May I Be Excused?

Already overwhelmed by the new school year

May I Be Excused?

Tim Sullivan

Tim Sullivan is an award winning columnist who writes about family life and thinks everything is at least a little funny. tim@sullivanfinerugs. com.

School is back in session which means the household finds the rhythm that was shredded to bits over the Summer. The neighborhood is buzzing again and Friday night football games at the High School feel like a rebirth. If you want to see some middle-aged dads in their happy place, go to that first game of the season and note the big smiles, the high fives and fist bumps. Maybe it’s the game, maybe it’s the celebration of a return to routine.

Each school year has a different personality though and honestly, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by Elliott’s slate of classes. He’s in tenth grade now and the ‘AP’ in his AP American History class might as well stand for ‘Après-Parent’. Unless they are covering the rise of MTV in the 1980s or whatever Heather Cox Richardson wrote about that day, I won’t be of any help. And the ‘IB’ in his IB Chemistry class definitely doesn’t stand for ‘Intro/ Beginner’. We let him watch “Breaking Bad” – will that carry him through?

Even his elective classes seem daunting. Last year he clocked easy A’s in classes like Health, Team Sports, and Spanish 1 but there aren’t any cupcakes this year. Architecture? Graphic Design? Kudos to Decatur High School for cosplaying Georgia Tech but are we heading for a Rambling Wreck? Okay, that was a dorky joke but I’m still trying to find my lane here.

What’s the opposite of Tiger Mom – Sloth Dad? Kristen and I have never been high-pressure parents when it comes to academics. Our kids have always been sufficiently self-motivated but when Elliott yawned his way through Freshman year, we thought maybe he’s ready for more of a challenge. Colleges are into that sort of thing, right? With a little nudge he accepted the invitation to take these advanced courses, so I’m primed to be resented when the work piles up.

Margo has the seventh-grade dial cranked to 11 with extra-curriculars. This Fall we’re looking at Softball, Hip-Hop Dance, Band and Debate Club. Is there any demographic more suited to debate than middle schoolers? Margo likes to start arguments with “Hey Girl” because she knows it puts me off my game and then she pummels me with facts and opinions and whataboutisms until I wave a white flag. I feel bad for any of her potential opponents. She and I debate about her backpack (school supply overload) and whether she should walk to school (it’s 4 blocks away – you tell me!). We debate about the time she goes to bed (too late) and the time she wants us to wake her up (too early). We’ve even had spirited debates about Debate Club. Given her natural talents, I encouraged her to give it a try. I think she was genuinely interested anyway but she’s successfully made it my idea to justify any future complaints about her busy schedule. Whether she sticks with it or not, the kid

Decatur High vs Flowery Branch at a recent game.

clearly has skills. But the undisputed star of Middle School so far must be Margo’s hair. It’s so thick, and long and curly now that the hours she spends cultivating it are probably justified. We’ve suggested she get a trim but it’s like the guy in the Guinness Book with the crazy long fingernails – at some point people probably started thinking hey, he might be onto something here. Margo’s hair could go on to do great things. It may climb Mount Everest or win a Nobel prize. With that hair, Margo could grab her Euphonium and join the Twisted Sister reunion tour. Obviously, greatness awaits these kids. We’ll just have to adjust the family budget to accommodate the hair conditioner expenses. And if Elliott needs a pack of pocket protectors, we’ll just have to splurge on them too, and maybe some shirts with pockets…Whatever it takes, right? You can call me Tiger Dad.

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