Debate issue 14 by Debate Magazine

debate ISSUE 14 | JULY 2014

AGENDA ITEMS INCLUDE:

2013 Annual Report 2013 Audited Accounts

2014

12 noon Tuesday 29 July 2014 WC202, Student Lounge AUT University City Campus

All AUT students welcome. Please bring student ID

debate Issue 14 | JULY 2014

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COVER & CONTENTS ART by Silvester Sang EDITOR Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz DESIGN/ART Ramina Rai ramina.rai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Amelia Petrovich | Charlotte Lightbody | Connor McLay | Emma Wingrove | Ethan Sills |Jess Forsman | Jason Walls | Julie Cleaver | Laurien Barks | ILLUSTRATION & PHOTOGRAPHY Julie Cleaver | Ramina Rai ADVERTISING CONTACT Kate Lin kate.lin@aut.ac.nz PRINTER PMP Print Ltd. PUBLISHER AuSM all rights reserved This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

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image source: Cody Geary

EDITORIAL

capacity is in fact quite dangerous. When mum leaves a candle burning in your room at night, be sure you don’t test to see whether a tissue will catch alight because spoiler alert - it will. You will drop it in fright and catch your bedroom

Hello, I hope you have all enjoyed Re-O Week! With any luck the festivities and freebies have served as a much needed transition period between the holidays and awaiting hard slog. Sadly for y’all though, the fun times are now over and the horror begins. Enjoy! Have you ever written a letter to a past version of yourself? Perhaps imagined what you would tell a younger you the moment you were squeezed out into the world? Well, I have. I wouldn’t change a lot, mind you. I’ve watched Back to the Future enough times to understand the dangers of tampering with the past, but heck, I’m sure a few minor changes couldn’t hurt right? Dear new-born Matthew. Welcome to earth. I see you’ve met mum and dad already – they’re gooduns. Best do what they say to keep yourself out of trouble. It may not always be cold when mum tells you to wear a jumper, but sometimes you have to do things, not because you want to, but because they wear the pants. Collectively they have over a century’s experience to work with so in comparison, you’ll always be a fresher.

hide it, blackened and singed, behind the door, of the black spot on the carpet and the burnt singlet behind the door may feel like a foolproof escape, but here’s lookin’ at you kid, it isn’t. Own up to your mistakes, no matter how stupid they seem. Or better yet, listen to your mother when she tells you not to play with candles. Remember that time you went to Disneyland? You were just nine-years-old and you went on every single ride, even the scary ones, because you knew you may never be back. You’ve always made the most of life, but sometimes you will forget to treat each day with the same attitude you learned at the theme park. Try and do something every day that makes you feel strong. If you ever need to go to the bathroom, for the love of God tell an adult. Tucking your track pants into your socks is not a hygienic alternative and you will regret your decision instantly. And while we’re on the topic, when your elder brother lets one go in the bath and tells you it’s a toy boat, follow his lead and evacuate immediately – do not stay in the bath and play with it.

See The Pixies at the Powerstation in 2010. I know you consider it, I know you’re broke, but I’m telling you, it’s the gig that got away. You’ll regret missing it more than any other. Floss every day. I know it’s time consuming and you see it only as a monthly luxury for your chompers, but later on in life, you will discover that it’s just as important as brushing – and by then your bank balance will be a little sadder. and remember – and this is important – not to lift yourself up onto the kitchen bench as a youngster. You slip, bust your teeth, spit out a handful and they give you grief years later. Much love, your crooked smile. Don’t get hung up about what the majority of people think. Figure out the minority that cares, and stick with them like a Band-Aid on a hairy knee. You get lucky with your friend group so make sure you always give them the time of day, presents on time. Don’t try to be everything to everyone – focus on being everything you can be to those that do the same to you. Don’t sit around waiting for life to start. It starts the day you are born and there is no precise method for what happens next. Push boundaries, get yourself into trouble and don’t be afraid of getting completely and utterly lost. Yours forever, Matthew.

HIGH TIME FOR CHAI TIME By Matthew Cattin but it was only recently, after too many pining visits to T2, that I decided to try my hand at making it from scratch at home. For Indian families, homemade chai is likely as plain and commonplace as a Kiwi making weetbix, but for a gora like me, it was an exciting new experience that I thought I would share. I got on the Google, found a recipe on Buzzfeed, and in just half an hour, I was sipping a fresh cuppa chai feeling like a king. The recipe source reckons this’ll sort ya out for forty cuppas but in my humble tea opinion, I’d say you can get away with double that. Just go easy on your chai mix and don’t share it. Ever. Ingredients are as follows... 2 tablespoons green cardamom pods 4 whole star anise 6 cinnamon sticks 1 tablespoon fennel seeds 2 teaspoons whole cloves 2 teaspoons whole black peppercorns 2 teaspoons coriander seeds ½ cup chopped candied ginger 1 ½ cups loose black tea Method 1. Preheat oven to 180°C. Just make sure it’s empty 2. Measure out your green cardamom pods onto a chopping board and spit them open to expose knife for this but you can get that seed out in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. 3. Spread your spices out evenly on an oven tray and Instagram. Pop in the oven until your kitchen 10 minutes. 4. Whip your oven tray out, allow the spices a few minutes to cool and then set about crushing your chai mix up into small pieces using a mortar and pestle or rolling pin. 5. When your spice mix looks tea-like in consistency, cut your candied ginger into small pieces. 6. Add ginger pieces and loose black tea leaves to your chai mix, stir it up (little darling), transfer into pretty jars and you’re good to go. Congratulations tea maestros! You just made chai tea! Here, have some hipster cred. From here on I enjoy mine with hot milk and honey but I hear soy milk and brown sugar can go down a treat too. Just then add whatever it is you fancy; milk, cream, fresh ginger or if you’re hardcore, Baileys, vanilla vodka or rum. I’ve been using two teaspoons per person in my brews but again, quantities come down to you, the drinker.

“RealMe® lets you easily and securely prove your identity online, plus access lots of online services with a single username and password.” says Mandy Smith of New Zealand Post. However, according to Smith, the real gamechanger is being able to prove that you are who you say you are, online.

An Easier Future Online with RealMe

“Although it won’t happen overnight, RealMe is aiming for a future where there is far less queuing to prove who you are, fewer documents to be authorised and brought in for people to sight, and where you don’t need to listen to that hold music on the other end of the phone. ” Smith says.

any students are familiar with RealMe through using it to log on to Studylink, however by simply verifying their account they’re on their way to an easier future online.

Imagine being able to apply for loans or government services, all from the comfort of your couch. Smith expects this to be possible in the not to distant future.

RealMe® lets Kiwis easily and securely prove

your RealMe account), to open a bank account with BNZ fully online and you can join TSB Bank using their mobile app, without having to front

to lots of online services with a single username and password. “Many students have used the RealMe login service to access StudyLink. What many of them don’t realise however, is that the same RealMe username and password can be used to access over 43 government services online”

their RealMe account over the next few years. (to verify the RealMe account), people can make the most of the services already available, and be ready when more come on board,” says Mandy Smith. straight forward and free of charge. The steps are: 1. Make sure you’ve got a RealMe login – and if you’ve registered with StudyLink you should have one (if not, get one at realme. govt.nz). 2. 3. (and any documents you need to show) and 4.

With more services expected to come on board this year, including other major banks and insurance companies, New Zealand Post and people will be able to do more and more with

you’re all set to use RealMe to prove who you are online.

www.realme.govt.nz

STUDENT EXPERIENCE TEAM

Did you know... The Student Experience Team (SET) are AUT employees who are also current students who have experience and advice to share with you. We can help you succeed at AUT by connecting, engaging and supporting you with your studies.

If you get a call from us — don’t stress, we’re just here to help. www.aut.ac.nz/student-experience

FEATURE ARTIST

Silvester Sang DotA and Crysis, drawing CG illustrations is a way to experience more out of the games and my paintings had been tablet or sometimes a Cintiq. Next step gonna be experimenting traditional oil painting techniques like Rembrandt's use of light, looking forward to hearing from artists with similar interest.

Lost and Found in Cambodia

by Julie Cleaver I swung gently gazing at the pockets of blue hidden behind the canopy of mango trees above. Despite the shade, the humidity made sweat accumulate underneath my shirt and on my forehead. The motion of the hammock was relaxing. Earnestly I listened to the unfamiliar Khmer language being spoken. The words bounced up and down and intertwined with friendly laughter, the only sound I could understand. In the distance I could hear the gentle purr of monks chanting. Their voices were mournful as they ceremonially hummed for the dead, wishing them a safe journey to the next life. I sipped my freshly chopped coconut through a straw as I lay back and absorbed my surroundings. This is Cambodia, a majestic, unique and awe-inspiring planet far away from any earth I had ever known.

I journeyed from Ho Chi Minh, the bustling capital city of Vietnam, to the Cambodian equivalent Phnom Penh. Both destinations were overcrowded with markets and structures of all shapes and sizes. An unimaginable amount of scooter aggressive birds. The cities were dusty, cheap and fascinating, however they only offered one side of the heavily contrasted Southeast Asia. I came to see authenticity, not just a big city.

After a few days of exploring the sites and haggling tuk tuks I ventured away from the buildings, tourists and smog of Phnom Phen and took a bus to the pristine countryside of the Kandal Providence. Farming villages, endless of Pagodas (Buddhist temples) swept past my window. As I ventured deeper into the unfamiliar countryside a sense of excitement accompanied with an undercurrent feeling of fear came over me. I knew I was travelling into a world totally foreign to my own.

than I originally thought and I basically had to start from “Hi how are you”. With only a white board and no Khmer (the Cambodian language) skills it was a challenge to communicate what I was trying to teach, however my epic acting skills made things a bit easier. Despite the problems I faced, the girls were all eager to learn and repeated my words in booming voices that would have left an old person cringing. countryside the extent of my unfamiliar appearance dawned on me. In the city locals were more accustomed to seeing tourists, however out these ways a little white blonde girl might as well have been a green would sometimes just stop what they were doing and stare at me in confusion. It was exciting to stand out and due to the randomness of my presence, every adventure I had was somehow more interesting.

At any given time you are on earth, you are no further or closer to this planet, yet hidden away in the Cambodian countryside I felt solar systems away from any earth I had ever

Most days I would leave the orphanage and visit the Pagoda next door. The site was absolutely phenomenal. Large elaborately designed temples and gardens. I always sat on top of one small temple cross-legged to watch the monks perform their daily tasks. There’s something awe-inspiring about monks and I don’t think it’s just because of their beautiful orange robes, perfectly bald heads, or peaceful demeanor - it’s more. To me, and silently observing them do ordinary tasks, like washing their robes or pulling out weeds, was a true delight. Also, when the monks were hidden away in their temples meditating I would sit outside and meditate simultaneously with them. The amount of good karma I soaked up from doing that will hopefully enhance the quality of my next life…

known.

As I reached my destination, The Jasmine Orphanage, 15 gorgeous little girls and three eager dogs greeted me in an excited cluster of giggles and barking. The orphanage director and his beautiful wife then came

I would frequently get lost wandering around leaves of the plants were so inexplicably green that it felt like someone had Photoshopped them, upping the contrast and vibrancy to 100%. crops. His shock to see me was painted boldly across his face. I would always smile, a universally recognized symbol of peace. The deeper concept of time or even space, I was just there in an endless moment,

my hand, a tiny gesture of love which overwhelmed me in that moment. tightly as hers were mine. It seems we both needed each other for some reason.

endless mob of mosquitos, but stunning nevertheless. Upon arrival I was told that I would be teaching English to the girls four times a day. Two hours of teaching in the early morning and two hours in the evening. This left me with an insane amount of free hours to explore the unfamiliar Cambodian countryside.

At any given time you are on earth, you are no further or closer to this planet, yet hidden away in the Cambodian countryside I felt solar systems away from any earth I had ever known. We all design our own understanding of this world based on what we see and hear and being in such a foreign environment, observing and assimilating to the Cambodian lifestyle, I was able to recreate my viewpoints about what life is and what it can be. Now I see this existence as an endless amount of opportunities. At any given time if you are unhappy in your situation you are simply a plane ticket away from a totally new world. You will never be able to escape yourself but you can escape your fabricated perceptions and limited view of things.

UM...WHAT?

by Laurien Barks As far as I know, pretty much everyone has a guilty pleasure or two. My health-freak friend can’t say no to apple pie, my dad reads Women’s Weekly, and my great grandmother kept a stack of erotic novels share of delights that should probably make me feel ashamed. I’ve been known to hole up in my room and watch Teen Wolf all day, I’m more of a Demi Lovato fan than I let on, and when I go to the zoo, I break away from my group of friends to ‘go to the bathroom,’ but I actually just go and stare at the giraffes because no amount of time with them is ever enough. Perhaps my biggest guilty pleasure of all, though, is the fact that I am a daily reader of a website for teen girls. I don’t remember how I discovered it, I don’t remember when I discovered it, all I know is that every day, I go to this website and read about everything from ‘Get Him to Notice You’ to ‘How to Get Rid of Period Pains’ to ‘Back to School Hair Ideas’. And I’m purposely refusing not to release the name of this website because I’m thoroughly embarrassed by my obsession. It’s not that I read their articles for genuine advice, it’s just become an addiction... Mama gots to get her daily shot of breakup tips. Over the years, I’ve come across many eye-roll-inducing excuses of cyber journalism, but I have to admit, sometimes they’ll shoot out something that genuinely catches my interest and makes me think ‘WTF?’ Today subjects of my favourite website. Some I had heard of from other news sources, some were virgin discoveries, but all had the power to raise my eyebrows and propel me to pursue additional research. Enjoy.

I wasn’t alone when I thought ‘Um...what?!’ In case you missed out on this weirdo invention, anti-rape underwear was invented and designed to help protect women against rape by literally imprisoning their genitals. The underwear can’t be torn, moved, or cut with a knife or scissors. The straps around the hips and legs are adjustable and can be set by the wearer, then locked in place with a clock-hand style lock that the woman can create her own combination to. Now, to be fair, the inventors’ hearts were maybe in the right place. They set out to try and solve a prominent issue in society. But I can’t help but perpetuating rape-culture. The focus is being placed on not getting raped instead of not raping. It’s reinforcing the sub textual blame that is continuously being placed on rape victims. Secondly, the underwear is only for women. Dear prison panty designers, if you’re going to release a product like this, it should protect ALL potential rape victims. And thirdly, violence toward rape victims. If someone tries to cut off a victim’s underwear and can’t, what’s stopping them from beating or even killing them out of frustration. You’re deluding yourself if you think the rapist will just say “oh well,” and walk away. G-SPOT DISSECTION Over the years, the G spot has been debated. Is it myth or the answer to orgasms everywhere? Despite everybody being different and coming equipped with different sex preferences, proof of the universal holy grail of pleasure has been sought after by many. I’m not terribly bothered either way; it’s not exactly a textbook process... As long as

VAMPIRE FACIAL I know there’s some weird beauty trends out there, but I can’t help but feel this is a bit extreme. As soon as drawing blood works its way into your spa routine, I think it’s time to re-evaluate your life priorities. I mean, I’m all for treating yourself, but come on! Basically, blood is taken from your arm, centrifuged to remove the platelets (because apparently they aren’t the best wrinkle reducers around), and then shot back into your body through your face. It’s one of those ‘anti-aging’ and ‘rejuvenation’ treatments that’ll make you look 10, 20, 30, 40 years younger (the pitch varies depending on the scepticism of the client, I’m assuming). All I can say is that, as a gal who’s this gross and extremely desperate. Let’s just age naturally, ladies. Your smile crinkles are far less gag-inducing than shooting up with your

there. But, turns out some scientists aren’t as indifferent as I am. In fact, a couple of years ago one guy decided to have a search for the G spot by dissecting an 83-year-old woman. Um...what?! Once again, while I’m far from squeamish, I can’t help but be extremely creeped out by the thought of a man digging around in a newly dead woman’s vag for a spot that may or may not exist. Firstly, he only much redundant, and secondly, why not just let ladies discover what they like for themselves in an extremely personalized activity, instead of following in the vagsteps of an 83-year-old but I’m turned off by the redundancy of this particular dissection. It makes me second guess my decision to donate my body to science. Might need to get a tattoo with downward arrows below my belly button; ‘leave her alone.’

ANTI-RAPE UNDERWEAR REMOTE CONTROL BIRTH CONTROL Now, this particular clothing prototype was introduced to all kinds of news sources not too long ago, and I know

what!?’ product. The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation has just announced their support for a company that is developing an implantable contraceptive device. Similarly to the copper IUD, the device will be physically placed inside of a woman and remain effective without constant maintenance like pills or injections. But that’s about the only common ground this eventual product will have with any other form of birth control. MicroCHIPS Inc. is in the process of building and testing a 20mm wireless chip that will be implanted into a woman’s arm, butt, or abdomen to slowly release levonorgestrel (a hormone used in some pills). The chip will be effective for 16 years. But this isn’t even the wow-factor of the little thing. If everything goes to plan, women will be able to deactivate their own device whenever they please without the help of a doctor. This will allow women to get pregnant without a visit to the doctor, where the health care is costly or unavailable. They’re aiming to release the chip to the public in 2018, but no information on the cost of the implantation has been made available yet. I can’t imagine it’ll be a pleasant number. I’m not sure what to think about a little robot that makes me temporarily infertile. I guess we’ll see how extensive the bug report turns out to be. BEARDED LADY Now this is an ‘Um...what!?’ that I utter those girls who melts at the sight of a beard. I rarely use the word ‘sexy’ seriously, but dayum... Beards be hella sexy. What surprised me in the case of Miss Harnaam Kaur, was that even the right kind of gal can work facial hair like nobody’s business. In case you haven’t heard of her, Kaur has polycystic ovary syndrome, which is the syndrome responsible for excessive hair growth in women. She’s only 23 years old, and she has one of the best beards I’ve ever seen. When she was a teenager she tried everything to be rid of it, but had little success. She was bullied to the point of becoming suicidal and absolutely hated herself for a large portion of her teenage years. Eventually, and thankfully, Kaur decided that enough was enough, she was sick of the self-hate and self-harming, and she learned to embrace and love her beard. She let it do its thing and took the beautiful face sweater in her stride. I’ve, personally, had enough of the hype and pressure that accompanies hair growth in people. Can we all just relax and groom how we please, instead of how our boyfriends/ girlfriends/family/society tell us to? I was so refreshed and proud to learn about this special bearded lady who has a lot to teach us about the basis of femininity and beauty. know her appearance won’t be to everyone’s tastes, I, personally, think she’s gorgeous and more than worthy of an admiring ‘Um...what!?’

Now, I have the feeling that this will eventually turn into an embraced ‘Um... 13

In Defence of the Selfie By Amelia Petrovich

Oh my lord, the amount of elderly people I’ve

Last November I woke up with a crick in my shoulder and it never left.

absorbed generation’! Apparently our obsession with photographing ourselves is abhorrent and we have an unhealthy need to document our faces and post them all over the interweb or the

It snuck up on me, I’ve no idea where it came from or why but it stuck around and in its own annoying way, it’s become a part of who I am.

few and sneered at by many, seen as a symbol of

This is very similar to my relationship with the term

But is this a fair assessment?

before The Chainsmoker’s cerebral piece of

That was a rhetorical question, because obviously it isn’t. It’s a silly assessment. So silly. Super silly. The silliest.

before my little sister and her friends started using Facebook (they’re 13+ now so their frenzied social networking is actually legal, exciting times). Therefore, I think it’s fair to say that the term phenomenon. Or a ‘10s linguistic phenomenon. Or a 10’s version 2.0 linguistic phenomenon because I don’t quite know how to describe the age we’re in now succinctly… Two thousand and tens? Right, moving on.

Allow me to illuminate you as to why. I’ve been victim to this train of thought myself. I remember a conversation with a friend of mine about the agony of choosing a Facebook display loved but felt like popping them online as our cyber-faces would make us look “too up ourselves” and vain. Fast-forward to more recent times (like, pretty much last week) and you’d witness me and the same friend trawling through our newsfeed tormented by stunning images of a mutual friend,

concept has been around for a while and I feel like most people have a good grasp of its photographing yourself, probably with a hyperextended arm clearly in shot. Not every photo of of you and your friend by the harbour is wrong stop doing it.) People have been taking snaps of themselves through the ages right back to the days of x0oxBeBo StUnNaAaHzZzx0ox and Myspace Qweenz. ‘Tis indeed an ancient practice but self-portraiture back into conversation. A lot of the time, the conversation isn’t positive.

Because goddamn it takes a lot of courage to post a picture of yourself online! Over the internet it’s about 2000x easier for people to be assholes to you and not say sorry and that’s crappy, therefore more and more I’m starting to admire Really, what my friend and I should have done was upload those pictures of ourselves looking stunning because they made us feel equally stunning. And that’s not a bad thing. We could have captioned and it still wouldn’t have been a bad thing. In New Zealand, where you’re looked at strangely if you blow your own trumpet sometimes, it’s important to occasionally talk yourself up and bask in your own physical, mental and spiritual sexiness. Because dang… you sexy. I know my examples have dealt mainly with women but I can’t see why this kind of thinking wouldn’t be productive for all genders. You like your hair in this photo? Sweet. Think your calves are gorgeous anyone who sneers at pictures that make you feel good should get out of town.

slug and thinking spitefully, ‘I bet she thinks she’s so good looking’. But, because I’m not a total shitebrain, I caught hold of this bitterness and used it to write an article. I’ve examined my inner jealous slug and come to a conclusion… She probably does think she’s good looking… …and that is actually a pretty awesome thing.

We’re allowed to like the way we look. We’re allowed to like the way others look. So if you see people posting pretty pictures of themselves, or not so pretty pictures of themselves, or ANY pictures of themselves, don't be hatin'. Chuck them a like, throw them a cute comment, be cool about it. If you're brave, maybe even do the same. If you can manage to do that for me I’d let you take a

I don’t understand why people like me (old me, not new enlightened me) feel that it’s okay to tear down people, be it in their own minds or out loud, 15

UPDATES

Thanks Everyone! Thanks peeps for joining the AuSM Re-Orientation 2014! We couldn’t do it without all of you! Make sure you check out all the photos taken on our Facebook page and tag yourself. www.ausm.org.nz and www.facebook.com/ausm1

Like Free Pizza? That got your attention! It’s the AuSM Annual General Meeting this Tuesday, 29th July and we invite all AUT students to join us. It will be in WC202 from 12-1pm. Free pizza & refreshments for all those who attend. See you there! AuSM Clubs Day Don’t miss out on our AuSM Clubs Day this week! It’s time to make new friends with fun people. Come and check them out from 11am or email clubs@aut.ac.nz for more info! 28 July, Monday at South Campus, Outside ME Block 29 July, Tuesday at North Shore Campus, Awataha Plaza 31 July, Thursday at City Campus, Hikuwai Plaza Stalls will be ready from 11am. Email clubs@aut.ac.nz for more info!

Over 4,500 discounts available around New Zealand and Australia and up to 42,000 discounts around the world, including travel, accommodation, sightseeing and of course food and beverages! ISIC can hook you up with all of the above and more. Simply purchase your ISIC ONLINE. What’s more? We managed to get you an exclusive AuSM price for just $19. Just enter the promo code: AUSM when you sign up online at www.isiccard.co.nz *Offer valid until 31 Dec 2014 and only valid to full-time AuSM members

HOROSCOPES. by Jess Forsman

CANCER (JUNE 22 - JULY23) Feeling like a possum caught in headlights? Get off the road, get back to study and stop wandering the streets at night.

LEO (JULY 24 - AUG 23) Pussy footing around issues this week? Take charge and wash your sheets. Your cat will love you for it.

Chocolate Malteser Cake

VIRGO (AUG 24 - SEP 23) Your crush is not catching what you are throwing? Plot twist: he/she is gay.

LIBRA (SEP 24 - OCT 23) You forgot that uni started last week didn’t ya? You will beg your mate to lend you their issue of debate and also their forgiveness for your tearstains of happiness on the pages of last week’s issue.

SCORPIO (OCT 23 - NOV) Shouting a round of drinks will gain you friends. Demonstrating how a velociraptor moves will gain the best of friends and maybe pained looks on your mother’s face.

This week’s recipe is something I thought of in two minutes. I was inspired by my favourite treat Maltesers and I wanted to turn these delicious balls of delight

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 - DEC 21) Snuggle time is over. Sassy is back in business! Ask your friends for tips.

CAPRICORN (DEC 22 - JAN 20) Cat calls will not get you the girls you want… Unless you are into cats… But that is illegal.

AQUARIUS (JAN 21 - FEB 19) There is nothing wrong with dreaming big. But dreams of ruling the world will be shattered when your mum calls you in for dinner and asks you to take off your sheet robes of power.

What you will need: 150g butter (room temp) 1/2 cup caster sugar 2 eggs 1/4 teaspoons vanilla essence 2 tablespoons milk 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 tablespoons cocoa 150 grams of Maltesers

Method

PISCES (FEB 20 - MARCH 20) Persistence is a wonderful trait to have. But sweetheart, you cannot pass as a child at the zoo anymore. No matter whether you are wearing light up shoes and a Barney jumper. You are 22.

Add the vanilla and milk and mix.

ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 20)

fold the dry ingredients into the wet.

as your canvas. Your husky does not need fur on top of his fur.

3. Spoon cake mix into a greased 20cm diameter round tin and push some Maltesers into the mixture until completely submerged. Bake in a preheated oven at 180°C for 25 minutes.

TAURUS (APRIL 21 - MAY 21) The domestic god that you are will go on strike this week. then destroyed by an army of small children. Warning: the landlord will turn up unannounced.

4. Allow to cool in tin for a while then turn out to cool on a cooling tray. 5. Ice with chocolate icing when cold. 6. Crush the remaining Maltesers until they are crumbed and then sprinkle on the top of the freshly wet icing for a delicious Malteser crumb!

GEMINI (MAY 22 - JUNE 21) Tantrums sometimes work. But not when you are 27 and EB Games have not stocked Assassins Creed 3.go. It’s due at four.

WINTER WORDFIND

BROKENUMBRELLA

MITTENS

BADHAIRSEASON

CBFSHAVING

HOTCHOCOLATE

WOOLLYSOCKS

PUDDLEJUMPING

GUMBOOTFASHION

SNUGGLYPETS

RAININGAGAIN

HOTSHOWERS

MOVIENIGHTS

SNOOZEBUTTON

WINTERBELLY

HIBERNATION

SNOWYROADTRIP

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Email:

you could win some sweet prizes! Get amongst!

DID YOU KNOW? Milk chocolate was invented by Daniel Peter, who sold the concept to his neighbor Henri Nestlé.

An ounce of chocolate contains about 20mg of caffeine.

In September 1999 Dustin Philips of the US set a Guinness World Record by drinking a 400ml bottle of tomato sauce through a straw in 33 seconds.

To make one kilo of honey, bees have to visit

is lycopersicon lycopersicum, which means “wolf peach.”

There are more than 10,000 varieties of tomatoes.

to 4 times around the earth. Forks, mostly being two-tined, used to be known as “split spoons.”

The can opener was invented 48 years after cans were introduced. Botanically speaking, the banana is a herb and the tomato is a fruit.

Coffee is the seed of a cherry from the tree genus Coffea.

rest is used to make things such as glue, soap, margarine and fertilizer.

Bananas are the world’s most popular fruit after tomatoes. In western countries, they could account for 3% of a grocer’s total sales.

Over the last 40 years food production actually increased faster than population. The number of people who starved to death in the last 25 years of the 20th century is less than the number who starved to death in the last 25 years of the 19th century.

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Name: Email: 19

THE FIVE FUNDAMENTAL FRIENDSHIPS by Laurien Barks

THE WORK MATE:

THE FOODY:

Natural Habitat: At work. Your brain is pretty

Natural Habitat: Kitchen, restaurants, in front of the television when Jamie Oliver’s 30 Minute Meals is on.

because that’s the only place you ever spend time with them. If you were to see them in any other setting it would be awkward and temporarily shatter your grasp of reality.

Traits: Hard workers - they need to be able to

Traits: This person is incredibly empathetic and understanding because the two of you are in it together. The personal jokes are strong with this one because you’re the only constants in each other’s lives for a large portion of the days. Clients or customers fade in and out, but the two of you

lustful passion that is projected onto the food they eat also translates to their human relationships and the immensely large capacity at which they are able to love. They are never seen with the kind of people who order salads at a burger joint or pick the olives off of their pizza because they

weaved of mockery and cynicism.

witness such acts.

Texts you when: They need a shift covered. They have no other reason to text you because they just spent the day with you, and they’ll do the same thing again tomorrow.

Texts you when: There’s a new Thai place opening, when they can’t decide between the

Amount of time spent together: Anywhere between 12 - 40 hours a week. The two of you spend your time: Working, counting down the hours til you can go home. You have DnMs about: Which client/customer you have dibs on, which one of you gets to call in sick on Monday, and which one has to wait til Wednesday to ‘catch it.’

one of them so they can taste both, to talk about the latest episode of Come Dine With Me. Amount of time spent together: You don’t hang out frequently, but when you do, you’re together meals. The two of you spend your time: Eating, cooking, discussing recipes, looking at food porn, going to farmers markets, walking and/or dancing so you can get ice cream later without feeling bad. You have DnMs about: Family problems, boy/girl problems, and uni stress - nothing gets the craving for comfort food going more than bringing your current emotional obstacles to the surface.

THE SEXY ONE:

THE CUDDLER:

THE BESTIE

Natural Habitat: Tinder, stranger’s apartments, on their backs

Natural Habitat: In the arms of another human being.

Natural Habitat: By your side.

Traits: These ones love the sex. All of it. People calling them ‘slutty’ doesn’t get them down because they’re too busy getting down. They don’t go about advertising their sex life, but if you befriend them and have a secret-sharing session, they’ll let you in. And out. And in. And out. And in. They’re a fountain of knowledge, and over the course of your friendship, they have unintentionally pounded your naivete until it screamed. They are incredibly trustworthy folks, the kind of people you can ask ANY question or tell anything because chances are, instead of judging you they’ll give you the greatest advice based on their own personal experience. If you let them do their thing, they’ll let you do yours.

Traits: Very affectionate individuals. They don’t

Texts you when: they knew you were going to hang out with that babe you told them about, and they need to ask what ‘base’ was achieved. Amount of time spent together: Once a fortnight. More if you’ve met someone and need your own personal seduction guru. The two of you spend your time: Gossiping and/ or making action plans for each other’s love lives. You have DnMs about: Feelings, relationships, all things fornication-related.

of ‘personal space’. If you have a collection of ‘Cuddlers’ in a room, they immediately turn any two-seater couch into a six-seater. For them, hugs become the equivalent to hello, goodbye, are you okay?, I’m sorry, happy birthday, that’s a great idea, I’m having fun, nice sweater, I enjoy avocadoes, look! A dolphin!, etc. This friend is a great one to have around in the winter when your Texts you when: They haven’t met their human contact quota for the day. Amount of time spent together: This depends on your mood. If you’re feeling irritable and the thought of touching someone makes you gag, this person is often placed on the back burner. But if you’re feeling calmly vulnerable, this person’s womb-like physique will be the only thing pencilled into your schedule. The two of you spend your time: Hugging, slow dancing, spooning, wondering how people watch overlapping (they wonder this more than you do, but you engage and humour them because you’re a good friend). You have DnMs about: the ‘couple rumours’ that people start about the two of you. Depending on the gender mix of your friendship, the two of you may be facing hetero, homo, or bisexual rumours that are doing nothing to bring your hypothetical love life into existence.

Traits: to friendship, and they actually exhibit a large collection of traits from the other four essential friends. The personal jokes of ‘the work mate’, the unashamed openness of ‘the sexy one’, the unembarrassed gluttonous attitude of ‘the foody’, and the glomming nature of ‘the Cuddler’. Most people are limited to one bestie at a time, but in incredibly lucky cases, an individual may have two. You can be sure that a bestie’s love is true when you apply the 80/20 rule. Eighty per cent of your relationship is insults, 20 per cent is sickeningly sweet kindness that only the two of you know about so your other friends don’t get jealous. Besties often propose, no matter what their gender or sexual orientation, and depending on how many besties you have, either regular marriages, or three-way marriages are arranged in a deadly-serious manner. Texts you when: They’re bored, hungry, it’s been an hour since you last talked, their bodily functions go awry, they need their clothes back, they saw a dog that they thought was cute, they want to go for a walk, they’re drinking/drunk, they miss you (which isn’t often because you’re usually together). Amount of time spent together: Damn near all of it. The two of you spend your time: Everything from sitting in a room and reading in silence together to skinny dipping off your favourite beach in the middle of the night. There are zero restrictions, zero embarrassments, and zero limits. You have DnMs about: All the things. Seriously. It’s gotten to the point where you can have comprehensible DnMs without even talking - just weird eye shifts/twitches.

hmoong

THE MOST CRINGING I HAVE EVER DONE IN ONE HOUR A HORROR TALE BY AMELIA PETROVICH My friend and I were at a public park on a spontaneous photography adventure. We’d both done our makeup and were dressed the story but true nonetheless. This was a thing that had historically happened often - it’s the way two high-school buddies who never enjoyed team sports bond. Can’t throw a ball? Put on a lot of bright make up and take pictures of each other looking profound. Works like a charm. The shoot had gone well and we were joint snaps (essential) when a guy pedals past us with a NikonD3100. You know those wankers who toot their horn if they see a car on the road that’s the same make as theirs? That’s how I am with cameras - if I ever meet someone with a D3100 I consider them comrades with excellent taste and the relationship usually kicks itself off to a good start. Also, as ex-NCEA photography awkward it is to ask complete strangers to be in your compositions. So naturally when he asked us if we’d mind modelling for his ‘project’, we eagerly assured him that it would be no problem. by deceivingly innocently. He explained that his project was about shoes and feet and that he’d been compiling foot shots all day. He snapped our feet, then our shoes, then our feet on our shoes and I sat there thinking that the whole thing was very creative and lovely as far as projects go. I had a vague would look like, probably a huge mural of feet side by side as a visual comparison or something - very NCEA Level 2, but I liked it.

things started to get a tad odd. I started chatting to him about his work and things progressed from alright to not quite so alright; “So is this project for a photography course or…?” “No, uh… I’ve done a course… Like once… But these are sort of just for me…” “Oh… So do you have a website or a Flickr or something that you post on?” “I thought about Flickr once… But no, they’ll just be… No, I don’t have Flickr…” “Ah so they’re just…for you?” “…Yeah…” “…Okay.” It was so not okay though. After that the guy just went hell for leather, 10, 15, 20 minutes passed and he asked us to lie down, turn around, the works, and At one point he even tickled mine (yes he did that) and sort of chortled saying “every

a public park, they will probably say yes. However, if this particular guy had rocked up with “hey, I love feet and am photographing everyone’s for my own private collection so I can drool over them later” the response might be different. Perhaps the lessons to be learned here are two-pronged. Firstly, if you want to photograph people for reasons they may subjects than my friend and I or, I don’t know, maybe just have a better back-story fabricated? (I think this is one of those times that white lies are a good thing. “No your ass looks great in that” is totally on par with “yeah it’s for a uni assignment”). I admit though, upon discovering the shoot’s true purpose, we should have been a bit less accommodating and more assertive about our discomfort. Or maybe we just shouldn’t have left the house. This story has a moral though children and the moral is this; you can’t really consider someone your best friend until you have:

ticklish but mainly because I am absolutely I’d like to point out here that I’m not bagging on fetishists. People think body parts are cute and I get that. For me it’s necks - they’re cool. Some people like ears. I’d be very surprised if knee fetishes exist because all knees are hideous but maybe they’re a thing too. No, the unsettling thing of consent and general knowledge about what my innocent friend and I were getting into. If you approach two girls and say, “hey, are you keen to model for my photography assignment really quick?” in the middle of

a) Slept at their house b) Seen them cry OR c) you are taking part in a thinly veiled foot fetisher’s dream shoot (one might even use the term ‘foot porn’) and that leaving very quickly and very soon would be preferable. To conclude the tale, Option C became a reality, and then to prevent Option B we headed straight to the frozen yoghurt store to sit in stunned silence and eat our feelings. Have a fantastic week.

AN EXHEMPLARY ...HEMP UM WE THE PEOPLE HEMP ALTERNATIVE By Jason Walls We’re now less than 60 days from New Zealand’s general election. The most important day on the political calendar is edging closer and closer. The day we as a nation stand up and exercise our right as free citizens and participate in the age-old practice of democracy. Yes, we the people will engage in determining who governs our country. On who makes the big calls and, inevitably, who will take the biggest falls. As September 20 draws ever closer, it’s becoming evident how important this word democracy has become. Around the world people are literally dying to have their voices heard. Standing up to oppressive governments and regimes in a bid to have their say, sometimes paying the ultimate price. “We, the people”; those famous words immortalised in the US declaration of independence. I’m not going to put my hand on my heart, resite the pledge of allegiance then chug a ‘Bud Light’ while blasting Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the USA “We, the people” freed the slaves. “We, the people” gave woman the right to vote. “We, the people” passed a law, which made gay marriage legal in this country. And now, “we, the people” have less than 60 days to make our voices heard. In the last general election, there were more non-voters aged between 18 – 24 than any other age group in New Zealand; a massive 42 per cent. That’s nearly half. Here lies the problem. As youth our voices are so important. We are the future; as cheesy as it sounds, this is the truth. What’s more, we have the power to make or break an election. Winston Peters is not the king maker, we are. It’s my belief that people need to know what’s going on in the world of New Zealand politics, and what’s a better platform to get clued up than debate, your student magazine. So, here I am - a communications/business student with a passion for politics and a passion to see the youth in the voting booths come September 20. I have been given the privilege of keeping AUT students updated on all things political in the lead up to the elections. I have no doubt some weeks you will be reading and screaming into the page because you don’t agree with me. In fact, I am anticipating many

because I enjoy stringing up controversy. I say it because we, the people, are different from one another and have different ideas on how our country should be governed and it’s our democratic right to express these views. It is our esteemed privilege to be able to take our view points, our ideas and essentially pieces of ourself into the voting booth in September and cast our vote knowing we doing all we can to make sure our voices are heard.

by Emma Wingrove Okay, so let me start by telling I’m not some stoner pushing for the production of hemp because I think it will make it easier to get weed. To be honest I don’t really have any strong feelings on weed either way; what I do have strong feelings on is hemp production as a sustainable resource. Hemp is NOT marijuana. In fact you can spend all day smoking it if you feel like it but it’s not going to have the effect you want. While hemp does come from the same plant as weed (Cannabis Sativa), hemp is Cannabis Sativa Sativa, not Cannabis Sativa Indica. Often referred to as industrial hemp, Cannabis Sativa Sativa contains less than two per cent per cent on average. Many of you will know, even if you don’t care to admit it, that with weed, it’s the buds you want. The big, luscious, sweet smelling buds full of THC goodness. Well you’re out of luck if you happen upon a hemp crop. While the two plants are virtually indistinguishable, industrial hemp is not grown to bud. It is harvested prior to that. Even if the females are allowed to bud, there’s still not enough THC for it to be worth your time. However it is their near identical appearance that has seen hemp illegalized in most countries despite being a huge industry prior to Napoleon Bonaparte’s attempt to cut off Russian trade in the 1800’s and the Marijuana Tax Act of 1937, which made it illegal to possess or export cannabis of all strains within America. However, during World War II when the Japanese cut off supplies to America, hemp made a temporary comeback and farmers of the stuff were exempt from military duty. Double standards eh! There are different varieties of hemp and each have slightly different growth characteristics and qualities but the gist is that they are annual broadleaf plants with a taproot so they grow well in pretty much any condition. Well and quickly. A growing cycle is between 12 and 14 weeks… That’s a bit pulp to the equivalent of 4.1 acres of forest. Hemp grows without requiring pesticides or herbicides; it takes care of itself in that respect, actually replenishing soil with nutrients and nitrogen, converting carbon dioxide into oxygen better than trees (oh look, it’s good to help reduce global warming too!), and additional to its many uses, it is extremely high in nutritional value. Now we know it can be sustainably produced at a much more advantageous rate than a forest of evergreens, what are we going to do with our masses of hemp? What do you want to do with it? Make clothes? Food? Construction material? Rope? Paper? Build a house? Make a car? You can do all these things and more. Most varieties of industrial hemp have stems that grow two to four metres without branching. They contain a low amount of lignin and are used to produce rope, clothing and other textiles (carpeting, netting, canvas, the list goes on). The core contains shorter such as particleboard and hemp-crete blocks, as well as pet bedding. The whole stalk can be used for biofuel, erosion control, and blankets. The nut part of the seed can be used in bread, granola, cereal, ice-cream, protein oil of the seed can be used for cooking oil, margarine, soap, shampoo and other cosmetics, paint, solvents, furnish, lubricants, printing ink, and diesel fuel. Are you sold on the idea yet? Me too, and we’re not the only ones. Industrial hemp has been legal in NZ since 2006 and in February of this year, the NZ Herald published an article stating that permits for 20 hemphouses have already been granted. So with all that in mind I’m starting to think that all the petitions I’ve seen doing the rounds on Facebook are pushing for the wrong Cannabis sativa sub-species…

We, the people, will be heard. 25

UNLEASHING THE CUSS Vulgarity is a different story. I will shower anyone willing to listen in dick jokes, vagina puns, or stories about a vast array of bodily I was born and raised in a Christian household. Going to church every Sunday, praying before eating and bed, big baptism parties, being anointed with oil, and told that Halloween was of the devil. Eventually, for reasons that will remain unstated, my family moved away from the Christian faith and now reside in a peaceful, spiritually happy existence, without any overhanging religious following. Even though I’ve been able to honestly classify myself as ‘not a Christian’ was taught by my preachers, youth group leaders, and grandparents on a daily basis. I mean, I’m not talking about the moral and ‘be a good person’ lessons that they taught me, I’m more than happy to

downright ‘seriously dude?’ vulgar. For me, extreme swearing, or even inappropriately frequent swearing is a deterrent. I’m an English major, for goodness sake, my measuring stick of intelligence is vocabulary. you’ve created, maybe we’re not the most compatible friendship pairing around. A well timed, socially acceptable curse will have me giggling uncontrollably, but kill it with too many or extreme severity, and you’ve lost me. “But Laurien, I’m a highly expressive person! I need my swear words.” Oh I hear you, friend, I hear you. I, too, use more exclamatory words/pointed insults than the average person. But I have found a fun, free, and creative way to express the bursting passion within without offending my friends, family, or Jesus.

and would land me in hell if I didn’t ask for forgiveness. Please refer to the list below if you’re stuck for a tasteful, but lush vocabulary. heavy in demonic content, it’s taken me years to develop my own set of values when it comes to sex and, even still, I feel like a hell-bound hussy for discarding the ‘wait til you’re married’ teachings. Even the fact that I’ll occasionally have more than a sip of wine from the goblet of Christ causes my inner child to cringe. I’m not unhappy with myself, and these are things that I don’t feel guilty about for any other reason than brain regions that were developed in the fundamental years of my life have been irreversibly altered. Luckily for me, I’m surrounded by people who are happy to let me make my own decisions, and many of my previously ‘damnation-inducing’ life choices have turned into nothing more than normality fringed with a little pang of guilt that goes as quickly as it comes. That, I can deal with.

ONCE YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE AND RELAXED IN SWEARREPLACEMENT, YOU CAN TRY COMBINING THE ABOVE TWO EXAMPLES: “YOUR MUM IS FREAKING HOT! TALK ABOUT MOTHER I’D LIKE TO EFF!”

Funnily enough, the one taboo that’s really managed to implant itself in my subconscious and refuse to leave at any notable rate, is the act of ‘swearing’. Maybe it’s because I was raised in church, maybe it’s because my parents have never been big into the curse words, maybe it’s a solid mix of both. Whatever it is, it’s stopped me from uttering a single swear word up until the last couple of years of my life. And even still, an F or a B are a rare and sought after occurrence by many and the C is still yet to escape these lusciously demure lips. I just can’t shake the childhood memories of ‘stupid’ being punishable by a mouthful of soap, or ‘oh my gosh’, resulting in nasty glares because it was ‘too close to insulting God’, or saying ‘Holy’ in front of any word that wasn’t Father or Spirit and being accused ot borderline worshipping a false idol - and thou shalt best not being doing that! Swearing was just not something that was acceptable for over half of my life time, so even though I no longer judge those who do, and even participate myself once every two or three moons, it still manages to rattle me. Now, despite what may be coming across, I am not a pure of heart angel of all things soft spoken and beautiful. Far from it. Very far. But even if I had not been raised in the lap of Christ and his followers, I wouldn’t be big into the cursing.

time or creativity, but still need to put that mother effer in their place. ‘Freaking’ - similar to ‘eff’ but used for more expressive purposes than insulting purposes, e.g. “That’s freaking amazing! That book freaking sucks!” Once you feel more comfortable and relaxed in swear-replacement, you can try combining the above two examples: “Your mum is freaking hot! Talk about mother I’d like to eff!” ‘Shite’ or ‘Shoot’ - for when you’re disappointed. ‘Ticked off’ - because your negative attitude has nothing to do with the contents of your bladder.

‘Darn you to heck’ - when all you want to do is almost, but not quite, Other wonderful insults for your next ‘Pure of Heart’ rap battle include; turd, freak, jerk, cow, waste of space, not a nice person. You kids go nuts. All in all, I’m not too angry at my childhood for threatening to exile me if I swore. It’s guided me into many admirable roles. I’m ‘a delight to have in the classroom’, ‘the perfect candidate for camp leader’, and parents/grandparents around the globe all agree that I’m ‘such a lovely young thing’. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m one of the ‘cool kids’ but let’s be honest, it’s pretty obvious that I am. In all seriousness though, I’m never going to judge anyone who swears never have the mouth of a sailor. Having a modest vocabulary 90% of the time is the only way you’ll ever get a roaring laugh and a high-

Greatest music moments in film by Matthew Cattin

lapping it up. It’s full volume, because hell, nobody is around to complain, and you’re completely immersed in the characters, the story, begins, you know you’re witnessing something beautiful. If you’ve never experienced such an eargasmic moment, I have kindly constructed

The Ecstasy of Gold The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) A classic composer/director collaboration, Ennio Morricone and director work in the greatest western of all time, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Don’t argue. You may think it is mere opinion, but it is fact. The Ecstasy of Gold features a soaring soprano guaranteed to bump the shit out of your badass, metal gods Metallica has used it to open their shows since 1983.

Mad World Donnie Darko (2001) Originally a rather cheesy Tears For Fears track from 1982, Mad World was given a haunting makeover for the brilliant Donnie Darko. I won’t spoil the sequence for anybody who hasn’t yet had the pleasure, but expect slow pans, sombre expressions and an opportunity to have a breather and try to to Tears For Fears also for the inclusion of their tune Head Over Heels, also appearing perfectly in the soundtrack in one of my all-time favourite scenes.

Johnny B. Goode Back to the Future (1985) played by Marty McFly at the Hill Valley Enchantment Under the Sea Prom in 1955. Where did he learn it? Well, it was a cover, of course, of the Chuck Berry classic. So Chuck Berry covered Marty McFly, who covered Chuck Berry, who covered Marty McFly… Ahhh time travel, you win again. Despite the fact the inclusion of this classic scene makes my simple mind ache, I can’t get enough of it. My friends and I played homage to its majesty at our year 13 leaver’s dinner, playing it in our band and introducing it in true style, “this is an oldie, but, uh... well, it's an oldie where I come from.”

Heroes (2012) Bowie’s Heroes hits me point blank in the feels. Err’ time. I don’t know what it is about it… The urgent lyrics, the emotional delivery, the wailing guitars… It just gets me! Therefore upon seeing it treated with the respect and feeling

You and Whose Army Incendies (2010) Powerful and emotive, the brilliant Incendies

Rise Into the Wild (2007)

opening scene pulls us through a window to witness the hair shaving of child soldiers in Lebanon. As the song reaches its chilling climax, the camera zooms in close on a young boy being shaved and his expression is one

solitude and the open road – I take it on every road trip I go on. All of Eddie’s songs deserve a mention, but Rise is just something else. With solo mandolin and vocals, it’s organic and lively, the bright mandolin offset perfectly by Eddie’s growl.

Where Is My Mind? Fight Club (1999) “You met me at a very strange time in my life”. Queue The Pixies. Queue music sequence is simply brilliant and unquestionably earns a spot on the list. Everything around Edward Norton and Helena Bonham-Carter is collapsing, but in that moment, the unlikely pair shares a moment of bewildered peace amongst the chaos. It’s poetic, it’s romantic, it’s cinema at its best.

You Make My Dreams (500) Days of Summer (2009) If only I could wake up every morning feeling this good… Perhaps the and Oates’ feel good classic is used to perfect effect to convey the euphoric morning after for Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character Tom. If you ever

Tiny Dancer Almost Famous (2000) Almost Famous will warm your heart and make your ears smile. I’d describe the Tiny Dancer magic, but Dave Grohl does it so much better… YouTube ‘Tiny Dancer Dave Grohl’. You won’t regret it.

Bohemian Rhapsody Wayne’s World (1992) So contagious and endearing was this music moment, it took Bohemian Rhapsody to number two on the Billboard Singles Chart nearly two decades after its release. It impacted me so much as a youngster than even now I still can’t help but imagine head banging mullets every time the song’s heavy rock sequence kicks into gear.

this clip is for you.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS Wes Anderson Trying to single out just one Wes Anderson music moment is like trying to choose your favourite Beatles tune. Too many scenes, too little time.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Twist and Shout gets the lip syncing parade scene it always deserved in this John Hughes classic.

American Psycho Huey Lewis and the News’ Hip to be Square, but as you’ve never seen it before. Not for the faint hearted. 29

Are you in financial hardship? Food Rent arrears

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REVIEWS

Do your strong opinions drive away your friends? Send us an email at mcattin@aut.ac.nz to contribute to our reviews section.

What We Do in the Shadows Directed by Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement Starring Taika Waititi, Jemaine Clement, Jonathan Brugh

(Transylvania, semi-permanently night-shrouded areas of Alaska, rainy southern chores and petty arguments as well as securing prey and trying not to get into The addition of newly fanged Nick (Cori Gonzalez-Macuer) and his human friend Stu (Stu Rutherford) into the fold adds turbulence to the household and hilarity ensues. I just want to start off the critical part of this review by saying this SHOULDN’T horses by smashing them together and hoping it gets curious bystanders into the cinema. Made by almost anyone else, this documentary would spend 86 minutes of your life sheepishly attempting to keep it all together like a clueless stand-up. But it does work. The usual repertoire of interesting throughout and the documentary style feels weirdly authentic, mainly because they didn’t try to make it look authentic by shaking the camera around snippets of their daily lives as they prepare for an upcoming event, the unholy masquerade, are stapled together in exactly the way a documentary crew would do it. Parts of the movie explore some problems with life as a vampire that will make you

Reviewed by Connor McLay What We Do in the Shadows Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement, has been almost a decade in the making. vampires sharing a Wellington apartment. Ranging in age from 183 to 8,000 years, all have their own reasons for being so far away from anything the usual

are constantly opening people’s jugulars right there? How does a vampire get into a nightclub if he needs an invitation to get in? In a house of four vampires, how do they decide who does the dishes? Nick shows us what a typical kiwi would be like as a vampire, an experience I found curiously fascinating. For a local audience used to vampires being either aristocratic Europeans or angsty American teenagers it’s a breath of fresh air. Overall, though perhaps not quite deep enough to be elevated to cult status, Waititi and Clement’s latest delivers right up until the closing scene.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Directed by Matt Reeves Starring Andy Serkis, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman

Kicking off 10 years after the prequel, we revisit San Francisco, now looking a bit worse for wear. The Simian virus unleashed by Gen-Sys has decimated the human population, leaving small community of survivors – those that are genetically immune – to scrape out a living in the city. Unbeknown to the humans however, the damn dirty apes are living peacefully in the woods, just over the Golden Gate Bridge. The apes, believing the humans to be extinct, receive quite a shock when a band of humans traipse into the forest, seeking to repair a dam to restore the city’s power. Tensions run high. Neither side wants war, yet neither species trusts the other’s intentions. Weta has done an astounding job, once again proving itself a world-beating visual effects company. The apes – particularly Caesar - look fan-fricken-tastic second guessing whether he was CGI at all. Spoiler alert: he was. And their voices… Absolutely spine tingling. Giving the apes the ability to speak English truth is I just about squealed in delight/terror every time an ape said anything… The plot was pretty much as expected; humans need electricity, apes mistrust apes ride horses, serious shit goes down. Despite its predictability however, such was its delivery that I was on the edge of my seat throughout. Even without

Reviewed by Matthew Cattin So far as this year’s blockbusters go, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is the one to beat. In its opening moments we once again meet Caesar, high up in the redwoods, hunting a herd of deer from above. His expression, illuminated capture. His hand is raised. The hunting apes behind him grow restless as they await his signal. His hand drops, the hunt begins, and for the next two hours I was a bundle of nerves.

behaviour and emotion. It was therefore impossible for me not to feel the same I desired victory for both sides and punishment for wrongdoers, regardless of species. I entered the cinema with dangerously high expectations – a downright amateur mistake. Fortunately, my high hopes were in able hands and I left feeling utterly well as its conclusion), I’d say it’s highly probable I will be in luck.

Sex Tape Directed by Jake Kasdan Starring Jason Segel, Cameron Diaz, Rob Corddry

lost the spark in their marriage which makes them see they are still in love after all’. In this case, Annie (Diaz) and Jay (Segel) make a sex tape in an attempt to rekindle their 10 year long romance, which has gone downhill since the arrival of their kids. The sex tape is then accidentally shared with their friends and co-workers due to a tablet glitch and the couple race out to prevent anyone from ever seeing it. Sex Tape had a lot of promise: a funny idea, great actors, and the trailer was pretty hilarious. Unfortunately, it becomes clear about halfway through that they put all the best jokes in the promotional material and saved nothing new or funny for the actual movie. There are some decent jokes to be found, the funniest being the long sequence where Annie does cocaine with her Disney-loving boss while Jay is chased around his house by a German Shepard. The problem with Sex Tape is that a couple of funny scenes and cameos aren’t enough to make this worthwhile viewing. Diaz and Segel were both excellent in Bad Teacher, and the promise of them working with the same director was mostly what made me want to see this, but the pair does little here except for being partially naked for several scenes. In fact, the Apple product placement was given more attention than half the characters, with comments on everything from the iPad’s durability to the camera quality; it was perhaps the most developed character of the entire movie. The talented supporting cast was largely wasted, though Rob Lowe seemed fairly committed to his eccentric boss character.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills I would just like to start this off by clarifying I do actually quite like Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz; both are very talented comedic actors and I have enjoyed a number of their movies and roles in the past. However, even the funniest people are only as good as the jokes they have to work with and despite the promise of reuniting Diaz and Segel with their Bad Teacher director, Sex Tape does not put either actor to good use. The plot is along the variety of ‘something happens to a couple who have

The Silkworm By J.K Rowling Reviewed by Ethan Sills

While there are some decent jokes to be found here, and plenty of shots of both lead actors butts if you are into that, Sex Tape is largely just not very funny, nor does it give an interesting or even new take on relationships that dozens of other movies haven’t done before. Its only saving grace would be its length, which thankfully is not as drawn out as it could have been. But while you may leave the theatre wanting to buy an iPad, you probably won’t go laughing, so Sex Tape is best avoided.

in order to spite his demanding clients. However, the case proves more complex as the missing man, Owen Quine, has just had his latest manuscript leaked to all of literary London, where he not so subtly names and shames scene, and what seemed like a simple case becomes an obsession as Strike Basically every book these days is given the label of ‘page turner’ or ‘you can’t put it down’ to highlight its apparent addictive power, so much so the terms have lost all meaning. However, The Silkworm is truly deserving of those titles; I was constantly drawn back into the Owen Quine mystery, eagerly waiting my next opportunity to carry on reading and see what happened next. Rowling does a fantastic job of building up the suspense and intrigue, leading us alongside Strike as he interviews those cruelly mocked within the book and each person brings a different piece of the puzzle. We want to the satisfying conclusion which manages to involve basically everything that happens throughout the story.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills The outing of Robert Galbraith being a pseudonym for Harry Potter author J.K Rowling was perhaps the biggest literary news of last year, and helped propel Cuckoo’s Calling to international success. It was one of the best books I read last year, if not the best, and I was delighted by news of a sequel and rushed to read The Silkworm as soon as it was released so I could return to my new favourite book world. Eight months after gaining fame for solving Lula Landry’s death, our hero, Cormoran Strike, has been inundated with clients, but he is dismayed by the fact most are elite people looking to settle old scores. Due to a bad temper and lack of sleep, Strike decides to take on the case of a missing husband

The characters are as rich and diverse as ever, eloquently described in the utmost detail so one can easily visualize and distinguish the suspects. New layers and insights are added to Strike’s personality as he becomes obsessed with solving the murder, while his assistant Robin continues to shine she is more than just a receptionist. For any fan of Rowling’s work or crime novels and thrillers in general, this is a book you must read, and doesn’t require prior reading Cuckoo’s (though that is very good too). This book has made me even more excited for the Fantastic Beast movies, and I hope we continue to receive more Strike in the future simply so I can immerse myself in this wonderful world again.

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