Mark Zuckerberg is really owed a lot of thanks for creating Facebook. The fact that I can see, talk and stay in touch with old friends and family across the globe through Facebook is really amazing. Thank you Mark Zuckerberg. Our feature “Undercover Encourager” this month is a dear friend of mine, Dionna “Dee Dee” Buford-Latimer. Facebook gave us the ability to reconnect after more than ten years of distance. True to herself, she was still the same Dee Dee I remembered.
Kira McConico is the publisher of “Be Encouraged” Comments, suggestions and letters can be sent to kmcconico@assignedtoencourage.com
She and I attended college together, dated good friends and for a while, I actually lived on her couch! Dionna is just one of those good people that you know is good from the first time you meet them. I can personally attest to her big heart for those in tough situations and just need a helping hand for the moment. Her big smile is always the same, always greeting every person she meets, never turning away a soul. You would never know there was so much pain behind that smile. There was no doubt she would be our first “Undercover Encourager” once I learned of her childhood abuse and the tremendous voice she has become for victims of abuse. Her remarkable courage to stand unashamed, retelling her own haunting story of molestation is incredible in and of itself. Furthermore, her ability to allow forgiveness, healing and support to others through her organization, “Moving 4ward Ministries” is even more commendable. Be Encouraged! If Dionna made it through, so can you!
They say the best lesson is a bought lesson. It seems like just after a topic for this publication is chosen, the test on the topic lands on my desk. Well friends, I can honestly tell you that I FAILED with a big fat F! My anger got the better of me and so I am sharing this article from personal experience. Anger really is like a raging fire. It begins as a small spark, just enough to cause a flame. It’s what we choose to do with that flame that either leads to an out of control moment or just a small situation. It starts in the smallest part of souls and spreads like wildfire throughout our whole being and if not checked destroys everything in its path. Most of our anger is caused be disagreements, a difference of strong opinions that neither side is willing to back down from. Both parties are emotionally tied to their stance, which is the reason why when anger is involved both sides lose. There is never a winner. Yet, it is an emotion that God equipped us with. Even God gets angry. There can be a justifiable anger that is raised within when there is injustice, mistreatment of our fellow man. This kind of anger motivates us to stand up and be a voice for the weak.
Yet, it is an emotion that God equipped us with. Even God gets angry. There can be a justifiable anger that is raised within when there is injustice, mistreatment of our fellow man. This kind of anger motivates us to stand up and be a voice for the weak. The dangerous anger is 99% of the time displaced. Meaning we are upset with someone and we take it out on everyone else instead of the person we feel has wronged us. This is dangerous anger, reckless and sometimes irrevocable. It causes a man to beat his wife, a mother to abuse her child, a family to fall apart. This kind of anger causes fired employees to go ‘postal’, serial killers to haunt our nation. We can catch this kind of anger before it spread. It usually starts with guarding our mouths. Not opening up to speak the anger that we are feeling until we are calm. Typically this doesn’t happen and it’s too late. The anger is already released and the house on fire. The book of Proverbs 13: 3 clearly tells us what happens when we don’t guard our mouths. “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, BUT he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” We must learn to temper our anger with wisdom. Learning how and when to use our anger for good and the betterment of those around us.
So let’s explore how we are to exercise this anger in a just manner. One of the most famous examples of anger displayed in the Bible is when Jesus drove out the moneychangers in the temple. See, Jesus was flipping tables long before the Real Housewives on Bravo. This anger that Jesus exercised was a righteous anger, an anger that was used for justice. In Matthew 21: 12, Jesus saw the temple being abused and disrespected. This infuriated Him and He used His anger to return the temple to it’s intended purpose. After all moneychangers left, the lame and blind came in to receive their healing. This was a demonstration of anger being used in a justifiable reason. How are you using your anger? Is it destructive or passionate? Are you building people up with your anger or tearing them down? Be Encouraged! Here’s some hope to help you work through anger.
Tell the truth about why you are angry
We can’t cover up the reasons why we are angry. If you feel you’ve been hurt or disrespected, you should talk it out with that person. Admitting your own part in the incident is the first place to avoid a bigger fire. Avoid displacing this anger onto someone else.
Check that rising thermometer as it starts to climb
Usually before you really cross the line, your gut tells you not to do it. My inner voice will tell me, “If you say this… then that’s going to happen…” Every time I don’t listen I end up regretting it later.
Say Sorry
Chances are your anger has caused someone else some pain. Now is the time to open your mouth and speak words of apology. Be sincere and be okay to accept the fact that they may not want to be in relationship with you for a while.
Know your triggers
If you know that being around a certain person or situation triggers a bad temper for you, avoid participating until you can truly handle it with peace. Communicate with your spouse, friends and family when you are not in ‘the mood’ and respect others when they aren’t.
Some of the best martial advice I was given was by my husband’s 87-year old grandmother. She told me that when her husband didn’t want to be bothered she left him alone and when she didn’t want to be bothered he left her alone. Simple but strong!
Be Encouraged! Take your strong positions and turn them into strong passions! Point your anger in a positive direction.
Dionna Latimer was photographed by Photographer Grace Brown, in Chicago, IL. on September 27, 2012 . Grace Brown brings awareness to sexual abuse by photographing survivors holding a sign with a quote from their abuser. These survivors are taking their power back.
Dionna "Dee-Dee" Latimer is an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. She proudly claims that she is not a therapist, nor is she a counselor. She founded Moving4ward Ministries which was created to be a support ministry for victims and survivors of sexual abuse. Like many survivors, she kept her secret hidden for many many years, planning to take it to her grave. God dealt with her for over 4 years about speaking up and exposing what had been done to her, as well as her sister. After more than 30 years, she finally broke the silence Thanksgiving of 2011. Since then she has heard so many stories of people that she knows. Moving4ward consists of six beautiful African American women,Andrea Jackson, Tiffiney Mills, Monica Crenshaw, Catina Lampkin, and Katie Haney. They are making it their mission to be a voice for the voiceless. them; in some cases for many years. By allowing them the openness to discuss their experiences, it can also allow them to move forward with their lives, and bring awareness to sexual abuse. We will achieve this by Prayer, Support Meetings, Expression Events, Encouragement, and Love. They believe that “YOUR VOICE HAS A RIGHT TO BE HEARD!"
BE: Your ministry ‘Moving 4ward’ provides
BE: How does your ministry “Moving 4ward” differ
inspiration and education about sexual abuse victims and offenders. What steps did you take to heal from your own personal abuse?
from other support organizations? What would you consider as the highest offered value of “Moving 4ward” to victims of sexual abuse?
DL: After 30 years, and finally speaking up about the abuse, I began blogging. I told the world my deepest secret. Once I started blogging, I realized that a huge part of healing was in letting go things of the past.
DL: Our Ministry was created by a vision that God gave to me. God dealt with me for years about coming forward with the abuse, but I was just too afraid. He was able to take me and my sister’s situation and turn it around for good.
I held on to that 3 year old little girl for a very long time and she wanted to be free. Blogging allowed me to deal with my reality, and it let me know that I am not the only one that has dealt with this. Other people were able to read my story and a lot of them were able to relate. So not only did I began the healing process, but others did as well.
We understand that a major part of healing is allowing Jesus to be a part of that. We are not licensed therapists, nor are we counselors.
It also allowed me to deal with the anger, and not let the anger deal with me. It's okay to be angry as long as it is used to bring a positive outcome.
Our purpose is to love and encourage those who have experienced the same thing, and are ready to talk.
We are a group of beautiful saved African American women who have been through it, and understand the affects and the emotions that go along with sexual violence.
BE: As you are out in the community, what has
BE: If you could say one thing to sex offenders as an abuse victim, what would you say?
DL: The most common thread among victims is silence. In these cases silence is never golden.
DL: Wow. If I could say one thing, I think I would tell them that to please seek help. What you are doing is killing our families, as well as our communities. Because of you, some victims grow up as troubled adults, and just cannot get their life in order.
been the common thread among victims of sexual
Women and especially men are too afraid and/or embarrassed to come forward about being abused. It's like these abusers have an unbelievable control over their victims. I think that really comes into play when the abuser is relative, and in majority of the cases the abuser is not a stranger. That's why our motto is "Your voice has a right to be heard." We want victims to know it is okay to come forward; they are not alone. In order to move forward and let go of the anger, we must begin to speak out. It’s okay to tell! This will allow them to take back the control their attacker has had over them for a very long time. Also it is a freedom like none other. BE: So what can we expect next from Dionna Latimer and “Moving 4ward MInistries” ? DL: Well we are very excited about our upcoming walk, "A Stroll to Heal the Soul." We are in the process of planning our first walk against sexual violence in April, 2013, in St. Louis, MO. April is S.A.A.M., sexual assault awareness month, and we are using that month as a chance to personally bring awareness to the city of St. Louis. So please stay tuned more details will be coming soon. Also, I will be soon working on my first book to explore how sexual abuse not only affects the victims, but everyone in our community. I am very excited about what God is doing in our lives, and can't wait until He allows everything to manifest. All Glory goes to Him.
These are your sisters, your daughters, as well as your brothers and sons. If you have these feelings that creep into your spirit, think before you act. Seek help immediately, there are programs out here to help you. Moving4ward Ministries will continue to pray against this horrible, lustful spirit. We will continue to pray for exposure so that people can heal, and abusers be put behind bars.
For more information on Moving 4ward Ministries: www.moving4wardstl.com www.facebook.com/M4WMSTL NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE (RAINN) 1-800-656-HOPE