The Catalyst's Way - A Storytellers' Companion Guide 2023

TheCatalyst’sWay

FoundationalStorytellers

ChellieSpiller withFoundationalStorytellers

DurkhanaiAyubi,InduBalachandran,BoydBroughton,CyanBrown,DominicCampbell,Kate Hilton,SamHughes,AgustinIbáñez,KaiKennedy,LeNhanPhuong,LanceLouskieter,Dorah Marema,ChrisOechsli,AmandaSegnini,DanaWalrath

Durkhanai is an Afghan food expert, restaurateur, and prize-winning cookbook author based in Adelaide, Australia. Her culinary memoir, Parwana, which features traditional Afghan and family recipes, and received critical acclaim, describes how new ideologies, such as Sovietinspired communism and Islamic extremism, informed movements that challenged Afghan culture and traditions and led to large-scale displacement of Afghans, including many members of her own family. She raised more than $180,000 for Afghans affected by the fall of Afghanistan to the Taliban regime. In 2022, Durkhanai won the “40 under 40” Social Impact Award. She is a senior Fellow with Atlantic Fellows for Social Equity.

IwasababywhenmyfamilyleftAfghanistanduringtheheightoftheviolence.Weleft everythingweknewandescapedintoPakistan.Westayedinacampforayearbeforeeventually migratingtoAustralia.Theseexperiencesaredefining.ItmeansthatI’veneverreallythoughtof myselfascategoricallyfittingintoideasofidentitythataredefinedbynationality—Ihavenever fittedneatlyintoanyonespace.Butforallthechallengesofnon-belonging,I’vealwayslooked atthatasagiftbecauseitletmequestionthingsabitmoreandnottakeontheusuallyassumed ideasaroundidentitysteepedinnationalismorculturalnorms. Itgavemethespacetonotbein anyofthoseboxes.Beinglessdefinedbyparametersallowedmetosearchforadeepersenseof identity.

IamdefinedbythedisconnectionofleavingAfghanistanasarefugeeandbywhatthatmeans formycommunityandpeople,theculturalscramblingthathappens,andthetraumathat’s carriedthroughwaveafterwaveofculturalloss.Iunderstandwearedefinedinmanywaysby thelossofasenseofplace,andinallofmycommunityengagementsIseethatweare,as refugeegroups,madetooperateindeferencetopowerbecausewedon’thaveourfootholdor whatcouldbeconsideredlegitimategrounding.

IrealisedIcouldarticulatewhatIwanttoachievethroughmywriting,whichischallengingthe notionofwhatbelongingis,exploringidentityintheabsenceofahistoricalconnectiontoland andwithoutcollectivememory,andaskingwhetherthatmakesyoumoreorlessworthyofbeing inaspaceandconsideredtobecontributing.I’vewonderedabouthowitmightbepossibleto transformthatexperienceandtostartfromapoint normallyconsidereddetrimental,intoa positionofpower,drawingontheknowledgeandtheexperiencesweholdasrefugeesthathave contributedtomakingusadaptableandresilient.Weunderstandhowtooperateinthefaceof greatlossanduncertainty.Transformingrefugeenarratives,tome,startswithacknowledgingthe realityofoursituationwithgreaterclarityanddepthandbeingabletobuildthingsfromthisnew startingpoint.Transformingrefugeenarrativesisaboutusingthecurrentnarrativesofpower— whicharedesignedtoexcludeanddisempowermany—againstthemselves.

Durkhanai Ayubi

BeinginAFSEhelpedmerefinemysenseofpurposebycontributingtomysenseofself.By beinginplacesthatexploreidentity,Ifeltsomuchclosertomyownnotionsofidentityandmy ancestry,which,forAfghanpeople,areoftenerasedandlostthroughwavesoftrauma.Ithelped meseehowIdon’twanttoemulatethesameideasofpowerthatarenormalisedinacapitalist andEurocentricnotionofwhatisconsideredtobegoodorisdefinedassuccess.Ithelpedme identifyhow,sooften,thoseofusthataremarginalisedcaninheritthesenotionswithout‘disalienating’themforourselves.ThroughoutmytimeasaFellow, I’vebeenabletoseehowreal poweranddisruptioncomefrom‘dis-alienating’,atermthatFrantzFanonandNietzsche explored.Itbeginswiththeselfintermsof‘dis-alienating’fromnormalisednotionsofidentity andpower. Ittransformsthatsenseof‘dis-alienation’intotruecollectiveidentity,structures, organisations,andwords. Itinvolvesdevelopingasenseofselfthroughdisaggregatingfrom currentnorms,whichset meonatrajectorywhereIcouldgomoredeeplyintothosethingsby exploringthepowerofnarratives,exploringeverythingthathasbeensonormalisedthatiteven hidesusfromourownselves.Theprocessofdis-alienatingmeansbeingabletobegintoreach deeperandformore.

Entering and creating spaces

ThefirstcohortIwaspartofwaslargelyunstructuredandunplanned.Somepeoplethrivedon thatandcouldtaketoit;forothers,itseemedtohavebeenoverwhelmingandcreatedreal challengesandaclosingoff.IfeellikeIcameintotheexperiencewithoutstrongexpectationsof itbeingperfectorevenhavingavisualideaofwhatIwouldgetoutofit.Ijustcameintoitopen tolearningandconnecting.

Howyouenteraspaceis important,butthere’snotmuchattentionorintentionaroundthat. I learnedfromthethingsthatdidn’tgoright,therelationshipsthatwereabitstickyand challenging.Itwasessentialtometoretainasenseofselfinthatspace,evenwhenIbeing challengedbecauseofwhoIwasastheonlynon-IndigenouspersonthereworkingonnonIndigenousrelatedissues.Itcreatedapointofcontentionforsome.Weexperienceditinavery rawform.Forsomeonelikeme, Ilovethatseedingstage,andIlikethattherewereno parameters,anditwasuptoustocreatewhatwewantedtodo.

Ihadthisprofoundexperienceoflearningaboutpeople,seeinghowmuchsituationscancreatea shuttingdownandbreakdownwhengivennoparametersorboundariestoworkwith.Ithoughtit wasimportanttothinkaboutwhoIwantedtobeinthosespaces,whatqualitiesareessentialto me,andhowtonavigatethosechallengingthingsandcomeoutwithdignityandasenseof knowingIdidn’tcauseintentionalharmtoanyone,evenwhenthingswerechallenging.Thatfirst yearstrengthenedme andgavemeabitofclaritybecauseofeverythingthatcrystallisedthrough thoseexperiencesofwhoIwantedtobe,eveninthemostchallengingsituations.Beinginthe communityandlearningaboutIndigenousapproachestochangewasmovingandtransformative formepersonally,andhelpedmestrengthenmyowndialoguearoundchange,whatneedsto happen,andwhatwecouldbedoingbetterasmarginalisedcommunities.

AsIwentintoboardrolesandleadershipspacesinAustralia,ithelpedmecrystalliseeverything aboutme thatwasmissing,whichIhadlonglivedwithbutforwhichIwasonlybeginningto findclarityandwords.Isawtheholes. Ihadalwaysfelttheseholes,butnowIcoulddipinto themandunderstandthatmyexperienceofmarginalisationasadisplacedpersonandarefugee isdefinedbyadeepsenseofschism,disconnection,andadistancefromlandandcollective memoryandidentity.Andthatplaysoutthroughintergenerationalexperiencesandmemory.

Asmigrantsandrefugeesinthiscountry,Ibelieve wemustrealignourselvestoIndigenous peopleandcommunitiesratherthanseeingourselvesthroughthecentreofEuropeannotionsof powerandidentity.Therearemanysimilaritiesinourcontemporaryandhistoricalexperiences, aswellasideasaroundleadershipandwaysofbeingthatfavouroperatingwithadispersive, collectivevoiceinmakingdecisions.Also,family,community,kinship,andfriendshipareabig partofmyidentity.Iwasjustreallyinterestedinhowyoucanredefinewhatpoweris,howwe makecollectivesocialdecisionsandchangethefoundationofwhatisnormalisedaspowerand progress.

Book

ThroughoutthecollegeyearwithAFSE,Iwrotethedraftofmybook.IfeelIendedupwritinga totallydifferentbookbecauseofmyexperiences. Itwaspowerfulformetobeexperiencing thesethings,sheddinglayersofmyself,understandingwhatwasmissing,andtryingtoputwords andformaroundthoseemotionsandhowthatplaysoutinthediasporicexperienceandthe experienceofbeingarefugee.Itbecameaboutculture,ritual,andlostmemories.It wasn’tjusta ‘values’thingasin,‘nowIknowthisiswhatIbelieve’,becauseIthinkvaluesareaboutbeing opentochange.I’mcommittedtotheideaofbeingopenallthetime.Thereisvalueinknowing wedon’tknoweverythingandputtingthatfirst,asaprimarydriverofourbehaviour.So,we enterspaces,hungryandthirstytolearn,ratherthanassumingweknow.Forme,ithascreateda deepergroundingandaspringwellofhumancommonalitytospeakfrom.

So,Igroundedthebookinalotofnarrativeandhistoryandcouldexpressitascuisineasa proxyforculturalpracticeandidentity.Thechronologicalorderofthebookfollowedmymum’s genealogy—becauseit’sherrecipesandcooking.Ihadatransformativeexperiencewritingthe bookbecauseofwhathadopenedupformethroughmyexperienceinthefellowship.Iwasable toreadabouthistory,findmyancestorsandtheirwriting,andreflectonitallyear,then transformitintoacontemporarysenseofwhatitmeanstobeadisplacedpersonandthevalue andmeaningthatfoodtakesonalongsidedifferentpartsofyourlifejourney.

Afterthebookwaspublished,Ispentalmosttwoyearsengagingwithmediaglobally.Whenever Iwasinterviewedaboutthebookorsomebodywantedtowriteareview,it wasachanceforme toshiftwhatpeoplethoughttheyknewaboutAfghanistan.Thatwasthedriverofmybook.It’s groundedintakingpeopletoaplacethey’renotexpectingregardingthestoryofAfghanistan andourhistory.Andthepresciencewithwhichtherefugeeidentitycancontributetotheworld andhowweneedtotransformunderstandingabouttheexperienceofdisplacement.

Purpose

Mytrueseatofpower comesthroughwriting,andotherthingsrippleoutfromit.I’vebeen workingontheoutlineofsomethingI’vewantedtowriteforyears. I’mgivingmyselfachance toexplore,andIbelieveintakingthetimeslowly,eventhoughsomanythingsfeelurgent, especiallysincethecollapseofAfghanistan.

I’veseenthepoweroffollowingyourowncallingandthemanykindsofgrowthandfulfilmenta senseofbeingaliveleadsto,soI’mpreparedtogiveupalottobeonthatpath.Iwouldrather havethefreedomandindependencetopursue whatItrulybelieveinratherthanbemade impotentbythestructuresoforganisationandotherpeople’sexpectationsofwhatyoucanand can’tsayandwhatyoucanandcan’tdo.I’vemadeaconsciouschoicetopursuethingsthrough actsandthepowerofvoiceandwriting.Ivaluemyindependence,andwhenI’vegotsomething

togiveandshareorifpeoplewanttocometomebecausetheyneedmetoprovideinputon something,Icanhelpthem,butIdon’tputmyselfforwardasthepersonwhoisgoingtoleadin allthesespaces.Forme,therealpowerandtransformativegroundworkhappenwhenyoufollow yourtruthsandsenseof whatyoushouldbedoing.Anddoingitinawaythat’squite uncompromising,andgivingupwhatmostpeoplewouldthinkisnecessarytohaveinlife,and allowingthatsenseoftruthtotakemewhereverit needsmetogo.However,itneedstointeract withandberelevantfor mycommunityandthestorythatextendsbeyondanyoneindividual.I justhavenopresuppositionsaroundwhatthatis.I’mhappytocreateitwithallmybeingandlet itresonateandrippleintowhateveritcanbe.

Collaborating

IfundraiseregularlytobeabletosupportpeopleinAfghanistansincetheTalibantookover, mainlybydrawinguponwhathasbeenestablishedwithinmycommunitythroughthepowerof cuisine.Ourrestaurantshaveastrongcommunitypresence,andpeoplehavereallygottenbehind us.ButI’vealsobeendoingthefundraisingabitdifferently.Idon’tmaketheraisingoffunds theprimarythingaboutevents.Imakeitaboutanexperiencethatpeoplewanttobeapartof, whichisthisamazingfoodthattellsitsownstory,andaboutbeingwithfamilyandlovedonesto shareinamomenttogether. Ibelieveinremovingthe‘alwayscharitable’elementtothingsthat peoplelikeminealways havetoscramblefor.I’mpassionateaboutremovingthatlayerand makingitmoreabouthuman-to-humanexperiences,evenwhentryingtodosomethingtohelp people.

Catalytic Leadership

Forme,returningtoanideathatcansometimesbeunpopularwithcatalystsofchangeeagerto takeaction,realchangebeginsinternally. Ifyoucan’tshedyourownpresuppositions,yourown engrainedkindofnorms,yourownculturalexpectations,Idon’tbelieveyoucangointo collectivespacesandbetrulycatalytic,becauseyou’restillholdingontoalotofideasand normsthathavebeenreiteratedthroughlong,deephistoricalprocessesthatcanbetoxictoour spiritandthatwecanevenbeunawareof.So,forme,anyjourneytowardscatalyticchange beginswithajourneyto ourownhiddenrecesses,havingthecommitmentandstrengthtoface anduncoveranythingweencounter, andhavingtheabilityandflexibilitytoadaptandchange. Realcatalyticchangeonacollectivelevelhappenswhenenoughpeoplecanseetheuniversality intheexperiencesofeveryone,irrespectiveofexternalities,culturalidentity,orbeinglimitedby ourownorourpeople’strajectoryofsufferingalone.Ithinkweneedtobeabletoseeourselves inawaythatboresthroughallofthosethings,andthatgoesintothatdeephumancore.I’m passionateaboutcomingintocollectivespacesbeingopentoallothers,withamoreprofound senseofconnecting,becausethat’swhenyouseetheoverlaysinexperiencesandthe constellationstakeshaperegardinghowtoconnectandtransform.Ihopetoalwayshavea constant,personallycriticalprocessthatIcancarryout:necessary,Ithink,ifwe’regoingtobe transformativeatacollectivelevel.

Induhasover20years’strategicdevelopmentexperienceinthesocialenterprise,arts, communitydevelopment,andAboriginalservicessectors.Shewantscommunitiestobeableto re-imagineandenactimmigrationaslawfulrelationalitywithFirstNationsPeoples.Her experienceinformsherintegratedapproachtocommunitydevelopment,includingasCo-Chair oftheBoardofCommunityResourcesLtdenvironmentalservices,WesternSydneyUniversity’s InstituteforCultureandSociety’sAdvisoryBoard,Kuring-GaiCouncil’sMulticultural ReferenceCommittee,andtheCommitteeofAustraliaIndiaBusinessCouncilNSW.Sheisa seniorFellowwithAtlanticFellowsforSocialEquity,Australia.

IwasborninChennaiinTamilNadu,India.I’maTamilwomanwhogrewupinwesternIndia andamfortunatetospeakbothTamilandHindi.MyfamilymovedtoAustraliawhenIwasin highschoolandwehavebeenheresince,largelybasedinSydney.LikemanyIndianmigrants whomovedinthe‘80s,myfamilywereskilled,highlyaccomplished,welleducated,and culturallygrounded.Theactofdislocationtakesatoll.However,theprivilegesmyfamily enjoyedduetoeducation,history,culturalroots,andglobalnetworksenabledustorecoverfrom thatdislocationfasterthanotherwise—withinagenerationinourcase,Isuppose.

Iliveinthreeworlds.One,theworldofmyIndiancommunity.Two,theworldoftheWhite settlercommunitythroughwhichsomanyofourinteractionsaremoderatedbecauseIcome fromacolonisedcountryandIliveinacolonisedcountry.Three,oncewestarttobrushaway layersthere’sthefactthatweliveonIndigenouslandandthatisaworldwehavetomakevisible consciouslyifweliveinAustralia.StudyingIndigenousknowledgesystemsandtryingto experiencetheworldfromanotherperspectivewassochallenging,yetsomomentous.Ihadthis epiphany,whichhasre-formedme:Ibecamehyper-awarethatwelivesimultaneouslyin multiplesystemsandcannavigatethemquiteconsciouslyoncewearealerttotheleversand dynamicsofthesesystems.

Istudiedbusinessformyfirstdegreewithhonoursineconometrics.Thefamilyandpractical diasporicmaximwas‘besensible,getaneducationtomakeadignifiedliving,thenbranchout intoanything.’Iworkedinthecorporatesectorforsomeyears,andwhilstitwasintellectually veryenjoyable,sociallyitfeltuneasy.ThesectorwasWhiteandmale,peoplehadthreechildren, livedinparticularareas,workedlonghours,werenotprimarycarersthemselves,andwerenot sufficientlyinquisitiveabouttheworldbeyond.IleftlargelybecauseIdidn’tseethatIcould flourishinthatenvironment,beingwhoIwas,andwantingtoremainwhoIwas,andbeing hungrytoparticipateinhumanandsystemicprogress.ImovedtoIndiaforayeartoreconnect withmyhomeland,family,andfriends.Iworkedinwomen’sservicesduringthatyearinrural andurbanIndiaandlearntagreatdealaboutmyownpositioninmultipleIndiansocieties,and

aboutwomen’smanywaysofexpressingsolidarityandcommunity. Howmuchwelaughedandcried,andhowimportantitwastobeabletospeakmultiple languages. IhadspentmostofmyuniversityholidaysinIndiabecauseIreallyenjoyedbeing back,creatingconnectionsthrough,andindependentlyof,myfamily.IntheAustraliaofthe‘80s itwasdifficulttojustslipintoagroup.WhenIwentbacktoIndia, everybodylookedlikeme anditwaswonderful.AtleastwhenIwasvisible,itwasforreasonsthatwereparticularandnot becauseIhappenedtobe thedifferent-lookingpersonwithadifferent-soundingname.Ialso madefriendsmuchmorequicklythanIwasabletoinAustralia.Therewasaneasycultural familiaritywhichhastakenme25yearstobuildinAustraliansociety.It’salonggame,this businessofrelationality.

WhenIreturnedtoAustralia,IdidmyMaster’sdegreeinPoliticalEconomyfocusingongender andmicroenterprisedevelopment.Iwantedtounderstandmanysourcesofeconomicthoughtand theshapeandsourcesofpower,notjusttheneoliberaltheoriesIwastaught astruthinmy businessdegree.Itwascriticaleducationformetoarticulatethateconomictheoriesweresimply limitedmodelscreatedbyhumanmindstohelpunderstandandshapesomesystemsintheworld. Theeconomyisactuallypartofsociety,however;itshouldbesubservienttotheneedsand wellbeingofsociety,not viceversa.Whichtookmetotheapplicationofeconomicstothe communityandsocialenterprisesectors,andeventuallylandedmeintheIndigenoussector about15yearsago. Iwasintherighthome.Itwaschallengingprofessionally,andeasy culturally.IrananimpactfundforSocialVenturesAustraliaandthenmovedintoleadership positionsattheNationalCentreof IndigenousExcellenceandtheAboriginalHousingOffice.To beabletodriveandinfluenceworkthatbuildsstrongersocietiesisanimportantyardstickfor me,andIamverygratefulthatIhavehadopportunitiestodothiswell.

Transformation

TheAFSEMastersprogrammeinIndigenous-ledsocialchangein2021wastransformativeand shiftedmeintellectuallyandinmyspirit.IdecidedtogiveupmyjobinJuly2022andmake timeandspacetobeintheworldthatIhadformedaroundme.It’sprobablygoingtotakeyears formetodigestandapplywhat IlearnedthroughAFSE:aboutsystems,myself,my positionality,andsocialchange.IthoughtifIdon’tstopnowandgiveittime,themomentwill passandthenbecomemoreandmoretenuousbecausebusinessasusualwilltakeoverquickly.I wantedtorest,nourishelementsinmylifethatwerealittlesidelined—givingtimetothesmall thingsinlife,theactive‘practice’ofculture,andworkdeepwithincommunity. TheprojectthatItookintoAFSE,whichismoreawayofliving,washow toconnectIndianand Indigenouscommunities.Overtheyear,myfocusshiftedonhowcommunitiescansettlemore lawfullywithIndigenouspeoplesinAustralia.Specifically,how canpeopleinAustraliaand overseaswhoareofIndianoriginbuildrelationshipswithIndigenouspeoplesthataren’t moderatedbyaWesternlens?Howcanmigrants,asuninvitedsettlersinAustralia,potentially transformthenarrativeofsettlement?Andthen,whatifwedeepenconnectionsbetween IndigenousAustraliansandAdivasitribalandothercommunitiesinIndiawhoaredeeplyrelated tolands,forests,andplaces?Iftheselayersofrelationshipsarere-made,howcanitbe transformativeinbuildingabetterfutureforallmembersofallsocieties,notjustforIndigenous peoples?

Iwantedtotakesometimeawayfrominstitutionalwork,becausethisworkisinpeople’shearts, mindsandincivicsociety,andnotformallymoderatedbyinstitutions.Reclamationofone

systemofknowledgedrivesemergenceofmanysystemsofknowledgethatareelidedtodayin thedriveforefficiencyandpower.AFSEwascriticalformetobeginworkingconsciouslyinthe spacesbetweenthethreeworldsoftheIndian,theIndigenous,andtheWestern.This‘knowing’ benefitsallofusbecause whenwerememberwhoweare,ourdeephistoriesandknowledge systems,wecanknowinglyandusefullyadaptourselvestodifferentsituations.

It’sdeepcommunityworkbecauseitisoutsidetherealmofinstitutions.Theremaybenopapers published,economicoutcomes,orperformativeartinthiswork.It’s civicsocietyforming aroundgoodideasandhealthywaysofrelatinganddoingwork.

Mycurrentexperience—ofnothavingatitle,oranorganisation,orarole—isanuncomfortable place.Itfeelsalittleunmoored.Iwasperformingatahighlevelandwassuccessfulintheway conventionalsocietycelebrates.Iwasinapurposefuljobataseniorlevel, Iwasapractising artist,Ihadsignificantsystems-changeadvisoryandboardroles.Iwaspreoccupiedallthetime andhadnogiveinmysystem.Andthiswaswithanextraordinarysupportstructurearoundme.I stopped—tobeabletohearallthethings IwasunabletobecauseIwasrunningsohard,those thingsthataregenerative inthemselves.Tolieintheafternoonsunwithmychildrenintheir holidaysand‘talkaboutallkindsofnothing’,asmysonputsit.Tofolloweachthoughttoits end,whichcantakedays.Tobeabletopracticemusiceverydaywithoutaperformanceatthe endofit.Torespondtopeople’sinvitationstoparticipateinorganicconversationsandlocal processes.Tounderstandalltheplantsinmygarden. Iwanttousemytimetogiveback—to cookforpeople,tocelebratefestivalswithcommunity,tobepresent.

Ihavegenerationsofeducated,culturedelders andfamilymembersaroundme.Ienjoythe privilegesofintergenerationalaccessandaccomplishments,andnothavingtothinkaboutmy weeklypay.However,attheendofit,fundamentallymyreasonistogivetimetoenablemylife experiencestocoalescewithinme,andtestotherwaysof‘working’,sothatIhaveclarityon wheremycapabilitiesandstylehavethemostgenerativevalue,formeandtheworldaroundme.

Howthentoshiftfrombeingtransactionaltorelationalitybetweenculturalbeings?Wereferto “satsang”inIndianlanguages,whichmeanstokeepcompanythatvaluesandinspires truthfulness.CommunitiesliketheAtlanticcommunity,myartscommunity,andmyextended familyandculturalcommunityarecriticalinthis.

Interbeing, Knowledge code

Deepcommunityworkformeincludesculturalpractices.Iusedtofinditcurioustohearmy Aboriginalcolleaguessay‘Ipractiseculture’,becauseit’snotsomethingIndianpeoplesay. Perhapswetakeitforgranted;perhaps wehaveadifferenthistory.Regardless,I’vecometo realisethatculturedoesneedtobeactiveotherwiseitdissipatesunconsciously,inwaysthatwe maynotacknowledge.Itdissipateswithoutourknowing.

I’vebecomeinterestedinthewaywepractise andliveculture.Ourmothertongues,customsor traditions,music,literature,histories:they’revibrant,they’realive.Welivethemeveryday, whetherit’sinourfood,ourart,ceremony.TheIndiandiasporahastheoptiontohaveagreat dealofthis. Idon’tknowifit’sbecauseweliveinaWesternparadigm,orbecauseurbansociety andwork-lifesimplydon’taccommodatetheactivepracticeofculture.Becausecontributingto culture(notjustpassivelyconsumingculture)needstime,energy,andcommunity.Youcan’t saveitallupforweekendsafteryou’vefinishedyourchores.Thecustodianshipofcultural traditionsalsocomeswithresponsibilities,whichincludesconsideringifsome ofthesepractices

arenotnecessarilyapositiveforceforgoodintoday’sworld.Andthenthereisalsosomuchin ourwaysofbeingthathasaplaceincontemporarysociety.Whilstdiasporiccommunitiescan preservetraditionsasresistanceagainstdislocation,thepracticeofcultureasanhonourableact initselfisrathermorepowerfulandsustainable.Andofcourse,cultureevolves,andthemaking ofculturewhenonelivesinthreeworldsisawonderfulthingindeed.Andhardwork.Iplaythe veena,aSouthIndianclassicalstringedinstrument.Ilearntfrommymother,wholearntfromher mother,whichisnotanuncommonwayoftransmittingmusic.Formusictobecomeinnate,you needhoursofdailypracticeforyears.Beingawareofmultipleknowledgesystemshasmademy musicpracticeevenmoremeaningfulasitenablesdifferentkindsofexchange.

Let’sseehowinnateitbecomesduringthissabbatical,howeverlongitis.Therewasabeautiful, unexpecteddialoguethatemergedattheglobalgatheringofAtlanticFellowsinThailand.A performancewascancelledandtheorganisersaskedifImightsing.IaskedElla,whoisa Wiradjuridancer, andAlex,whoisKabiKabiandplaystheyidaki(digeridoo),toplaywithme. Itdidn’tfeellikeaperformance,itwasadialogue,adeep engagementwithoutwords.Quite magical.

Catalytic Leadership

Leadershipisbecomingaforcedidea.Ithasbecometheimportantthingtobuild,ratherthan purpose.Iknowthattheintentionistohelppeopleunderstandthateveryonecanleadandwe don’tneedtobegivenatitle.Whilsthavingworkedinseniorexecutivepositions,co-chairing boards,andsittingonadvisorycommitteeshasbeenmarvellous,Iwanttounderstandand experimentwithworkingoutsidetitledwork.Thatiswhatthenextperiodisabout:toworkwith therelationshipsthatIhave,thenetworksI’vebuilt,andgivetimetowhatIthinkmatters.Itisa goodexperimentfortheego!

Leadershipisthehard,hardworkthatcanoftenhavenoLinkedInmoments.Inthepositions I holdandhaveheld,Iamincreasinglyconsciousoftakingresponsibilityforlong-termimpacts andholdingtoanhonourableandcollectivewaytothedestination.Myleadershipjourneyis becomingmoreandmorepersonalatthemoment,moreintimate,as Iinvestinthosemostsimple bondsthatcombinetomakepervasivesystems. IsupposethenextstagewilltestifwhatIthink mattersalsomatterstootherpeopleenoughfortheretobemomentumbuiltaroundit:totryto workdirectlyincivicspacesinawaythatisdemocraticandcollective.Iamgladtohavetimeto experimentwithakindofquiet,regenerativepractice.

BoydisGeneralManageratTeHāOranga,aniwi(tribal)Māorihealthandsocialservices provider,mandatedbyTeRūnangaoNgātiWhātuatodeliverhealthandsocialserviceswithin theroheofNgātiWhātua.Theseservicesarefreeofchargeandareaccessibletoallpeople, providingcareforallstagesoflife.Boydadvocatestransformativechangeinternally,andas partofthelargerMāoricollectiveexternally,toaddressandeliminateinequitiesonanational scale.HehailsfromthetribesofTeRarawa,Ngāpuhi,Tainui,andNgātiPorou.Heisasenior FellowwithAtlanticFellowsforSocialEquity,NewZealand.

IkindofIgottrickedintocomingintoMāorihealth.Iwasworkinginsalesatthetimeandone ofmyclosefriendsfromschoolwasinhospital,dyingfromararecancer.Oneofthewomen whoraisedmefromthenorthshippedmeintowriteherpoliciesforaMāorihealthorganisation; fromthere,shetrickedmeintoworkingonarangatahi(youth)contract,andfromthere,Igot trickedintoDistrictHealthBoardworkforMāorithings.So,theyjustkepttrickingmeallalong thewayintodifferentrolesanddifferentorganisations,learningnewskills,systems,and processes.

WhenIlookatwhatIdo,andhowIdoit,myapproachis‘I’mgonnahaveacrackandlearn fromit’.Formostofmywork,IhaveacrackarmedonlywithknowingwhatIknow,andwhenI findoutIdon’tknowsomethings,orthere’sablindspothere,Ilearnfromthatandhaveanother cracktryingadifferentstrategy.That’smyapproachtofindingoutwhatworksforourwhānau and,importantly,whatIcandeliver.

I’vebeenlikethatsinceIwasakid.Ifoneofmycousinswouldtacklemeinbullrushoragame ofrugby.Iwouldsay,‘Yougotmethistime’,butIwouldnoticethatintheirdeterminationto tackleme,theyleftadefensiveholeontheirleft,andIwouldexploitthatnexttimetoget throughthem.MyoldercousinssayIwasalwaystryingtofigureouthowcanIgetoneover them.Ipractisedandmyattitudeto‘haveacrack’washonedbymysports.Iusedtobea standoffinrugbyleague.That’stheplaymaker.Iwouldseemyoppositionrushuponthe outside,andIthinktomyself‘Ok,you’rerushingup.You’restoppingmefrompassingtomy player.Igottagetbehindyou’,andIwouldtryachiporgrubberkicktoexploitthegaptheyleft fromrushingupfast.OrIwouldthink‘Ok,you’redroppingbackandcomingacrossfromthe backtosupportyourteamwhereI’vejustputmychipkickorgrubberkick,thatmeansI’vegot anoverlap.Sothatmeansthere’sanopportunitytothrowalongpass’.I’dalwaysbetryingto unpickandworkoutwhatwashappening.Thatsystemworkedtogetmeintorepresentative sportsteamsandMāorirepteams.Ineverusedtoapplythattomywork.Ijustdiditforsports. Then,whenIgotolder,Irealiseditcouldworknotjustinsports,butinmahi,ineverydaylife.I neededtostartpickingapartthe‘opposition’orchallengeandunderstandwhatweweretryingto

achieveandfigureoutwaystooutsmartit.WhenIstartedapplyingittomyjobs,Ialsobegan gettingpushedmoreintodifferentleadershiproles.

WhenIfellintohealth,orwastrickedintohealth,Ifeltanaturalfit,andIthoughtIcoulduse thiswholepickingaparttheopposition.I’vemovedthatphilosophyintomywork,butIdon’t havetobeasquickasIneededtobeanymorebecausewhathasbeenshowntomeovertheyears istherearethingsIdon’tknow,andiftherearethingsIdon’tknow,andIdon’thavetheskillto dothem,Icouldstillseewhatneededtobedone.I’mlucky; I’vesurroundedmyselfwithsuper intelligentpeoplewhocananalysewhatI’vedone,whathasn’tworked,andwhyithasn’t worked.Thenthey’llloadmeupandsendmeoutagain.

Adaptive Change

I’malwaystryingtoidentifyblindspots.Weusedtohavemeetingswithallourmaraeevery Wednesdaynight.Wewouldsitintheofficeandsay,’Lookwhatwe’vedone;we’vesentthis out,we’vegotfruitparcelsouttopeople,we’re awesome’.Thenthemarae(Māoricommunity hub)wouldgo;‘We’vegotalistofpeopleyou’vemissed.They’renotonyourlist,andyet,here theyare’.AndIwaslike,actually,wegotblindspots.There’snobetterwaytofigureoutyour blindspotsthangettingfeedbackfromyourwhānau(families)inthecommunity.Andsothat’s whatwedo.Iseethegaps,haveacrack,andcontinuouslylearn:Tolookatblindspots,lookat thestrengths,andlookattheopposition’sweaknesses.

Purpose

Mystaffaresousedtoputtingoutfires.Isay,‘Ok,there’saneedforthat.Let’sputoutthose firesasquicklyaspossible.Butdidyoutaketimetolookupatthestarsandimaginewhatthis whānaucanachieveoncethefiresareputout?’So,it’stryingtomakethemlookupatthestars. Putoutthosefiresandthenhavealookupandsay,‘Actually,they’reawesomeandwecanhelp themachieveawesomeness’.

Succession

Ithinkeveryone’sgottheirownmagic.Therearedifferentwaysofactingandleading,and peoplewilladdtheirownmagic.I’vegotyoungpeopleIworkwithandtrytomentor,andif theytryandbehavelikeme,Isay:’No,no,youfindoutwhatyourmagicis.TakewhatI’m givingyou,butyou’lltakedifferentleadershippiecesfromeverywhere.There’snooneright waytolead.Andyou’llneedtoaddyourlittlebitofmagic.Youneedtofindyourmagicandput yourlittlebitofmagicintoyourformofleadership.Becausewecangiveyouallthescience aboutleadershipintheworld,butthere’salittlebitofmagicthateachofushasthat’sdifferent.’ Frommyownexperience,I’mcheeky.IgotputintoPakeha(EuropeanNewZealander) organisationleadershiprolesandbeingcheekycameacrossasflippantinthatenvironment,there weremomentswhenI’minhigh-endmeetingswitheveryonewithashirtandtieinasuit.The humoroussidethatMāorihave,thatIndigenouspeoplearoundtheworldhave,inthe1990s cameacrossinthecorporatesectorasflippant.Igotthatexactfeedback.Ihadacheekyuncle, andattimesofenormoussorrowandsadness,hewouldfindsomethingthatwouldbringjoyto themarae.Sometimesunclewouldfail.Itwouldn’tbefunny,orpeoplewouldn’thavetheproper context.Buthe’llgo,‘Thatdidn’twork,butI’lltryagainlatertonight.’Hewasalwaystryingto getahandleonhowtomakepeoplehappyatthereallysadtimesofourlives.

Andsothat’swhatItell mystaffthatI’mmentoringthrough,becauseI’mnotNgātiWhātua(the localtribe).So,I’mfromalltheiwi(tribes)surroundingthat.WhaeaNaidaandtheprevious

GeneralManagerswhointerviewedme,wantedmethreeyearsagotocomeandhelpbuildup thesehealthandsocialservices.EventuallyIwanttoleaveor I’mgoingtogetaskedtoleave becauseI’mnotNgātiWhātua,andoncetheyhavesomeonebetter,it’sonlyrightthatIleave. I’mtryingtobuildupalltheNgātiWhātuasoldiers.Theyhavetheirowndifferentbitofmagic inthem,andasaresult,yougetdifferentformsof leadership.

Oneofmystaff,who’sayoungNgātiWhātua,24yearsold,issomilitant.Hegoesintoa museumandsays,‘ThatbelongstoNgātiWhātua’.HegoesintoParliamentHouseandsays, ‘Thatpaintingoftupuna(ancestor),that’smine.Iwantthatback.’Thatsortofthing.Andhe’sso militant,andyoucan’tturnitoff.So,I’mtryingtomakehimrecognise,that’shislittlebitof magicasamilitant.Andthatmagicissustainable,hewillneverstrayfromwhathispeoplehave taughthimandwhattheysaytheyneed.Buthealsoneedstofindotherleadershipforms.So,he canlightenupbecausehedoesn’tgetreceivedwell.Afterall,he’syoung,he’ssteepedintikanga (culturalways)andhasbeautifulreo(language).Butthat,combinedwithhismilitantbehaviour, makespeopleputupbarriersinsomeareas,sotheydon’tworkwithhim.AndI’mjusttryingto gethimtorecogniseit.Togethimtothinkabouthowheapproachespeopleandhowhemight makesomeofhiskōrero(conversation/talk)lessthreateningbecausewhenyouknowitcomes acrossasthreateningyoucanadjustyourdelivery.Thisisespeciallyimportantwhenthereare Māorileaderswhodon’thavereoanddon’tknowtikanga,whosay‘Here’stheyounghotshot’. Whatheisdoingiswhat he’sseenWhaeaNaidado.Butshe’sgotthehistoryandthat relationshipwithherwhānau,herhapū,heriwi,andthosecommunities.ButIjustsaidtohim, ‘Peopledon’tknowyou.Peopledon’tknowhowtoacceptyou.Theydon’t knowwhatyou’ve done.Yougottogetsomerunsontheboard.Andthen,whenyou’vedoneallthatandmade themlaugh,beenthereforthemwhentheycry,youcanreturntobeingmilitant,sotrytobe humbleonpeople’shearts.’

Wemanagedtowranglesomefundingforhimtodosomerongoā(traditionalMāorihealing)and someenvironmentalkaupapa.TheMāoriHealthAuthoritywantedtofundtheirMarae-based clinicforhimandhismarae,andIsaid,‘No,he’snotgoingtodoaclinic.Hewantsto regeneratetheawa(river).Hewantstoregeneratethestocksoftuna(eels)becauseit’sakai (food)source.Andalongtheway,hewantstoteachthemwhythefrogsarenolongernoisy. Thatisallthethingsthathelovesbecausehe’samaramataka(traditionalcalendar)andtaiao (environment)person’.Hopefully,he’llhavekickedmeoutofthisjobinacoupleofyearsand sentmebacktotheHokianga.

Reading the signs

We’vegotawhaea(anauntyfigure);she’sononeofourmaraehui.Sheusuallyhashercamera turnedoff,andIusedtosilentlygroantomyselfifsheturnedthecameraon,becauseitwasto growlatus.Therecameatime,duringthepandemic,whenInoticedthechange,thatthe growlingsweren’thappeninganymore.Therewas moreencouragement.Therewasnoticeable support.Thepandemic forcedustobebetter,workclosertogetherandhelpmaraerealisewe’re notuseless.Themaraepeoplewouldsay,‘He’sdoingthebesthecan,andhisstaffarewonderful becausethey’repartofthepandemichere.Theyaretryingtolookaftertherestofthe communityaswell.’Weknewwehadturnedacornerwhenthemaraepeoplewouldsay,‘What canwedo?’Priortothat,alotoffeedbackwereceivedwas‘You’renotdoingenough,andyou forgotthis,thereisawholewhānau(family)youdidn’tlookafter.’Thenitwas‘Hey,thisis whatwecandobetter’.Andanotherwhaea(aunty)calledtheothermaraeandsaidtothem, ‘Thisiswhatyoucandobecauseyou’vegotthetractorsortrucks.Youcoulddothisone

becauseyou’vegotalotofkumara(sweetpotato)sittingthere.Theycan’tgetexportedbecause thebordersareclosed.’Thisturnaroundandshiftinsupportwasawesome.Wefeltsohonoured.

Mobilising

grassroots power

Wegooutsideourlaneofwhatwe’refundedtodoallthetime.Peopleinthecommunitywill askustohelpdothingssuchasorganisingtransporttoprotests,rallies,andkapahaka,allthat sortofstuff.So,wegooutsideourlanebecausethat’swhatthemarae,thepeople,andwhānau (families)aredoing.They’redoingwhānauora.(Familywellbeing).

We’venoticedafewwhānauwhohaveprogressedandaredevelopingwell,andsomearestill puttingoutfires.Butthosethatdoprogresssuddenlysay,‘Hey,thatlocalpolitician,he’snever doneanygoodforus’,‘Sowhydidwevoteforhim?’.Or,‘Weneedtogetridofthisboard. They’reterrible.They’veneverbeengoodforus.’ Andtheyoffertodropthepamphletsduring localelections,orshowsupportonsocialmediaofwhānauwhoarestandingforelectionto positionsofinfluenceorpower.Thesewhānau(families)weren’thavingthosethoughtsearlier, theydidn’tthinkitmattered;nowthatthey’vegrownandprogressed,theyunderstandthe connectionsbetweendecision-makingandoutcomes.Theystartaskingquestionsandnotice thingsthattheythoughtwereoutoftheircontrol. Seeingthatprogressionhasbeensomeofthe absolutehighlightsofourmahi.

Whānaulikelearningdifferentskills.Forexample,inDargaville,theywanttolearnhowtotiea fishhooksecurelytolessenthechancesofthemlosingfish.Theymightgofishingandcatchtwo orthree,andthatmaynotbeenoughforafamilyoften.Ortheymightbeinterestedtolearnhow tokillanddressabeef,venison,orgoat.Andthatwouldbeseenastheequivalentofa managementcourseforawhānauinAuckland.

Catalytic Leadership

MostoftheleadershipinTeTaiTokerauis10to15yearsolderthanme,soI’maffordedthe luxuryofbeingtreatedlikeamokopuna(grandchild).IgetlookedafterbytheentireTeTai Tokeraucommunity,andmanyofthecurrentleadershiphavebroughtmethrough.I’velearned somuchbecauseI’vebeenexposedtosomanydifferentleadershipstyles.I’veseensomethings inmyleadershipexamplesthatIdon’tlikeanddon’twanttoemulate.ThelessonsItookfrom thoseinstanceswere,don’tbelikethat,don’tbeabully,don’tbecorrupt.Soevenwhenexposed topoorleadershiptraits,IalwaysensuredIlearned.

Iwasremindedofitontheweekend.Wehada30thanniversaryinthenorthforNgātiHine Hauora(healthorganisation)andalltheconversationsabouttheformerleadershipmatuaRob Cooper,howmanytimeshehadacrack,howhelearnedfromhisfailures,andthathedidthe samethinglearninghowtounpickthesystem.Helearnedwhyhewasrejectedandthenhad anothercrackbasedonwhatheknew.RobCooperneverstraightjacketedhimselfbythinking aboutwhathecouldn’tdoordidn’thavethebudgetfor.Hejusthadacrackateverythingand wouldlearnfromit.Andhewouldgo,‘Oh,there’saweaknessthere.Isawtheylikedthatpartof theidea.Sothat’swherewe’llgowiththat.’Sothat’swhereIdrawstrengthfrom.Ifeelsafe becauseIknowthatthisiswhatRob’sdone.AndnowlookatNgātiHinehealthandthelegacy ofleadershipthathasfollowed. IwasfortunatethatI’dhadsomesteadfastexamples,andthat’s theapproachItakewithmystaff.

CyanBrown

Cyanisamedicaldoctorpassionateabouthelpingbuildhealthier,moreinclusivecommunities. ShecompletedhermedicaltrainingattheUniversityofPretoria,SouthAfrica,andherMasters ofScienceinpublichealthwithaglobalhealthspecialisationthroughKing’sCollegeLondon CumLaude.Herresearchfocusedonfrugal(low-cost)surgicalinnovationstoincreaseaccessto healthcareinlow-and-middle-incomecountries.Herworkfocusesontheintersectionofhealth, innovation,andsustainability.ShewasaStanfordBioDesignFellowin2022-2023.Sheisa seniorFellowwithTekanoAtlanticFellowsforHealthEquity,SouthAfrica.

IgrewupinJohannesburg,SouthAfrica,withadeeplytexturedandbusychildhood.Ifoundmy wayintosocialjusticeworktenyearsagothroughstartingaleadershipacademyatthe UniversityofPretoriatohelpequipyoungwomenwithlife,business,andleadershipskills. Thereafter,choosingtostudymedicinefeltlikeanintuitivedecisionthatwaseasytomake.I lovedworkingwithpeopleandwantedtomakeapositiveimpactwithmycareer.However,asI spentmoretimeintheclinicalsettings,Ibecamecuriousaboutthemanydiseasesandconditions thatcouldbepreventedinsteadoftreatedreactivelywhenitoftenwastoolate.Ireallywantedto knowthestoriesofthepeopleinthewardsandabouttheirlivesandwhathadledthemtobe there.Ididnothavethelanguageatthetime,butwhatIhadbecomeimmenselyinterestedin wasthinkingaboutthesocialdeterminantsofhealth.ThroughthiscuriosityIdiscoveredthefield ofpublichealthandsomuchaboutwhatIhadseenandexperiencedduringmyclinicaltime madesensethroughthislens.IknewwithinmedicinethatpublichealthwasdefinitelywhereI neededtobeandwhatIwantedtoinvestmylifeandenergyin.

Iwaseagertoconnectwithandlearnfrompeoplefromtheworldofpublichealthwhothought abouthealthfromabroaderparadigm.That’swhenIcameacrossTekanoHealthEquityand knewinstinctivelythatthiswasanopportunitythatIneededtotaketogetinvolvedina significantwayinpublichealthinSouthAfrica.ThefirsttimeIappliedIwasnotacceptedbutI wasundeterred.Iappliedagainthefollowingyearandwasaccepted,tomydelight.

MyTekanocohortreflectedtheimmensediversityofourcountry,SouthAfrica,butalsothe breadthoftransdisciplinaryinputneededtocatalysecommunitychangeinpublichealth.Weall camefromvastlydifferentplaces,worldviews,andexperiencesthatinitiallymeantfinding cohesionandcommongroundwasn’teasy.However,throughouttheyearwedivergedand convergedrepeatedlyastheprocesscarriedus.Thiswasextremelytryingforallofusandoften meantlotsofconversationsandtearsasweworkedthroughourdifferences.Towardstheendof thefellowship,ourgroupeventuallyfoundourcollectivesolidarityandthestrengthwehad hopedwouldemergefromtheprocess.Ihadinitiallyexpectedthatthefellowshipwouldfocus ontheoryandtoolsforpublichealthandhealthequityinSouthAfrica,however,whatImet

insteadwasapedagogicalapproachthatrequiredhead,hearts,andhands.Itstartedbyasking difficultquestionsofmyleadership,myself-awareness,mypositionality,andmywork.Itasked ofmeandallofustopauselongenoughtoreflectonthestoryofhowwearrivedatthiswork andwhyarewedoingwhatwearedoing.Reflectingonthesethemesinapost-conflictsociety sometimesmeanttheanswerswereuncomfortable,causedfragmentation,andsparkedfierce debate.However,theprocessheldusallsogentlythataswedidtheworkweneededtodiscuss andconnect,weultimatelygrewandhealedtogether.

Ifoundmyselfgrowinginsomanyunexpectedwaysandacquiringnewknowledgeandskills thatwere advancingmyabilitytocatalysechangebothinmypersonalleadershipandinpublic health.Ifoundthestretchinganuncomfortableprocess,butoneguidedbymentorsanda supportiveecosystemofTekano.Duringthisperiod,mylifealsochangedfundamentally. Iwas diagnosedwithbilateralhipdysplasia—aconditionusuallycausedbybeingabreechbabyand normallydetectedatbirth.However,hereIwasat25needingmultiplehipsurgerieswhilstgoing throughmyfellowshipyear.Isuddenlyexperiencedthehealthcaresystemasbothadoctoranda patient.Experiencingthefellowshipjourneybeingbothoncrutchesandsometimesina wheelchairwasbothagiftandahardship.IhadtorelyonmyfellowFellowstoassistmewith everythingwhilstbeingawayonmodulestogether.Ifoundthevulnerabilityneededtoaskfor helpwitheverythingwhilstbeingdifferentlyabledforthoseperiodsinitiallyquitehard,but ultimatelyitbuiltstrongrelationshipswiththosearoundme andhelpedbuildmyinnertoolsand resilienceinthatprocess.

HavingthisprofoundexperiencewithmyhealthandthefellowshiphelpedreinforcetheclarityI hadaboutmyworkinpublichealth.Thehipsurgeriesandfellowshiphadprovidedmea momentinmylifetopauseandconsiderdeeplywhereIwanttospendmytimeandIknewthe deeplycollaborativeecosystemofpublichealthexcitedmemorethanclinicalmedicine.Iloved beingadoctor,buthadfiguredoutthroughmyjourneyofunlearning,learning,reflecting,and healingduringthistimethatpublichealthaswhereIneededtobe.Iwasdeterminedtoinvest evenfurtherintothiscommunitythatIhadsharedsomuchwithandwhenwebecamesenior Fellows,IimmediatelygotinvolvedinthebroaderAtlanticcommunity.

Healing

WhenIlookaroundatthemanyleadersintheAtlanticecosystemwhom Iadmireandwhose workisfundamentallychangingcommunities,Inoticethecommonthreadofhavingdonethe worktoheal.Somuchofwhatcallsusintosocialjusticeandequityworkistrauma,hardship, andinequityandtobeabletocreateanewworldandnewnormsrequires bothindividualand collectivehealing.

BothinTekanoandAtlanticIhavebeenprivilegedtointeractwithleaderswhocanhold difficultspacesforothersandhelpwhatisbrokenbehealed.Sometimesit’sthroughsong, dance,poetry,silence,connection,butalwaysthroughrelationship.I’ve experiencedourAtlantic ecosystemtobenurturingandsustaining.Iwouldcompareittoaforest,wheretherearemultiple organismsdoingvastlydifferentthings,likeFellows,butthesamelifeforceoftheelements sustainsandhealsusall.

Thisismanifestedinmypersonalandprofessionallifeintwoways.Firstly,oneoftheAtlantic Initiativesispeergroupmentoring.ThisinitiativeputseniorFellowsfromdifferentprogrammes togetherinavirtualgroupandgaveustrainingonthetoolsandprinciplesofpeermentoring.I wasscepticalaboutitatfirst,butafterthefirstmeetingIwascompletelysold.Ihavesincemet

everymonthwiththree womenfromdifferentAtlanticprogrammesallovertheworldandhave developedthemostbeautifulandenrichingrelationshipsinthisspace.Itis aspacewherewe continuallyreflectonthefactthatthepersonalandprofessionalworldscannotbeseparated, particularlyaswomen,andthatourwellnessisessentialfortheworkwedo.Weencourageand challengeeachothertoleanmoreintowhathealingandhealthmeansforeachofusinourlives andworksothatweareabletogiveourbesttonotjustwhatwedobuthowwedoitinour variouspursuitsforamoreequitableworld.Wehavecreatedaspaceforhonestfeedbackand reflectionaboutourworkandaspacewherewefindthesupportweneedtoreachourpotential. ThesecondareastemmedfrommyTekanoFellowshipwhereImadeadocumentaryabout mentalhealthinhealthcare.Thisexploratoryfilmcoverednarrativesofthreedifferenthealthcare workersabouttheirmentalandemotionalhealth. Theseshortfilmssparkedconversationand propelledmeintomanyconversationswithhealthcareworkersaboutinnerwellness.My experiencesintheAtlanticecosystemhadgivenmesomanydifferentperspectivesandtoolsthat helpedmegentlychallengethenormalisationofburnoutcultureinhealthcareandworkto advocateformorebalanceinthespace.Thisworkalsoenabledmetostartthe“Sevencolour Sundayfestival”seriesintheAtlanticcommunity,whichfocusedonFellowwellnessduringthe pandemicandfindingcreativeandcollaborativewaystobolsterconnectionandemotional wellbeingduringaperiodofisolationandhardshipforourglobalcommunity.

Be the change

Iusedtosubscribetothenotionthatbeingadoctorstrictlymeantworkinginaclinicalsetting withpatients.ThroughmyexperienceinAtlanticandpublichealth,thathasfundamentally changed,andInowseemyeducationinmedicineinmanywaysbeingtheentrypointratherthan thedestination.ThroughmyvariousinitiativesandrolesinthespaceIknowmypassionisbeing acatalystinthepublichealthandhealthequityarena.Inowknowmyworkistobringpeople togethertothinkabouthealthequity,tousetheabundanceofcreativeandcollaborativetoolswe havetofurtherthiscause andtocreatespacesformorepeopletojoininthiswork.Ialsoknow thatmyjourneywithmyownhealththroughthisperiodhascreatedinmethedesireto encourageothers,particularlyinthehealthcarespace,toconsciouslyconsiderhowtheirown wellnessinterplayswiththeirworkandtheirabilitytohaveimpact.Ithinkwearesooftendoing whatwethinktheworldandothersexpectustobedoing,andyetIamcontinuallylearningthat totrulyeffectchangewedon’tneedmorebusypeoplesimplyfulfillingexpectations,ratherwe needmoreleaderswhohavedeepconvictionaboutthechangetheywanttomakeandcaninspire thatchangeinothers.

Discovering through experiencing

Tekanopresentedmewithbothplannedandunplannedwaysofdelvingmoredeeplyinto discoveringmoreaboutwhoIwasandhowtoeffectchangeinpublichealth.Oneofthemost poignantexperiencesthatcomestomindwasourfieldtriptoanareainSowetotounderstand howlandissuesimpactedonpeople’shealth.Iwasstillrecoveringfromarecenthipsurgeryand wasinawheelchairandthushadtonavigatedirtroadsthatweren’teasytobeonwiththegroup. Iwasbellybuttonheighttoeveryoneinthegroupandthecommunityleaderswhoweresharing weresharingintheirhomelanguages,whichrequiredtranslationforme.Thisexperiencewasa first-handglimpseofwhatpeoplewhoaredifferentlyabledhavetogothroughtoinorderto participateinsocietywhentheinfrastructureisn’tbuiltforaccess.Thisexperiencereallystuck withmeforalongtimeandmademerethinksomuchofwhatIhadbeentaughtandhow I

experiencedmyowncountryanditshealthcaresystem.

Catalytic Leadership

IonlyrealisedhowmuchIneededtounlearninleadershipwhenIspenttimeintheTekanoand Atlanticspaces.ThemedicaleducationIhadreceivedhadengrainedsomanyunhelpfulnorms aroundpowerandhierarchythatIwasbarelyawareofalternativeformsofleadershipthatcould reallywork.Ihadforsolongbeeninasystemthatwasrulebound,andnowwasgiventhe opportunitytoinsteadbeinasystemthatwasvalue-led.AsanAtlanticcommunity,Inoticed suchaconsciousnessaroundnotwantingtoperpetuatethesamethinkingandleadershipthathad causedsomuchoftheinequitywesee.Isawinsteadaradicallydifferentparadigmthathighly valuedco-powerandsubvertingtraditionalsystemsofdominance.Itwasrefreshingand challengingforayoungSouthAfricanlikemyselfwhogrewupinapost-conflictsocietythat stillclungtoharmfulnotionsofpowerforscaffolding.Itmademeaskdifficultquestionsof myself,thetypeofpowerIusedandwhatwastheimpactofmyleadershiponthosearoundme. Ihadpreviouslybeenveryfocusedontheoutcomesofmywork. Ihadalwaysbeeninleadership rolesinschool,universityandthereafterandwasthetypeofpersonwhocouldberelieduponto getthingsdoneeffectively.Yet,Iknewtherewassomuchmissing,andtheAtlanticcommunity promptedmetoreflectonsomeofthepartsofmyleadershipweretherewasroomforgrowth andotherpartsthathadlaydormant.IbecamemuchmoreawareofhowIdothingsinsteadof focusingsolelyontheoutcome.Ispentalotmoretimelistening,bothtowhatwassaidandwhat wasIunsaid.Thespacesourcommunityprovided,allowedmetotapintodevelopingthe culturalfluencynecessaryforleadershipinthistypeofwork. Ialsobecamesomuchmoreaware ofhow Ishowedupinspaces,theenergyIbroughtwithme,andtherelationshipsuponwhich theworkdepended.IfoundIwasmademoreself-awarebythegentlenudgesofthosearoundme andgraduallystartedtoslowmypacesothatIwasabletobefullypresentintheworkinsteadof rushingaheadtotheoutcome.

Formethischangeinleadershiphasrequireaslowingofpace,whichsometimesfeelscounterintuitiveinaworldwherethere’ssomuchinequity,andsomuchweneedtodo.However,when Islowmypace,spendtimeinnature,andtapintoexistingwisdomintheworld,Icanshowup asafundamentallydifferentkindofleader.I’mabletobealotmoreself-aware.I’mabletobea lotmoreawareofothers.ItaddsanentirelydifferentlayertohowIinteractandalsohelpsme prioritisemywellness,withtheknowledgethat IcanonlyleadwellwhenIhavethecapacitytodoso. Thisshifthasbeenhard.Ithasmeantlettinggoof preconceivedideasaroundrestandbusyness, andratherbuildingamoresustainablerhythmthatallowsmeto‘fillmytank’invariouswaysso thatIcanleadandwithcare.Ialsoknowspendingmonthsinhospitalandrecoveryfrommyhip operationshelpedmeinternalisethemessagethatweneedourhealthtodotheworkwewere calledtointhisworld.ForsolongIhadbeeninasystemthatdidnotconsiderourrelationship withnature,ourselves,andeachotherinthework,andnowhavingthislenshasmademefeelso muchmoreconnectedtomyself,theplanetandabletoauthenticallylead. Ahugepartofholding andbeingheldbyourcommunityiscomingbacktoouranchorpointsandtruenorthstars. I believethesetobe care,equity,connection,andcreativity. It’sdifficultwhenthingsgetreally busytokeeptheseanchorsinmind,however,thesafetynetoftheFellows’networkisneverfar awayandwejustkeepremindingeachothertotakecareofourselves,toreallyseethepeople aroundus,toworkwitheveryonewithcare,andtotapintoourcollectiveenergytobringabout theradicalchangeweenvision.

DominicisanArtisticDirector,Producer,andCreativerecognisedasaculturalinfluencerin Ireland.HetransformedIreland’snationalcelebration,StPatrick’sFestival,generating€80 millionforDublinCity’seconomybynurturingbelonginginculturalproduction.Dominic expandedBealtaineFestival’snationalandinternationalinfluencebydeepeningitsabilityto presentcomplexstoriesofcontemporaryageing.Inthepandemic,heestablishedanationwide creativeprogrammefocusedonlossandbereavement,andonlineprogrammesbringingcreative approachestohealthmakinginWestAfrica,Argentina,andChile.Co-founderofCreativeAging International,heisthecreativeenergybehindCreativeBrainWeekandArtsandBrain.com,and isaseniorFellowwiththeGlobalBrainHealthInstitute,RepublicofIreland.

Peoplesaid,‘You’reanartist;gomakeart’.Ataround19or20,Iwenttoartschoolforfour years,whichwasunusualforsomeonefromasmalltownwherenobodygotinvolvedinthatsort ofthing.Mydadwasmostlyunemployedthen,andmymumworkedonstreetmarkets,doing variousthings,tryingtomakemoneytoputusthrougheverything.Ihadmostlylefthomeearly onwhenIwas12andhadmadeaseriesofsurrogatefamilies.

MaybemybackgroundmeansIhavethiscuriosityabouthowpeopleconnecttoeachother,how Ifitinornot,andhowyoumakecommunity,andthat’swhatIdidwithart.Iwasalsocurious whetherIcouldbringthearts,creativityinabroadsense—creativepractices,andnon-scientific, possiblynon-literalwaysofthinkingandexploring—intodifferentspaces.

IwenttoworkwithcompaniesthatIfoundinteresting,whomadethingswithlotsofpeople. TheymightbemakingaDiwalicelebration.TheymightbemakingaCaribbeancarnival.They wereoftengroupsthathadmigratedtoLondon.Itwasafascinatingplacetotryandfigureout what“art”is.

Tomakealiving,Iusedtogoandvolunteerwiththemandseekajob.Iendedupdoing fireworksdisplaysandbuildingCaribbeanCarnivalbecauseIwasobsessedwithit.It’sa structurethatpeoplecouldfindtheirwayintothroughathree-dayritual.Eventothisday, underneaththeshinymarketingandadvertising,theCaribbeanCarnivalisaritual.It’sgotstages ofdressandundress.It’saboutcostumingupandtransforming.Iwasfascinatedbyhow, whoeveryouwere,youcouldfindawayintothisextraordinarythingthatevolved,whichhad retainedsomesenseoftheworldbeingturnedupsidedown,ofdisruptionandofbeingableto maintainyourtruth,whateverthatwas.Carnivalbecamecrucialintermsofmyeducation,both themechanicsofit—becauseIlearnedtoorganisebandsof3000peopleandhowtomake costumesfor3000peoplewithvolunteers—anditshowedmehowtoorganisepeoplewhoare workingforfree,whenyou’realsoworkingforfree.Andhowtodothatinplaceswherenobody hasanymoneyatall,yetyoucanstillmakeacelebration.Therewasaconstantreimaginingof

DominicCampbell

whatitcouldbe,howitwouldworkandhowitcouldhappen.Ilovethatimaginativenavigation, thatyoucanreinventconstantly.There’ssomethingformethat’svitalandimportantinthat.The craftthatgotyouhereisnotnecessarilythecraftthatwillgetyoutowhereverthenextthingis.

Ibuiltapatchworklifeworkingwithpeoplewhootherwisewouldn’thavebeenabletofinda voice,whateverthatwasatthetime,whetherthatwaskids,peoplewithdisabilities,orexcluded communities.Then,in2009,IbecametheSt.Patrick’sFestivaldirectorat age35. Itwasthefirst timeI’dhadacontractforoversixmonths.Thenitbecameayear-longcontracttorunIreland’s nationalcelebration.IrealisedIhadawholesuiteoftoolsthatIcouldbringtothatframework.I couldwriteawhitepaperabouthowyouruneventssafelywithinapubliccontext.Icould negotiatewithmanypartsofthecitytoorganiseaneventinthepublicdomain.Icouldbuilda teamofpeople fromscratch.Eventually,Icouldtalktothemarketingpeopleabouthowtheysell theadvertisementsandgetpeoplein.

Butwithinthatstuff,Icouldalsodootherthingsthatweremuchmoresignificanttome.Icould commissionartiststoworkwithpeoplefromchallengingpostcodeswheretheycouldwalkdown thestreetandgo‘Ibelong’.Initially,theideaofSt.Patrick’sDaywasaninputbacktoIreland fromNewYork.ItformedwhenIrishpeople,whomigratedpost-Irishfamine(1845),walked downthestreetsofNewYorktosay,‘Iamhere,butthisisn’tnecessarilywhereIbelong.We haveanidentity.Andwe haveaplace.’Thefestivalwentfrombeingthreerelativelysmall eventsto92events.BythetimeI’dfinished,ithadgenerated80millioneurosforthecityinits secondyear,whichwasunheardofatthetimeandwaspartoftheeconomicupturn.Twentythreemillionpeoplewatchedthelivebroadcast,and1.25millioncameintothemiddleofacity. Inacountryof4.2millionpeopleatthetime,that’ssignificant.Wewereplayingaroundwith howyouusedifferentpartsofthecityforplayandplacemaking,andeventually,weweregetting toIrishideasofwhatbusinessis.

Purpose, Organising, Collaborating

TheCarnivalisaninterestingthingintermsoforganising.IntheCaribbean,itisoverthreedays. Ithasadefiniteframeworkintermsof‘Thisishowyoudressonthisday’.Andyougetmuddy andmesseduponthefirstday.Anditgoesovernight,sotimeisdisrupted.It’sverygenerous andwelcoming.Andalsoabitedgy.Then,basically,youdressmoreflamboyantlyeachdayina funenvironment.Andthat’sit.That’saboutasorganisedasitgets. It’saporousyetclear frameworkforpeopletoengagein,tospendtimewithpeoplewhohaveotherwaysofthinking abouttheworld,andtorecognisethatforusperhapsthesimplicityofthosekindsofporous frameworksisawaybacktothebeginningofTheMovement.

Currently,IwondermostabouthowIusedisparateprojectstoconnectpeopleintoaworking allianceintheformofaporousunion.Withastructurecentredaroundtheideaof‘fairness’. Howaretheysupported? Howtostayfocusedonthemissionofchange? Howtorespect and engagewithlocalisedcomplexity?Howtoconnectwithoutbeingdistractedbythedemandsan institutionmakesinneedingtosustaintheinstitution?

WhatI’mtryingtodonowisfigureoutwhatthecoreofitisforme.WhatdoIneedtobuildthe teamtomaintainthecore?WhatdoIhave?Togetgoing,howdoIdothat?

Hownottobesimplytrytobeclever.Howtobemorethanpoetrywritten,butpoetryinreal timeandenduringtime.OccasionallyIseekpoetrywhenfloundering.Wordsusedpoetically freeupimaginativespace.Movingthemaroundallowsrisk,andriskisrequiredforchange.

Purpose, Dialogue, Discomfort

It’sfascinatinghowideasappearinbetweenpeople.There’sathingcalledBohmianDialogue Inaway,BohmiandialogueisaversionofVedic understanding.It’saboutthespacebetween people.Theambitionistocreateanenvironmentinwhichthatcanhappen,becausepeople arriveintospaceslikebilliardballs.Theyarriveinverydifferentways.

Thereisworktomakethesespaceswelcoming.Increasinglyrelevantistomakethesespaces braveandmaybeabitcomplexandchallenging,notbychoice,buttoallow difficultytoexistin theroom.Sothatwe’resittingwithpeoplewhocanhavedifferentwaysofmakingsomething happen.Whatisoutsidewantstogatherinopposition.Inhere,whatdowehaveincommon? Andhowdowevaluenonverbalways?Allowaspaceof ‘divinedisgruntlement’.Somebody recentlytoldmethatthenaturaldefaultstateofcreativemindsisdivine.Disgruntlementisjust notbeingcomfortablewithit.

Perhapsmyjobinthisworkistobewayoutthereontheedgeoftheocean,andthenwetryand meetinthemiddlesometimes.AndifIdon’tstayoutthereattheedge,beingabit“divinely disgruntled”,thenI’mnotvaluableinhelpingtofindthatmiddlespace.Ihavetogo,‘There’s onlysomuchyoucando,anditwillonlygosofar.’ButifIdon’tgoasfarasIcould,I’mnot bringingtherichnessthatIcouldbring.Thesolutionissomewherebetweenthemandme.It’sin thatspacebetweenus.

Creativity

I’muncomfortablewiththeideathat“creatives”arethissortofbreedapart,butIhaveto recognisethattherearepeoplethatsitinthatspacemorethanothers.Everybodygetstoplayin anIrishtraditionalmusic session,whetheryouare11or72.It’sjustthatsomepeopleplaybetter thanothers,andsomebodywantstolistentothosemore.

It’squiteagenerousspacesothatpeoplecanhopon.Traditionalmusiciansarerarely professional,asin,that’swhattheydoforaliving.Whentheyputtheinstrumentbackinthe box,theygobacktoworkatthebankorthezoo.Musicisademocraticplace. Wesetupachoir recentlyinahospital.Whatthestaffloveaboutthechoirinthehospitalisthatnoonecaresif you’rea consultant,theguythatwashesthefloor,orifyoucanhittherightnote.Whatthe patientsrecogniseisthatthepeoplewhojointhatchoircare.

Tensions

AtGBHI,becauseit’ssoscience-based,theykeeptalkingabout‘Howdo weanalysetheart project,andthenwecanbottleit’.It’saconstanttension.Andinthisplacetheyoftentalkabout artandscience. Ihadtodevelopframeworks forunderstanding,CreativeBrainWeekbeingone ofthem.OutofCreativeBrainWeekhasgrown20differentprojects.

Imadeapieceofmusicwithanorchestraandafoodbankforovertwoyears.It’scalledthe “BluebellBreakfast”forpeoplewhogotothefoodbank.Ibroughtinonesinger-songwriter,and wewouldhangouttogetherfor aboutsixmonths.Wewouldhavebreakfastandchat,makinga coupleoftunes.Wedidaliveperformanceofthosetunes,thenstartedtogrowitandbrought otherpeopleintotheorchestra.Eventually,therewasthisextraordinarydaywhenwetookthe breakfastorchestratotheNationalConcertHall.SomeoftheGBHIFellows,staffandfaculty went,andtheycameafterwardsinfloodsoftears,saying,‘Itisthemostamazingthingever’. Butthatexperienceisashockforsomepeople.Andtheydon’tknowwhattodowithit.Theytry andmanagethatexperiencebackinto,‘Howdowescaleit?Howdowepropagateit?It’sa

differentkindofworldviewthan‘Itsaffectiveinthemoment’.

Succession

Ivalueolderradicals,theideaofhowyoupassthatknowledgeacrossthegenerations.Howdo youmaintainaradicallegacyoveralongtime,like120years?

Catalytic Leadership

Iamgoingbacktothinkingaboutleadership andcomplexsystems.Igotfascinatedbyhyphens, theDepartmentofMedical hyphen Humanities(medical-humanities).Anythingwithahyphen meantthatthenounwasn’tholdingtheknowledge.So,hyphensbecamelittleflags.Iwenttothe businessschoolandfoundpeoplestudyingcomplex-systems-analysis.Theystartedtotalkabout ‘roughlandscape’.TheywereusingtheIrisheconomiccrisisasamodelandsayingthatwhat droveorpulleditalongwaspropertyandpeople’sdesiretoownahouse.Theeconomiccrash happenedin2007.Eventually,theroughseasettledbackintowaves. AsIwastryingtofinda visualmetaphor, IrememberedChladniPlates,twometalplatesthatyoucanattachtoan amplifier.Yousprinklethemetalplateswithsalt,runaspecificfrequencyandyougetapattern. Adjustthefrequencyandyoulosethepattern.Chooseanotherpatternanditgoestothat.Itisa usefulwayofthinkingaboutorganisationsandeverythingwedotogether. It’slikethesweetspot whenthingsfallintoplan,butthen,disruptioncomes.Thechallengeisnottothinkabout’What isthesweetspot?’It’sjusttothinkabouttwodifferentstates.Howwouldyounavigatethetone inbetweenthetwo?What’syourroleinthat?That’skindofmyleadership analysisatthe moment.’HowdoIbecomeabassnote?’Idon’texpectanyoneelsetoprovideahandysolution. That’slikelynooneelse’squestion,noone’sjobbutmine.

KateHilton

Katehastaughtandcoachedhealthprofessionalsaroundtheglobetobuildindividualand organisationalcapabilitytoaddresstheadaptive,humansideofchangeformorethanadecade. KateisFacultyattheGeorgeWashingtonUniversityandontheAtlanticFellowsforHealth Equity.Sheteachesleadership,organising,andchangemanagementmethodstoadvanceand sustainimprovement.KateisalsoaFoundingDirectorofReThinkHealth,Facultyinthe AtlanticFellowsforHealthEquityprogrammeatGeorgeWashingtonUniversity,andfacultyon theRockefellerLeadershipFellowsandManagementandLeadershipDevelopmentProgramat DartmouthCollege.

IgrewupinMadison,Wisconsin,aMidwesterntownintheUnitedStates.Mymomgrewupin abigCatholicfamilyinruralMissouri.Hermomrantheirturkeyfarm;andherdadownedthe localfeedstore.Hedevelopedemphysemafromthegrainparticulatesanddiedwhileshewas stillyoung.Hermom,mygrandmother,raisedthekids,andmymomtrainedtobecomeanurse andaFranciscannun.SheworkedattheSistersofSt.Mary’sHospitalinMadison,Wisconsin, wheremydadwasadoctor.Mydadwasbornin1926andgrewupduringtheGreatDepression. Afterhighschool,hewasdraftedintoWorldWarIIandservedasapharmacymateataNaval Hospital.Afterthewar,hebecameadoctorandtrainedattheMayoClinic.Hewasageneraland thoracicsurgeon,andhetrainedresidents.So,Igrewupinacomfortablehouseholdandsafe neighbourhood,wherethedoorwasleftunlocked,andwheremydadmadeeveryefforttoget homefordinnerbeforereturningtoroundatthehospital.Mymomlaterbecameahospicenurse, andinretirement,myparentsco-chairedthecapitalcampaigntobuildaHospiceCarecentrein Madison.Givenmyparents’leadershipexample,Ialwaysgravitatedtohealthandhealthcare.I attendedDartmouthCollegeandstudiedtogointomedicine.

Althoughthepracticeofhealingsoundedbeautiful,mystudiesdidn’tfeelliketheywerein alignmentwithmycalling.Ichangedcourseawayfrommedicine,andinstead,Ipursued theologicalstudiesattheUniversityofEdinburghandlivedandworkedinKenyaandTanzania. Beforethis,whenIwasahighschoolerandgoingthroughmychurch’sconfirmationprocess,I askedtheprogrammedirector,’HowarewegoingtoconfirmourfaithinCatholicismifwe don’tlearnaboutotherfaiths?Whyarewenotexploringotherfaithcommunities?’Shereplied, ’That’sagreatidea.Whydon’tyouorganisethat?’AndIreplied,‘Sure.’So,Ihadthefirst15 minutesofeachclasstointroduceotherfaithleaderswhosharedthebasicsabouttheirfaithand invitedustooneoftheirservicesifwecaredtogo.Thatwasmyfirstexerciseofleadership— wheresomeoneelseenabledmetotakeanideathatIhadandturnitintoreality.Iremember thinking,’Oh,well,thatwasn’tashardasIthoughtitwouldbe.’Ultimately,Isaidtomypriest, ‘Look,Ican’tbeconfirmedunlessyouunderstandthatIbelievetherearemanypathstoGodand

thatthisisnottheonlyone.’Thepriestwinkedatmeasmuchastosay,that’sokay.Idon’t practicecurrentlyasaCatholic,butIdoseemyselfasrootedinaCatholicfaithtraditionasa pluralist.

Fromthatexperience,mypriestandtheprogrammedirectorinvitedmetoteachthefollowing year’sconfirmationclasses.Soasayoungperson,essentiallyapeerofmypeers, Ibegan teachingothersaboutthe confirmationcurriculum.Thathadneverhappenedbefore.They’ve neveraskedsomeoneas youngasmetodothat.IrealisedhowmuchIlovetoteachandhowI lovetoinvitepeopletoconsiderforthemselveswhattheythinkandtolearnfromtheirown experience.

WhenIwenttoAfricaasacollegestudent,Ijustwantedtoknowhowotherpeoplelived,their valuesandbeliefs,howtheyallgotalongwitheachotherandwhatthehumanexperiencewasin otherplaces.IlivedinMaasaicommunitiesandsawhowoneyoungleader,ErickKasana,was abletobringtogetherwomen,warriors,andelders.Hewasbrilliantatconnectingaround relationships,buildingtrust,understandingcommonlysharedvalues,seeingthedifference betweendifferentpeople’sinterestsandfiguringouthowtoknitthemtogether.Heenabled everyonetofeellistenedto,respected,andheard.Iwassoflooredwatchinghim.

Collaborating, Succession

AfterIreturnedhome,IattendedHarvardDivinitySchool.IkeptthinkingaboutErickinallmy classesandwondered,‘Whereisthisguy?He’stheonewhoshouldbeintheclassroomwithme. Heistheteacher.’Don’tmisunderstandme.Ivaluedmybrilliantprofessorswhoknewtheir stuff,butIexperiencedtheirapproachasbiasedfromaresearchstandpoint,notfrom community-basedexperiencesandlivedwisdom.ItwastheWhite eliteacademy.I’dfindmyself wondering,’WhatwouldEricksaytothis?How wouldherespond?Howcanwegetpeoplelike Erichere,fromallovertheworld?Whyaren’ttheyhere?’Lookingback, Iwasayoungperson seeinganequitygapwithinanacademicinstitutionofhigherlearning.AndIwasn’talone.Other studentsfeltthisway,too.WestartedwhatwecalledtheBridge-BuildersConference,bringing tenleadersfromaroundtheworldeveryyear.Wefundraisedforitfromallthedifferent InstitutesaroundHarvardanddidhomestaysandculturalexchanges.Webuilttheschedulefor theweekaroundourvariousguests.

Inourfirstyear,Iwasgoodatbuildingrelationshipsandgettingstudentleadersinthedoor.But then,IwouldberunningmeetingsatthefrontoftheroomthinkingIhadtobecontrollingit, tellingeveryone,‘Okay,soyou’redoingthis.Okay,whocandothat?’Iwastryingtoshare leadershipbutinabossydivaway.Bythefourth meeting,allthebeststudentleadersintheroom stoodup,lookedatme,andsaid,’Welovethisidea,butwecan’tworklikethis.We’reoutof here.’AndIthought,’Oh!Well,thisthingismuchbiggerthanme.Thisthingmattersmorethan howyoufeelaboutme.Ihavegottofigurethisout.’

Atthetime,IwasenrolledinacommunityorganisingandleadershipcoursewithMarshall Ganz,along-timecommunityorganiserandagiantintheleadershipfield.Iwenttohimandtold himwhatwashappening. Hetookoffhisglasses,staredatme,shookhishead,andsaid, ’Doyou knowhowtocreateasharedpurpose?’Ireplied,‘No,whatdoyoumean?’Andheasked,‘Do youknowwhatacollectivedecision-makingprocessis?’‘No’.‘Findsomebodyinthegroup whocanleadaprocesstoidentifyasharedpurposeandallowthegrouptodecide.’AndI thoughttomyself,‘Youmean, Iwilldecide,’evenashe’ssaying,‘Youwillnotdecide.’ButI gottoaplacewithmyselfwhereIsawwhatIwasdoingwasn’tworking,andIneededhelp.So,

IcommittedtotryingsomethingdifferentbecauseIcaredsomuchaboutit.Itwasbiggerthan myego.

So,Isatsilentlyatthebackoftheroom,asanotherstudenttookleadershipoftheprocess.I didn’tsayaword.Iwas scaredoutofmyskinthatitwouldgoinwhatIconsideredthewrong direction.Indeed,peoplesaidthingsdifferentlyfromwhatIhadsaid,butultimately,theoutcome wasmuchbetter.WhattheycreatedandimaginedwassimilartowhatIhadsaid,plusallthese othergreatideasandvisions,andtheyturneditintosomethingextraordinary.Iwaslike,‘Oh, okay,thisishowitworks!’Youactuallyhavetotrustpeopledeeplyandmeaningfullyandput yourselfalongtheedgeofnotknowingwhat’sgoingtohappennextandnotknowingwhatthat personisgoingtosayordoandletthatbeokayforleadershiptowork.Thatmomentcompletely shiftedhowweallworkedtogether,ourrolesandresponsibilities,howdifferentpeoplehad autonomyandtooktheleadonvariouscomponents,andhowwestructuredourworktogether.It wassupertransformationalforboththegroupandmeasaleader.

Ultimately,theconferenceendedupbeingabigsuccess.Itwentonandwasstudent-ledforten years.Theideawastopassthetorchtothenextgroupandenablesomeoneelsetotakeit forwardandmakeittheirownvision.Andthat’swhathappened.

Thisexperiencetaughtmethepowerofthesemethodsandteaching.Marshallrespectedmy honestywithmyselfandothers,andheinvitedmetoteachwithhim.WhenIdid,itwaslike enteringastateofflow.IdiscoveredwhatIshouldbedoingintheworld.Teachingleadership andorganisingwasit.Marshallmentoredmeformanyyearsas Iworkedalongsidehim.Thenhe referredclientsthathedidn’thavetimefor,rangingfromhealthsystemsliketheNationalHealth ServiceofEnglandandtheUSCentresforMedicare&Medicaidtocommunity-basedsettingsin theruralSouthandasfarawayasNewZealand.Workingforoveradecadeincommunityhealth andhealthcare,Ire-discovered‘mypeople’.ThenonedayDr.FitzhughMullencalled,andI foundmywaytothisamazingfellowshipandhavehadtheabsoluteprivilegeofbeingapartof theAtlanticfamilyandworkingwithstunninghumanswhomakemebetterandwhoIhavethe honourtoknowdeeply.

Chamber of Discomfort

Creatingasafe,lovingspaceisessentialtoteachingleadershippractices,sopeoplefeelsafeto trythingsdifferently.Relationalworkisaboutcreatingdiscomfort;discomfortwithtime, discomfortwithpractisingnewskills,discomfortwithfearsaroundhowothersmightperceive us.Discomfortinhowwemightapplythistoourowncultureorsetting,discomfortinstrategic failures.Somanydifferentformsofdiscomfortcomeupforpeople;it’sincredible.Thoseofus whofacilitatepeoplealongaleadershipjourney,wearepreparedforothers’discomfort;our workistoholdpeopleinit.Welistentowhatpeoplearesaying.Weacknowledgethatthat’s hard.Weaskreflectivequestionssuchas,‘Whatisthesourceofthat?’Usually,peoplehavethe answersomewherewithin.OneofthethingsthatI’velearnedisthatthere’snoimposingiton folks.Weneedtogivethemspacetoreflectandguidethemthroughaprocess,throughtheirown discomfort.So,honouringhowpeoplearefeelingandlisteningtowhatthey’resaying,asking morequestions,reflectingbackthattheyhavebeenheard,lookingforcommonalitiesinourown stories,lookingforpeersthatcanalsoreflectcommonfeelings,createasenseofsolidarity. Beingpresenttoothers, deeply,isthework.AndwecanholdspaceforGlobalAtlanticFellows tospeakaboutwhatitwaslikeforthembecausetheyrelatetotheirpeersinwaystheywillnever relatetofacilitators.Peoplesee,’I’mnotaloneinthis,otherpeoplearestrugglingwiththat,’or,

’Thatwassuchagreattakeawaythatthispersonjustsaid;itspoketomyownexperience.’

Empathy

Ifrequentlyuseapracticecalledtheempatheticbridge.First,it’sacknowledgingthechallenge. Second,it’saboutexpressingempathyandaskingopen,honestquestionsinagenuineand curiousway.Third,it’saboutrecoveringhope.Herewecanuseappreciativeinquirytohelp peopleminetheirinnerwisdomandlearnfrompositiveexperiences.Whathasworkedinthe past,orwherehavetheyseensomebodyelsesolveforsomethingsimilar?Last,weenable choice.Weinvitefolkstogetgenerativeandcreative.‘Whatdoyoufeelmightworkandis workableforyou?Andofthoseoptions,whatareyoumostdrawnto?Whencouldyoutryit? Whowouldyoutryitwith?Whatwoulditlooklike?Whatworriesyouaboutit?Whatareyou excitedabout,andhowcanwefollowupandbesupportive?’

It’sastraightforwardpractice.However,thechallengeisnottosolveotherpeople’sproblems. Often,peopledon’tliketheuncertaintyofnotknowingwhatanotherpersonwillsay.Itwaslike mewithmyfellowstudentswhenorganisingtheconferences.Theworkistoenableothersto figureitout,butI’llbeheretosupportthem.Andiftheysaysomethingthatworriesme,I’llfind awaytoaddressit. Itisaboutthewaythatyouholdsomeoneinit.Youletthemarrive attheir ownsolutionandnevergiveuponthemwhenthey’resayingsomethingthatyouknowisn’tfully them,andnotcomingdownontheminanyway.

Change

Ithinkthattoenablepeopletochange,totrysomethingdifferent,certainconditionsneedtobe inplace.Oneistheconditionthattheypossessthewilltochange.Itwasthesameinmyown story.Iwasdesperatefortheconferencetosucceed.Itwasbiggerthanme.And IknewIhadto trysomethingdifferentbecausewhatIwasdoingwasn’tworking.Theleadersthat Iencounter withthemostsignificanttransformationaretheonesthathavethewilltochange.Noteverybody does.Thehighest-ratedmethodthatweuseisone-to-onecoaching,andit’scoretoourFellows’ learning. Itiscriticaltobedeeplyseenbyacoachandtohavespacewithsomeonewhocan enabletheirself-reflectionandlearning.Weuseaparticularcoachingpractice.Wedoit,andwe expectthemtodoit.Inotherwords, I’mcoachingthem,andthey’recoachingtheirteams. It’sa transparentmethodthatthey’retaughtfromdayone.Literally,itisthefirstpracticeweteach. Andthen,whenI’mpractisingit,theFellowsalsoseeit.Andtheypractiseitwitheachotheron allofourmonthlylivecallsastheytakevariousleadershippracticesforwardintheirworkand reflecttogetherontheirexperiences.

Catalytic Leadership

Weteachadistributedleadershipmodelthatwecallasnowflakestructure,andweinvitepeople toimagineitwithouttheminit.Firstofall,howdoyougetoutofthecentre?Andthen,howto maketheworkyoudothecentreofit,andthepurposethateveryonesharesthecentreofit.You eventuallyhavetogetoutofitifit’sgoingtosurvivewithoutyou,iftheworkisgoingtohavea lifeofitsown.Andit’snotthatyouhavetogotoosoonoryou’rebeingpushedout;itjust meansyouhavetocreatespaceforothers.Andmaybeyourrolechangesovertime.

SamHughes

Samhasworkedextensivelyineducationasateacher,principal,andyouthsupportworkerfrom primarythroughtotertiary.HeisaseniorconsultantwithEYConsultingandtheFounderand ChairofNōnaTeAoTrust,whichprovidesapathwayforruralMāoristudentsintotertiaryand vocationalopportunities,focusingonprovidingequitableoutcomesforall.In2021,hewas ChiefAdvisorCurriculumFutures—Pathways&ProgressionsattheMinistryofEducation.Sam ispursuingaPhDinvestigatinghowancientphilosophiesofleadershipapplytomodern-day contexts.HeisaseniorFellowwithAtlanticFellowsforSocialEquity,NewZealand.

IwasborninAuckland.Mymumwas21andstilllivingathomewithhermum,dad,and brother.Iwasprettymuchtheonlychildatthetime.Ididn’tknowwhomydadwas.ThenIwas whāngai(adopted)tomyauntanduncletoberaisedintheirfamily.Theyhadthreegirls,soI grewupthinkingitwasnormaltohavethreesistersandberaisedasaMāori.Wegrewupin statehousesandaroundgangsanddrugs.Gangswereveryinfluentialinmyearlylife.It’spretty easytopullthewooloverpeople’seyes,andIknewhowtoplaythegamefromayoungage.To beprotectedbygangsasIwalkedthestreetswasgreat,andI’dlearnedearlyonnottodowrong thingsinmyownbackyard.Iwaskeentoleaveschoolandgofull-timeasaprospectforthe gangs,asthatwastheonlypathIcouldsee.

ThingschangedwhenIwas12.Mymotherwasworried.EventhoughIwasalwaysgoodat school,sherealisedIcouldn’tpossiblybetheonlygoldenchildamongsteveryonewhowas partying,smokingweed,sellingdrugs,fighting,androbbinghouses.ShewassuspiciousthatI wastheonegoodpersonthat’snotdoinganyofthateventhoughIwashangingoutwiththe samegroupofpeople.ThenP(crystalmeth)cameintoourcommunity,andshedecidedtomove toanothersuburb;thatifwedidn’tmove,thenthelikelihoodIwouldgodownthegangpathwas incrediblyhigh,whichwastrue.Moreandmorepeopleinourneighbourhoodweregoingtojail, andviolencestartedbecomingcommon.

WemovedouttoGlenEden,andIwenttoKelstonBoysHighschoolandlovedit.Iexcelled therebecauseitwasn’tnearanyoneIgrewupwith.Icouldbemeanddidn’thavetopretendto beanyoneelse.IcouldfocusondevelopingwhoIwas.TheydiscoveredIhadaphotographic memoryandhadmemorisedsequencesandpatternstopasstests,eventhoughIhadnever actuallylearnedthingsproperly.AtKelston,Idevelopedaloveofreading;itwasthefirsttimeI gotputintoanacademicsituation.TheymademefeellikeIcoulddosomethingwithmybrain. ItwasaboutthenIrealised,‘Okay,Iprobablyhaveadadsomewhere.’Eventually,Imetmy biologicaldad.HewasTongan.IwasbroughtupbymyMāoriside,butnowtherewasthis Tonganaspect,andIwondered,‘Whatdoesthatmeanformeasaperson?’Meetinghimgave metheknowledgethatIwasMāoriandPacific.

WhenIfinishedhighschool,IgotaFirstFoundationScholarship.Thatwasaturningpoint becausethescholarshiptookmetoworkatFonterra,NewZealand’slargestdairymanufacturer. IwasoneofthelastpeopletogetascholarshipasIwasconsideredtobehighriskbecauseboth ofmywhāngaibrothershadjustcommittedanaggravatedrobbery.Whensomeoneinthe interviewaskedmewhat mybestqualityis,Isaidloyalty.Theywantedtoknowwhat Imeant, soItoldthemthateventhoughpeopleweresayingIshouldleavemybrothersbehindme,Istuck besidethemandwenttoeverycourtdate.Botharebackatschool,whichwasamoresignificant achievementthananything.ButthepeopleintheinterviewwereconcernedIwasdealingwith peoplewhocommitseriouscrimes.So,Fonterratookaconsiderablerisktakingmeon.

Onmyfirstdaythere,Iwas17andwearingmyschooluniformbecauseIdidn’thaveanyother freshclothes.Thepeople atFonterrahelpedmetogettherightclothesandgotmeontheright path.ItneverbotheredmethatnoonelookedlikemeatFonterra.IhadassumedthatIwouldbe differentanywaybecauseofmyupbringing.Iwas putinHRtostartwith.Oneday,alady walkedpastmydesk.Ididn’tknowwhoshewasbecauseIdidn’tfindoutwhatpeople’ssetups were.IwastalkingaboutportableDVDplayersandsayingpeopleshouldgetiPodTouches, whichwerebigthen.Shestoppedandaskedme,‘Whatdoyoumean?’IsaidDVDplayersarea thingofthepast.Shehandedmethecompanycreditcardandtoldmetogoandbuy18iPod Touches.Wow.Ihadneverhada creditcard.ThenexttimeIsawher,sheaskedme,‘Whatdo youdohere?’ItoldherI wasinHRatthemoment.Sheasked,‘CanyoudoanythingonWord? IfIscribbleonapieceof paper,couldyoumakeitintoadocumentformebythreeo’clockthis afternoon?’Isaid,‘Yeah’,andshegavemethescribbledpieceofpaper,andImadeitintoa documentforher,includingdiagramsthatshehadsketched.Thensheasked,‘Whatareyoulike inExcel?’Isaid,‘Yep,good’.Andshegavemethesenumberstocrunch.Itturnsoutshewas theglobalgeneralmanagerfor corporatemarketing.

Fonterragavemethisjumpstartintoaglobalawarenessofworldevents. Fonterraofferedmea job,andtheyofferedmeagreatwage.But IturneditdownbecauseIwantedtobeateacher.I’d hadgreatteachersandwantedtobeateachersothatIcouldgiveback.Igotmyteachingdegree.

Earlyinmyteachingcareer,IrealisedthatIcouldn’tstopwhatwashappeningintheclassnext door.Howdoyoulivewiththat?Youmustfocusonthe30kidsinfrontofyouanddoyourbest forthem.Butwhatabout theonesintheclassnextdoororthoseattheschooldowntheroad?I movedschoolstoseeifthefeelingwasjustbecauseoftheschoolIwasat.Butitwasthesame.I noticedthereweremorethingsIcoulddoandmorechangesIcouldmake.IGoogled‘jobsthat youcangetwithadegreeineducation’,andIendedupworkingtheintheuniversitysector, learninghowtoread,interpret andwriteeducationalpolicyandrecruitmentstrategies.Idida postgraduatediplomaineducationwhenIwas attheUniversityofAuckland.Ialsostartedtobe moreinvolvedinthePacificspaceandwhatwashappeninginthePacific.

Eventually,IfoundmywaydownhometoTolagaBay.IstartedaCharitableTrustalongsidemy deputyprincipalroleatthehighschool.Iwantedtohelpkidsfromtheregionsgetauniversity education.Iwashidingonthecoast,wantingtostartafamilyandlookaftermysickfather-inlaw.

Amplifying Impact

Onedayafriendrangmeandsaid,‘Iheardyou’vebeenhiding.’Theywantedmetoapplyfor a jobadvertisedfourorfivetimes.Manypeoplehadappliedandbeeninterviewedbuttheyhadn’t foundanyonetheywanted.Isaid,‘You’regivingmegreathopehere.Butthey’llseemyCVand

belike,“Okay,whoisthiscrazyyoungpersonwhohashadtheseleadershiproles,andwhohas beeninhiding’’’.Myfriendsaid,‘Ican’tpromiseanything,butapplyforit.’Thejobwaswith theMinistryofEducationandinvolvedacutthroatinterviewprocess.Youhadtogivea30minutepresentationonatopictheygaveyouthedaybefore.Iftheydidn’tlikeyourpresentation, theythankedyouandsaidgoodbyeattheend.

Mytopicwasthefutureofeducation,andIspokeaboutequitableeducationandthatIshouldbe abletowakeupanywhereinthiscountryandget whatIneedtohavetheoutcomes Iwant. I shouldbedevelopedinawaythatallowsmeself-determinationandautonomy.Thatistrue equity.Thereisthisideathatyoucanbeanythingyouwanttobe.Butwedon’thaveasystem thatallowsforthattohappen.Wealsodon’thaveanymechanismstocreateateaching workforcethatwouldallowthattohappen.Wehavecompetitiveschooling,wherepeopletryto cannibaliseotherschoolstogetthebestteachers. Thatisnoteducationinmyeyes.Itisn’ta competition,butthatiswhatwehavebuilt.

Igottherole.Itinvolvedwritingtheframeworkfortheneweducationcurriculum.Thepeopleat theMinistrysaid,‘You’regoingtobetheguywhobuildssomethingthatdoesn’texist.’I realisedthatthisismycalling,tomakethingsthatdon’texist.

Westartedwith20externalpeople.Everyonesaidtheydidn’tliketheMinistryofEducationthe firsttimewemet.Theythoughtthesystemswereterrible.ThepeoplefromtheMinistryhadto sitthroughafewveryuncomfortabledays,andtheywerenotcopingwithjustlisteningtopeople whohadahatredtowardsthesystem.SomepeopleattheMinistrydidn’trealisewhat Iwas tryingtodobecausetheydidn’tunderstandthatthesepeopleneededtoletoutwhatwasinside thembeforetheycouldmoveon.Wehadtoletthememptythemselvestohaveaclearspace.We havetoallowittohappen.It’snotwherewe’rechallengingthem,they’recominginasexperts, andweneedtotreatthemassuch.

Thesecondtimewemet,wewenttothenewmaraeatMasseyUniversity. Wewerethefirst externalgrouptogointhereandstay.Peoplewerestilloffloadingbutlessthanbefore.Thefirst andsecondgatheringswereaprologueallowingpeopletogothroughthehealingprocess becauseweneededthatprocess.Thatenabledthemtohavealevelofgoodwill.

TheMinistrywasgettingimpatientwithme.Theywantedareport,but Isaidweneededmore timeandspace.Theyalsowantedametaphor.Itwasveryforced,liketheyrequiredametaphor asamarketingtool.WehadformedaseniorMāorileadershipgrouptoguidethedevelopmentof ourknowledgecreation.Atlunchtime,theMāorileadershipgroupandIweresittingtogether. Oneofthemsaid,‘CanIbehonestwithyou,boy?Wehaven’tgotanythingbecausetheykeep tryingtogetustomakeametaphortheycanuse.’Thenhestartedtotalkandshapethe whakapapa,thelineagesofthecurriculumdesignfromteAoMāori,aMāoriworldview. Sometimesyoucangetlostintheconsultation.Herewasanideaatitsmostpure.He downloadeditall,andwedevelopedphasesofprogression,allowingyoungpeopletohavetime togothroughphasesoflearningthroughdifferentblocksoftimethatstartedwiththeawakening andtheactionsthatneededtobetaken.

Wereturnedtothemainroom,andhedeliveredit totheother17people.Hepresentedwithout anypreparation.Straightoffthebat. Itwasanemotionalmomentbecauseeveryonejustgothow Māoriviewtheuniverseandhowthisconnectstoscience.

Mycontractfinishedbeforethedraftcurriculumwasreleased.ButIfeltthatIhaddonemypart

inthejourney.Igoteveryoneintherightplace.I’dwrittenthepolicysettingstoallowthese thingstohappen.Iopenedthedoorsforthemtocomein,andtherewasnowaythosedoors couldbeshutonthemagain.Theleadershipteamwestartedwithwereonlymeanttobethe leadersoftheframework.Still,overtime,because ofhoweffectivetheywere,theyjoinedup withtheleadershipteamoverseeingthecontentwriting,andcollectively,theybecamethe curriculumoversightgroup.

Catalytic Leadership

Equityhasbeenswallowedupbymainstreamsociety.Itusedtobediversityandinclusion.Then itwasdiversity,equity,andinclusion.Andnow,it’sdiversity,equity,inclusion,andbelonging. Themostcommonpictureofequityisthebaseballfield.Equalityasequityiswheneveryonecan seethefieldandsomeonegetstostandonaboxtolookoverthefence,andthentheypropose thatliberationistheremovalofbarriers.Thetotalremovalofthefence.Ishowthatphoto,and thenIask,‘Whatif Idonotwanttowatchbaseball?’Regardlessofremovingthefence, everyonestillhastowatchbaseballinthisscenario.WhatifIdidn’tlikeit?

Equityisself-determined.Ifyouendupwithasystemthatlooksthesameontheoppositeside, thenitisnottrueequity.TheMinistryofEducationhasanequityindex,butyouhavetohavean endgoaltocreatethatindex.TheMinistryhasdefinedtheendgoal, andthey’vebeenmoving barrierstogettingintothatsystem,butit’sstillintothatsystem.Doyouwanttobelongwiththe peoplethathavealwaysbeenthere?Orisitaboutpavingthewayforotherstohaveaspace differentfrombelongingtothecurrentsystem?

TherearesixteenstudentswhohavequalifiedtogotouniversityfromtheTolagaBayarea. Throughmycharitabletrust,wehavearrangedfor themtogotoVictoriaUniversity,that’swhat theywanttodo.Thisgroupofyoungpeoplehavedonealltherightthingsandhavebattledthe odds.Somecomefromschoolswheretheydidn’tevenhavemathorEnglishteachers.Overfifty percentofstudentsinourareahaven’tfinishedhighschool.Theyliveinplaceswhereinternet connectionisunreliable.Howcanwehelpthemattaintheirdreamforthemselvesandnotputup morehurdlesthantheystartedwith?Technicallythebarriersarenotthere,buttheinvisibleones are.Theydon’tmeettherequirementsforscholarshipsbecausetheyarenotthebestacademic students.AccommodationintheHallsis$18,000ayear.Themedianincomeofsomepartsof ourregionis$17,000.Oncetheyenteruniversityhowdoweensuretheycanlearninawaythat isequitable,collectivelyandculturally?Myhopeisthatthecurriculumreformprojectcreates spacesoftrueequity.Thesestudentsareconsideredhighrisk,justasIwas once.

AgustinisanArgentineanneuroscientistinterestedinglobalapproachestodementiaandsocial, cognitive,andaffectiveneuroscience.HeisafullprofessorandDirectoroftheLatinAmerican BrainHealthInstituteatUniversidadAdolfoIbáñez,Chile,AssociateResearchProfessorat GBHI-TrinityCollegeDublin,andTeamLeaderofPredictiveBrainHealthModellingGroup, TrinityCollegeDublin.Agustinhaspublishedextensivelyintopjournals.Heisthefounderof significantregionalinitiatives,suchastheMulti-partnerconsortiumtoexpanddementia researchinLatinAmericaandtheLatinAmericanandCaribbeanConsortiumonDementia.He isaseniorFellowwiththeGlobalBrainHealthInstitute,RepublicofIreland.

Duringmyadolescence,Iwasimpulsiveandlackedself-regulation,soIhadmanyproblemsat schoolandinthefamily.Iwouldbeinfightsallthetimeoversmallthings.Todaypeoplewould sayIhadADHD.

WhenIwasaround14or15,Istartedtoplaytheguitar;Iwasantisocialandveryshyandhad problemsinteractingwithothers.Theguitarwasasalvationforme.Ipractisedforaroundeight hoursdailyandbecameagoodguitarist.Atfirst,Istartedtodo,ofcourse,heavy/deathmetal. ThenIdiscoveredamusician,Indio.Heismybestfriendnow.Hecamefromanextremely vulnerableregioninArgentinaandwashomeless.Musicwashiswayoutalso.Webecame friendsandplayedtogetheranddidtangoandfolkloricmusicwithclassicalguitar.Itwas amazing.IwastravellingacrossFrance,Italy,andSpainplayingtheguitar.There’saway,when youstarttoimproviseinmusic,youlearnfirstofalltomasteryourselfthroughsacrificeand continuouspractising,butatthesametime,youlearntoconnectwithyourselfandexpand yourself.It’sbeenlikeaschoolforlearningingeneral.

Icameacrosspsychologybyaccident;itwasn’tintentionalbehaviourthatledmetothiscareer. Butitdidhaveitsbeginningsinmyexperience.Whenworkingwithpeoplesufferingfromhigh functioningautismspectrumdisorder(ASD),Imetsomeveryspecialchildren.Theycoulddo mathematics,didloadsofabstractthinking,andhadaphotographicmemory,buttheydidn’t understandsociallife,jokes,orempathy.Isawhowthesehigh-functioningchildrenhadASD anddidnotunderstandthesocialworld,whichcompletelychangedmypath.Itwasmyfirst crucialsteptodoingsomethingseriousbecauseIalsohadexperiencedsocialinteraction problemsandwasonceantisocial.

ImetVladimir,whowasaCubanresearcher,andheintroducedmetoneuroscience,which eventuallyledmetosocialneuroscience.Iwasinterestedinunderstandingempathy: prosociality,humaninteraction,empathicemotions,andsocialdecision-making.Inthemiddleof this,IdiscoveredthebehaviouralvariantFrontotemporaldementia,quitedifferentfrom Alzheimer’sdiseasebecauseit’scharacterisedbydeficitsinsocialcognitionandsocial

interaction.Patientslosetheirpersonalityastheybecomemoreantisocial,andtheylose empathy.Iwasjustfascinatedbythisconditionandstartedtostudythat.Inthemiddleofthat research,myfathergotdementia,andIhadfirst-handexperienceofthecombinationoftryingto understandFrontotemporaldementiathroughourenvironmentononesideandtheotherside, actuallylivingasacaregiverformyfather.Itwastough.

Sensemaking, purpose

Frommyownexperience,Iwantedtounderstandmoreaboutthe‘maladaptivebehaviour’ofthe brain.Isawthatbrainsciencewastreatingtheprobleminaverynarrowanddecontextualised way,ascategoricalproblemsintheanalyticalsense.So,Istartedtoseethatthebigproblemin ourfieldisthatwedon’thaveholisticorsystemicthinkingaboutthemind.Unfortunately,we haveakindofspecialisedambition,suchastryingtounderstandthemindthroughgenetics,or becomedevotedtophysiology,studyingtheinteractionofneuronsbymakingsimulationsofthe mind.Thenwehavepsychology,wherewetrytounderstandtheintention,thebelief.Thenwe pickupatheorytotryandunderstandhowculturalfactorsinteract.Buttheseareanalytical processesdividedintoacademicdepartments;thisisnothowthemindworksinthewild.The mindphenomenonisbeyondouracademiccompartmentalisation.Thebrainisasocialorgan;of course,geneticsimpactsourbrain,butsodoesthesocialcontextinourgenetics,soepigenetics isanotherwaytounderstandthedifferentstressfulorintensesocialsituationsthatinfluenceour brain.

Iwasinterestedinhowtomovefromthedomesticatedmind(inthelab)tocognitioninthewild. Weassessedsocialfactorsthatpeoplewerein,suchaspoverty,violence,andtheextentof familynetworks.Weexploredthecontextualandindividualfactorsusingdeeplearningand machinelearningandfoundthatthesocialfactorsarecritical.Forexample,Iwasinterestedif wecouldpredictviolence,andwefoundthatthereisnosinglefactorassociatedwithviolence andthatcontextualfactorsarecriticalpredictors.

Connected to the centre of the spiral: Brain science view

Theclassicideaofcognitionasapassiveobserverwhofollowsinstructions,onlydrawson workingmemory,paysattention,andisanentirelyrationaldecisionmakerisaweirdwayto understandcognition.Inreallife,itdoesn’thappenthatway.Lookatusrightnow.We’retalking andusingthesynergeticinteractionofmultipleprocesses.

We’reusingvisualrecognition,memory,language,interoception(howyoufeelyourbody), socialinteraction,empathy(orcounterempathy),andallthesehappentogetherinasynchronic way.Thebraincoordinatesallthisactivityspontaneouslyandconsciously,andit’shappening continuouslyinreallife.Whenwetrytoassessthatinthelab,itdoesn’twork.Wecan’tjust isolatepartsofthebrainandstudytheminisolation;weneedtheculturalandsocialcontextof engagement.Weneedmorereal-lifeassessmentsandtotrytomakechanges,andnotjustfocus onisolatedresultsbutonprocesseshappeningtoformmeaningfromatheoreticalsideofhow wecanunderstandactualconditionsandinteractions.

Chamber of Discomfort

Similarly,withemotions,wecan’tdefineorunderstandemotionsaccordingtoaregioninthe brain.Webuildouremotionssocio-culturallyandapplymeaningandexpressions,and experienceembodiedemotionsindifferentsituations.Wehavemultiplebiases,suchas rationalitybias.However,biasesare aninadequateviewofemotions.Inthatview,emotionsare

badforarationalmind,makingusblind.Weneedtosurpassthisview.Yes,ofcourse,wehavea lotofemotionalbias.Still,atthesametime,withoutthistoolboxofemotionalintuitionandbody feelingstoanticipateasituation,wecouldn’tsolveourproblems.Emotionsareimportant;they improveourpersonalityandmakeushuman.Wedon’tneedorwanttobepurelyrational;thisis anold-fashioneddream.

Catalysing - building networks

WhenIwasyoung,Ineverhadamentororprofessionalnetworkonmyleadershipjourneyand neverlearnedtoworkcollaboratively. Iformedmyownlanguageandworld,andwasinsulated fromworkingwithassociates.Thefirstchallenge wasthatwewereworkinginisolationinthe LatinAmericanworld,didn’thavemoney,andhadnoopportunitiestothinkorhavebigdreams becauseweweresobusy witheverydayproblems.Wedon’thaveakindofcollaborativeculture, whichisalittlebitparadoxicalbecauseyou’dthinkweareextremelysociableinLatinAmerica, butthatdoesn’tmeanwecanworktogether.LatinAmericahasalonghistoryofconflictand bloodshed,theologicalandpolitical.Wewereprofessionallydivided,andthiswasthefirst challenge.Thesecondchallengewasthatwedidn’thaveacommonlandscape.Wehadtocreate acodeacrossdifferenttheatrestofindourcommonvoicearoundcommonproblemsweneeded toaddress.Weneededtomovefromindividualperspectivestomorecoordinatedactions.

Mobilising and power dynamics

Anotherchallengewasalackofexpertise. InLatinAmerica,justafewcentresdoresearchwith topstandards.Wewereabletotrainnewpeopleandstartedtodoso,andwebegantofindaway weknewthatdevelopingcountriescouldcollaborate,tobreakthebiasbetweenthehighincome andloweranduppermiddlecountries.Wehaveanimplicit,unconsciousbiasthatcontinually impactsthewaywethinkabouthowwecreateprojects,whodecideswhatisimportantfor research,how wedistributethebudget,whatarethemostpowerfulideas, andhowweneedto implementaspecificaspectofresearch.

WeeventuallycreatedLatinAmerican,CaribbeanandReDLatconsortiatoexpandmajor researchinLatinAmerica.Theyareveryactivenetworkstoday.Still,ofcourse,thereare significantchallenges,butwecantalkaboutourchallenges.Wedon’thavetohidethem anymore.Weknowhowwewanttodoourresearchtochangerealities.Weareworkingwell anddevelopinginternationaltraining,buildingtechnicalandcomputationalskills,andcreating opendatabasesforunderrepresentedsamples.

Dis Covering

Forme,naturehasbeencritical.IlovethemountainswhereIcomefrominSanJuan.Wewent hikingwhenIwassevenyearsold,whichwasfantastic.Icontinuetogointothehillsandtap intomindfulness,whichhashelpedmealotindiscoveringmyself.Idon’tthinkmindfulnessis sufficientorforeverybody,butinmycase,ithelpsmealotwithself-regulation.Also, friendshipshavebeensignificant.Forexample,myfriendshipwithIndio,themusician,hasbeen completelytransformativeinmylife.Andnow,Atlantichasprovidedasmallgrantformyfriend todevelopfreemusicschoolsforvulnerablechildreninArgentinawheretheyplayfour-hands guitartechnique.It’scomefullcircle.

Catalytic Leadership

Myleadershipatthebeginningwasformedbytypicalideals,likethedominantoneatthetop.I developedproblemstypicalwiththatprofile.Like,‘ThisisthedirectionIseeandwant’,even

whenIwascompletelywrong!Thistypeofdominantleadershipisacontinuousstruggleforme; it’sbeenshapedbymybackground,theindividualisticuniversityenvironment,limitedresources includingexpertise,andhavingtodoitallmyselfinthepast.ButnowIunderstandthepowerof empoweringothersandhearingothervoices.Iwastryingto“normalise”myresearchtofitthe standardofhigh-incomecountryresearch.Thatwasabigmistake.Ittookmealongtime,but thenIrealisedhowimportantitistounderstandtheunder-representationandtheunique conditionsofeachsituation.Istartedtogothroughaprocessoftransformingchallengesinto opportunities.Ittookalongtime,anditwashard,butatthesametime,Ineededtobehopeful; howcanIsay,‘Losehope’?

What’sbeenimportantformeregardingleadershipishowtoswitch,change,andevolvethe strongbeliefsthatI’veheldforyears,fordecadeseven.It’snoteasy,butIthinkIwasabletodo itinsomewaybytryingtogobeyondegoandstarttoseekanswersfromotherpeopleandin differentrealities.Also,tomovefrompressingneedsandgoal-orientedactivitytohavinga visionandapurpose.Focusingonthenextimmediatetaskcanbeabarriertostoppingand lookingatwhatI’mdoing;thisisafighteverydayinmylife.BecauseIhavesomuchtolearn andknow,andatthesametime,Ineedtostop.Myleadershipjourneyhasbeencharacterisedby continuedconflictandcontradiction,soit’snotabeautifulhistoryorakindofwiseleadership.

KaiKennedy

KaiservesasAssociateProfessorandViceChairofEquityintheDepartmentofPhysical TherapyandRehabilitationScienceattheUniversityofCalifornia,SanFrancisco.Sheteaches intheareasofProfessionalIdentity,Leadership,InterprofessionalCollaboration,and PopulationHealth.Dr.Kennedyhasextensiveexperienceaddressingissuesofhealthequityand workswithpartnerstoscaleuprehabilitativecareandeducationalequityintheUnitedStates, theCaribbean,WestAfrica,andEurope.Herresearchaimstoidentifyinnovativestrategiesto trainclinicianstoprovideequitablecareincommunity-centredprogrammes.Sheholdsa BachelorofScienceinKinesiologicalSciencesandaDoctorateinPhysicalTherapy,andsheis workingtowardaPhDinHealthProfessionsEducation.SheisaseniorFellowfortheAtlantic FellowsforHealthEquity,USandafacultymemberfortheGlobalBrainHealthInstitute, RepublicofIreland.

I’mdescendedfrompeopleintheAmericanSouth—enslavedAfricansaswellasfreeBlack folks.Also,ourfamily’soraltraditionsayswehaverootsthroughmygrandfather’slinetothe IndigenousMattaponipeopleshereincentralVirginia,knownasthepeopleoftheriver.The Mattaponilivedattheconfluenceofthreerivers,theMattaRiver,thePoRiver,andtheNiRiver. Igrewupjustsouthoftheseriversanddrivingtoandfrommyaunt’shouse,wecrossedthemin succession.Ihavealwaysbeendrawntobodiesofwaterthatmove.Thisloveofmovementhas manifestedinmyprofessionasaphysicaltherapist,wheretherivercountryIgrewupinand whatIdofeelsdeeplyconnected.

Oneofmygrandmotherswasateacher,andtheotherwasanurse.Myparentswerephysical educationmajors,andtheymetatuniversity.Ourhousewasfullofmovement,andwewere encouragedaschildrentoexploreavarietyofathletic,artistic,andacademicendeavours.Icame tophysicaltherapybecauseofmyrelationshipwithmovement,sportanddance,andmyinterest inproblemsolvingandcaregiving.

Asaphysicaltherapist,Ipractisedfull-timeforabouteightyearsbeforejoiningtheAcademy.I wassittinginaninterviewwiththedeanformyfirstacademicappointmentwhenthingsclicked inmymindaboutcomingfromafamilyofeducatorsandexpertsinhumanperformance.AsI answeredquestionsaboutmycareertrajectoryandgoals,I’mthinking,‘Oh,mygoodness,Iwas leddownthispathbeforeIevenexisted!’.

Initially,Itaughtwithinclinicaleducationanddirectedtheclinicalprogrammefordeveloping physicaltherapists.Whatwascoolaboutthatexperiencewasthatitwasanewprogramme withinanewCollegeofHealthSciencesatavery,veryoldinstitution.Theinstitutionwas celebrating175yearsduringthetimethatIwasthere.TherewerefourprofessionsintheCollege ofHealthSciencesatthebeginning,andweweretryingtobuildinterprofessional,collaborative,

andcommunity-orientedprogrammes.Itgavemetheopportunitytothinkabouthowtoconsider healthprofessionsmorebroadlyandtherolethateducationalpreparationforthehealthcare workforcehasinbuildingaworkforcethat canmeettheneedsofthecommunitiesthatitserves.

Fromtheverybeginning,myeffortsattemptedtobecommunitycentred.Thecollegewas situatedinaruralpartofVirginia,outinthemountains.Itwasaninterestingtimetogointo thosecommunities,oftenunderservedcommunities,andaskwhattheirneedsandinterestswere andwhatanidealpartnershipwiththeCollegeofHealthSciencesmightlooklike.

Icomefromgroupsofpeoplewhohistoricallyhavehadtofightfortheirspaceandplaceinthis world,andthatawarenesshasalwaysbeenapart ofmyupraising.Evenso,IknewthatIwas moreprivilegedthanothers,andIhadastrongnotionof‘Howcanweallgetaccessto education,jobopportunities,travelandotheropportunities?’Partofmytransitionintoacademia reflectedadesiretomorefullycommitmyprofessionaltimeandenergytoservecommunities forgottenaboutbythebroaderhealthcaresystem.Professionslikephysicaltherapyoftenaren’t atthecentreofpublicorglobalhealthconversations.

I’vedoneinternationalworkprimarilyinHaitibutalsosomeinGhana,Jamaica,Bangladesh, andI’vepresentedinSouthAfrica.NowI’matUCSFandworkingwithGBHI,andthere’sbeen alotofinterfacewithTrinityCollegeinIreland. It’sbeenfascinatingtothinkaboutquestionsof equityandframingslikedecolonisation.Whenyou’rethinkingaboutthesimilaritiesand differencesbetween,forexample,somewherelikeHaitiversustheUSorIrelandversusSouth Africa,it’sfascinatingtoseehowpeoplewithdeeprootsinthoseplacesthinkabout colonisation.

Physicaltherapyinvolveseverythingfromholdingthetraumainyourbodytohowyouusethe spacetoengagewithotherpeopleandtheworldaroundyou.Therearealsoculturalaspects, whetherhugging,handshaking,orkissesonthecheek.AnotherpartofwhatIteach,especially withmyphysicaltherapystudents,isthisconceptof‘professionalism’or‘professional behaviours’,whichisalanguagethatisdrivenbytheaccreditingbodies.Butwhatdoesbeingin ourbodymean?Whatdoesthatlooklike?Andhowisitdifferentinonecommunityorsubcommunitythananother?So,whenwethinkaboutequity,diversity,andinclusion,it’scrucialto considerwhatcustomsfolksarecomingfrom andwhatdifferentwaysyouengageyourbody withthefolksaroundyou.Itinvolvesreflectingonhowtodemonstraterespectornotrespect, suchaslookingsomeone intheeyeversusnotlookingsomeoneintheeye.Bothcanbesignsof respect,dependingonyourcommunity.Andthenalso,there’sthisfascinatingconversation aboutmusclememory. Whatinformationthebodyholds,thesomaticmemoryweholdthatwe don’toftengivecreditto,hasbeenapartofourpractice.

Change agents

WorkingatUCSFandatGBHIhashelpedmeexpandmyleadershipthinkingtoother programmesanddepartmentsintheuniversitythatseemtobecravingthisapproachto leadership.Afterayearortwoofteachingthesocialdeterminantsofhealth,Ihadthe opportunitytotakeontheleadershipcurriculum.Ilikedtheopportunitytobringnew perspectivesandideastoleadershipwork.Itinvolvedhelpingpeoplegetconnectedand potentiallyvulnerable,tappingintothedepthoftheirmotivationsandperhapsfears, and discussingwithauthenticitythingslikefailureandresilience.

Ico-leadaninterprofessionalcurriculumatUCSFwhereinwehavephysicaltherapystudents

andmedical,nursing,pharmacyanddentistrystudentswholearntogetherfortwoyearsabout operatingasahealthcareteam.Ialsodoalotofadvocacyeducationwithmyphysicaltherapy studentsandco-teachahealthcareadvocacyandleadershipcoursewithourlawschool. Inthe bigpicture,myworkisreallycentredaroundchange-making.Ifacilitatelearningforpeoplewho arealreadyleadersbutmaynotseethemselvesinthatway,andIhelpthemtodeveloptheir potentialandskillstoeffectchangeforthecommunitiestheyserveandtobuildacommunityof practicetosupportthem.

Thisworkisnotwithoutchallenges,becausemanystillthinkaboutleadershipinamore traditional,hierarchicalframework.SoevenwithFellows,Isometimesgetpush-back,andthey wantmoremanagerialguidance,asopposedtothinkingaboutbeingchangeagents.

Somatic intelligence

IbeganvisitingHaitiin2013andwasintroducedtotheHaitian-bornmusicgenreofcompas (alsocalled“kompa”).Atthattime,MichelMartellywasthepresidentandalsooneofHaiti’s mostfamousmusicians,sothepopularityofthekompamusicformwaspresentthroughoutthe population.Iwasdrawntokompathroughmyloveofculturaldances,andperhapsbecausethe rhythmsanddanceofkompaemergedfromablendofthetraditionsofAfricandiaspora communities.

Ihaveuseddanceasatherapeutictoolinmyphysiopractice.Onetime,Iwastrainingapatient who’dhadastrokeandhemiplegia,leadingtoparalysisononesideofthebody.Iwastryingto workwithhimonweightshiftingsothathecouldambulatesafelyandmoreefficiently.Onthis day,hewasnotinthemoodforthisclinicalproceduraltaskIwasaskinghimtodo.Eventually, wefiguredoutthathewasasocialite,oratleastformerlyasocialite.

WhenweputonHaitiankompamusic,herecogniseditandstartedswayinginhisseat.Swaying, ofcourse,isnothingmorethanshiftingyourweight.So,whenIsaid,‘Willyoudancewithme?’ itwasaverydifferentquestionthan‘Willyoushiftyourweightontoyourleftfoot?’,even thoughthetaskisthesame.ThosearethetypesofwaysthatIcallinbodily-heldknowledgeto helppeoplereachthegoalsthatthey’vesetforthemselves.

Ithinkit’sanimportantaspecttoamplify.Therearealotofpeoplewhowillresonatewithit. Still,Ialsobelievethatbecauseitisn’tincludedinformaloracademictypesofprogrammes, thereneedstobesomeintentionalitytotheframingofit.Atlanticgatheringshavealready includedthingslikedance.Thereispowerinhavingmusicfromallaroundtheworldandpeople justmovingtogetherandlaughingtogetherandcopyingeachother’smovements.

WehaveincludedmanyformsofmovementinourlearningspacesasAtlanticFellows.One time,wehadaFellowwhowasayogainstructorwhodidayogasession.We’vehadbreathing exercises.We’vehadasessiononplay,whereweplayedchildhoodgames likeracingtotheend. Or‘redlightgreenlight’whereacallersays‘greenlight’andeverybodyracesandthentheysay ‘redlight’,andyoustopandwhoevergetstotheendfirstwins.Ithinkthosetypesofactivities tapintosomethingchallengingtocallupwhenyou’relisteningtosomeoneatapodiumoreven whenyou’resittinginasmallgroup.It’sawelcomelearningexperienceacrossthefellowship teams,especiallyifyoucanpullinexperiencesorelementsfamiliartopeoplefromdifferent partsoftheworld.

Catalytic Leadership

AspecificpieceoffeedbackI’vereceivedinthelastfewyearsringsinmyhead.Itgotimprinted

quickly.AnAtlanticFellowwroteinthefeedback,‘Youngpeoplecan’tbeleadersinmy country.Thisisaverywesternapproach’.Ithoughtthatwasinteresting,anditmademecurious tothinkabouthowthatpersonfeelsaboutleadershipandwhatthatunderstandingmeansforthat person’sleadershipjourney.

IwasaFellowinAtlanticFellowsforHealthEquity,basedinWashington,DC.Itwasapivotal momentinmycareertrajectory—aspivotal,ifnot moreso,thanleavingclinicalpracticeand joiningtheAcademy,partlybecausethefellowshipbrokeopenthisnotionofhowtoeffect change.Earlyinthefellowship,Iwasinastorytellingworkshop,tryingtofigureoutwhatstoryI wantedtotellandrespondingtothefacilitator’squestionsabouthowmystoryhadchangedme. Whatwastheturningpoint?Thepivotalmomentandthatsortofthing.WhileIhavemany personalexperiencesthathavehelpedmenavigatemypath,participatingintheAtlantic programmeandthinkingabouthowtobeanagentforthechangeIwishedtoseepermittedmeto movedifferently.Lookingatmyrésumé,youwillseethatbeforetheAtlanticexperience,much ofmyeffortswereservice-oriented.Iwasbringingclinicalknowledgeandskillstocommunities thatdidn’thaveaccesstorehabilitation.SincetheAtlanticexperience,myworkhasbeenmore aboutcollaboratingwiththeexistingleadersinacommunity,whetherachurchmother,a traditionalhealer,orayoungpersonwhohasaspirationsforchangeintheir community.I’m bringingthosevoicestothecentreoftheeffortsinsteadofsimplytakingmyeducation,clinical skill,andnetworkintoacommunity.It’saboutcentringthecommunity’seffortsand,most importantly,makingspaceforperspectivesthatneedtobeheard.

Beingan‘80sbabyinAmericawasatimeofexpansivenessandbigness.Childrenweretaught theycanbeanythingthattheywanttobe.However,abundancedidn’ttrickledownthewayit waspromised.Westillhavetomanagethetensionbetweenrealityandourhopesand aspirations.Soeventhoughtheabundancewasthereforsome,itwasn’texperiencedinthesame waybyeverypersonoreverygroup.Ifoundmyselfonthewirebetween,‘You’retellingmeone reality,butwhatI’mseeingisanother’.AndwhatdoIdowiththatasayoungchildtryingto findmywayintheworld?Wecangivepeopleallthatbeliefthat,‘Youcanbeanythingyou want’,buttheystillhavetoshowupintheirdailylivesandworktobringtheaspirationandthe realitiestogether.

PhuongisTheEquityInitiative’sExecutiveDirectorbasedinBangkok,Thailand.Phuongbegan workingwithTheAtlanticPhilanthropiesin2000asaconsultantfortheprogrammeinVietnam andsubsequentlyestablishedtheAtlanticRepresentativeOfficeinHanoi,focusedonprimary healthcaresystems’development,healthhumanresourcedevelopment,andsupportingpolicy andadvocacyforimprovinghealthequity.HefoundedUS-basednon-profit,Resourcesfor HealthEquity,advancingtherightstohealthandwellbeingofvulnerableanddisadvantaged populationsthroughoutSoutheastAsia.HeisaUSBoard-certifiedphysicianininternal medicineandpaediatricsandholdsaBachelorofScienceinAerospaceEngineering,aMasters ofPublicHealth,andanMBA.

IwasborninVietnambutleftwhenIwas10,in1975,whentheVietnamWarwascomingtoan end.I,alongwithmyyoungersister,wasgiventoanorphanagebymymother,whowasvery afraidthatwewouldnotgetoutofthecountry.Mymotherwashopingthatthisactwouldkeep ussafeduringthewar.Towardthelastdaysofthewar,mysisterandIwereairliftedout, broughttoAmericaastwoyoungkids,andplacedintemporaryfostercareinOregon.We bouncedaroundfostercarehomesforaboutayear,waitingforpeopletoadoptus.Itwas probablythemosttraumatictimeofmylife:a10-year-oldkidwhodidnotknowwhathad happenedtohisfamilyandcouldn’tunderstandthelanguage.Ifelthelplessandhopeless. Depressionandpost-traumaticstresswerepartofthatexperience.

Ayearlater,whenIwasatmylowest,awonderfulthinghappenedthatchangedmylife completely.WereunitedwithourfamilyinGeorgia!ItfeltlikeIwasgoingthroughlifeinthe darkandsomeonejustflippedaswitchandallowedlighttoshinethrough.Uponreflection,Isaw howfortunateIhadbeenandmyheartfilledwithgratitudeforthingsthathappenedinmylife. Wehadwonderfulfostercareparentswholovedus,caredforus,mademefeelsafe,andcared formewhenIwasinthedepthsofmydepression.Thatwasthefirstpartofmylife.

GrowingupinAtlanta,Georgia,asanimmigrantfamilyinthedeepSouthoftheUS,we couldn’tescaperacism.Butweploughedthrough,movingforwardwithhardwork,diligence, study,andbeliefinourowncapacitytosucceed.Iwenttocollegetobeanengineer.Incollege,I wasexposedtoVietnamese-Americankidslikemyselfwhowereinthesystem,makingitbut alsofeelingalienated.AreweAmericans?AreweVietnamese?Howshouldweact?WhatI startedtodiscoverwasmyyearningtolearnaboutthecultureofmybirthplaceandthe connectionswithpeoplelikeme.ThiscuriosityledmetoanopportunitytogotoSoutheastAsia tovisitarefugeecampandspendasummerasavolunteer.

Iproceededtodothatseveraltimesduringmycollegeyears.Iwouldwork,savemoney,and thenreturntotherefugeecampduringthesummertime.ItchangedmyoutlookonwhatIwanted

todowithmylife.Beinginthecampallowedmetoseeothersocialissues,andbeingaround doctors,socialworkersandteachersallowedmetoknowthat I’dliketoworkwithpeople.I cameback,andinadditiontomyengineering,Ididpre-medcoursestoapplyformedicalschool. Tomysurprise,IgotinandstartedmyprofessionallifeonthepaththatIwantedtotake.During medicalschool, Icontinuedtoreturntotherefugeecampasaninternanddorotations.Moreand more,Istartedtohavea clearerviewofwhatmyroleoughttobe.Somuchgoodnesshadcome mywaythatIwantedto dosomethingtopayitforward.That’swhatmotivatesmetodothis work.

IfinishedmedicalschoolandgotintoaresidencyattheUniversityofCincinnatiinpaediatrics andinternalmedicine.WhilstIwasenthralledwiththetechnicalsideofmedicine,Ifoundthe human-to-humaninteractionaspectofmedicinetobemoreinteresting.Forme,themedical aspectswereatechnicalissue,andyoucanalwaysfindsolutionsifyoureadenoughbooksor askenoughpeople.Butthemagichappenswhenyoudealwithpeople.Thementors Ilookedup tothroughoutmedicalschoolandresidencyweretheteacherswhohadgreatinterpersonalskills. That’showIaspiredtobesomeonewhocanworkwithpeopleeffectivelyandhelpthem overcomechallengesandunlocktheirpotential,whetherinthemedicalfieldorlife,ingeneral. Atthisstage,itbecamelessaboutbeingadoctorandmoreaboutjustbeingsomeonewhocan contributetothehappinessofothers.

Authenticity

IlearnedthatwhenI’mwithpeople,ifI’mauthenticandnottryingtobesomebodyI’mnot, thingsworkoutbetterthanifItrytopretendtobeanexpertinsomethingIknowlittleabout.I learnedjusttobemyself.Thepeoplewhotrulyunderstandyouwillaccept youforwhoyouare. Ifnot,youlearnsomethingfromitandmoveon.Iwouldoftenreflect andtrytolearnfrommy mistakes.Iusedtoseemistakesassetbacks,butnowIlookatthemasanopportunitytolearn, utilisetheinsight,andmovealongmychosenpath.Andnottobeatmyselfupoverit. Now,ifsomeoneaskedme,‘HowshouldIact?’Isay,‘Justbeyourself,whichisgroundedin yourvalues.Don’tworryaboutwhatanyoneelsethinks.’IliveinanAsianfamily.There’sthis notionthatyoumustactacertainwaybecause,’Whatwillpeoplesay?’InAsiansociety,it’snot justabout‘keepingface’;it’salsoaboutself-confidence.Wetendtoseeourselvesinhowother peopletreatus,andweinternaliseit.Insomeways,weuseotherpeopleasamirror.Thisis especiallytrueforthosepeoplewhoaremoreoutwardlyfocused.Iftheyhaveaterrible experience,someone’snegativecommentcanseriouslyinjuretheirself-confidence.That’svery common,especiallyinthemedicalfield,becauseexternalvalidationisveryimportant,as competencerequiresexternalvalidation.However,itcanalsoaffectyouinternallyandmakeyou questionyourself.Ithinkitisimportanttosay,‘Okay,howamIfeeling’and‘WhatIcando aboutit’,ratherthanallowingtheexternalenvironmentorsituationtoaffectyouinareflexive wayanddragyoudownaspiral.Ithinkeachpersonhastofindtheirwaythroughthat.

Wellbeing, Knowledge code

IgotintoTaiChiandQiGonginthefirstplacebecausemymedicalresidencywasaphysically andpsychologicallydemandingtime.Therewerelongshiftsandverylittlesleep.Whenyou’re physicallytired,you’renotemotionallystable.DuringmyresidencywaswhenIwasintheworst shapephysically.Iwascompetingwithmypeerstobetough,tosuckitupandtokeepupan imageofadoctorwhocandoitall.Ifoundthattobeverydangerous.Andthefirstclue happenedtragically. Ihadacolleaguewhowasalsoaresidentwhodiedfromamassivestroke,

aloneathome.Ittookthreedaysforpeopletonoticethathewasn’tatwork.Ididn’twanttogo downthatroad,andIneededtostarttakingbettercareofmyself.

Throughoutmychildhood,thestoriesthatstuckwithmeweresomethingabouttheAsianwayof caringforyourself.So, Ireadbooksonit.Then,Ihappenedtorunacrossanadvertisementfora class.Ilookeditup,andthislady,whohadbeeninChinaforfiveyears,hadaTaiChi/QiGong classatnight.Isignedup,hopingthatitwouldbebeneficial formephysically.Initially,Ididn’t thinkTaiChi/QiGongwouldhelpalotbecausethemovementissosimpleandlight,especially whenyouseeallthesepeoplerunning,jogging,anddoingcardiovascularexercises.Sincehard exerciseisoutofthequestionformeduetomyweakknees,thesimpleandlightmovements werethemaindraw.MymotivationwastodosomethingformyselfthatIlike.Sothatinitself hasintrinsicvalueforme.

Themeditationaspecthelpedtocalmmymind.TaiChiandQiGongmovementsareverygentle andveryquiet.Whenyougothroughthemotion,yourmindisfreeandflowswiththe movements.Itallowsyoutobreakfromthehecticworld,slowdown,andre-engagewiththe environmentaroundyou.Ibegantoappreciatetheair,thesounds,thelight—thingsthatwedon’t noticewhilerunningaroundworryingaboutotherthings.Itgavemeasenseofpeacewhichis hardtodescribe.It’sakindofintentionalawarenessthathelpedmeremembertobreathemore oftenandnotallowemotionstorunawayandbeoutofcontrol.Itallowsmetorediscover myself.Whenwe’reinanenvironmentofhustleandbustle,it’seasytoloseourselvesastowhat theenvironmentdemandsofus,whatthesituationdemandsofus,andnotourselves.Aftera while,Istartedtonoticethatmyachesandpainswerestartingtosubside.EventhoughIwasstill notgettingenoughsleep,Iprioritisedmyhealthandstucktoaroutine.Thatwasabout35years ago,andI’mstilldoingit,usuallyatnightorearlyinthemorning.Stickingtosomethingisthe resiliencythathashelpedmegetthroughmanydifficultlifechallenges.

Chamber of Discomfort, Discovery, Healing

InmycoachingsessionswithourFellows, Iseepatterns.Thefirstisthat manyofusinthesocial justicefieldtendtobemotivatedbecauseoftheinjusticesaroundus.Manyofusareagitatedand angryandweusethisenergytogetthingsdone,whichisgoodintheshortterm.Thus,wecanbe veryexternallyfocusedonthethingsaroundus.However,veryfewofuslookinwardwithin ourselves,asking,‘What aremyneeds?’and‘Whatdoeslong-termsuccesslooklike?’We’re alwayslookingatwhatothers’needsareandrushingeverywheretorightthewrongs.That motivationisfineintheshortterm,andmanypeoplediscoverthemeaningoflifeinthatkindof work.Butangercanbeveryexhaustingandenergydraining.Tobeeffectiveandbeabletodo thisworkforalongtime,weneedtolookwithinourselvestounderstandthemeaningsand needsthatmotivateus.

Ilikecoachingbecauseitworkswiththechallengesapersonisdealingwith,andhe/shecando somethingaboutit.Icantalkinaclassroomandsay,‘Thisisimportant,’butitwouldn’tmatter asmuchtopeopleiftheycan’trelateittosomethingintheirlife. Ihelpthemseethesuffering they’regoingthroughisfromwithinandconnectedtowhattheydointheworld.Badthings happenallthetimeinlife.So,howdowedealwiththat?Howdoesitaffectus?Fromwhat perspectivearewelookingatit?Arewelookingatitfromaveryemotional,veryangry perspective?Revenge?Torightsomewrongs?Orcanwesay,‘Okay,istheresomethingtolearn here?HowcanIlearnfromit?HowcanthisexperiencehelpmebethepersonIaspiretobe?’

Knowledge code, values

IusuallystartmyfirstcoachingsessiontryingtounderstandtheFellow’spersonalvalues.For manyofthem,thisisthefirsttimetheyhaveeverhadtheopportunitytothinkaboutwhothey are,theirpersonalvalues,themeaningsintheirlife,andtheirneeds.Wehavetobeintentional aboutit.Wecan’tjustsay,thesearemyvalues,andthenputthemawayandgobacktodealing withthingsaswewerebefore.Whatweaimforinthesessionsishowweinternaliseourvalues andbringthatintooureverydaypractice.Manyof ustalkaboutkindness,compassion, forgiveness,andrespect.Andyet,whenwelookatwhatwedo,wehaveverylittlecompassion andkindnessforourselves.Oftenwhenpeopletalkaboutthat,theytendtotalkaboutthe externalworld,beingkindandcompassionatetoothers.Totrulyunderstandkindnessand compassion,wehavetostartwithinourselves.Also,ifyoudon’tknowhowtoforgiveyourself, howcanyouforgiveothers?It’schallengingtobekindtoothersifyoucan’tbekindtoyourself. Itmightworkintheshortterm,butyouwillquicklyrundownyourbatteryandbecomecynical. Often,the‘aha’momentiswhenpeopleseethatconnection.

Catalytic Leadership

Tome,agoodleaderisawell-functioninghumanbeing,who’scomfortablewiththemselves, hasgoodvalues,andstickstothem.Iactuallystopusingtheword“leader”andinsteadfocus moreon“leadership.”Weallhaveleadershipmoments.Everyday,everyoneofuswillhaveat leastfourorfiveoftheseleadershipmoments.Theleadershipmomenttellsuswhatkindof personweareandwhowearebyhowwereacttothechallengeathand.Arewegoingtostepup tothatmomentanddowhat’sconsistentwithourvaluesornot?Manytimes,noonewilleven know;onlywedo.Thosearethingsthatdefineus.

WhenIfirststeppedintomycurrentrolelearningaboutleadership,Igot aheavydosefrom thosearoundmeofpositionalauthority,whichisverystrongintheSoutheastAsianenvironment andinmanyorganisations.Itwasastruggletopushthroughthatandtransformitintoamore relationalleadershipapproachtoachievepositivesocialchange.Ithinkmoreandmorepeople recognisethatarelationalleadershipapproachempowerspeople.Ultimately,isabouthowdo youhelppeopletounlocktheirpotentialtobethepeoplethattheyaspiretobe.

Lanceisalecturer,researcher,anddevelopmentpractitioner.Theyholdamaster’sdegreein PublicHealthinthefieldofHealthPolicyandSystemsResearch.Theirbackgroundisinthe socialsciences,wheretheymajoredinPsychologyandDrama,andtheirPhDresearchexplores healthsystemsresponsivenesstoQueerusersinprimaryhealthcaresettings.Lance’sadvocacy andactivismincludespartneringwithSexWorkersEducationandAdvocacyTaskForce (SWEAT)andservingasaboardmemberoftheSexualandReproductiveJusticeCoalition (SRJC),wheretheychampionrightsandaccesstohealthforsexworkers,Queerpeople,and othermarginalisedpopulationsbycontributingtopolicyandimplementationprocesses.Lance usescreativeparticipatorymethodologiestofacilitatelocal,national,andglobaladvocacy spacestoenabletransformativeapproachestoachievehealthequity.Lanceispassionateabout deepeningsocialjusticeandhealthequitythroughdecolonial,Pan-Africanism,andAfrican feministthoughtandpraxis.LancetakesontheirQueerandgender-diverseidentitystridently. Lancelovesdeeply,passionately,andunashamedly.

IwasborninGqeberha,whichusedtobefirstcalledAlgoaBay,thenPortElizabeth,inthe EasternCapeofSouthAfrica.Icomefromafamilywithrichanddiverseancestrallineage.Iam fromBethelsdorpandKleinskoolcommunitiesinGqaberha.Bethelsdorpwasestablishedin 1803byRev.J.T.vanderKemp(aDutchmanwithmilitaryandmedicalexperience)asa missionstationoftheLondonMissionarySociety.BethelsdorpincludedXhosa,Gonaqua (peopleofmixedKhoiandXhosadescent),andfreedslaves(whoescapedtheirWhitesettler masters),allofwhomwereconvertstoChristianity.Bywayofcontrollingdispossessed Khoikhoi,giventonomadicandmaraudinghabits,Bethelsdorpwasperceivedasapotential reservoiroflabourforthegovernmentandWhitesettlers.Inthisrespect,missionaryaims coincidedwithBritishgovernmentpolicy.ApartfromKhoisanandXhosaancestry,my ancestorsarealsofromspacesliketheancestorstheSt.HelenaIslandsandmanyotherplaces thatwerecolonisedandthatformedpartoftheTransatlanticSlaveTradeintothethenAlgoa Bayport,throughthecolonialproject’sprocessofslavery.Alongwithslavery,therewasalsoa lotofviolencebetweentheKhoisanpeople,whoarepartofmyIndigenousheritage,fighting againstthecolonialadministration.

Itwasasiteforheightenedracialpoliticaltensionandconflictandwiththeinstitutionalisationof theApartheidlawsandspecificallytheGroupAreasAct,Bethelsdorpanditsextensions, Kleinskool,becameclassifiedas‘coloured’areas.ThehistoryofKleinskoolformspartof Bethelsdorphistorybutisnotwelldocumented.

MymothertongueisAfrikaans,whichreflectsthecollapseofalotofthecomplexityofancestral identitythroughlanguage.Duringapartheid,myfamilywasdesignatedas“Coloured,”livingin

aso-calledColouredarea.Likeanyracialcategorisation,“Coloured”wasaconstructedideaand institutionalisedbytheapartheidsystemtoformpartoftheracialhierarchyorWhitesupremacy. MyracialclassificationinSouthAfricacurrentlyisColoured.

In1990,whenNelsonMandelawasreleasedandbecamepresident,aneraoftransitionbegan. I wasbornintothattransition,aperiodofheightenedtension.The1980sandearly‘90sinSouth Africa wasatimeofhighconflictandviolencebecauseofthesanctionsimposedonthe apartheidgovernmentandtheheightenedactsofmassresistanceagainsttheapartheidregime. Wewereinarevolution.Wearestillgrapplingwithitasacountryandthe extenttowhichthe ‘revolt’haspaidoff.However,Ihavebeenabletoaccessopportunitiesduetothecountry’s transitiontoliberaldemocracy.

Mygrandfathersanddadwereworking-classfactoryworkersatGeneralMotorsandFord.My momhasagrade10(standard8)formal,colonialeducation.InSouthAfrica,wegouptograde 12.Sheisaregisterednurseandmidwifeandwasthefirstinourfamilytobecomea ‘professional’.Shehasplayedasignificantroleinmyformaleducationthroughengaginginthe processofaccessingspacesof‘Whiteness’.

IattendedaModelCschool.ThesewereformerWhites-onlygovernmentschoolsintroducedin 1991bytheapartheidgovernmentandwerewellresourced.BlackandColouredpeopledidn’t havethesameresources eventoaffordaccesstospacesofeducation.TheModelCschoolwas constructedasadominantstructureofpower.EveninthetownshipwhereIgrewup,takinga busfrommytownshiptotraveltoaWhiteareawasviewedasaformofprogressinginthe‘class bubble’,whichmeantaccesstoprofessionalcareers.OurparentssentustotheseformerWhitesonlyschoolsthatwerewellresourcedtogiveusaccesstohighereducationinstitutionslikethe UniversityofCapeTown,whereIamcurrently.Thisuniversityhasparticularsignificance becauseofCecilJohnRhodesandisareplicaofthekindofmini-EmpiremodelfromOxford UniversityandCambridgeUniversity.Thesespaceswerenotdesignedforpeoplelikeme.I’m gratefulforhavingopportunitiesthatmyfamily,cousins,andancestorscouldhavenever imaginedordreamedof.YetIalsofeeldeeplydehumanised,wherepartsofmealmosthaveto dietosurviveinthatcontext.

I’mreclaimingmyidentityandfightinghistorybecausemuchofmyancestralhistoryhasbeen reducedtothisconstructof“Coloured”identity.Themultiplelayersofancestralidentityand indigeneityhavebeencompletelyerased.EvenAfricanspirituality,ourstoriesoftheagencyof myancestorstofightagainstthesettlersandthecolonialadministration,I’mintheprocessof incitingmemoryandreclaimingmyspirituality,indigeneity,andancestralland.Imissmy grandmotherwhohasdied.ShetoldusdeepstoriesaboutwhowearefromaChristian-centric perspectivebecausethat’swhattheyweretrainedtounderstand.Mygrandparentsandgreatgrandparentsdidn’tpracticeAfricanspiritualitybecausetheywereallChristiansandturnedtheir backonourtraditionalspirituality.Theimaginationofmygrandmotherandevenmymotherhas shiftedfromadeepIndigenousAfricanKhoisanheritage.Myreference,framework,ideological standpoint,andevenmy basisforspiritualconnectionhavebeenChristianitythroughhowmy familymakessenseoftheworld.I’mincontestationwithit,especiallyinmyQueeridentity. There’salsotheinstitutionalisedAfricanspirituality.EvenifyouareaSangoma,atraditional healer,youmusthaveparticulartraining,someofwhichdoesn’tresonatewithmyideasofwhat liberationorreclamationis.Itiseasytofallintothetrapofpre-colonialromanticisedideasabout whatAfricanspiritualitylookslikeinpractice.

Spirituality, healing

MyexplorationhasbeennotonlytofocusonSouthAfricanspiritualitybuttobeguidedbythe healerwithinme.Tobeabletoreflectandturnmy gazeawayfromthesystemsandthe institutionandenteraliminalspaceofbeingreborn.Ithinkthat’swhybirthingissosignificant tome.Eventhoughmymumisamidwife,shehadtorelyonaWhitesystemtofindhervoice andexpressionasahealerandbecomeinstitutionalisedasanagentinmaternalhealthina colonialhealthcaresystem.

Peelingawaythelayersofselfmeansgettingtothecoreofmyidentity.Thecorewasdeeply problematic.IrealisedthatI’dbeenholdinganinstitutioninmybellyanduncoveringhow colonisedIam.Abigpartofthisjourneyisdecolonising.Ineededtoturnmybackonallthese differentinstitutionsandvariousformsofpowerorthesemasters’houses,stoptryingtositatthe tableIhaveneverfeltpartof,andrealiseIdon’tevenwantthetabletobethere.

Todisrupttheentirespaceorspeakback,butthengettingsoexhaustedbynavigatingand contestingandbeingabletostopandsay,‘Youknowwhat, Icanactuallybebraveenoughto delinkfromthisandcompletelyshiftmygazeandrethinkthewayinwhichIevendomy advocacyandactivism.’Ileanedonmanywomeninmyfamilyonthatjourneyofunderstanding agency,especiallymygrandmother,whowasthematriarch.Sheisthebasisofthe intergenerationalworkI’vebeendoing.Mygrandmother’sknowledgeandwaysinwhichshe understoodtheworld,connectiontothelandandtheuniverse evenwithina Christianframe,has beenvitaltome.Ihavebeenpiecingittogetherfrommygrandmotherandconversationswith matriarchsinmywiderfamily,listeningdeeplytotheirteaching.

Mobilising, catalysing

I’minvolvedwiththeSexualandReproductiveJusticeCoalition.Itadvocatesforpeopleto accesshigh-qualityservicesinwaysthatenhancetheirdignity,bodilyintegrity,andwell-being regardlessoftheirgenderexpression,sexualorientation,religion,ethnicity,physicalability,and soforth.I’mcurrentlyfocusingontheprovisionofabortionservicesinSouthAfrica.Abortionis legal,butnoteverybodycanaccesssafeservices. Areproductivejusticeframeworkincludes engagingwithbirthingpeopletoadvocatethattheyshouldhavetheoptionnottogivebirth,not raisechildreniftheydonotwantto,andtohaveagencyovertheirbodies.We’vebeenlobbying Parliamentindifferentpolicyspacesaroundsexualreproductivehealthandrights,particularly aroundabortionprovisionswithinthesystem.Therearemanybarriers,particularlyconscientious objection,whichistheideathatinthepolicy,healthworkershavetherighttorefusetoprovide anabortion.Also,manyabortionprovidersaredemonisedandvillainisedintheirworkspaces eventhoughabortionservicesarelegalandshouldbeprovidedbythestate.

Wealsoadvocate forthedecriminalisationofsexworkinSouthAfricaandtoberesponsiveto thehealthneedsandoccupationalhazardsofsexworkers.State-sanctionedcriminalisationhas enormousimpacts.For example,sexworkerscanbearrestedforcarryingacondomand criminalised.Theamountofsexualandphysicalviolencethattheyexperiencegoesunaddressed. Inacapitalistsociety,sexasacommoditybecomesaverylucrativeformofincomegeneration formanywomenwhoarefeedingfamilies,puttingtheirchildrentoschool,andtryingtosurvive incontextsofdeepfoodinsecurity.AlthoughmanyofthesexworkersIworkwithhaveupward mobilityintermsofbeingabletoaffordfoodandaccesstohighereducationthrough participationinthesexindustry,there’salsoalotofpainandtrauma.Evenmywiderfamilyhas

memberswhohavehadtoparticipateindifferent formsofsexworkforsurvival.Mycommunity haswidespreadaddictiontocrystalmethandalcoholabuse.

Catalytic Leadership

Weneeda(k)newanddifferentwayofthinkingtotransformthesysteminwaysthatimprove livedrealities.Allourleaderscanbehealers.Thatrequiresexploringhowweneedtoheal ourselvesandaskingwhatkindofhealersweare.Ineedtounderstandmyselfasahealerbefore IknowmyselfasaresearcherdoingaPhDonresponsivenesstoQueerusersinprimaryhealth carefacilities.

AprocessofdecolonisationiscriticalbecausethehealthsystemmodelinSouthAfricais Western.Eventhoughit’scalledprimaryhealthcare,inpolicyandpractice,itisnothinglike that.Itisstillaheteronormativeandcis-normativesystemthatdehumanisesTransandQueer People.ThereisabiomedicalisolatingandpathologisingofQueerbodies,transgenderdiverse bodies,andintersexbodies.Thelevelsofviolence thatQueerpeoplefaceattheinterfacewith thehealthsystemisaprofoundthingforaresearcher.Imustconfronthow I’mbeing dehumanisedthroughdominantideasofmentalhealthandstructuralandsystemicviolence.The decolonisingframeworkwithintheWesternAcademyisaparticularunderstandingof coloniality.

ItisnotourAfricanviewofdecolonising,whichinvolvesreturningtoourancestors’knowledge. IhopethatwemovetowardsanIndigenousreclamationandunderstandingofengaginginthe processofinvitingmemory,ofestablishingpracticestobeabletothinkabouthowevento infiltratetheexistinginstitutionsthatexist,andshiftandtransformthoseinstitutions. Beingguidedbythehealeratmycoreisajourneyofdeephumility.Ihaveimmensereverence fortheworkthatsomanyothersaredoinghereinSouthAfricaandworldwide.Havinga communityofpracticewithotherswhohavedonesomuchintheirjourneyscansupportour thinkingandtheworkweneedtodotodismantlethesesystems.

Dorahco-establishedandrantheGreenHouseProject,anEnvironmentalSustainability DemonstrationCentreininner-cityJohannesburg.In2008,shefoundedGenderCCSouthern Africa—workingwithcivilsocietyorganisations,activists,andexpertsforwomen’srightsand genderandclimatejustice.In2011,sheco-foundedandranSeedCommunity,whichempowers youngwomenandgirlsthroughaccesstohighereducation.In2017,DorahsetuptheGreen BusinessCollegebasedinJohannesburgthatunitesgreenskillswithbusinessknow-how.Sheis atrusteefortheSchauenburgEducationTrustandchairwomanfortheRSMEducationTrust. SheisaseniorFellowwithAtlanticFellowsforRacialEquity,SouthAfrica.

IwasborninthesmallvillageofKaditshweneinnorthernSouthAfrica.Mountains,once inhabitedbymanybaboons,surroundthevillage;henceitsnamemeans‘landofthebaboons’.I belongtotheBaPedipeople,oneoftheprincipalSothotribes.I’mthethirdofthreesisters,the last-bornofthefamily.Myfatherusedtofixelectronics,suchaswatchesandradios,tomake anincome.Mymaternalgrandparentslookedafterus.Myfatherwasanorphan,andmy maternalgrandparentshadadoptedhimasoneoftheirown,andhelivedwithmyunclesand auntsalltogetherinonehouse.Igrewupwithabigextendedfamily.Lateron,mymaternal grandfatherbuiltusasmallhomesteadnearbyhishouse.

Wedidn’thaveanyhighschoolinmyvillage,soweusedtowalktotheneighbouringvillage throughalittleforestandontotheothersideofanothervillagewheretherewasaschool.There werejustafewofus,asIwasamongthefirstlearnerstogotothatparticularvillageforschool. TwoyearsbeforeIfinishedhighschool,allofasudden,thereweremeninthewoods.It seemedstrangethatsomeWhitepeoplewerealloverthevillage,andIdidn’tunderstandwhat washappening.Itturnedoutthattheywereprospectingformineralsintheformofredgranite. Theydiscoveredthatthemountainssurroundingthevillagewererichinredgraniteandso beganprospecting.

Theybuiltamen’shostelbetweenthetwovillages,whichwasthepathweusedtogotoschool. IoftenhadtostaybehindatschoolasIwasstudyingmathsandphysicsandneededtodoextra work,andIdidnotfeelsafewalkingbackhomeonmyownanymore.

Thatsituationinmyearlyformativeyearsignitedsomethinginsideme.Iwatchedcloselyand sawthatthecommunitywasnotconsultedabouttheprospecting.Eventhoughwehada traditionalleadercalledanInduna,thecommunitydidn’tknowwhatwashappening.The situationcontinued,helicoptersbeganlandinginthevillage,andmanyforeignpeoplearrivedto workatthemine.Theybegantoblastallthemountainsinthesecondyearandtookoverthe grazingland.Thefarminglandmyfamilyandtherestofthevillagewerelivinguponhada

terribleinfestationofbaboonsrunningeverywherebecausetheplacetheycalledhome,the mountains,wasbeingdestroyed.MigrantlabourersfromotherprovincesofSouthAfricawere hiredtoworkatthemine.Inmylastyearofhighschool,somesmallboysinthevillagepicked upadynamiteballandwereplayingwithitwhenitexploded,andoneofthemhadtohavehis handamputated.

IfinishedmyMatricandthenspentayearathomewithoutresourcestobeabletofurthermy studies,eventhoughIwasoneofthebeststudentsinmyhighschool.Duringthattime,I becamemoreawareoftheenvironmentalandsocialissuesinthevillage,eventhoughIdidn’t fullyunderstandwhatwashappeningwiththemine.Atthattime,wedidn’thaveanyaccessto theinternet,andwehadnolibrary.Myuncle,whowasateacher,startedaskingquestionsand mobilisingthecommunitytoformacommitteethatwouldprotestthemine’slackof communityconsultation.Thatwholesituationignitedtheactivisminme,theangeragainstthe mineandthelocalauthorities.

ThefollowingyearIhadtheopportunitytostudyattheuniversityinLimpopo,intheprovince whereIlived,andappliedforfinancialassistance toenablemetogainadmissionbecauseI didn’thaveanyfunds.Myparentscouldn’taffordanything.Mypaternalgrandfather,whowas aretiredcookatthelocalhospital,gaveuphislifesavingstoassistmetoregisteratthe university.Atthetime,hewasdiagnosedwiththroatcancerandincapacitated.Heaskedthathe betakentotowntowithdrawallhislifesavingsso thatIcouldregisterfor myfirstdegree.I registeredin1993andwantedtostudymedicalscience.ThecoursewasfullbecauseIdidn’t applyintime.Ididn’tevenknowhowto;therewasjustnoinformation.Idid,however,manage toregisterforanInformationSciencedegree.

Iappliedforopportunitiesoncampustoearnanincometosupportmyself.Icouldonlyafford tostayinashackfarfromcampusandwastravellingearlymorningtotheuniversityandback atnight.Itwasn’tsafe.IlookedforastudentworkopportunitysothatIcouldgenerateabit moremoneytofindaroomclosertothecampus. IfoundajobasaStudentAssistantatthe universitylibrary.Itcamewithmanyopportunities,suchaslearninghowtouseacomputer.I hadanopportunitytoresearchinthelibrarytounderstandmoreaboutmining,especially granitemining.BecauseIhadneverbeenoutsidemyvillage,Iknewnothingaboutgranite kitchentops,tombstones,oranythinglikethat.Weneverhadthatsortofthing.Ispentalotof timeinthelibraryforthefouryearsofmydegreeandgatheredalotofinformation,fromthings likenewspapers,andIwouldcutoutnewsclips.Eventually,Iwaspromotedtoworkinthe classificationdepartmentfrombeingatrolleypusherthatcollectedandfiledbooksleftby studentsafterstudying.

Mobilising

Inmylastyearatuniversity,oneoftheorganisationscalledBlackSash,aCivicMovementin SouthAfrica,hadaprojectcalledtheTransvaalRuralActionCommittee(TRAC)thatassisted peoplewhoweredispossessedoftheirlandtogettheirlandback.Theywerelookingforaparttimeinformationscientisttodesigndatabasesofthevariouslandclaimants.Iwentforan interviewinJohannesburgandgotthejobwhilewaitingformydegreeresults.

Ilearnedaboutparticipatoryruralappraisalmethodology,whichincludedtechniquesonhowto mobilisecommunities.Becauseoftraditionalculturalpracticesandnormsthatdidn’tallow womentospeakfreelyamongchiefsandmen,wewouldseparatethewomen.Because Icame fromaruralarea,Iunderstoodsomeculturalnormsthatawomanwasnotsupposedtospeak,

andifyouwantedtoraiseanissue,you’dhaveto gotoamalefamilymember. Whenmobilisinglandclaimantcommunities,wewouldbeginwithmenandwomentogether, andonthesecondday,thegroupswereseparated,andweworkedwiththemovertwodays.In thewomen’sgroups,wesoughttoinstilconfidenceinthemtoremindthemthattheymatterand theirvoicesmatter.Weexploredresettlementplansandhowthewomenwouldliketobe settled.Thenwewouldbringthembacktogetheragain,andwefoundthatwomencouldspeak upandvoicetheirpointsofview.Themenwerebeginningtorecogniseandacknowledgethem.

Power

Ifindtheissueofempowermentveryproblematicbecause,inmyview,itassumesthatpeople don’thavepowerandarejustwaitingforanoutsidertocomeanddepositpowerinthem.It assumesthatpeoplehavenopower,whichisnotthetruth.

I’veworkedwithmanywomenaroundessentialissuessuchasclimatechange,andIdiscovered thatthesamethingthatexistedinme,thisforceinsideme,wasthereevenwhenIcouldn’t defineit,thatitexistsinallofus.Someofusareblessedtowalkpathswherewefindpeople whocanigniteit.

Ihavehadthepleasureofworkingwithmanywomeninruralplacesandothercommunities whoaresodynamicandpowerfulbuthavenotyetdiscoveredtheforcealreadyinsidethem. Myphilosophyhasbeentoworkwithwomentofindtheirvoice,toactivateandignitewhatis insidethemsothattheycangobackintosocietyandtheircommunitieswheretheycan confidentlycoexistwithmen.I’vehadprojectswhereintheend,mennominatedwomento representthecommunity,notbecausetheywerewomen,butbecausetheyknewthatthis womanwassopowerful, shewouldbeabletorepresentourinterests.I’vemetpeoplewhohave thatlookintheireyes.Theyhavethatforce.Youcanfeelthatconnection;sometimes,you don’tevenhavetosaya word.

Succession

In2008,IattendedmyfirstUnitedNationsFrameworkConventiononClimateChange (UNFCCC)ConferenceofParties(COP)gatheringinBaliwithwomenfromaroundtheworld, somefromEurope,Africa,Asia,andtheAmericas.Wewantedtoformamovementcalled GenderCC-WomenforClimateJustice(GenderCC).Therewasanexpectationthateachofus wouldstandandspeak,andIrememberhavingafeelinginsideofmethatsaid,‘Ireallycan’t. I’mnotabletospeakonbehalfofSouthAfricanwomen.Ihaven’tspokentothem,andthusI don’tfeelIhaveamandateatthistime.’Icouldtellmystoryandhowclimatechangehas affectedme.Weweretheretodiscusshowclimatechangeaffectsmenandwomeninthe communitiesofourcountries.However,Ifeltinadequateandthatitwouldbeaninjusticefor metospeakonbehalfofthewomenofSouthAfrica.Iwasoneofafewpeoplewhorefusedto speak.Isaid,‘GivemeachancetogobacktoSouthAfricaandcommunitiesandheartheir storiestounderstandhowtheyareaffectedbyclimatechange.Theymaynothavetheright labelsaswe’reusingthemregardingclimatechange,suchasadaptationandmitigation. However,thesecommunitiesliveveryclosetotheenvironmentandwitnessandexperience climatechange’sdailyimpact.’

That’swhenmyjourneyontheissuesofgender,women,andclimatechangebegan.

From2008to2011,Iimmersedmyselfintheday-to-daylivesofwomen,howclimatechange wasmanifestingitselfandimpactingthem,andhowtheywereorweren’tmanagingtocope.

ThenIfeltqualifiedtoattendtheUNFCCCCOPmeetings,standonthevariousplatforms,and speakaboutwhatIwaslearningfromwomenincommunitiesofSouthAfrica.However,I eventuallystoppedattendingandsentthewomentospeakforthemselves.So,UNFCCCCOP 17,heldinDurban,SouthAfrica,wasfullofgrassrootsSouthAfricanwomenwhospokefor themselves.Sincethen,werotationallyarrangedforwomentoattendtheseinternational platforms;manyhaveneverbeenonaplane,andmanyhaveneverbeenoutsidethecountry. Thestoryofthegraniteminethatpushedmeintoactivismhasbeenaturningpointinmylife.I endedupworkingwithvariousNGOs,includingtheLegalResourcesCentre,totakethemining companiesinmylittlevillagetocourt.IwouldgobacktomyvillageinLimpopofrom Johannesburgontheweekendswiththelawyerssotheycouldseewhatwashappening.We managedtogetonecompanytoclosedownitsoperations.Withcorruption,Chinesecompanies weresproutinghereandthere.IthinkapartheidinSouthAfricaperpetuatedenvironmental injusticesinmanyBlackcommunities,andtheattitudeof‘Notinmybackyard’plaguedmany whitecommunities.

Cost of activism

WhilepreparingfortheUNFCCCCOP17inDurban,SouthAfrica,Iexperiencedadevasting personaltragedy,Ilostmysix-month-oldbabyduetoSuddenInfantDeathSyndrome(SIDS), orso-called“cotdeath.”Manyofuscannottalkaboutthecostofourwork.Ourfamiliesbear thatcost.Wedonotwanttotalkaboutitbecausewehavebeentrainedandsocialisedtobe brave,tofightforspace.Forexample,wehadtofightinSouthAfricatoberecognisedas youngBlackwomenwhoarecapable.Whentragedystruck,Ididn’thaveenoughtimetosit alonebecauseIwasrightinthemiddleofthissignificantglobalconference.Iwasthehost,and Ihadtobethere.Ihadtostandupandspeak.However, IhadacommunityIhadsurrounded myselfwiththatheldmeduringthattime.AftertheUNFCCCOP17conference,thefunders, HeinrichBillFoundationandOxfam,andtheSteeringCommitteeofGenderCCSAprovided mewithasix-monthsabbatical,soIcouldhavetimetoheal.Itisessential tomentionthese costsofourwork,especiallyfortheyoungergenerationthatistocomeafterus.Theworld almostwantsustochoosebetweenfamilyandour worklives. Ihadthesupportofmyfather throughoutthiswholechapter.Myfatheralwayswantedme,astheyoungestofthreegirls,to knowmyworth.DuringthefouryearsIwasinuniversity,hewouldwriteletterseverymonth tometoremindmeofwhoIam.WhenIhadafailedmarriagein2002,Ireturnedthedowryto myfirsthusbandbecausehewantedmetochoosebetweenstayingathomeandpursuingmy life’swork.Myfathersaidifamanmakesyouchoosebetweenyourworkandhimonce,he willdoitagainandagain.Myfathertoldme,‘You’vestruggledtobewhereyouaretoday,and youmustneverbeforcedtochoosebetweenyourrelationship,marriage,family,andpassion becausetheycannotbeseparated.Becauseyouareoneperson,andyouhavetobethesame womanyouareinyourlifeinthesamewayyouareinyourfamilyormarriage.’Forme,my life’sworkisforpeople,thisiswhoIam,andIcannotseparatemyselffromit.Itwastabooto returnthedowryatthetimeinmyvillage,butIsaid,‘I’mdoingittoteach otherwomeninthe villagethattheytoocanreturnthedowryinexchangefortheirfreedom.’

Myfatherisnownomore.On20September2019,notlongaftermybirthday,Iwaspacking mybagstogotoNewYorkfortheAtlanticFellowshipForRacialEquity(AFRE)USlegof theprogrammewhenmyfatherdied. Hewasaremarkableman, anonconformist,inavillage wheregirlswereraisedtobemarried. Heraisedmytwosistersandmetobegiants.Hetaught ustodonon-ordinarythingslikefixingcarsanddrivingtractors,whichpeopleinthevillage

believednowomanshouldbedoing.Whentheywerenegotiatingadowryformyeldestsister, heaskedmetobring achairandsitamongstthemennegotiatingthedowry.Infrontofmy unclesandseniormalesinthefamily,myfathersaid,‘These areourthoughtsaboutyoursister andhowmuchwecouldchargethisfamilysheisbeingmarriedinto.Whatareyourthoughts?’ Everybodyrebelled,stoodupandthreatenedtoleave,andmyfathersaid,‘Ivaluetheopinion ofthisyoungwoman,she’sbeentoplacesIhaveneverbeen,she’sbeenenlightenedmorethan Icaneverknow,andItrustherwithmylife.’Forme,thatmomentgavemethewingstofly beyondwhatIeverdreamtof.HegavethattomeandallowedmetobecomethewomanIam today,fearlessandsecure.

Today,myfamily,mysecondhusband,andmychildrenmakeiteasyformetogowherever andbewhatever Ican.I wouldneverbehalfofthewomanIamifIdidn’thavethemandthese communitiesaroundme.CommunitiessuchasAtlanticInstituteareabedrockofsupporteven fromafar.Theyvalidatemydreamsandvalidatethisforceinsideofme.

ChrisisPresidentandCEOofTheAtlanticPhilanthropiesandservesontheBoardofDirectors. HehasledAtlantic’sgrant-makingthroughitsfourprogrammeareasandFoundingChairman grants.Hehasover35yearsofexperienceininternationalbusiness,law,philanthropy,and policydevelopmentintheUnitedStates,LatinAmerica,Asia,Africa,andEurope.Hepreviously servedasAtlantic’sPopulationHealthProgramDirectorfrom2000to2005tostrengthenthe healthsystemsinVietnamandSouthAfrica.Heledthefoundation’sdevelopmentofhigher educationandrule-of-lawinitiativesinVietnam,SouthAfrica,Australia,andtheUS.He previouslyservedasCounseltoUSSenatorRussFeingold.

IwasborntoAmericanparentsinCostaRica.Myfathermovedeverytwotofouryearsaspart ofhiswork,sofromwhenIwastwoyearsold,Iwasmovingtoadifferentcountryandstarting anewschoolandchangingschools.

OneofthemostmemorablemomentswaswhenIfirstmovedtotheUSafterhavinglivedin LatinAmericauntilIwas9.IspokeEnglishwithaSpanishaccent.Iwasinprimaryschool, andI’manAmericancomingbackhome.YetIwasoutsidethecommunity.Iwassometimes madefunof,butIdidn’tfeelhurtbyit.Itgavemeasenseof,‘HowcouldIsharewiththisnew hostcommunity?HowcanIbepartofit?’

Eventually,myfamilymovedtoIndia,andthenIlivedinChinaforthreeyearsassomebody whowasclearlyanoutsider.Movingfromplacetoplace,re-introducingmyselfeachtime,and learninghowtoconnectsociallycontributedtoasensethatIneededtobeobservantand respectfultojoin,engage,anddevelopanidentitywithineachnewcommunity.Overtime,I experiencedbeingvaluedforbeinganoutsider,goingthroughaprocessofbeingvettedand thenbeingvaluedforbringingsomethingdifferentintothecommunity.IfoundawayIcould belong,whichelevatedtheentiredynamicofbeingpartofagroup.Itraisedmylevelof awareness,respect,enjoymentandfunandbroughtsomethingtoaspace.Evenwhenthe languagewasthesame,thecontextsweredifferent.

Ididgraduatestudiesinforeignrelationsandthenwenttolawschool.Isawlawasawayfor metodevelopadisciplinethatincludedrationaldiscussionandprofessionalrecognitionasa vehicletoexpressmyideasandaspirationsinwaysthatwouldbeworthyofattention.Iwas interestedininternationallawandrelationsbetweencountries,andmanyofmyelectivestudies wereinthatarea.IwasveryinterestedinChinaintheearly‘70s,asitwasemergingasathirdworldforcelookingatalternativewaysofstructuringsociety.Aftercompletingmystudies,I joinedalawfirminSeattledoingexcitingthings,includingrepresentingAlaskannativetribes inlandrightsdiscussionswiththestateandfederalgovernments.

WhenChinastartedtodevelopitslegalsystem,theysentaChineselegalscholartoSeattle, whoIgottoknowandhelped.ThenthefirstlawschoolopenedupinChinaaftertheCultural Revolution,andthePresidentoftheschoolcametotheUnitedStates,andwehadseveral meetings.IsuggestedtheyhaveexchangeswithAmericanlawyerstounderstandourworkin thecontextoftrade.Amonthlater, IwasinvitedtoteachinShanghaiandwasthefirstforeign lawprofessorinChinaaftertheCulturalRevolution.Iwasthereforayear andhadstudents involvedintheearlydemocracymovementinChina.Theywereveryinterestedinthe principlesofconstitutionallaw. IreturnedbrieflytotheUSaftermyone-yearperiodof teaching.Sadly,thepersonIhadpartneredwithinthelawfirmwasassassinatedbyarightwingextremistwhomistakenlybelievedhewasaleaderoftheCommunistPartyinWashington State.Thefirmfellapart.IthenjoinedaSanFranciscolawfirmwhich,amongotherwork, representedtheSanFranciscoShanghaiSisterCitiesCommittee,andIreturnedtoChina.Some ofmyformerstudentswereinvolvedintheTiananmenSquaredemocracymovementand disappeared.IalsohadabriefstintworkingintheUSSenatewithasenatorIadmiredforhis progressiveideasandintegrity,whichgavemeaninsidelookathowtoeffectuatecomplex policy.

Myearlylifeexperienceandgrowingupindiverseculturesisattherootof whyIwas motivatedtosupporttheconceptofaninternationalcommunityofAtlanticFellows. Additionally,thecombinationofmylawandgovernmentexperiencecontributedtotheAtlantic notionofinvestinginpeoplewithamixofperspectivesthatwouldstrengthentheprospectof realisingaspirationsversusreality,whichisattheheartofchange.

Staying connected to the Centre, Chamber of Discomfort

JohnPowellsaysotheringoccurswhenwestaycomfortableinourlimiteddimensions.When weareexposedtootherdimensionsinmeaningfulways,wemustgothroughsomediscomfort. Movingaroundwasverydifficult.Asalittlekid,goingfromnewplacetonewplacewas uncomfortable.Butinthatdiscomfort,Igrewsensitivitiesanddevelopeda ballastthatallowed metonavigatethosediscomfortswithoutbeingdefeatedordisappointedduringthedifficulties. Theremustbesomecentretowhichweareconnectedtobenefitfromthediscomfort.

BecauseIhadbeenfortunatetoseesomuchoftheworldatayoungage,Isawandexperienced acertainuniversalitywithinacultureorphysicalenvironment.Somuchofmyexperiencewas withcommunitiesrootedinoneplace,whichIadmiredandlongedforbecauseIdidn’thave that.Yet,Ialsohadanimplicitsenseofwantingcommunitiestobeawareofsomeofthe universalityoftheirexperienceandthediversityoutthere.

TheAtlanticcommunityhaspeoplefromdifferentprofessionalexperiences,cultures, languages,jobs,andgeographies.Ialwayshadhopedwecouldstartwithsomecommonality thatgivesusasenseof comfortfromwhichwecanthenengageintheuncomfortable. Challengesariseifwedon’testablishenoughofacomfortablefoundationofmutual commitmenttorespectandbelonging,wherepeopleacknowledgetheircommonalityandcan trustthemselvesenoughtoshareinvariouskindsofdiscomfort. Ifthediscomfortcomes prematurely,andthere’snotrustandcomforttounderpinthat,itcantearpeopleapart. Ifyou canbuildasenseofrecognition,respect,andawarenessofsharedandessentialdeep perspectivesandvalues,youcanmovetomorechallengingspaces.

Amplifying impact

SomeofthevocabularyandthinkingI’veexperiencedinphilanthropycomesfromtryingto havethegreatestimpactandinfluencewithlimitedtimeandresources.Ourworldturnson transactionsaswellassystems.Forsome,theircontributionmaybetransactional.Forexample, Imaygointothefieldandsavetenpeople’slivesbygivingthemvaccines, conducting lifesavingphysicaloperations,orbringingwater.Supposeyouhavetheabilityandorientation toinfluencesustainablesystemsortheabilitytochangenarrativesor reinforcecultural narrativesthatinvigorateusbecausewecarrythatidentityintowhatwedo.Inthatcase,you havealonger-termandmoreprofoundtransformationalimpactthanonlyatransactionalone.

Thequestionis,doyouwanttoliveinatransactionalworldandsavetenlives?Ordoyouthink youcancontributetotransformingasystemoraculturalnarrativethatwillimpactthousandsof livesinwaysthatenablethosetransactionstobesustainedandeffective,whetherit’spullingin resourcesfromgovernmenttreasuriesorit’schangingthewaycommunitiesactinwaysthat changehealthpatterns?Theworldofpublichealthisnotonlyaboutdevelopinganewvaccine. It’saboutwhatyoudowithvaccinesandhowyouchangehealthbehaviourstomakea communityhealthierinthelongrun.

It’snotnavel-gazingtothinkabout,‘HoweffectiveamIasaleaderoractor?’inaspace. Reflectionandtakingtimetolearnabout effectivewaysofbeingachangeagentcanmakeyou anevenmorepowerfulchangeagent.Itisnavel-gazingifyoudisassociatelearningfrom influenceandimpact.Youcouldbeundervaluingyourpotentialcontribution.Youcouldbea superbemergencyroomdoctor,andyoucansave lives.Youcouldalsointroducesome practicesorevenlookatthecausesoftheemergenciesthatwouldreducewhat’scominginto youroperatingroom. Forexample,inVietnam,wewenttotheschoolsofpublichealthfor advice.WetalkedwiththeDeans andaskedwhatthenumberonehealthissuewasinVietnam then.Itwastrafficaccidents.Wesupportedpeopleandorganisationsthatintroducedhelmets andsafetyruleswhichreduceddemandsonthehealthsystem.Ifyouareconstantlydealing withthedownstreamresultandnotlookingathowyoucouldinfluenceupstreamcauses,you maybeundervaluingyourcontribution.Youcangetsodrawnintothetrenchesthatyoulose yourcapacityforgivingafteracertainpointbecauseyou’vejustgiventoomuch.

Succession

TheAtlanticcommunityisfoundedonsuccession.Iwasfortunateenoughtofallintothesame spaceasChuckFeeney. Chuckwascommittedtoopeningdoorstopeople,andhenevergave uponhisvision.Hisapproachwasempowering,allowing,andgiving.Itwasalsoaboutbeing patientandgivingpeoplespace.ButChuckdidnothaveinterminablepatienceandhewasn’t willingtoacceptconstantfailure.Hehadahighexpectationthatifyouweregivenagiftwith fewboundariesandgreatopportunitiesanddidn’tmakesomethingofit,thentherewasnomore timetobewastedinvestingenergyandresourcesthatcouldbebetterinvestedelsewhere.Ifyou weren’tgoingtorollwiththeteam,maybeitwasbestthatyoudidn’tparticipate.

Idon’twanttodeifyChuckasifheisthe‘greatman’thathassomehowallowedthesethings. Thesearethingsthatliveinallofus.Itdiminishesourcapacitytodothemifweattributethem towhatateacher,guideormentordoesforus.Otherscanhelpawakensomethinginusthatis alreadythereandgiveus theconfidencetodowhatwearelearningandhowtodoit.What ChuckdidissomethingIvalue:recognisingwhatotherscandoandgivingthemscopetodoit. That’sagift,andChuckdidthatwithmeandgavemethespace.Hegavemetheopportunity andthetrust,andIfeltitallowedmetocontributeeffectively. It’sanextensionofthat

experienceandhavinganopportunitytoriseinwaysIwasalreadymotivatedtorise.Chuck didn’tcreatemeanymorethanwecreatewhoAtlanticFellowsare;theyarealreadyspecial.But they’rebeingbroughtintoaspacetogetherandstrengthenedandhopefullygivenmore confidencetodowhattheydothroughanempoweringexperience.

Ifeelthatifsuccessdependsonmypresence,it’safailure.Thegoalissuccession.Meaningmy presenceisnotthedecidingordeterminativefactorinhowthingsmoveforwardorhow successfultheyare.It’sarealisationthatone’saspirations,whentheyarereasonablywiseand sharedauthentically,willhaveaforceandalifeindependentofanindividual.Atlanticisnot aboutmakingthingsintheimageofmydesirebutemergesfromasharedaspirationforfairer, healthier,moreinclusivesocietiesandtohaveacommunitysustainedaroundthoseaspirations. WeknewAtlanticwould notbeaperpetualorganisationbecausewebelievewe’rethesmartest peopleandknowhowtokeepdoingit.Wesaidwewouldinvestinthepeoplewhowillcarry on,andourroleistocompletethatinvestmentatsomepoint.Andthenit’suptoothers. Refrainingfromthinkingofyourselfastheleaderthatmustownandbeinfrontisessential. Thenwerelieveourselvesofthenegativeburdenofperceivingthatwemustdoitallratherthan shareanaspiration.

Catalytic Leadership

Applyinganalyticalskillstocreativepassionisvitaltorealisingaspirations.Themeldingof science andtheologyisanotherdimensionthattranscendslanguage.Insomeways, I’vebecome toomuchofadualist,immersingmyselfjustlikeIdidinlawschoolwithinrationalstructures andverbalscaffoldingtoarticulate,define,andhelpmanagethebridgebetweenaspirationand reality.AndI’vebeenrewardedforthatcontributionImaketoaspace,includingAtlantic Philanthropies.Yet,mywholelife,Iwantedtogooffliterallyintothedesertfor40daysto openmyspirit,eyes,andhearttosomethingnotfilteredbyrationalstructuresandverbal vocabularies.Ourbrainsareaconstructofthis,too,whichIfoundappealingabouttheGlobal BrainHealthInstitute’swork.Wesometimesliveinthetwodimensionsofthe‘square’,yetour brainshavethecapacityforthesphereinourheartsandinourselves.Evenasaphysiological matter,ourbrainsare asphere.We’repickingup butafractionofwhatwecanknowandhow wecanknowit.Yetwe’redrawntocomfortzonesregardingwhatwecannavigateinthe present. Ittakesmebacktofeelingthatthepossibilitiesofwhatweknowarefargreaterthan ourexperience.Andhowdowe,byengagingwithothersandtheirexperiences,expandour awarenessofwhat’spossible?BecauseIwasfortunatetohavesomeofthathappentome.

Amandaisanactivistandadvocateforclimatejustice,andtheco-founderofEngajamundo,a youth-lednon-profitinBrazil.Fromthebeginningofhersocialworkasanactivist,shewas dedicatedtoincreasingunderstandingaboutclimatechange,andfindingwaystotacklethe climatecrisisandbecomepartofthesolutionforasustainablefuture.Drivenbypassionanda senseoffun,Amandaworkstoinspireyouthandcivilsocietytopursuemovementinclimate changeandsustainabledevelopment.Shehasplayedakeyroleinrecentsuccessfulcampaigns inBrazilthathavechallengeddeforestationandlandgrabbingintheAmazonrainforest.Sheis aseniorFellowwithAtlanticFellowsforSocialandEconomicsEquityattheLondonSchoolof Economics.

IwasbornandraisedinahinterlandcitythreehoursfromSãoPaulo,Brazil,where agribusinessistheprimaryindustry.Surroundingthecityarevastfieldsofmono-cropsand cattle.MygrandfatherwasfromUruguayandspokePortuguesewithanaccent;wenever learnedtospeakSpanishwithhim.Ihavealwaysfeltconnectedwithpeoplefromotherplaces andwantedaninternationalcareer.WhenIwenttouniversity,Istudiedinternationalrelations tofulfilmyvisionofworkingintheinternationalspace.Yet,Ifoundthatthecoursewasalot aboutnothing.Itcoveredpolitics,law,andhistory,focusingonAmericanhistory.Istartedto questionwhatIwoulddowiththatdegreeprofessionally.Lookingback,Iseeitgavemea broadbackgroundondifferentperspectivesandhelpedshapeasystemicviewofwhatIdo.

IattendedtheCatholicUniversityofSãoPaulo,aprivateuniversity.Thistypeofuniversityisa veryprivilegedspaceinBrazil’sculturalsystem.Studying,attendinglectures,andtalkingto peoplemademeseehowdamagedtheworldis.Previously,Ithoughtthereweresomevisible inequalities,asBrazilisadevelopingcountry,butgenerally,theworldmightbefine.ThenI realisedthattheworldisnotOK,andifIkeepmakingthesamechoicesthatpeopledidbefore me,wewillkeepgoingdownhillandmakingthewrongdecisions.

IsawthatIneededtousemyeducationandprivilegetohelpchangetheworld.Withagroupof friendsfromuniversity,IstartedvolunteeringataninternationalstudentNGO,tomakeasocial impact.However,theorganisationhadsomeinconsistenciesinitsleadershipmodelandwe triedtogetinspiredbyothermodelsoforganising.So,mygroupoffriendsandIdecidedtodo somethingtogether.ItwasaroundthetimeoftheRio+20sustainableenvironmentconference, andweenvisionedtakingstudentstotheconference.Westartedorganisingotheruniversitiesto createavisionforthisconferencethatcomesfromyouthasastakeholder.Whenwearrivedat Rio+20,werealisedthatthespacewasfullofprofessionalsrepresentingyouthandsayinghow theywantedyouthvoicesindecisions,buttherewerefewyouththereandnotmanyfromthe GlobalSouth.Manypeoplethink,‘I’mgoingtobetheone’,andshowcasethemselves.Thereis

noplaceforegoinourwork,whichissorareinsocialmediaandaworldthatrewardsaleader whois’theone’.

FromthatexperiencecametheideaofEngajamundo,theorganisationweco-founded.The organisationaimedtoincreaseyouthparticipation indecision-makingprocesses,especially decisionsabouttheplanet’sandhumanity’sfuture.WecreatedaplatformwhereBrazilian youthspecificallycouldaccessthosespaces.Webelievedincapacitybuildinganddeveloping methodologiessoyouthcouldbeinformedabouttheworld’sproblems,learnaboutadvocacy, andseethemselvesasagentsofchange.Wenoticedthatwhilsttheleadershipclaimedthey representedyouth,wedidnothaveavoice.Also,itwasn’tjustabouthavingtheirvoicesheard butenjoyingtheprocesswhilecreatingmobilisationstrategies.Inthebeginning,wehadabout 30peoplesignup,andbecauseeverybodywasinSãoPaulo,wehadanoutreachgoaltobe presentinthefiveregionsofBrazil.Thankstoanactivevolunteerbase,weachievedthatgoal inthefirstyear.Weheldonlinemeetings,andthenetworkofyouthwhocaredaboutthe environmentandsustainabilitybegantogrow.We hadamazingmentorswhoguidedusthrough theprocess.

Wedidn’thaveanyrules,therewerenohoursofcommitment,andpeoplecouldbeavolunteer fromanywhereinBrazil.Theoneruleintheconstitutionwasthatmembersneededtobe between15to30yearsold,andiftheywerefromanindigenousorruralcommunity,it’supto 35yearsold.Itwasapowerfulexperiencebecausewewereexperimentingwithagovernance model.Weneversawourselvesasleaders. Wecalledourselvesfacilitators.Howtomanagethe network,shouldwebeanopenorganisation,howoftenshouldwecometogether,andhowcan webeanindependentorganisationwhereyoungpeoplecanmakethedecisions?

Succession

In2016,theorganisationwasfouryearsold,andweweretryingtobeself-sustainable financially.Myoriginalgroupofcolleaguesandfriendswhoweretheco-foundersandonthe FacilitatorCommitteewereallWhitewomenlikeme.Weneededtocreatesuccessionanda facilitatortransition,whatitwouldlooklikeandhowtopresentittothenetwork.

Weagreedthat,totransitionthefacilitatorcommittee,weneededtofundraisefortheirsalaries andmakethesuccessionprocesstransparenttothewholenetwork.Around2016,wehadour prominentdonorsinplace.WehadbeenattheClimateChangeconferenceinPariswithmore than20youngBrazilianpeoplefromEngajamundo.Wewerereadytoimplementthe successionplan.TheFacilitatorCommitteewantedtoensureouraccumulatedknowledge passedtotheincomingfacilitators,whowereasyoungaswewerefiveyearsago,sotheydidn’t havetostarttheirlearningexperiencefromscratch.Itwastoughtocreateanorganisationfrom scratchandfundraisebecausewhenyou’reyoung,peoplequestionyourabilitytomanagean organisation,fulfilwhatyou’resayinganddelivertheprojectsyouaredesigning.Wedesigned atransitionprogrammeforthenewfacilitatorsthatputforwardwhatwebelievedin,suchasthe exchangeofknowledgeandhowtonurturetheorganisation’svalues.

Weannouncedthenetwork’sfirstfacilitatorrotation,sayingthreepeoplewouldleaveandthree newpeoplewouldcomein.Itwasanopencall.Youcouldapplyonlyifyouhadbeenan Engajamundovolunteer.Wecreatedathree-monthmentoringprocess,whereallthevolunteers wouldmeetusonlinetofindoutwhatwedoandwhatourroleswereintheorganisation, includingtheadministrativeaspects.Attheendofthisprocess,thosestillinterestedcameto SãoPaulo.Ithinksevenvolunteerswereapplyingforthreeplaces.Wespentanimmersion

weektogetheranddidsomechallengeswiththem,suchascasescenarioswherewewould makethefinaldecisiontogether.Itwasalotofwork,butwewantedtoshowtheprosandcons ofbeingontheFacilitatorCommittee.Theideawasthatthroughthisprocess,peoplewould knowiftheywantedtobepartofit.Wealsowantedtoensurethenewteamhadtherightskills. Forexample,weneededskillsinwritingforgrants.TheFacilitatorCommitteedidn’tmakethe finaldecision.Peopleputthemselvesforwardornot.Intheend,wedidn’thavetomakeany decisions.Threepeopleputthemselvesforward,anditwasthefirsttimethatwehadpeople whowerenotfromSãoPauloonthecommittee.Oneofthenew FacilitatorCommittee memberswasgoodatwritingtoreplacethepersonleavingwhohadthese skills.Thenetwork grewtoapeakof almost3000volunteers.Noteverybodywasactive,andwecreatedtwo categories:thebroadbaseofvolunteersandthearticulatorswhowereregularlydoingthingsin theirterritories.Articulatorswereabouttenpercent,300people,ofthewholeorganisation. However,westillneededtodiversifythememberstobemorerepresentative.Wereceivedalot offeedbackthattheprofilewasthesame:peoplewithaccesstohighereducation,majority Whitepeople,andstillconcentratedintheSãoPauloandRioregionsofBrazil.Withthisinput fromthevolunteersandwiththeirhelp,wecreatedaprocessofdiversityandinclusionfor peoplewhoarenotlikeus.Itinvolvedalotofreflection,discussionandquestioningofour privileges.FiftypercentofBrazil’spopulationisBlack,andwewantedto notonlyhavefifty percentBlackpeopleinEngajamundobutthatthefacilitatorswouldreflectthat.Wealsodid anoutreachtotheAmazonregionbecausewehadnopeoplefromtheAmazon.OneofthecofounderswholefttheFacilitatorCommitteespentayearintheAmazontomobiliseyoung peopleintheregion.Today,therearesixpeopleontheFacilitatorCommittee.Fiveoftheseare Blackpeople,withthreepeoplefromtheAmazon.EverybodywholeavestheFacilitator Committeejoinsaconsultativeboardtosupportthecommitteeandansweranyquestions.Every yearmeansoneyearyounger—themindsetalsochangeshowpeopledothings,soitkeeps thingsnewandfresh.

Mobilising

TheClimateMarchbeforetheParisconferencewasoneofmyfavouritemobilisations.Marches werehappeningallaroundtheworld.WehadamarchinSãoPauloaswellasabout100 marcheshappeninginothercitiessimultaneously.ItwasoneofthebiggestmobilisationsI’ve done.ItstartedinPaulistaAvenueandwenttoIbirapuerapark.Whenwearrivedatthepark, therewereconcerts,peopledressedtoremindusaboutdeforestation,andspeeches.Itwasan amazingdayandsuperpeaceful.

Onethingaboutmobilisingisyou’renotmobilisingonlypeople.Youarefirstarticulatingwith otherorganisationswhohavetheiragendas.Oneofthefirststepsinadvocacywith organisationsistohavethemrecogniseyouragendaisimportantsotheycansupportthe mobilisation.Therewere probablyaboutthreemonthsofarticulationamongallthese organisations.Atthetime,someorganisationswerenotworkingwiththeclimatechange agendaandneededtobeconnectedsowecouldexpandthenumberofpeopleworkingwith climatechange.Havingalltheorganisationsrecognisetheimportanceofyouthintheclimate agendaislong-term,systemicadvocacy.

Wellbeing and safety

InEngajamundo,wetooktimetohavelongcheck-inseveryweek.Sharinghowyou’refeeling waspartofthecultureoftheorganisation.Itwaslikeacollectivetherapytotalkaboutour

personallives,howthingswerebetweenusintheorganisationorthemoreimportantthingswe mightbeworriedabout.Ihadburnoutatonepointandstartedtodopsychotherapy,andIhave neverstoppedsincethen.Workingwithactivisminthisenvironmentandnotseeingany progresscanbechallenging,especiallyinthiscountry.InEngajamundo,wehadalotofmental healthspeakersbecauseyoungpeoplewereburningoutandwereclimateanxious.Today,they haveamentalhealthpolicyfortheFacilitatorCommitteemembersandarticulators. Wealsoneededtotakecareofsafetyandsecurityissues.ActivistsinBrazilhavebeen observedandframedasdangerous,andwehadtobeverycarefulaboutwhatwecouldand couldn’tdoandknowthelandscapewewereworkingin.Wetrainedmemberstobecautious withtheirprofilesandavoidbeingtracked.Itcanbedangerous.In2021,therewere176 murdersof Indigenouspeople.Theexploitationofindigenouslandhasbeenencouragedby Bolsanaro,andfarmersdon’tfaceinvestigationsintoarmedattacksagainstIndigenous communities.

Catalytic Leadership

TheroleBrazilplaysintheclimatecrisisissorelevantbecauseoftheamountoflandand rainforestsinthecountry,whichmakeitsoimportantforplanetaryhealthandIndigenous knowledge.WhenIleftEngajamundo,Iworkedincampaigningforlandrights,Indigenous rightsanddeforestation,andpolicyadvocacytotheHouseofRepresentatives.NowIhave finishedmyone-yearmaster’swiththeAtlanticFellowsforSocialandEconomicEquityatthe LondonSchoolofEconomics.Duringthepastyear,Ihaveresearchedtheinfluenceofthe extreme-rightintheclimateagenda,anditisalarminghowmuchirreversibledamagehas alreadybeendone.Now,I’mthinkingaboutcontinuingmyinternationalinterests,lookingat theclimatecrisisfromaninternationalperspective.I’mstayingopentopossibilitiesandwhat thenextstepsareforme.

Ilovebeingoutmobilisingpeopleonthestreetsandbeingwithpeople. Ienjoyworkingina teamandbelieveinthecollaborativedesignofacampaign.Itwouldbebestifyouhad collectiveleadershipandcollectivedecision-makingrepresentativeofthedecisionsyou’re making.It’sfantastictoseethoseintersectionsof knowledgeandexperiencewhendifferent organisationsplanacampaigntogetherfortheclimateagendaandcreatenewpossibilities: everybodyrallyingaroundthesameburninginsighttomakethisworldbetter.

Danapractisesaborder-crossingblendofcreativewriting,comics,art,andanthropology.Her award-winningworksincludeAliceheimer’s,agraphicmemoirabouthermother’sdementia journey,LikeWateronStone,aversenovelabouttheArmeniangenocide,andTheBookof Genocides,aninteractiveartinstallationthatusesartists’bookstocounterdehumanisationand genocide.Hercomics,poetry,andessayshaveappearedinplacessuchasTheLancet,Irish Times,Slate,ForeignPolicy,andonPublicRadio.Shehassharedherworkonthehealing powerofstorythroughoutNorthAmericaandEurasia,includingduringtwoTEDxtalks.Dana isofArmeniandescent.SheisaseniorFellowwiththeGlobalBrainHealthInstitute,Republic ofIreland.

Iamagranddaughterofgenocide.MymotherisArmenian.MyfatherisatypicalAmerican mixtureofFrenchCanadian,Welsh,Dutch,andEnglish,butArmenianidentitysetthetoneat homedespitemymother’sintentionstoassimilateandriseinAmericansociety.Mymother, likemanyArmenians,soughtsafetyinproximitytowhitenessanddidnottalkaboutthe genocide.Duringchildhood,shehadgivenmejustasinglesentenceabouthoweachofher parentshadsurvived.Ineverreallykneweitherofthem.MygrandmotherdiedbeforeIwas born,andIdidnotsharealanguagewithmygrandfatherwhodiedwhenIwasfiveorsix.

WhenIhadaskedmymothertotellmeabouthermother’slife,shereplieddeadpan,‘Afterher parentswerekilled,she,UncleBennyandAuntAlicehidduringthedayandranatnightfrom PalutoanorphanageinAleppo.’Mygrandmother,abouttenyearsoldatthetime,wasthe oldestofthethree.Ipulledoutanatlasandsawthatitwasalongrun,likerunningfromthe CanadianborderdowntoNewYorkCity.Itwasunfathomabletomeasakid,soItuckedit away,knowinginmybonesthatthiswassomehowconnectedtoinjusticesintheUnitedStates andbeyond.Thedetailsaboutmygreat-grandfather,whowaspubliclydismembered,andmy great-grandmother,whowasenslaved,onlycameoutafterLikeWateronStone,theversenovel Iwrotebasedonmygrandmother’ssinglesentence,waspublished.Mymother’soldersister thentoldmeallsortsofthingsthathadhappened,whichmyparent’sgenerationhaddecidedto keepfromusinordertoprotectus.

Mymother,anxioustosucceedasanAmerican,triedtoleaveeverythingArmenianbehind. Duringherdementiajourney,mymotherwasscowlingduringaconversation,withcarersfrom acrosstheglobe,aboutotherlanguages,andIsaidtoher,‘You’rebilingual.Yougrewup speakingArmenianandEnglishisyoursecondlanguage.’Bythisstage,herlanguageskills weredeteriorating,soittookheralittlewhiletocomeupwithawordtodescribehowshefelt aboutherfirstlanguage.Thewordshecameupwithwas‘albatross’.Atthesametime,when weweregrowingup,shewouldplayArmenianmusicandmakedeliciousArmenianfood,soit

DanaWalrath

influencedusdespiteherbestintentionsforustobeAmerican.

WhenIwas16,myfather,mother,sister,andIlivedinYemenforayear.Myfatherhadtaken workthere,withtheintentiontocomehomeviaArmeniasothatwecouldconnecttoallthe cousinsthere.WehavemorerelativesinArmenia,thenaSovietRepublic,thanintheUSand hadnevermetanyofthem.WhenIarrivedinArmenia,afterayearinYemen,feelingthewarm embracesofcousins,thesunlightstreamingthroughthehighwindowsofthecentralmarketand tastingtheseoutrageous apricots,Iknew,‘Thisismyhome.’ForMum,it wasutterly overwhelming.Therelativeswereslaughteringasheepeverysingledayinherhonour.Her father’sstorywasthatafterhisfirstwifeandsonswerekilledthathehadkilledtwoTurkswith hisbarehandssohissevensisterscouldfleeacrosstheborderandentertheRussianEmpire. Shewasthedaughteroftheherocominghomeatlast.Theywereallimpoverishedworkingclasspeople,asweretherelativesonmygrandmother’sside,anditwasuncomfortableforthem tobeslaughteringlambsforus.Weleftthemwitheverythingwehadwhenwewenthome. TheyearIlivedinYemenwasformative.IarrivedwithaUStenthgradeeducationknowing therewasnoschoolforme,planningtorollmyfinaltwoyearsofhighschoolinto correspondence/independentstudieswithmyteachersbackintheUS.Beingimmediatelyhired toteachsixthandseventhgrademathandscienceinTaizYemen’sfirstexperimentinbilingual coeducationtaughtmetheprivilegeofmyUSeducation.Walkingonthestreetswithmy motherandyoungersistertaughtmetheprivilegeofmylighterskin.Wedressedsimilarly, respectfully,ourbodiescoveredbylongpantsorskirtsandshirtsandevenkerchiefsoverour hair.Iwastreatedlikearespectfulforeigner.Mydarkermotherandsisterwereharassedasthey weretakenfordisrespectfullocals.BetweentheYemenischoolandmyadventurousyet innocentnature,ImanagedtogetquiteintegratedintosomeunusualfacetsofYemenisociety.I befriendedawomanwhoworkedinwhatseemedtobeaseedshop.It was monthsintothe friendship,whichincludeddinnerswhereshelivedlikeasquattermoreorlessinaconstruction zoneoutsideoftownandtheengagementritualanddowryshoppingforheryoungersister,that Ifinallyputtwoandtwotogetherrealizingthattheshopwasafrontforsomething.Sheinvited metogoforahikeinthemountains.Oneofthemenwhohadbeenpartoftheengagement ritualdroveus.Wearrivedatanondescriptplaceandthetwoofthemwentoffandleftme there,realizingIwasacover,providingaveneeroflegitimacyforthedriveoutoftown.Was thisherpaymentsothathersister’slifecouldbesecured? I’llneverknow exactlywhatwas goingon.MyArabicwasn’tgoodenoughtohavetheconversationandshespokenoEnglish. ButIknewshewasvulnerableandlivingalifeonthefringesodifferentfromtheprivileged Yemeniteachers andstudentswithwhomIspenttimebothinandoutofschoolandalsohad quiteintimateexchanges.

Acoupleofyearslater,mymotherbrokeoffallties.Shewasexhausted.Shesaid,‘Ican’tsolve alltheirproblems’.Ihadcompassionforherbutalsofeltterribleguiltthatshecutofftieswith thefamily. Itsetmeonapathoftryingtoworkthroughallthisformanyyears. Itledmeto learntheArmenianlanguageatuniversityandafewyearslater,totraveltoourancestral homelandsinWesternArmenia,today’sEastern Turkey.

WhenIcamehome from thattrip,oneofthefirst thingsIdidwastostartmakingartworkabout myexperiencetocapturewhatitfeltliketohaveyourhistorydisappearedbyagovernmentand toalsobeinlovewiththatland.Ihadnowordstodescribeit,butIwasabletomakeartabout it,gougingcopperplateswithasharpobjecttomakerichdrypointlinesandpaintingrawcolour withthickdrystrokes.Iwasreclaimingthroughtheartwork,connectingtothepast,andlooking

intothefuture.

Ididn’trealisehow ArmenianmyartworkwasuntilImetanArmenianwhohadseenapieceof myartinsomeone’shomeandhadsaidtotheowner,afriendofmine,thatitlookedvery Armenian.Thentheyfoundoutthatitwasoneofmypieces.Thesamethinghappenedwithmy Aliceheimer’s work.WhenIcompletedthefirstdrawing,Inoticedthathaloshadappeared aroundAlice’shead,andIthought,‘Ohmygosh,thatmustbeasubconsciousreferenceto ancientArmenianmanuscriptsandheralteredmagicalstate.’Artletsmegetrighttothe unknowableandtheheartofthingswithoutneedingwordstogetthere.I’mgratefulformy anthropologicaltrainingandmaybejustfromgrowingolderandslowingdown.Icantalkabout someofthesethingsnow,butwhenIwasyounger,allIcoulddowasdothem.

Sensemaking, Storytelling

WhenIfirststarteddoingart,activistartwasnotvaluedmuch.Iwascomingofageatthe heightofabstraction,whenrepresentationalartwaspassé,thoughbothrepresentationand activismwerethrivingintheundergroundcomicsscene.NowIwalkthelinebetweencomics andart,doingactivistvisualstorytellingwithfigures;fittingintotheworldagain.Allthe differentpiecesofmylifecometogetherinthisvisualverbalwork.Ihaveadoctoratein medicalandbiologicalanthropology.Ispeakandknowscience verywell,includingseeingitas aculturalsystemfilledwithitsownbeliefsandpractices,alwaysreadytolookatitcritically.I loveengagingwithscienceintermsofitsgiftsanditslimitations.Andtheartletsmedomy activismlessdirectly.ThepoetEmilyDickinsonusedthephrase,‘Tellallthetruthbuttellit slant’,whichresonateswithme.Wecansaysomethinginawaythatsomeonewillfeelhitover thehead,orwetellitinaslantedwaysotheycantakeitin.

Mobilising

Theartworkfor The Book of Genocides startedsmall,butwhenIwasinvitedtotakethe installationtoJapan,Idecidedtomakethefigures life-size.Ihadmydrawingofthemanfrom theHolocaustsectionoftheprojecttackeduponthewallofmystudio,andhiseyeswere followingmearoundasIworkedsayingtome,‘Makeusbig,pleasemakeusbig.’Life-size, theirpowerintensifies.Theimagesaresplitintothirds,soahumanfaceorbodyorlegscan becomeafly’shead,tapeworm,orsomethingelsewhenyouturnthepages.Page-turning embodiestheactiveprocessofdehumanisation,whichisunderhumancontrolandcanbe ended.Thescaleshiftsintheartwork,for The Book of Genocides amplifiestheinherent violenceofdehumanisation.

Discomfort, Dis-cover

Iunderstandthefearofenteringaconversationongenocides.Writingaboutithasrequired bringinginthecompletehorrorofwhathumanshavedonetooneanotherduringeachofthese genocides.Thishasbroughtme tomykneesseveraltimes.InMarch2022,IwenttoAuschwitz inpreparationforwritingtheHolocaustessay.IbecamephysicallysickatAuschwitzand returnedhomedepletedandexhausted.ButIcontinuedthework,surethatthewaytohealfrom andtoendgenocideistositwiththediscomfort.

Myresearchreadingundidmefurther,asitincludedtheautobiographyofRaphaelLemkin,the PolishJewishlawyerwhocoinedtheterm“genocide”andcreatedtheUnitedNations ConventiononGenocideandtheResponsibilitytoProtect.Hismemoirwassobeautifulatthe beginningasherememberedhislifeas achildinPoland.Thenhedescribedwhathe

experiencedduringWorldWarIIandhowhemadehiswayacrossPolandtoLatvia,Sweden, Russia,andJapantoCalifornia,NorthCarolinaandfinallytoWashington,DC.Ashewas fleeingWarsawduringtheinitialNaziinvasion,histrainwasbombed.Everybodyinthemiddle carriagesdied,andthepeopleoneitherendsurvived,boltingintotheforest.Hehidandwalked forweekstillhereachedhishomevillage,buthewasunabletoconvincehisparentsorhis extendedfamilytofleewithhim.Helost49membersofhisfamily.

Atthebeginningofthe memoir,hewritesinstriking,powerfulprose.Ashegoesintothephase ofwritingabouttheGenocideConventionandthepoliticsofratification,hisvoiceshifts towardsparanoiaashestrivestomakethishappen.Thebookstartedtoreadlikearant,andit spookedme.Ididn’twanttofinishit.AsImademyselfdoso,Ithought,‘Idon’twanttorant.I don’twanttogetcaughtinanger.Iwanttokeepputtingthismessageouttheresothatpeople cantakeitinandreflectbecausethat’showtheworldchanges:whenweallowthingsin.Anger closesourhearts.’

Lemkin,frustratedbythepoliticalmanoeuvringwithinthenewlyformedUnitedNations,was thenlivinginanapartmentandcouldn’tpayhisrent.Hislandlordwastryingtobreakinto evicthim,andLemkinhadwedgedadresserinfrontofthedoor.Hewasutterlyungluedatthat point.Helostallhisfriendsanddiedhungry,friendless,andpennilessatabusstop. Istartedthinking,‘Couldthishappentome?’Iworriedthattheworkwouldungluemetoo.It tookmesometimetosay‘No,Iwaslucky. Ihaveafamilyandamtwogenerationsremoved fromtheviolence.’Ihaveneverhadtofearformylifeinthatwayforsomanymonthsonend. Ididn’tgrowupwiththe directtrauma,onlyitsmemory.Beingsurroundedbybeauty,light, support,friends,andcommunitygavemetheclaritytoseethatnotonlydidLemkinlive throughgenocide,butinhisfinalyearshehadacrisisoffaithashefacedthelimitationsofthe dominantpoliticalandlegalsystemstoaddressandendgenocide.Hebelievedinthesesystems fiercely,whileIdon’t.Myapproachinvolvestouchingtheheartsofindividualssothatwecan collectivelycreate(k)newsystemsthatrelyonourinherentcompassion.Howtobalance optimismaboutournatureswithanabilitytotakeinthepainofwhathumanshavedone withoutsuccumbingtoabsolutedespair?Thatperiodofdeepreflectionsteeledmetocarryon withthiswork,toknowI’mreadytostepbackintoit.InOklahoma,theFBIrecentlyuncovered charredremainsofmultiplepeopleinaWhitesupremacycamp:thisinmycountryof citizenship,readytogothewaythatNaziGermanywent.Hearingsomethinglikethatmakes meallthemoredeterminedtokeepgoingwith The Book of Genocides.

Healing, belonging

I’mgratefultobeabletoseetheinterconnectionsacrossgenocidesandthentorallythe evidencethatalignsus.Buteveryday,Imustcreatetimeandspaceforsilence.I’llsay,‘Okay, timeforabreak’andIwalkrightoutmydoorandintothewoods.HereIam,aperson displacedfrommyancestralhomelandfindingsuchcomfortfromtheearthinsomeoneelse’s ancestralhomelandthatwastakenfromthem.Honouringthathistoryaddsmorelayersof meaningtothesilenceandpeacethatthisearthgivestous.

Returningtomyancestralhomelandspotentiatedsomethinginme.In1984,Itravelledin what’snowEasternTurkey,thecentreofthegenocidethatsystematicallytook1.5million Armenianlivesanddisplacedthesurvivors.IwentincognitoasayoungAmerican,asthe officialTurkishpolicyofgenocidedenialmadeitunsafeforArmenianstotravelthere.Ihad learnedenoughTurkishtogetbyandtofollowtheanti-Armenianstoriesthatappearedinthe

newspapereveryday.Ikeptmyidentityhidden,withtwoexceptions.Oneofthemwasatamill inPalu.Iknewmymaternalgrandmother’sfamilyhadbeenmillersandsearchedherbirthplace foramilltillIfoundone.Thewomanofthehouseinvitedusontotherooffortea.Withahalf dozenorsokidswatchingaswespoke,Iaskedheraboutthehistoryofthe mill.Shesaidithad beeninherfamilyfor60years,butbeforethat,it belongedtoArmenians.Herhonesty demandedthesamefromme.ItoldhermyfamilywasArmenian,andwesattogetherholding thishistory,listeningtothesoundofthewaterhittingthestonesofthemillstream.Fromthat encounter,Ihavealwayscarriedforwardthatindividualsandgovernments areverydifferent things.Anybodywho’ssurvivedacatastrophesuchasgenocidehashadalliesontheotherside. IfinallyreturnedtotheindependentcountryofArmeniain2012andbeganreconnectingwith therelativesonmygrandmother’sside.Istillhavetofindtherelativesonmygrandfather’s side.Ihavesomeoldaddresses;however,thefamilyhasmoved,soitwilltakemoreeffortto findthem.

InArmeniaIfeellikemyself.Peopledidn’tlookatmeasanon-Armenianastheysometimes dointhediaspora,withmyfairerskin,auburnhair,freckles,“half-breed” status,andAmerican name.IfIwasbymyself onthestreetinYerevan, oldladieswouldcometomeandaskmefor directionsorhelp.IfeltandlookedlikeIfitin.Bondingtothelandgavemethecourageto imaginecrossingallhuman-madeboundariesandtokeepbringingworkintotheworldthat connectsusacrossspaceandtime.

Catalytic Leadership

AlltoooftenI’vebeentold,‘You’reonlyhalfArmenian,’asecond-classstatuswithinaproud andinsulargroup.I’vecometoseemydualArmenian-Americanidentityasastrengththatlets meseeourunityalongwithhistoriesandpowerstructuresthatdivideus.Overtheyears,I’ve watchedArmeniansopentheirheartsmoretootherinjustices.That’stheonlywayforusto solvetheproblemsintheworld.Allofuscanopenourheartsandmeeteachother.That’swhat Itrytodoinallmywork.

Asweunifyacrosshuman-madedivisionsandhierarchies,morepeoplewillturnawayfrom actsofviolence.Now,alltheindividualgenocidesareintheirsilos,andsothefirststepisto unite.It’salreadyhappeningthewayBrown,Black,andIndigenouspeoplesworldwideare uniting.Butwecantakethisfurther.Imaginethefuturethiswillpotentiate!