Chinese” rather than “American.” Being more “American” or being more “Chinese” was never an issue for me in middle school or even high school; I never gave a second thought to my identity as a Chinese-American. However, college came, and as I became exposed to more things, I realized that I’m not as “American” as I had thought I was. For one, I realized that in middle school and in high school, I was always surrounded by mostly Asian peers. I created this comfort bubble of friends that either had the same background or same origin as me and this habit has persisted through college. I am ashamed to admit it, but it was, and still is, hard for me sometimes to talk to someone who is not Asian. There are always exceptions, but for me, non-Asians sometimes seem intimidating and I feel as if they are from a different world than the one that I grew up in. ven though

Cyndi Chin

I could go back in time and change one thing, I would treasure my heritage more. I grew up as a second generation Asian American. My mom was born in America and my dad came to the United States when he was in elementary school. Now that I look back on it, my parents offered me numerous opportunities to embrace both my Asian culture and American culture. In the end, I chose to neglect these opportunities, as I dropped out of Chinese school and my piano classes. However, I didn’t realize that doing these things would make me lose a part of belonging to my culture. When I was in elementary school, I never really considered race when forming friendships. I didn’t understand who was White, Asian, Black or Hispanic, because I wasn’t influenced yet by how society groups people. I originally judged my peers by determining the ease at which I was able to converse with them. Therefore, the term Asian American didn’t come to mind. f

ASIAN OUTLOOK

Joseph Park

uring school,

elementary my

favorite

time of the day was

lunch time. I was always excited to eat whatever delicious food was prepared for me. I was never really a picky eater. I practically ate whatever was served to me. Food has always been something I could say that I absolutely love. Then again, who actually dislikes food? Regardless of the fact that I am a Korean American, I never stuck to eating food from just one specific culture or ethnicity. From eating my first spaghetti with meatballs, to tasting my first sashimi, I became fascinated by the wide variety of dishes from all over the world. However, Korean cuisine always held a special place in my heart. From the age of two, rice, seaweed, and kimchi were almost always served with the various side dishes that my mom made for the family. It had gotten to the point where it was programmed in my head that you absolutely cannot eat a proper meal without those three core foods. Therefore, I

usually had those three foods, along with the other side dishes, in a lunch box. Because I grew up in a highly Korean and Italian dominated neighborhood in northern New Jersey, I was never really embarrassed of my Korean ethnicity nor did I ever feel like an outsider. However, when I entered junior high and high school, I started to take greater notice of my identity as a Korean. I would get strange looks in the lunch room because of the smell of kimchi that traveled to the nearby lunch tables. The other non-Asian kids would hold their noses or even make the stink face at each other and laugh amongst themselves. My Korean friends would even look at me and tell me, “Stop bringing Korean food! You’re embarrassing us. Eat regular

However, it was those stereotypical words, such as “Ching Chong,” in middle school that made me realize I belonged to a certain race: Asian. Besides the little name calling, I never understood any stereotypes associated with Asian Americans. I didn’t have slanted eyes. I wasn’t part of the school’s top honors class. At home, I spoke English. I ate various foods from different cultures. I didn’t have rice every day. Therefore, I wondered, ‘Why am I being grouped with a race I don’t feel like I belong to?’ Overall, my experience in middle school introduced me to the world of Asian American stereotypes, but I still couldn’t relate to it. The part of my life when I really

American food like us!” That was when I, for the first time, became self-conscious of what I brought to school for lunch. I even pleaded to my mother, “Mom, stop making Korean food for lunch! Can you just make me a turkey s a n d w i ch and some fruits?” From t h a t day on, I never e v e r brought Korean food to school again. Instead I settled with the bad cafeteria food that was served at school, or just plain, simple sandwiches my mom packed me for lunch. Although I wasn’t embarrassed of the fact that I was Korean, I became much more aware that I was Asian. I was more aware that I was different from the white, Hispanic, and black kids in my school. Although at first I stopped eating Korean food only

understood what it was like to be an Asian American was in high school. My high school was composed of a majority of Asians, but I still felt like a minority. I couldn’t understand the similar experiences they went through, such as prep school or strict parents. Instead, I found myself being mocked by the Asian Americans because I didn’t share their similar traits. One of the biggest factors was that I couldn’t speak Chinese. Many Asian Americans that I met have told me that I should feel bad for not keeping my culture intact. While most Asian Americans feel offended by the racism of non-Asians, I felt offended by my own race. In the end, the term Asian American

during school lunch time, it eventually got to a point where I stopped eating Korean food all together. I felt that I needed to be more Americanized. Instead of sticking with my cultural roots, I felt that I needed to step outside of my heritage in order to fit in. It was weird at first transitioning from just Korean food to Italian, Indian, Chinese, Hispanic, and Japanese foods. At home, I usually ate pasta and sandwiches most of the time. However, when I started working part time jobs and earned money to eat out with friends, I started exploring and realized my love for different ethnic cuisines. It wasn’t that I no longer liked Korean food, but my love for Korean food evolved into a love for all foods on an international level. I truly felt that I could say I am being “Korean American” by exploring the different ethnic cuisines that exist today.

expresses the mixture of culture and customs from both Asia and the United States. In the past, I had never associated myself with being Asian American, but as I grow older I want to change that. I want to embrace the Asian culture of which I was ignorant. I am an Asian American because of my background, but not because of who I am. Not only do I want to learn more about my heritage, but I want to learn about other cultures as well. I will always be a second generation Asian American that welcomes multiculturalism.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

YAEJIN OH

“

Creepy little monkey. Would you stop following me! Who are you?” “The question is, who… are you?” “I thought I knew, but now I’m not so sure.” I never thought that a small snippet of Lion King would haunt me years later. But as I grew older and learned more about the people around me, I realized that it was not reciprocated. People in America would still compliment me on how flawless my English was, whether I was ten years old or twenty-one, regardless of the fact that I grew up in the United States.

My Asian face was enough to overwhelm my very American habits and way of speaking. It was worse when I was with others of my own ethnicity. I fit in like a swollen thumb to a pinhole. America told me that I was what I looked like. Korea told me that it didn’t give a rat’s ass about my face if I didn’t have the etiquette or culture. If I walked down the street in Korea, people would know I was a tourist. There are countless AsianAmericans living with each foot in a different country. Second- and third-generation Americans go through the same difficulty. There are those whose families have lived in the U.S. for a century

PAUL CHEN

I did not realize it That shadow kept asking me who I was but I ignored it until my high school years. I didn't question my identity much until then because I grew up in Brooklyn's Chinatown between the Hispanic 5th avenue and the Jewish neighborhoods from 9th avenue and beyond. Despite being of different ethnicities, I thought that we were all united as Americans. However, looking back, there were a few instances where the identity question was brought up. One incident involved me being sent to an ESL class in 1st grade even though I spoke fluent English. Maybe it was my bad looming shadow hung over me and for a long time.

ASIAN OUTLOOK

and still get the awkward “So where are you really from?” They have a right to be angry. Their history, sacrifices, hardships in the U.S. completely washed down the drain with an ignorant, but not exactly ill-intentioned “Ni hao!” Doesn’t matter if you’re not Chinese, at least you’ve got the continent correct, right? But I’m a first generation immigrant. I grew up in the states, but I was born in Korea. I grew up rejecting Korean culture because I wanted to fit in. Even though I was only six when I came to America, I still get the almost-condescending “Wait, so you don’t know any Korean?” Even though my

parents didn’t want me to forget my heritage, they wanted even more for me to assimilate smoothly. Maybe now you’re thinking, well what’s the point of writing those earlier paragraphs? If people comment on your English, it’s not really wrong since you really aren’t native to the U.S. I don’t remember much from when I was six. Kudos to those who do. I might as well have been born in the states, but for some reason, those first six years of my life seem to tell other Koreans, Americans, and Korean-Americans that I’m supposed to be “more” Korean than American, when I’m not. And while I’m constantly jumping from futilely carving a niche for myself to stubbornly denying my lack of identity, that stupid little monkey is always following me and asking, “who… are you?” When I was five, I would have told you I was Korean. When I was sixteen, I would have obstinately declared that I was American, and how dare you call me Korean-American when I eat American food, watch American movies and go to an American school with American friends. But if you asked me now, I would tell you that I thought I knew, but now, I’m not so sure.

grammar in writing? In any case, I still thought that everyone in that class was part of the melting pot theory. On my first day of middle school I was constantly around the only other Asian male in the class, I didn't know why at the time, maybe it was because everyone was so different and I was in a new environment. He had thought of himself as white instead of seeing everyone else as American, which led him to believe that I was an immigrant from China. Perhaps it was my bad grammar when I talked to him that made him assume that or was it the chubbiness I had back then? Needless to say, we didn't develop any bonds. Instead, I was able to make friends with the first African American I met in my life who shared my views. In my sophomore year of high school, my history teacher

had a lesson about stereotypes and how they affect the minority group in question. When we got to the model minority stereotype, I had a few mixed reactions. I realized that I conformed to this myth, as did most of my Asian friends. However, I felt that this myth was in error because it is the American dream that kept me and my friends focused on good grades. There was also another question that was on my mind, but I didn't get a chance to ask the teacher. That question was: “If people bought into this myth, would I be able to carry drugs on me, then just wave and smile to any incoming officers?” I don't know the answer to this question and I'm not going to test it out. Around this time, I viewed myself as American and loved this country's principles. Unfortunately, I felt like I was losing my connection with my Chinese heritage. I was never good at learning Chinese in Kindergarten, my sloppy handwriting in Chinese didn't help either, and now I have trouble speaking to my parents. Language is a major problem for me, I was speaking a mix of English and Chinese, which made me question what I was. When the Chinese holidays rolled around, I didn't know how to properly celebrate. I still celebrated them to remind myself of who I am and my continued search to try to reconcile both cultures. At that time, I liked to think of what I was going through as a sort of mixing between my heritage and American culture. Sadly, this was not the case when I came to Binghamton. In my first year, I appreciated the diversity that the school had; it allowed me to learn much about other people. When I heard international students from China speaking Mandarin, I felt that I should be able to understand what they were talking about. It made me want to reconnect with Chinese culture so that I could truly understand what it means to be Chinese American. Luckily, I am able to speak pidgin with my parents and I am proud of doing so because that makes me Chinese American instead of one or the other. I really felt the need to reconnect when I moved off campus to a less diverse area where I felt my roots were fading. The move from Brooklyn to Binghamton had been a wakeup call that brought the issue of identity to the front of my mind instead of just in the peripherals. In between the class work and studying, I have almost no time to reconnect with my roots. I was fortunate enough to grab the last spot in the Asian Americas class taught by Professor Yu. Through that class, I was able to learn more about the early immigrants that came here and I knew that their story sounded like mine, the search for the American Dream. As I continue to pursue the American Dream, I am still trying to work out my identity by making a compromise between the two cultures. I embrace the individualism and outspokenness of American culture while putting them together with the order and familial bonds of Chinese culture. I have answered the identity question and felt the shadow lifted over me. I can now pursue my goals within the context of the American Dream.

N A H C N I V L A C

t happened at my innocuous eighth birthday party. That was

when I realized I was different from everyone else. That was when I realized I was not white. I had a birthday party in class like all the other kids. Everything was going really well until it came time for the birthday cake; except, there was no birthday cake. In Chinese culture, long noodles are supposed to symbolize long life, so long noodles are eaten on birthdays instead of birthday cake. Eating these long noodles are supposed to bring longevity to the person celebrating his or her birthday. My classmates didn’t care about how long I would live. They just wanted that sweet, sweet ice cream cake. “Cake! Cake! Cake!” they shouted. When I couldn’t produce one, they all turned on me. I tried serving them the longevity noodles, but they just pushed it aside. Although I was never the most popular kid at school, many more of my classmates began to ostracize after this incident. After that, I became one of those self-hating Asians who wanted to be as white as possible: I tried to speak as little Chinese as I could, I switched from watching my Chinese shows to watching American shows, and at one point, I even considered dying my hair blonde. Whenever I was out in public with my parents, I would get really embarrassed because they could only speak Chinese. Soon, I resented my parents for not learning English

and assimilating into American culture. I grew out of this phase when I started attending a mostly Asian high school. Since the majority of the school was Asian I could finally be myself without having to put up a facade. I could finally embrace my Asian heritage and listen to the music I wanted, dress the way I wanted, and act the way I wanted without fear of being judged. This new freedom was invigorating and made me wonder why I ever tried to be someone I was not. I realized that I had only been distancing myself from my parents and my Chinese heritage. High school helped me realize that you shouldn’t care about what others think of you and just be whoever you want. Now that I am attending a predominantly white school I have never even thought about trying to fit in.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

Overrepresentation of Being

Asian

hat does it mean to be a

generation Asian American? For me, being an Asian American means you know the culture for both an Asian and an American. I don’t know if it is just me, but as the generation continues on, I am seeing less of the Asian culture among the many young Asian Americans here in America. When I walk out of my dorm and see a friend who I know speaks Cantonese, I don’t say,“Ni Hao.” Instead, I say, “Hey, what’s up?!” Even though we both clearly know that we speak Cantonese, we use English instead because of the environment we are in. Because we live in America we tend to place our original heritage after our American one. Not to say that it is bad, but we place a greater first

ASIAN OUTLOOK

emphasis on the American culture and this is so that we are able to mix in with everyone else. With this, it is evident that many Asian Americans are hiding, or sub-consciously withholding themselves from revealing their other identities because of societal factors. I grew up in a neighborhood where you would only very scarcely see an Asian and even if you did meet one, he or she would only speak English. Being from Hell’s Kitchen, or a neighborhood close to the heart of New York City, it was rare to see someone of my race. My neighborhood was mostly populated with white people, but this didn’t stop me from remembering my Chinese roots. So let me tell you about my interesting history growing up as an Asian American. As a child, I had a Hispanic babysitter because my parents did not have the time to take care of me. Believe it or not, English was my primary language, Spanish was my secondary (though I can’t speak it anymore), and Chinese was my last. Fascinating, isn’t it? Moving on with my childhood, I went to an elementary school populated by Hispanic and African Americans because my parents decided to send me to a school thirteen blocks away from our home instead of the school three blocks away, which was populated with mostly white kids. In my elementary school, I was one out of three Asians in my grade, but this did not matter to me because I did not realize I was any different from others. Not everyone felt this way. There was an immense Latino population in my school and there were times where they would pass by me and make me feel uneasy about myself.

Schoolmates I didn’t know would walk by and say “China,” in Spanish, and I would respond by saying, “That’s not how you say China.” Being my stupid self, I didn’t understand that they were mocking me in Spanish until they would start laughing at me. This was when I first realized that being a different race made a difference. Furthermore, they would ask me what “ching chong makahaiya” means and all I could say was, “It’s not even a word!”(which made them laugh even harder). This made me feel like an outcast because I wasn’t able to comprehend what they were saying. I would ask myself at times, “Why are they speaking another language to me when I do not understand? It’s not like I speak to them in Chinese.” And I slowly started realizing that I was unwittingly repressing my Chinese culture in order to fit in with the American culture. When I got into middle and high school, everything changed because the school was populated with white and Asian kids. I had the choice of hanging out with the white crowd, the smaller groups of African Americans and Latino Americans, or the group I racially belonged to, Asians. This was a new experience to me and it created a dilemma in which I had to choose between my American or Asian identity. At that stage it was a “comingof-age” moment where I solidified my racial identity. I chose to be Asian. Before I made that decision, I was what people might have described as “whitewashed.” I watched American soap operas, reality shows, cartoons, movies, etc. Not only had I been I submerged in American media, I had also adopted American culture in being more outgoing and outspoken. Furthermore,

an American as an

American

By Sharon Lau

I had adapted to the American tongue, speaking fluent English without ever having to be in the ESL program—I even used American slang and swear words. I never spoke Chinese, with the exception of speaking to my parents. However, as I transitioned to my “Asian identity” in middle school, I started to change as a person. Being surrounded by Asians is completely different than being surrounded by African Americans and Latino Americans. I was used to being in the loud, judgment-free zone of my elementary school. As I started to mingle with Asians, I noticed that many of them were more reserved, focused on their studies, and cared much about how others perceived them. A good portion of them had great expectations for themselves in the future and just wanted to get good grades. Many of them were also shy and not as open with their feelings. This is not to say that all Asians act this way, but when compared with my black and Latino American friends, I felt that there was this huge discrepancy in their attitudes and actions. As the years went on, I started to pick up the same traits that other Asian Americans had and became shier, more reserved, studious, etc. Not only was I changing as a person, but my hobbies started to differ as well. Instead of playing double dutch or hand games, I started picking up handball, playing Chinese poker, watching Asian dramas, and listening to Asian music. I started becoming more “Asian” and was able to establish stronger connections with Asians. But although I was closer with those of Asian descent, I started to realize that it became difficult to speak

with other races. I did not have the same commonalities in hobbies and traits that I once had with non-Asian races. When I tried to talk to a white person, our conversation would mainly touch upon aspects of “How was your day” or “What are you up to?” There were no conversations on the latest movies, or the latest season of American tv shows, or the results of a football game. This became a problem for me because I was only connecting with people from my race. It became more difficult for me to make friends who didn’t share my cultural background. Then high school came along and the situation changed once again. Although the racial population comprised mostly of whites and Asians, many of these Asians were “white-washed.” Many of my friends were unable to speak fluent Chinese and had limited knowledge of Chinese culture. However, this did not make it hard for me to connect with them because we were able to find other commonalities other than our cultural background. Hanging out with many white-washed Asian Americans also helped me to regain my “American identity.” Instead of leaning towards one identity more than the other, I was encompassing both. Many of my friends were not like this, but leaned more towards one or the other. I pondered why Asian Americans chose to be more “American” than “Asian.” Some of my friends had accents when they spoke in Chinese or couldn’t even speak Chinese, while others chose to speak only Chinese, without incorporating English inyo our conversations. Although I had friends on both sides, there were many more

who chose to identify as American.Was it because they wanted to forget about their background? Was it because they wanted to fit in with the American society? Some of my friends told me it was because Chinese is irrelevant to them since they are living in America. My friend said, “Why learn Chinese when I do not need to use it? Everyone speaks English here!” It is true that everyone speaks English here, but is that a good enough reason to just leave your background behind? If everyone has this attitude of disregarding their own culture because it is deemed as “unnecessary to know,” soon, the Chinese culture will hold no meaning to future generations of Chinese Americans. Being different is a part of life, so you should just simply accept who you are as a whole. Do not pick and choose which cultural identity you want to be, better yet, incorporate all of it. Many Asian Americans usually display only one cultural side and not the other, or incorporate one culture more than the other. This may or may not be due to the social barriers they fear they might face, but I believe one should always reflect every bit of the culture they represent. Don’t be afraid to represent your culture because you feel that others cannot connect or that they will judge you, or because it is unnecessary. With my experience, leaning towards one culture over the other caused me to be at a social disadvantage. This may not be the case for everyone, but it will be the case that Asian culture will be lost in our generation or the future generations to come if there isn’t a balanced expression of the cultures we represent as Asian Americans.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

ASIAN OUTLOOK

AO CONSCIENCE

Photo by Farhan Hussain

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

“Memory” By Byel Gould

ASIAN OUTLOOK

Scars

By Frankie Choi

Dear 6 year old me, Tell yourself that this is when it all started that when they make their eyes smaller it isn’t to see what is written on the blackboard because they are staring at you with a smirk on their faces. Dear 9 year old me, Tell yourself that when they say “Ching-Chong” with a Chinese accent It is not okay to laugh. It is not okay to smile because even though you don’t know what the word “racist” means it doesn’t mean that it’s not. Dear 12 year old me, Tell yourself that those bruises you get from them because you are the only Japanese kid in the grade will take a week to heal but that those scars will take years to go away. Dear 15 year old me, Tell yourself that when you confess to your crush you like her and she doesn’t say no because she thinks of you as a friend but tells you that she doesn’t date Koreans know that it’s not your fault but hers. Dear future me, I’m here to tell you that it won’t stop just yet and that it may never stop that in sophomore year, you will be called a fob and that you look like Jackie Chan that in junior year, you will be asked if your parents own a Chinese restaurant that in senior year, you will be asked if you really are Asian because you got a math question wrong You will spend many nights awake in your bed, thinking about everything that has and will happen You will realize how words cannot break your bones, but can break your soul. But I’m also here to tell you that in sophomore year, you will find your group of friends you can share your deepest feelings and concerns with that in junior year, you will no longer be ashamed of your parents who cannot speak English and that in senior year, your scars will finally, finally heal I’m here to tell you that it will get better that you will no longer have to hide those cuts on your wrists or no longer have to bear all the pain on your own because your friends will tell you similar stories of their own, their experiences with racism and stereotypes and you will realize that within your community of friends, within your barrier of trusts, you will not stand alone. You will not be alone.

Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

ASIAN OUTLOOK

“Onmyoji” By Ying Xu

Tug of War By Angela Wu We made our world this way To put ourselves into this game. When he pulls, she pulls harder Rope burns all over. No winner. No loser. No stalemate because this game lacks the logic of chess. Get a reality check, mates! Nobody realizes thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s agony The threads in the rope must withstand, Caught in between two sides, With both ends dragging it towards them, Forever a slave to the opposing sides. With each tug, a cry for help. Stop! If not, it will snap We made our world this way. Can there ever be a winner? Or will the game just play on? Maybe the only victory is when the loose strands can no longer support the war. If both sides just let go, The game would have already been over. Even after promises to stop, There still exists an inner hunger that wants to be satisfied. The rope does not remain loose and forgotten for too long The sides fight for that chance to win. Predatory voices inside their heads beckon, Grab the rope tighter and remember to root your feet to the ground. As the limp rope is pulled straight, All thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s left to do is to keep holding on Because once someone lets go, the game is over The battlefield is covered with the remains: Torn strings, severed ties and indelible calluses. Vol. XXVII, Issue 3

ASIAN OUTLOOK