Premeditatio Malorum | By Gina Beyer

Premeditatio Malorum

written by Gina Beyer

3rd Place

Our greatest failure in 2020 was our thinking, or more simply our lack of it. We just didn’t think. We surrendered our minds to distractions. We numbed out. We forgot. But it wasn’t our fault. It’s the way we’re wired. Our brain’s default mode network was so bored and sedated, we resorted to thinking about “Me… What’s in it for me?” — that tragic American motto.

As the dark night of 2020 unfolded, we simply could not see the dangers creeping upon us even though it was obvious from all other perspectives. Indeed, all of nature was sounding the alarm, but we remained ignorantly unaware.

We didn’t see our enemies until there was acute danger. The slow creeping chronic stuff didn’t register in our brains. We focused on the short term and failed to think long term, so we weren’t prepared for the future. We didn’t expect disaster would happen in our life, so why care? Not my problem. Let somebody else deal with it. Another tragic twist of thinking — the diffusion of responsibility and the bystander effect. Our minds were so susceptible to bias. Again, it’s just the way we’re wired. It wasn’t our fault.

What happened next? Well, it was all there in the books — a classic and completely predictable arc. It appeared the danger was gone, so we let down our guard. Back to normal life. Such a shame too because we all know the plot — it’s about to get much worse.

Covid-19 was the canary in the coal mine. Hate quarantine for a few months? How about a lifetime of it? Is that impossible to imagine? Try it. Everything we know and love gone in an instant — the rituals, routines and structures of “normal” life. Implausible. We refused to think it about it because it’s too awful and scary. It made us feel bad, so we chased the thoughts out of our heads with any mind-numbing thing. Pick a desire.

It was inevitable as we multiplied, ventured to untouched places and frozen ground thawed that the viruses would spread through our sickly herd. Simultaneously and quite obviously, global climate change triggered massive losses of biodiversity. Ecosystems collapsed in stunning numbers. The insects disappeared. It was our death knell, but we didn’t hear it.

It all happened too fast. Within a few short years there were massive crop and livestock losses, economies crumbled, borders closed, wars an orange itchy trigger finger away, we were trapped. Unprepared. Unequipped. Entirely responsible. With no escape possible, we finally woke up.

AI didn’t come to our rescue. We didn’t have time to develop it and disseminate en masse. Just look at how long it took to work out a single vaccine. How prideful to think AI would miraculously save us from the world we destroyed. The beautiful and delicate dances of nature, exquisitely balancing all things through symbiosis and partnership. It’s a lot easier to break something than it is to fix it.

We failed to think.

We were a tragic species because we thought we were so advanced, but we weren’t. We foolishly built our world on either/or fallacies — either you or me — either human advancement or ecology — the industrial world or nature. We didn’t understand it could be both/and.

We failed to think.

The most powerful gift we had was our ability to come together — to unite — and use our creative powers for not only our benefit but also the benefit of everything around us. But it just didn’t happen in time. Given our proclivities to avoid thinking about what’s uncomfortable, we simply weren’t prepared. Unbalanced and teetering, we missed our moment because we were divided, and divided we fell.

Our lesson was to think better — to train our minds to see a bigger picture. To realize that nature’s giving is not infinite in its capacities. The material world is finite. We are finite. Our most cherished possessions are impermanent. We took too much. We learned, but at a cost. In this fragile and tenuous new world, we humbly bow to Nature. We know this moment is our only true possession. Today is all we have. We are all we have.

About the Author

Gina Beyer is a counselor and consultant with over a decade of experience in the field of personal growth. Her areas of expertise include psychology, mindfulness meditation and the contemplative sciences. She holds a bachelor’s degree in English literature, a master’s degree in counseling psychology and has traveled the world studying insight traditions.

Why Gina wrote this story:

“Writing is a form of therapy, which is why I penned this essay. I was inspired by Marcus Aurelius and the Stoic practice of anticipating the worst in order to be prepared for anything — so it’s definitely dark. Yet, I don’t think it’s off-base because humankind is so tragically disconnected from nature. I hope that the uncertainty and upheaval of 2020 wakes us from our complacency.”