Horoscopes

By Naomii Seah (she/her)

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

It’s the end of Virgo season, babe, no wonder you’re feeling down. You’ve been filled with all that manic energy, look at how productive you’ve been! All that hard work is finally paying off. What’s the saying again? Do the mahi get the… burnout? Oop.

Fortnightly power trip:

saying no. Just try it once, please–I–

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 23)

Finally. FINALLY. IT’S LIBRA SEASON. It’s been a cold, hard winter, babe. I hear you. Don’t worry. It’s spring now. The flowers are out, the trees are waving. Hell, even the thunderstorms are giving you a weird God-complex right now. Look, even in the northern hemisphere Libra season is aesthetic. So go dress up, I know you want to.

Fortnightly power trip:

narciss–*ahem*–your Instagram feed.

Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 21)

Very rarely are you too nice, Scorpio. But you’ve been a bit careless recently. Of all the signs you’re the one to guard their *vibes*. But as Mars moves into Libra you’re starting to think about your energy more closely. What do you want to do? Who do you want to be around?

Fortnightly power trip:

being dramatic.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Sagittarius, I don’t have anything to say to you. You’ve been absolutely killing it, and the stars say good job! How does it feel to be the chosen one? How are you doing it? How? Please, help.

Fortnightly power trip:

actually??? Having it???? Together??????

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Good job Capricorn, you’ve been really grounded recently. Like, too grounded. Like, you’re bored. You can have a break every now and then, you know, life isn’t all about being productive. Do some harmless escapist shit for a bit. May I suggest tying a bunch of balloons to your roof like you’re the old man from Up?

Fortnightly power trip:

absolutely losing it.

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

Okay you can come out of your dungeon now. The moon is coming out of Virgo and into Pisces, which means you’re letting go of your antisocial, get-away-from-me-I’m-busy aura and leaning into your fun, creative presence. Welcome back friend, we missed you.

Fortnightly power trip:

hanging out with us for once.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Pisces, your creative spirit has been off the charts recently! The moon in Virgo has really been keeping you disciplined and active. Unfortunately you’re about to get hit with the block. Hey don’t get mad at me, I’m just the messenger. Woah, Pisces, calm down – why so aggressive?

Fortnightly power trip:

winning staring contests with strangers.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

Phew, it’s been a minute since you’ve stepped outside, Aries. What’s that smell? For the last time, hand-san wipes are not a shower. It’s okay babes, we all go through it sometimes. Luckily the moon is in its first quarter this fortnight – use that momentum to get you through. You’ve got this!

Fortnightly power trip:

cleaning your room :)

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

You’ve been umming and ahhing about things a bit recently, haven’t you, Taurus? The moon is moving from Virgo to Libra, which means your perfectionism has packed a toothbrush and a suitcase of clothes and moved in with your indecision. They’re in a throuple with your laziness tendencies. Just reign it in okay?

Fortnightly power trip:

executive decisions.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)

Vesta is moving into Scorpio, baby! For you, Gemini, that means your extroversion score is going off the charts… and so are your horndog instincts. For once you’re not being a narcissist, everyone is in love with you! All I can say is godspeed.

Fortnightly power trip:

(for legal purposes this is a joke) homewrecking.

Cancer (Jun 21 -Jul 22)

Yeah sorry, the moon thing is fucking us all, Cancer, but as a fellow water sign, the upcoming moon in Pisces is gonna hit you harder than puberty did. The good news is that the current energy of the new moon in Virgo with the first quarter is giving you time to plan. Schedule in the self-care now, bestie.

Fortnightly power trip:

crying on the Zoom.

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)

Damn, this moon is putting you in action, Leo! You’re even more assertive and decisive than usual. Unfortunately, Mars is about to be in Libra and you’re about to rethink some of those decisions. Maybe you judged… too quickly?

Fortnightly power trip:

humility.